Reviews 2
Approval 94%

Soundoffs 1
Album Ratings 707
Objectivity 69%

Last Active 09-10-21 1:48 pm
Joined 01-29-19

Forum Posts 0
Review Comments 354

09.18.21 It's bigger than that Chris, it's large08.16.21 I want some gelapeno chips.
08.13.21 Openers that kick your teeth in 06.23.21 So these are the best songs ever made
05.29.21 Lightning Bolt tracks ranked!04.25.21 Super Cool Digs Happy List
04.18.21 Which 5 rating to drop?04.15.21 Music I just don't get
04.08.21 Covers that have shitty t-shirts04.03.21 Best 20 Simpsons episodes
04.02.21 Bass that rattles my colon.03.20.21 Search for the lyric
03.16.21 I'm directly under the earth's sun... n11.30.20 What is best in life?

So these are the best songs ever made

Objectively speaking, of course. And ranked in a very general order too. Good ol' one song per band rule in effect. Links to bitchin' live performances of said tracks. Why I choose to spend my hangovers like this I've no idea. EDIT: Added songs post-40.
Sleep's Holy Mountain

From Beyond - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9Gy3S9HNiY

I always feel like the entire album is building up to this one. And if the best album of all time is building up to something, it better fucking deliver. Luckily it does so and many fucktons more.

Also, that exchange of "PLAY SLOWER!" "Ok :)" gets me every time.
2Lightning Bolt
Hypermagic Mountain

Dead Cowboy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NZGbD236fw

This shit is fucking transcendental. It speaks to the primordial ooze lizard part of the brain in a way little other art does.
3Black Sabbath
Master of Reality

Into The Void - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So7ASXTtS9k

Every time that heavy up to 11 riff kicks in after the intro jam, I wet my pants a little.
4Big Black

Kerosene - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLr5EXyoQCE

Sweet jesus, harmonics have never before or after sounded as good as this. They sure were some angry bois to come up with this track.

Christbait Rising - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gL5uYGSJYbk

No wonder Alice In Chains ripped this one off for Sludge Factory, because that dropping riff lvies in my head rent free too.
6Mr. Bungle
Mr. Bungle

My Ass Is On Fire - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me0Npz7Rvw8

All carnies are serial killers, (don't) change my mind.
Come On Die Young

Christmas Steps - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXQ0vlF8ID4

I don't know how they got Charlie Day on that album cover.
Urge to Kill

Maybe - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EG-J3Mf3UXE

9The Jesus Lizard

Gladiator - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jOlDkjLW78

That off-beat bass drum-riff combo is so ridiculously fun. Gets the booty groovin'

Washer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzbRLFEBoZs

Depressing. :)
Unquestionable Presence

An Incarnation's Dream - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp8tHHii97Y

I don't know why people bother with tech-death anyway after Atheist just did it perfectly back in the early 90s.
Mental Vortex

Metamorphosis - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5yGvy4ONcU

Their modern live performances and reworked versions of old tracks are even better, which is super rare. Really hoping they drop that long promised album out soon.
Execution Ground

Pashupatinath - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CQEaPFjG4U

Unfortunately I can't find footage of this one live. Super underrated stuff though.

Hey - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdZGvMEeNLw

Surfer Rosa is the better album, Hey is the better song. Sometimes shit be whack like that.
15Negative Approach
Negative Approach

Why Be Something That You're Not - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2t27uHC7aE

Best hardcore track there is, no contest.
16Kool and The Gang
Wild and Peaceful

Jungle Boogie - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BM5wPOe0xQ

Oh dear, we're going down the funk/disco rabbit hole now!
17Sophie Ellis-Bextor
Read My Lips

Groovejet - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn-QOjp2UKo

Yeah it's a Spiller track OG, whatever.
Stronger Than Pride

Paradise - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPhi8hDP9Yk

Feels fine. :)
Solid Pleasure

Bostich - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esv_g7KgLMw

I know mouthbreathers think of Yello as that one hit wonder band, but fuck me is Bostich super influential in the house scene. Can't go a tech house mix without someone sampling this one.
20Alice in Chains

Would - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-VeCnT0d4Y

God I love that bass.
Welcome to Sky Valley

Gardenia - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJg8mT6JWb0

This is the song that really got me into guitar. Fuck me is that riff stoneriffic or what. They should've let Brant Bjork write all the Kyuss songs.
22Fu Manchu
No One Rides for Free

Snakebellies - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dYBYkC7hvk

And this is the one that got me into drumming. What a shock - Brant Bjork hung around this album too.
1000 Hurts

Squirrel Song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X5akXYaTpo

I cry errytiem
McLusky Do Dallas

Alan Is A Cowboy Killer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAryHp2h1os

Poundland Shellac!
Persecution Mania

Nuclear Winter - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvv8j5OCFQY

Oh my shitting god that instrumental in the middle is peak thrash.
26Mercyful Fate
Mercyful Fate

A Corpse Without Soul - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-L-i-KkOtU

Hetfield, you're the coolest country metal grampa I know, but covering this only served to show how brilliant Mercyful Fate was in comparison to that shite you put out since the 90s.

My Missing Link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33PKOXDax-Y

Titans of the game.
28Suicidal Tendencies
Join the Army

I Feel Your Pain - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqtxgrfSOrE

It ain't live, but holy shit that's the cleanest and quickest palm-muting there is.
29Future of the Left

The Lord Hates A Coward - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSAlo_FYc_w

Dear lord Falko, what is up with that hair!

God Hates A Coward - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aA5NxTujqg

Boy this is a theme or something eh?

Honey Bucket - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWYrBEKIpYI

That reminds me, I gotta take a shit. Please do not let me forget that.
32Gorilla Biscuits
Start Today

Start Today - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SXf3YZX6MQ

Anthem for the ages.

Going To The Beach - https://youtu.be/BhFx3cV2ig4?t=271

Ah what a lovely day.
34Stormtroopers of Death
Speak English or Die

Sargeant D and the SOD - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9aEZfVOvw0

Haha Billy is such an entertaining wanker. Love the guy.
The Age of Quarrel

Signs Of The Times - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI3Htez-KF4

That whole album is brilliant from start to finish, so it was a tough pick.
In on the Kill Taker

Last Chance For A Slow Dance - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qseH4jJmLqo

Why don't they do more shit like this?
37Scratch Acid
Scratch Acid

She Said - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h31trZ6N9go

Yow coolest frontman ever. Hostage punk at it's finest.
38Grand Funk Railroad
Grand Funk

Inside Looking Out - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxcOxvEsE_Y

I don't know why they aren't in the same revered status of Led Z, this shit blows them out of the water.
39Arab on Radar
Yahweh or the Highway

Semen On The Mount - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qkj50A5PdF0

Actually not the track I meant, but fuck, Arab On Radar is the essential live band.
40Group X
Stepping on the Crowtche owf Your President

Schfifty Five - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XccUMOQ978

Fuck I'm out of time, peace out.
41No Trend
When Death Won't Solve Your Problem


Heartache - https://youtu.be/4vizP1GNycQ?t=1322

Sax and punk just work. Which reminds me...
Album – Generic Flipper

Sex Bomb - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpUufEMnU3w

So fucking funk-ay.
43Butthole Surfers
Independent Worm Saloon

Who Was In My Room Last Night - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3GoQG0nU7g

Some Hotrod shit right here.

Koe - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHyboVKvMeU

Hey mister Johnny Well, you got some good taste.
Sailing the Seas of Cheese

Jerry Was A Racecar Driver - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-JsDjVYPEI

Hey, sometimes you ain't gotta go against the grain.
My Dad's a Fuckin Alcoholic

My Dad's A Fuckin' Alcoholic - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXWQZexzW9c

Best guitar sound of all time. It's like someone tied the amps tubes or something.

Role Model - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orWr2r2oE_I

Haha they look like such bro metallers in this gig.
48Yellow Machinegun
Spot Remover

Again - https://youtu.be/PbQAc0P2BI4?t=79

I will stan the shit out of this band.
49Electric Wizard

Funeralopolis - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU0TUR-o6gE

Holy shit how can you keep time when you're that stoned, man?

Lack Of Comprehension - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9GLHK0hJxc

That chorus has one of the best riffs ever yo.
51Jurassic Witch
Black Masses and Ashes

T. Hex - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1zpRJ078-4

This site is super sleeping on this band. It's fresh loud stoner glory.
52Nuclear Assault
Game Over

Hang The Pope - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifl8mCM2SZ8

The year is 2021 and John Connely has now become Udo Dirkschneider's long lost twin.
The Director's Cut

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-SM25JWAeU

Was between this and the original, but I guess we gotta up the Patton quota on this list.
54Faith No More
King for a Day... Fool for a Lifetime

Evidence - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2Wp_QbIn6o

Like I said, the quota needs filling.
Ace of Spades

Ace Of Spades - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0ZO5w29lQg

Fuck me now this is a live song.

Budd - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r3fnXoPoC4

Hey, it's only ever been a live track.

Frankie Teardrop - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_dXp0eF8s0

I think this'd make a great double header with the previous one.
58Pink and Brown
Shame Fantasy II

Soccermoms - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiC9ZAOJzig

It's a pity Dwyer has eased off with his Osees stuff.
Carrion Crawler/The Dream

The Dream - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYiYf-30HkQ

Luckily this song still goes super hard.
War Crimes (Inhuman Beings)

War Crimes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSjXwfqNUGI

Probably the only crust band I really like.
Ultra Mono

Reigns - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCmsoh-M2oo

I like angry welshmen.
62Judas Priest
Screaming for Vengeance

Screaming For Vengeance - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw51MNAp9IY

Oh Rob you beautiful beautiful lad.
63Charles Mingus
The Black Saint and the Sinner Lady

Duet Solo Dancers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9FzSSGTufQ

One of the Sputnik discoveries for me.
64Aphrodite's Child

All The Seats Were Occupied - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukRcT7JTw0A

This is an old timer though. I'm amazed Sputnik only has under 200 ratings for this album in general.
65Deep Purple
Deep Purple In Rock

Child In Time - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OorZcOzNcgE

Mark II! Mark II Mark II Mark II!
66Pom Poko

Body Level - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkfVXeT36EA

Probably one of the best releases this year.
67Fudge Tunnel
The Complicated Futility of Ignorance

Rudge With A G - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu_H1y5NGcA

Super unfair that these lads never blew up.
68Iron Maiden
Seventh Son of a Seventh Son

Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lWRv8lk7jI

This is the song that got me into music when I was like what, 11?
Answer the Call

Make It Rain - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWSr4NlPqEc&t=1165s

Kvlt as balls.
Hvis Lyset Tar Oss

Hvis Lyset Tar Oss - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkmCEtaHJcQ

The more I listen to music, the more I appreciate this piece of shit guitar tone. Super good.
71Husker Du
Zen Arcade

Reoccurring Dreams - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xA80Yu8uXi4

People always think something is wrong with the speakers when I put this one on.
72Blonde Redhead
Fake Can Be Just As Good

Oh James - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZw3gFb2mDE

This one is also sexy as all hell.

Lady - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxkmCuHSHD8

Sophie Ellis-Bextor does it way better with her band.
74Naked City
Grand Guignol

Jazz Snob Eat Shit - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy2j4od6-U0

This one could almost count towards the Patton quota.
75The Exploited
Troops of Tomorrow

UK82 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy2j4od6-U0

Also super recommend watching Made In Britain. Alan Clarke was on fire in that era, with this, Scum and The Firm.
76Otoboke Beaver
Itekoma Hits

Introduce Me To Your Family - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxutfIZUMos

Another Sputnik discovery. Now I have it on vinyl. Spinned it for some friends yesterday, they even liked it (I think).
77Youth of Today
Break Down The Walls

Thinking Straight - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fARzSRtieYM

Lol apparently guitars aren't supposed to be in a mix.
Daddy Has A Tail!

Part My Konk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve5F0v8MQpA

This video knows what's up.
79Grandmaster Flash And The Furious Five
The Message

The Message - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PobrSpMwKk4

At 35 degrees it feels like a jungle alright.
80Wesley Willis
Greatest Hits

Suck A Caribou's Ass - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTbGydPYTkE

I wasn't kidding when I said Wesley Willis wrote better lyrics than Maynard James Keenan.
Show/Add Comments (35)


Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Site Copyright 2005-2019 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy