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The Devil And God, Existential Crises

I know this might be a generic statement, but The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me is the album to many existential crises or important moments I have had in my life.
1Brand New

This might be a strange one to place as number one as to most people, it is filler. But to me, it has a story attached to it that I cannot rank it any lower. The 'lyrics' on it, ?I Could Never Lose You.? spoken by Jesse always hit me for some reason. In 2008, I lost my Grandmother. She was a spectacular person, but as she got older, she lost much of memory and sanity. I remember driving home from the funeral and this song played nonstop. I then remember looking over old nineties disposable camera photographs of me and her when I was a little kid, I remember looking at them, trying to remember that moment in my life from the faded memory of my childhood, wishing for those days again before I ultimately closed the box, refusing to ever look at them again.

While I toured with a religious band as their merch guy in 2010, I was exposed to a fair share of Christianity. For the summer, I really got into Christianity. I really enjoyed the feeling of being Christian. It gave me a sense of freedom and answered questions and added a balance to my life. But I realized I needed to embrace reality, because that is much more important than anything else. This song represents how I always feel I am stuck between these two worlds sometimes fighting over what is right and wrong in both my physical and spiritual life, one that as an open-minded person, I deal with heavily. The song perfectly captures the balance between doubt and faith that every person has to deal with.

I had this particular song on repeat while bussing to Washington DC in 2007. It was late April and rainy. The rain was lightly hitting the windowpanes. The year itself was full of parental disputes, fighting, and problems between me and my two other siblings. Getting away for a bit gave me a peace that I have yet to feel again. Even though my parents reconciled and my relationship with my siblings are good now. This song helps me remember this moment where I felt secure.

In 2010, someone I knew well drowned in a lake. He was a young kid, only 15. I could only think about the story behind why Jesse wrote this song and how tragedy is indiscriminate when it comes to age. It helped me understand my mortality and to appreciate the lives of people around me and my own life.
5Welcome To Bangkok

In 2007 I was driving through New Jersey on another bus down the turnpike. I remember just how desolate everything was. I remember the airport right on the side of the highway and the oil refinery with the big stack that had flames shooting out of it. I remember the giant gas tanks that say ?Drive Safely? on them. I felt so small in the presence of this menacing highway.

I recently ended my friendship with my bestfriend of nine years. We grew up together. That person's house was my house. I spent about half my life with that person. Losing a friend that was so significant to you is hard. Have you ever seen that commercial about quitting smoking where they basically can't do anything? It's like that for me, trying to do everything over with a huge part of you missing, for whatever reason.

I remember Freshman year of highschool long ago, I really liked a fellow classmate. Nothing ever happened between us, but she was the first person I ever had really strong feelings for. I remember she told me that Handcuffs was her favorite song. Every time I listen to this song, I am reminded about how much of a naive person I was as a kid and how different things are now that the hormones in my head are balanced out.
8Sowing Season

This song created a really special bond between me and a girl in 2007 that I got really close to over that summer. This girl was my first kiss. She then moved down south to North Carolina and havn't seen her since aside from the occasional Facebooking, which I don't do anymore because Id Facebook last month. Last time I talked to her, she planned on making a trip back up here.
9You Won't Know

Back in 2009, the store I worked at allowed music to be played in the back room. I still work there, but they banned the practice. The receiving room is an ugly place. Cobwebs, bricks, faulty lighting. Almost every night, three to ten in the night, I would open boxes and assemble furniture alone. When this song played, it just added to the atmosphere. In that room, I thought up things from the lowest depths of my imagination. I don't go into the room as often anymore, maybe once a month because I work at a different part of the store and make a little more money than I used to. Whenever I walk into that room, this song comes to mind.
10The Archers Bows Have Broken

Imagine yourself in late 2008 at the height of Obamania. I wasn't at voting age, nor did I really care about politics. I was 'that guy' who would run around talking about how my country sucked, but having no real basis for doing so, hence, ?Who do you carry that torch for my young man? Do you believe in anything? Do you carry it around just to burn things down?? But for some reason, I watched the Democratic National Convention from a pizza joint that doesn't exist anymore. Watching him stand on the stage for some reason made me feel empowered. It was in that moment I realized I appreciated this nation more than I realized and that hasn't changed since then.
11Not The Sun/Luca

I don't really have any real special attachments to these songs. I guess Luca is related to an existential crisis because it did play when I got into my first car accident. It was nothing bad, I just bumped into some other car and there was no damage to either. However, it spooked me and I knew I needed to pay better attention to the road.
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