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05.29.11 200 Comments08.29.10 Females Ranked
08.10.10 Albums Im Digging/Hi Sputnik07.29.10 Hey Guys (and Girls)

Females Ranked

So I skimmed my itunes and I started to realize that I am attracted to a lot of female musicians. I did the right thing and ranked them, including a general outlook on how a relationship between me and said girl would go down. I think the top 3 or so are the only ones I really care about, but whatever. Creepy list is creepy.
1Taylor Swift

She's the soul-mate type. The kind of girl that you can look at and think, wow, I could spend the rest of my life with her. She may not be the hottest girl on this list, but she is truly beautiful; from her gorgeous eyes and flowing golden hair to her personality and endearing sense of innocence, Taylor is the complete package. We would fall in love instantly, get married, and raise children at our lake house with a white picket fence and a dog.
2Hayley Williams

The fiery red head comes in at the #2 spot. She's spunky, down-to-earth, and has a bangin' body. She's a great singer, too, which automatically elevates her above many of the women on this list. We would spend the entire first year of our relationship in bed. Like seriously we'd never leave. One day upon her daily surfing of my sputnik account, she sees tiesthatbind's avatar and strikes up a conversation with him. The two develop a mutual interest, and me and ties fight to the death for her affection. I win, obviously, but I grow weary of her lack of commitment and dump her. Hayley writes an entire album about me with metalcore influences and heavy riffage.
3Katy Perry

Quite possibly the sexiest girl on this entire list. If I met her...are you fucking kidding me? She is hotness personified, and I wouldn't even know what to do with myself if she was laying in my bed. I probably wouldn't be able myself...with her. Just holding hands with her would do it. She'd leave me for someone else, and it would be all my fault.

Oh how she used to be so hot...I'm talking her Good Girl Gone Bad days, when she was the little flower starting to rebel. Not this new gothy shit. We?d have a physically intense fling, then I'd listen to that song that goes "rude boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, rude boy, boy, boy boy (x1457699)" one day, grow angry, and smack her. I become best friends with Chris Brown, and he hooks me up with his leftover groupies for life.
5Kelly Clarkson

Eh, not sure what she looks like nowadays but I know she used to be smokin. Okay, I just looked at the cover of her new CD on my itunes and I'm pretty sure she's still hot. So anyway, she's had her heart broken like a million times or really bad by one guy because it's all she ever sings about. Her and I connect deeply over the topic, as I am quite the damaged individual myself. That connection turns into passion, but I accidentally knock her up and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment, y'know? Relationship ends in several ugly fights, and I leave her for the next girl on this list:

Everything you can ask for from a looks perspective. She is basically flawless. Me and her date for a while but then she gets mad because I refuse to put a ring on her. She storms out and dates someone much hotter. End of story.
7Avril Lavigne

What's that Avril? You don't like my girlfriend? That's outstanding, because now that you are standing naked in front of me neither do I. Unfortunately, she's pretty a complete airhead. I totally outsmart her and manipulate her into being sex buddies. Who needs a relationship with a woman in her 20's or 30's or however old she is who still has the mentality of a spoiled 16 year old bitch. Stupid whore.
8Britney Spears

Is she attractive again? I have heard her new music and she sounds hot, but I haven't watched any of the videos. Oh well, I'd still do her. Relationship would last 3-6 months, depending on how good she is.
9Colbie Caillat

I still say that she might be Jennifer Aniston. I mean seriously, have you ever compared pictures of the two? Anyway, she seems to be pretty nice. Kind of cutesy, definitely relationship oriented, not just a sex fiend. But I'm just not that attracted to her. Sorry Colbie. We wouldn't have what it takes to go the distance.
10Ingrid Michaelson

Some days I think she's really attractive, other days I wonder what I was thinking. This would inevitably cause relationship issues, and things would start to fall apart pretty quickly.
11Lady Gaga

Let's hope she's a girl...yeah...don't know what else to say.

Scares the shit out of me. She's like a girl except she's like a dude...I'd be afraid if I upset her she'd beat the shit out of me. Relationship would NOT last.
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