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Where In The "Mother F*ck?"

Where in the "Mother Fuck" is our good friend Hans? After a long and tiresome discussion, we have come up with 5 theories. If you have any more theories or would like to investigate, please help us. The reward: Becoming an Honorary Member and receiving your own TMF profile pic(that's for you Maniac!). So please, we are in dire need of help(and attention), so give us your theories.
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Theory #5: Passed out behind local strip club with a bottle of Jack in one hand and a box of Kleenex in the other.
4David Hasselhoff
Night Rocker

Theory #4: Met the Hoff at a Knight Rider convention and is now traveling the country to find the real "KITT."
3Third Eye Blind
Third Eye Blind

Theory #3: He's living in a forest in Minnesota, Cast Away style wearing a loin cloth and talking to a football named Spalding.
Master of Puppets

Theory #2: Got stuck inside a fatty's fold, and now she's using his left over body parts for sustenance.
1 Guns N' Roses
Appetite For Destruction

#1 Theory: Was sucked into Sputnik (like Tron) and is currently battling his user-self in a game of Yahtzee for his freedom
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