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03.25.09 7 Reasons Why My Favorite Album Is Bett

7 Reasons Why My Favorite Album Is Better Than Yours

I'm reasonably certain that Ra's album "From One" is infinitely better than all of your favorite albums put together. Why? Well, it's definitely not because I think you're a tasteless, raving lunatic. Read on to find the real reasons. Go ahead, read the *crap* out of this article. Mortals.
1You can't HANDLE the vocals.

This guy (I'm talking about Sahaj) can harmonize like an entire choir rocking it out in the sistine chapel. He's got better range than a 110 mm cannon. Or a nuclear cruise missile, I don't care. His voice sounds Egyptian, which is good, but he's not egyptian, which is better. Finally, he can growl. Like a big-block engine, or a grizzly. Or a grizzly trapped in a big-block engine.
2It's Egyptian. He's not.

I have an unhealthy obsession with Egyptian culture. Probably from too much Stargate or crap like that. As far as this ''music'' business goes, though, there's some sweet chords in there. And by there, I mean the song. And Sahaj's throat.
3If you could put The Matrix in an album, this is it.

And I don't mean all the band members wear tight leather coats. Not all the time, anyway, so it isn't *that* creepy. Right, guys? Guys? But to explain this somewhat flawed analogy, this album has a nice blend of somewhat creepy tones and electronic vibes. So, really, it's the music that's creepy, not the musicians. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.
4They have seven-string guitars. This is slightly more awesome than you can comprehend.

First off, I'd like to point out that Ra can actually *play* these guitars rather nicely as well. Better, in fact, than any of your favorite bands. (If you disagree, go eat a box of staples. : ) Anyway, they have sick guitar solos that are more powerful than a 990cc blender on nitrous, but less likely to destroy whatever appendages you care for. Also, it's pretty heavy. Sort of like the Earth, in that way.
5The drums are better than an economic stimulus plan that not only works, but pays me twice my annual

"Violator" is a prime example for drumming excellence. I'm serious, here. It's funkier than a lime green camper van with a shag rug on the CEILING. (And a cooler in the back big enough to fit a body in. : ) Additionally, as a result of the zealous use of the double bass pedals, the drums are more aggressive than a dictatorial regime led by a former middle school tyrant.
6It can be rather amusing at times. Inadvertantly.

"Skorn" has a very funny beginning. I don't mean 'funny' like that time you accidentally greased the stairs when your family was bugging you. I mean 'funny' as in creepy and borderline psychopathic, like when the lead singer of an awesome band tries to sound like a girl while delivering a poorly worded break-up. Yeah, that kind of funny. Of course, the song itself might cause you to retreat within your subconscious simply to shield yourself from such unbiased awesome, but that's what you get. Jerk.
7Their songs are catchy, like a magnetic crane of pure awesome.

The first song is definitely the most catchy. Beware, lest ye find yourself singing it at inopportune times, like when falling to your death. For some reason I wouldn't know anything about, of course. First off, the intro itself is awesome enough to bring entire warring nations together for an age of prosperity and love. Second, the third song and my fourth favorite in this first album of first prize-winningness will also make you accidentally swallow your tongue. Again, from awesomeness. You see where I'm going with this? In conclusion, these seven reasons are more than enough proof that "From One" is better than anything ever created by anyone for any reason anywhere. Yes, including you. You just can't measure up. I'm.... I'm sorry.
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