Reviews 117
Approval 96%

Soundoffs 56
Album Ratings 2789
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Last Active 07-29-15 2:11 pm
Joined 10-08-09

Forum Posts 33
Review Comments 28,548

09.13.17 The National "Moments" 08.09.17 Roadhouse Jams
05.25.16 Hans' Epic Concert Month03.05.14 Riffs Of Smash
02.25.14 Riffs Of F*cking Fist02.21.14 The Rad RUSH 57
02.17.14 Riff Goddamn City 02.13.14 Rush: Your Origins
02.13.14 25k. Spirit of Radio is the best song 01.24.14 Know Who Rules?
01.16.14 So, What Did I Miss?03.08.12 Sputnik Will And Testament
01.12.12 Hard Jams Inc - The Beginning12.28.11 Hans' 2011 Songs
12.27.11 10 Greatest Nfl Teams Of My Lifetime12.21.11 Pac Vs Biggie - Hans Breaks It Down
12.14.11 Hans' Grunge Throwdown (best List Ever)12.13.11 Stones Vs Beatles - Hans Breaks It Down
More »

Sputnik's Football Team (real Football. American Football)

So this is how I would field a real football team with Sputnik users, and notice I said real football which doesn't mean soccer. I did this fast so if I forgot you state your case and position. Will run a pro-style 2 RB, 2 WR offense and a 3-4 defensive base set.
Master of Puppets

Tackles - I am the left tackle because that is what I played and I dominated. Redskyformiles is the right tackle because he's smart and pissy enough to play the position.
Ride the Lightning

Guards - Hawks at left guard because left guards have to pull alot and you have to be fast, nasty, and out of your mind (see Hawk's FB statuses). AcornCheese at Right Guard because he knows football and can handle it.

Center - The Academy - to play this position you have to have smarts (I think he does), and you have to be fat (I think he is in real life)

Running Backs - Inveigh, Porch, Maniac. Inveigh because he was once a mighty athelete, and Porch talks so much shit that either 1. He is really Goddamn fast or 2. He is tough as Goddamn nails. Plus the dude is Irish, they are fucking WIREY by nature. Maniac is the fullback because he is a big kid who knows Judo. As the head coach, it will be my job to get him fired up for games. Ill just make fun of him being a virgin and tell him his taste in music sucks hard and that should do the trick.
Death Magnetic

Wide Receivers - SeaAnemone, Apollo, Sowing. Apollo just looks fast and he has serious anger management issues, making him the best option to go across the middle. Sowing is the graceful All American Boy who won't go across the middle but will get the glory. Sea is very fast from his years in gay cross country and he too will probably not go across the middle. All 3 will compete for biggest diva award.

Tight End: RosaParks - no Explanation Needed.
Metal Up Your Ass

Defensive Linemen: Dnor, UhhKris, and Willie. Dnor is a big dude so he is the nose tackle, meaning his job is to stand there, not get moved, and make sure the linebackers don't get blocked. UhhKris admitted he was fat so he will play weak-side defensive end, where his job is merely to stop the run and get in the way. Willie is a beast, so he is on the strong side, rushing the passer and taking on double teams from tight ends and tackles.
Rust in Peace

Outside Linebackers: Balls, Someguest, Wolfhorde. Balls will play the strong side because he works out alot and is certifiably fucking insane. Someguest will play mop up duty on the weakside, his real job will be to antagonize everyone and start fights, which shouldnt be a problem. Wolfhorde will fill in for either one at either spot.
Countdown to Extinction

Inside Linebackers. This is where the beasts play. On the strong side is Relinquished, because he purports to be 6'4, 240, and a blackbelt in something. That qualifies. MetallicOpeth qualifies because, well, have you fucking SEEN this guy?
Among the Living

Corner Backs - Chambered, Satty, Weeping, Feit, Rabbit. Chambered will be on the other teams #1 receiver cause he has a rad jew fro and because he's batshit insane. Satty will be on the weak side until he starts eating meat. Weeping, Feit, and Rabbit will be the quintessential scrappy undersized nickel and dime backs. Feit will require more coniditiong because he has the lungs of a 70 year old from blazing weed on an hourly basis.
Worship Music

Safeties - Angel, Mallen (Evedder27). Angel looks like a classy guy but I think he would play dirty so he is the classic Polumalu type, meaning his job is to mostly act as another linebacker and occasionaly play pass coverage. Mallen is smart, which will be neccessary at Free Safety covering for Chambered on the 3 times per game he forgets to cover a guy and tries to either chew his face off or jerk him off instead.
Spreading the Disease

Special Teams: Kick/Punt Returner: Masochist - he looks fast, and Im not saying that because he's black. Other random special teams guys who are here either because 1. They are crazier than a shithouse rat 2. Look Scary, or 3. Know football - Mappy, Dryden, Dante, Trebor17, Demons, yeti
Hell Awaits

Quarterbacks - Pit, Qwe. Pit has that down on his luck, scrappy, nobody believes in me, ballsy attitude that all great QBs must have. More than a game manager, Pit is a fearless leader, and came up studying under the likes of great Miami qbs like Gino Terrota. Qwe is the backup QB because he's really pretty and bangs cheerleaders.
Seasons in the Abyss

Head Coach - Me. When not dominating at left tackle, i will serve as defensive coordinator. I like to consider myself a young Rex Ryan. While dominating at left tackle, I will either call plays on the line of scrimmage or in the huddle.
Reign In Blood

Mascots - Sonic and KILL. Their job is to soley talk shit and pick fights with the other teams mascots and fans. Sonic will steal one of the Milwaukee Brewers' sausage mascots and spray paint THE METAL WILL NEVER DIE all over it and just act like a fucking psychopath. KILL will go as himself.
Me Against the World

Waterboy - Progmaster. Equipment Manager - Fade.
17Type O Negative
October Rust

Cheerleaders - whichever 4 Sputnik female users have the biggest racks.
18Johnny Cash
At Folsom Prison

Random Utility Men (meaning they can play multiple positions) - Josh D, DominionMM1
Blast Tyrant

Offensive Players I forgot to mention
Robot Hive/Exodus

Defensive Players I forgot to mention:
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