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05.23.17 Tracklist Remix: Blur - Think Tank05.07.17 All Songs Ranked: Alkaline Trio (20-1)
04.23.17 All Songs Ranked: Alkaline Trio (63-21) 04.22.17 All Songs Ranked: Alkaline Trio (126-64
03.07.17 slept zero for two months11.02.16 bubs made a review
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All Songs Ranked: Alkaline Trio (126-64)

list excludes covers
63Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


126. Kiss You to Death
There isn’t a single Alkaline Trio song I’d call unlistenable. On most of their weaker cuts the instrumentation is strong enough and the melody is catchy enough to distract from the sub-par lyrics that plague most of their worst material. And “Kiss You to Death” has all of that. A fairly decent melody, great drumming and all around fairly strong instrumentation. However this is one of the only Alkaline Trio songs where all of that is not enough to distract from the horrid lyrics and this song is the perfect example of why My Shame is True is one of Trio’s weakest efforts. With the exception of a few songs (notably the first two) Matt’s writing here just comes across as whining about a break up, and no song is as insufferable as this one. There’s a decent song here if you turn off your mind to the lyrics but Matt’s endless whining about “missing your cat” and “wanting to kiss you to death tonight” makes the song near intolerable
62Alkaline Trio
Agony and Irony


125. Live Young Die Fast
Agony & Irony gets a way worse rep than it deserves. For one thing it’s a lot better than its two successors. The band pulled off the mid-tempo arena rock sound way better than they otherwise could have, and for the most part the songwriting maintained interesting enough throughout the record for it to be a mostly consistent record al l the way through. However, sometimes mid-tempo can be done too slow and the song as a result becomes a boring catastrophe. Enter “Live Young Die Fast”, a song that barely has a pulse to it at all. This song is mostly kneecapped by its execution because the acoustic version on the deluxe edition of the album is actually not bad. But the way Skiba delivers the vocals on this version is almost unbearable. Before writing this list I intended on making this the very bottom of the list. “Kiss You to Death” may be my least favorite Trio song but this one is easily the hardest to get through
61Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


124. Dorothy
This Addiction is regarded by many to be the Trio’s worst album. I myself can’t decide whether I prefer it over My Shame is True or not, as that album is more consistently listenable than This Addiction but This Addiction has much better high points. However, This Addiction also contains the worst run of songs put on a Trio album (Eating Me Alive, Piss and Vinegar and Dorothy). This is the last of the songs in the run and the worst of them as well. The vocal melody is fairly clunky in places and the track is very dull and unmemorable. It’s a complete nothing of a song and it screams of album filler.
60Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


123. Eating Me Alive
More album filler. Has a Killers-like synth line which is okay but also absolutely nothing new for the band. Lyrics are worse than those of Dorothy and it feels more lifeless but parts of the melody are alright so it’s slightly more listenable.
59Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


122. The Torture Doctor
“The torture doctor is in back here to confess his sins knowing damn well he was damn wrong” shut the fuck up Matt. The pre chorus is actually pretty solid but then the chorus comes in becoming more mid-tempo accompanied with “hey, hos” before each line. Wonderful
58Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


121. Midnight Blue
“What’s a boy to do I had nobody but you my heart is sad but true midnight blue”
For most of the bad songs on this album I could just post the lyrics as descriptions as to why it sucks. Otherwise again the instrumental is pretty good here. Again, with a better set of lyrics this song could’ve been good or even great. But Matt instead insisted to write this “apology set to music” and we all had to suffer as a result.
57Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


120. Until Death Do Us Part
Alkaline Trio is good at closing their albums. Hell even at their worst (This Addiction) they were still able to save the best track for last and leave us on a high note. But after 40 minutes of Matt Skiba crying in his diary about his divorce what do we get?
“Tell me everything will be okay tell me that you’re still in love with me tell me how to get back into your heart and there I shall remain until death do us part”
The only reason this isn’t at the very bottom of the list is because with a better set of lyrics this could’ve been one of the highlights on the album. The chorus melody is great and the acoustic guitar going through a distortion pedal at the beginning adds a great touch to the song. Of all the bad songs on the album this is the one that if you turned your brain off you would enjoy the most. Unfortunately it’s ruined by some of the worst lyrics put on an Alkaline Trio album period.
56Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


119. Piss and Vinegar
The best track in the previously mentioned run of songs on Addiction which doesn’t say much. This song is saved by a fairly catchy melody which makes it slightly more bearable to listen to. The chorus is pretty decent as well. If only it’s lyrics weren’t awful.
“At the end of the day once it's all down the drain I'll be fine, I'll be fine”
What the hell happened Skiba
55Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


118. One Last Dance
The best of Skiba’s whiny break up songs, mostly due to Derek Grant’s fantastic drumming (and the Cure reference in the first verse). The melody is pretty solid as well. It’s only real problem is the fact that it’s chorus begins with the lyrics
“There just ain't words to say how sorry I am for acting like a school boy trapped in a man”
He should be saying that to anyone who had to listen to this album as well.
54Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


117. Draculina
I know I specifically referenced “Eating Me Alive” through “Dorothy” being the worst moment of This Addiction but aside from the album closer the whole 2nd half of the album is pretty difficult to sit through. Skiba’s lyrics are pretty bad but as every My Shame is True song thus far should show they’re nowhere near his worst. Not the worst they’ve ever done but certainly not great either.
53Alkaline Trio
Crimson


116. Your Neck
Most of the songs up next aren’t bad per say but they’re just album filler. And this song just screams of filler. The chorus is somewhat catchy I suppose but nothing about this song ever inspires a second listen. And considering the quality of some of the material that was cut from Crimson I have no idea why this dull thing made the record.
52Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


115. Lead Poisoning
Probably the most sonically unique song off Addiction. That doesn’t say much but at least it has a horn section. Still as average as the rest of the album but it’s kinda enjoyable ish.
51Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


114. Dine Dine My Darling
The lowest Dan song on the list. While this album contains some great Dan cuts (and even a few that bafflingly didn’t make the record) this is not one of his better moments. The key change is nice but the chorus is fairly weak and from a lyrical standpoint this is far from his best work. Not an awful song but not really worth coming back to.
50Alkaline Trio
Crimson


113. Smoke
On the topic of Dan songs not really worth coming back to enter “Smoke”, the closing track on Crimson. Where most Trio albums (that aren’t My Shame is True) leave you off on the highest note possible, Crimson barely crosses the finish line with this song. This song tries to be melodic and haunting at the same time but it ends up being rather dull and falls flat on its face as a result. While it’s a listenable track it not unlike the previous 5 songs or so inspires nothing worth coming back to, especially since Dan later tried to write a moody but melodic song later on that was a lot better (that we’ll get to further down the road). One thing I will say is the gong at the end adds a pretty cool touch.
49Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


112. Off the Map
More This Addiction album filler. Just has slightly better lyrics than the previously mentioned songs on the album, although for Dan’s standards they’re pretty weak.
48Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


111. This Addiction
The title track from This Addiction maybe has the most energy on the entire album, although it’s lyrics are as pandering and derivative as the rest of the album with some of the laziest comparisons between a relationship being like a drug.
“Those others were like methadone I took to get me through the day”
Otherwise the chorus is catchy and the song is pretty fun and enjoyable, although it does kind of sound more like a parody of Alkaline Trio as opposed to the band itself.
47Alkaline Trio
Agony and Irony


110. Do You Wanna Know
From this point onward every song is at least pretty good. That’s what this track is. There’s nothing much to say about it. I would never skip it but I would never really listen to it outside of the album. The pre chorus is pretty cool though with Dan occasionally breaking into falsetto which is pretty enjoyable.
46Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


109. Those Lungs
One of Dan’s songs from the Addiction sessions that Matt sent to b-side hell for some reason. Not only is it better than most of Matt’s songs on the album, it’s even better than most of Dan’s. They need to get better at ordering their albums. This isn’t the best outtake from this album but it’s a fun song nonetheless.
45Alkaline Trio
Crimson


108. The Poison
Good chorus. Shaky verses. Pretty good song. Not much else to say. Matt’s doing some cool guitar stuff that’s above his usual standards but it’s not really much special.
44Alkaline Trio
Crimson


107. I Was a Prayer
Catchy chorus but otherwise not particularly memorable. Weird how many good Dan songs were kept off this album and how many kinda boring ones made the record instead.
43Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


106. I, Pessimist
The lowest of Dan’s songs on My Shame. This is kind of an odd track in their discography, as it’s a duet with Tim McIlrath. You won’t in any other context hear me say My Shame is True needs more Skiba but I honestly think the song would work better as a duet between Dan and Matt instead of Tim. Tim sounds very out of place on the song (plus he sucks now), and honestly this vocally isn’t one of Dan’s best moments either. Considering Skiba still has alright vocal chops I’d be interested to hear a version of this between him and Dan. Otherwise this is a pretty cool song although that’s more for the novelty of it than its actual quality.
42Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


105. The American Scream
The 3rd highest song from Addiction, this is a catchy pop punk number about a soldier committing suicide at his mother’s grave. Lyrically one of This Addiction’s better cuts and also from a pure melodic standpoint one of the most enjoyable. One of the best songs on that album easily, even if it is only #105.
41Alkaline Trio
Remains


104. My Standard Break from Life
The b side of the Hell Yes single recorded during the Infirmary sessions. It’s a fun song with pretty solid lyrics. Not a ton to say about it it’s not one of their more memorable cuts.
40Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


103. The Temptation of St. Anthony
Easily one of Matt’s best songs off of My Shame is True considering its lyrically one of the most tolerable songs on the record. It’s possibly their most technical song with a very cool instrumental bridge containing some of Dan’s best playing to date. Otherwise it’s a pretty catchy tune. Although it’s lyrics still kind of suffer from the problems that the other tracks on the record do, they’re generally more bearable here. That or they’re easier to tune out.
39Alkaline Trio
Goddamnit


102. Enjoy Your Day
This is an acoustic song right in the middle of Goddamnit, this track works much better as an individual listen than it does in the middle of the record as it feels out of place. By no means is it a bad song, and it’s probably one of Dan’s more emotional Trio songs, but I wouldn’t really say it’s among the band’s best work and considering the standard the rest of the songs on Goddamnit set this track kind of sticks out like a sore thumb.
38Alkaline Trio
From Here To Infirmary


101. You're Dead
A solid song that just isn’t quite up to par with the rest of the album. Nothing wrong with it. It’s just there are 100 better Alkaline Trio songs. Can’t imagine there are gonna be particularly detailed descriptions for these songs for a while.
37Alkaline Trio
Agony and Irony


100. Ruin It
Instrumentally one of the highest points of Agony & Irony but lyrically and vocally there isn’t much going on beyond that. Still a cool track with great drumming and bass playing on Andriano and Grant’s parts.
36Alkaline Trio
From Here To Infirmary


99. I'm Dying Tomorrow
Dan’s worst track off of Infirmary but that’s mostly because his other three are just that much better (all three of them will be very high on the list). It’s still a fun song regardless, there just isn’t much to say about it and the other 98 songs in front of it are better.
35Alkaline Trio
Remains


98. Hating Every Minute
The worst song on the BYO split released between Good Mourning and Crimson but again that just speaks for how good the others are. Good song, there are just better ones.
34Alkaline Trio
Remains


97. Dead and Broken
Basically the same description for “Hating Every Minute” although I guess in this case it’d be the 2nd worst on the split. Would maybe be a better song if it didn’t basically sound exactly like “Fatally Yours”, “Back to Hell”, “Donner Party” and basically any Alkaline Trio song from the Good Mourning or Crimson sessions written in A major.
33Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


96. Young Lovers
One of the stronger cuts on My Shame is True although this song has never done terribly much for me, especially in comparison to Dan’s other songs on the record (and the ones that somehow got cut from it).
32Alkaline Trio
Remains


95. We Can Never Break Up
One of Dan’s songs cut from Crimson that I’d easily take over songs like “Your Neck” and “The Poison”. Although like his other songs on the record it’s still plagued with the awful double tracking placed on his voice the song is very fun and enjoyable with a pop punk as fuck riff and chorus. Good tune.
31Alkaline Trio
From Here To Infirmary


94. Steamer Trunk
Good song that doesn’t stick out as much in comparison to the rest of the songs on Infirmary that haven’t been mentioned yet. Again it’s only problem is just that there are a lot of better songs from them.
30Alkaline Trio
Crimson


93. Back to Hell
One of the faster songs on Crimson. Matt occasionally throws a flanger on his guitar sometimes and it adds a cool touch. The chorus does a dual vocal thing between Matt and Dan in which they end the chorus in unison which is pretty nice. Other than that it’s a pretty standard Trio cut, but a solid one.
29Alkaline Trio
Remains


92. Don't Say You Won't
Yet another Dan omission from Crimson that is way better than a lot of the songs that actually made the album. Another song from these sessions that make nice usage of synths.
28Alkaline Trio
Broken Wing


91. Broken Wing
The title track from the Broken Wing EP, which contains four songs cut from My Shame is True. It’s baffling that these songs didn’t make the record and instead the fucking “Torture Doctor” did. This song in particular hasn't quite hit me yet which is why it's as low as it is. I'm sure that'll change overtime and I'll regret where I placed this in the future
27Alkaline Trio
Agony and Irony


90. Over and Out
One of Agony’s more arena sounding tracks and one that’s most evident of the album’s major label production and layering. With many synths and effect laden guitars in the background this is maybe one of the richest sounding songs in the band’s catalogue. The song has a fairly catchy chorus and bridge which is paired with a surprisingly dark subject matter and set of lyrics.
26Alkaline Trio
Good Mourning


89. Blue Carolina
The lowest song on Good Mourning. Song rules it’s just outshined by everything else on the album, especially since it comes after what might be the best run of Trio songs.
25Alkaline Trio
Agony and Irony


88. In Vein
Instrumentally among the tightest Agony has to offer. Song has a very bouncy feel to it with some great lyrics on Dan’s part and a solid chorus.
24Alkaline Trio
Remains


87. While You're Waiting
Alkaline Trio have a lot of upbeat songs about people dying. They’re usually pretty great songs. This is one of them. Song rules.
23Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


86. Kick Rocks
How this didn’t make Addiction completely baffles me as it’s better than pretty much the entire album.
22Alkaline Trio
Maybe I'll Catch Fire


85. Tuck Me In
Maybe if the rest of the album wasn’t better than it this would be higher. Either way this is a total jam. Descriptions for some of these songs might not be too detailed because there isn't a lot to say about all of them that will change when we get higher up probably.
21Alkaline Trio
Crimson


84. Settle for Satin
One of Dan’s better songs that actually made Crimson. One of the few songs where Dan’s double tracking kind of works given the chorus-y guitar tone and synth lines. Skiba’s parts in the chorus add a nice touch and overall it’s a great tune.
20Alkaline Trio
Alkaline Trio


83. Sun Dials
DAAAAAAAAAAY OOOOOOOOOOOOOR NIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
FUCK IF I KNOOOOOOOOOOOW
Maybe the funnest Alkaline Trio song there is.
19Alkaline Trio
From Here To Infirmary


82. Stupid Kid
REMEEEEEEEEEMBER WHEN I SAIIIIIIIIIIID I LOOOOOVED YOU WEEEEEELL FORGEEEET IT I TAKE IT BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK
Perhaps one of the most memorable hooks Skiba has ever written. While this song isn’t one of their best per say, it makes sense that it became their biggest as its super fucking pop punk. Great tune nonetheless
18Alkaline Trio
Agony and Irony


81. Calling All Skeletons
One of their poppiest songs easily complete with an upbeat riff and handclaps. While it’s not close to being them at their best, it’s a perfectly executed pop rock tune and a very enjoyable one at that
17Alkaline Trio
Broken Wing


80. Pocket Knife
Yet another Broken Wing song that’s better than the majority of My Shame is True fucking hell Skiba
16Alkaline Trio
Crimson


79. Burn
A more mid-tempo from Crimson filled with plenty of studio tricks throughout. Song is super solid from a melodic standpoint and is one of Matt’s best slower songs from this era.
15Alkaline Trio
Good Mourning


78. Donner Party (All Night)
A lot like “Blue Carolina” this song’s biggest problem is simply that the rest of the songs on Good Mourning are a lot better than it. It’s still a great tune though
14Alkaline Trio
Crimson


77. Time to Waste
The opening piano adds a great touch in setting a mood for the song and album and contains one of Matt’s best choruses on the entire record. The verses have a somewhat darker feel to them before the chorus hits and in usual Alkaline Trio fashion is insanely catchy.
13Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


76. I Wanna Be a Warhol
Despite having some of Skiba’s worst writing on it, My Shame is True deserves some credit for having the best one-two punch of opening songs an Alkaline Trio album has had since Good Mourning. The chorus is ridiculously good and the call and response in the verses work extremely well.
12Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


75. She Lied to the FBI
As mentioned earlier this is their best opener since “This Could Be Love” off of Good Mourning. This is definitely among the catchiest songs the band has ever penned and the lyrics are pretty serviceable for post Agony & Irony Matt Skiba standards.
11Alkaline Trio
Remains


74. Old School Reasons
Matt and Dan trade their parts off a lot which works perfectly for the song. Song is a total blast front to back
IVE GOT A HOLE IN MY HEAD THE SIZE OF LAKE FUCKING MICHIGAN
10Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


73. I Am Only Here to Disappoint
The first three songs on My Shame start the record off so well until the momentum is violently slaughtered by “Kiss You to Death”. Great lyrics, great chorus, I expect nothing less from Mr. Andriano. Song title describes the album pretty well though.
9Alkaline Trio
Agony and Irony


72. Help Me
One of their most melodically satisfying cuts, which can be said about a lot of Agony & Irony’s high points. Apparently this about Ian Curtis. They wrote a lot of songs around this time with subject matter way too dark for the tone of the song.
8Alkaline Trio
Remains


71. Fine Without You
Home to some of Derek Grant’s best drumming. He’s easily the highlight of the song although Skiba sounds phenomenal on here as well. Among his best vocal performances for sure.
7Alkaline Trio
Goddamnit


70. Message from Kathlene
Goddamnit is the only Alkaline Trio album where Dan’s songs aren’t at least up to par with Skiba’s. This is definitely the better of the two songs though and bottom tier Goddamnit is still better than most bands could ever dream to achieve.
6Alkaline Trio
Agony and Irony


69. Lost and Rendered
One of the most full sounding Trio songs there is, and the string section arranged by Ulver elevates that even more. One of the most dynamic songs on the album for sure and the chorus contains some of Skiba’s best vocals on the whole album.
5Alkaline Trio
My Shame Is True


68. Maybe I'll Catch Fire
The weakest of Dan’s three songs on Maybe I’ll Catch Fire, but that’s more a testament to how good the other two are. Lyrically it’s among the album’s strongest and shows how much Dan has improved since Goddamnit.
4Alkaline Trio
Remains


67. Buried
No one knows how to pull the heartstrings quite like Dan. Zero clue how this got cut from Crimson. Probably the best Dan song that didn’t make the album.
3Alkaline Trio
This Addiction


66. Dead on the Floor
2nd highest song off Addiction and Matt’s best post Agony & Irony song. If anything it’s his best song lyrically in a while, which admittedly doesn’t say a lot. If you don’t want to pick up the album, at least make sure you get around to hearing this song (and especially listen to another song from the album we’ll get to eventually)
2Alkaline Trio
From Here To Infirmary


65. Private Eye
Definitely among the band’s catchier songs. Definitely the kind of song that on your first few listens or so is among your favorites and the more you dig into the band the more the song grows off you as it doesn’t really have the substance that later releases do, but it’s still a banger regardless.
1Alkaline Trio
Crimson


64. Fall Victim
Maybe Crimson’s catchiest track. Paired with stellar drumming from Grant and a great melody from Skiba and you have one of Crimson’s best tracks.
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