Reviews 7
Approval 94%

Album Ratings 93
Objectivity 78%

Last Active 09-17-12 10:47 am
Joined 05-16-10

Forum Posts 2
Review Comments 293

06.18.10 Lulzy E-mail Spam06.11.10 Band Name Help
06.01.10 Post-hardcore Recs05.30.10 Why Music Sucks
05.29.10 Dear Virus: Leave Me Alone

Why Music Sucks

I put my music library on shuffle, and argued why the first 10 songs suck. *****NOTE***** This list in no way reflect my actual thoughts on these songs. The intent was to look at 10 random songs negatively, regardless of my personal opinions of them.
1Jedi Mind Tricks
Words from Mr. Len, Pt. 1

What the hell kind of gimmick is putting a quasi-humorous 59 second phone call behind a silly fade-in, fade-out orchestrated rock ballad? This is music, not ****ing Crank Yankers.
2The Offspring
Self Esteem

Offspring? Well, Mr. Vocalist, your nasal, melodramatic lyrics will SURELY assure yourself of never having offspring. I'm glad you can play four power chords and get on the radio, Mr. "Cobain".
3Circle Takes the Square
Interview at the Ruins

WOW! Alternating ambience and a droning light rock with an aggressive screaming chorus! How ****ing innovative. You're not the Edgar Allen Poe of music, so stop trying to be so pretentiously poetic.
4Iron Maiden
The Evil That Men Do

Iron MAIDEN seems to be a fitting band name, both because you evidently have no balls, and you should die a tortuous death. Your "bum badabum bum badabum" rhythms aren't fooling anyone, get creative. Oh, sorry, I forgot, you were trying to be "metal".
Living to Die

If life is really that bad, then leave it and our eardrums without you. The entire song is aesthetically the same throughout - oh, except the brilliant fade-in and fade-out. My bad.

I know you think you sound beautifully dark, but you sound like ****ing Count Chocula drowning in skim milk, at the mercy of a four-year old's spoon. Stick with your native language, and maybe try putting more than 3 musical ideas into an overblown 6 minute song.
7As Cities Burn
This Is It, This Is It

Breaking News: The guitarist of As Cities Burn can mute ALL SIX strings and repetitively strum them. The melodramatic vocals and trying-too-hard guitar lines don't help your generic case. And no, riding the crash cymbal with compressed vocals doesn't automatically make a section hXc.
8Tech N9ne
The Rain

Tech N9ne, if you want to be a "musician", grow some balls and realize it takes up your life. Major chords on an organ don't make the lyrics intelligently ironic, just cheesy. Also, a little kid rapping for you along with female vocal backup doesn't make you deep or innovative.
9The Cure
Cut Here

A cheesy song with histrionic vocals by the Cure? Get out of here! The song never ACTUALLY builds, it just has superfluous layering in an hopeless attempt to sound deep and emotional. Cry me a river. Just make sure your make-up doesn't run.
10Eyedea and Abilities
Get Along

58 seconds of unnecessary, ego-boosting jazz synthesizer with a cheesy drum machine beat, with a short spoken word sample over it all. I know, it's hard to pull the wool over the public's eyes, but try a little harder next time when you're trying to slide in filler.
Show/Add Comments (27)


Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Site Copyright 2005-2017
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy