hal1ax
10.20.16 | Mwaehh |
Drifter
10.20.16 | Friend: Panther
Battle: Python
Eat: Great White Shark |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Ya shark tastes good. |
BallsDeep
10.20.16 | Fuck: Great white shark
Marry: Panther
Kill:Python |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | a good fuck |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Befriend Panther because it's my spirit animal and cats are fucking awesome. Battle python because my cat will fuck it up. Eat shark because I will never get the chance 'fore long |
DominionMM1
10.20.16 | one question: would i be able to breathe under water? |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Niceee. But I think you have to solo battle without ur panther homie :( prob have the best shot against the python tho fasho. Panthers are scaryyy |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | What is 1 like |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Oh ya u can breathe underwater absolutely |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | And I still choose python because I worked with snakes for 4 years so I know how to fuck one up |
BallsDeep
10.20.16 | a great fuck |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | 1 is decent. Cloudy, kinda lethargic instrumental trap |
BallsDeep
10.20.16 | lol pots why did you work with snakes for 4 years? |
DominionMM1
10.20.16 | ok then this is easy. i'd have to befriend a white shark because white sharks rule, plus it would make for cheap international travel. i'd battle a panther simply because that seems like it would be a fun challenge. i'd eat a python because snake isn't too bad, actually. besides, what the fuck else would i do with a python? |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Damn u brave. Panthers are vicious. |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | I feel u on shark travel tho. Good call |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | My first job ever was working in a fish and reptile store |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Also shark travel is dreadfully unrealistic I'm sorry |
Sinternet
10.20.16 | Befriend: Panther they are fucking cool as shit and probably more useful for guarding you
Battle: Python - they aren't venomous right?
Eat: Great White Shark - duh |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | No pythons aren't venomous they just crush their prey but they are also fucking fat, lazy, and predictable |
Artuma
10.20.16 | drifter got it right |
DominionMM1
10.20.16 | "Also shark travel is dreadfully unrealistic I'm sorry"
well in this situation breathing underwater is possible so... |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Death by Python would probably be slow and agonizing tho. Just getting your bones and organs slowly crushed into chutney |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Well first off that's dumb and second off even if u could breathe underwater u would get hypothermia and fucking die |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Ya I should've thought up a harder one. : / |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Not to mention the logistics of actually riding a shark, good luck. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Do more hal1, deffs do one with a crocodile |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Well let's say you can breathe underwater and are not subject to any of the afflictions that would come with it. I mean I still wouldn't want to befriend the shark. They're dumb as fuuhhh |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Ya when I get home from work I'll lay a good one downnn |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | But that's still unrealistic u should get superpowers to miraculously make one choice dope like how about with my Panther it can also fly then |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Also I can tell u first hand befriending a python is the dumbest choice possible because 1: fucking dumb and boring 2) you can legally purchase one for like 100 dollars |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Haha flying Panther is the dream |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Waste of a hypothetical animal friend, get a Panther and then go to the fucking pet store and buy a python |
Rik VII
10.20.16 | How about befriending the panther so you can make him battle the python and eat the shark? |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Lmao six |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Sorry rik u aren't allowed to use your friend you fight but u are allowed to breathe underwater and transcend being a warm blooded animal |
DominionMM1
10.20.16 | fuck logistics because reality went out the window when you became friends with a fucking panther anyway. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Not really there are lots of people who have befriended wild cats. Befriending a shark on the other hand |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | What about :
Black bear
Crocodile
Honey badger |
DominionMM1
10.20.16 | ok well given that befriending a shark is an option in this situation, my point still stands |
BallsDeep
10.20.16 | are we talking those 20 foot pythons? they wouldn't be such a pushover in a fist fight. then again nor would the other 2 |
Sinternet
10.20.16 | crocodile tastes good so eat
befriend honey badger
battle black bear because they are cowards and would run away |
Sinternet
10.20.16 | balls you could just stamp them to death |
SitarHero
10.20.16 | Fuck: Python
Fuck: Great White Shark
Fuck: Panther
Wait, what was the question again? |
BallsDeep
10.20.16 | lynch/enslave the black bear
duct tape the crocs mouth shut then befriend it, but if it breaks free there's no option but to nuke it as it's armor is impenetrable to every other form of attack
honey badgers are fictional creatures and dont exist but if they did I would probably eat one |
Kimm
10.20.16 | I'm gonna eat the panther, befriend the python and fight the shark, but the fight has to be on land. |
SitarHero
10.20.16 | "honey badgers are fictional creatures and dont exist but if they did I would probably eat one"
You better reconsider. Honey Badgers are so badass that even fictional ones will fuck up your day like nobody's business. In fact, one's probably reading your comments and plotting to ruin you right now, so you better lock your doors, barricade the windows and hermetically seal yourself indoors (not that it will help). |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Wait honey badgers aren't real? Uh fuck. A regular badger then? Lol or how about a wolverine ! |
SitarHero
10.20.16 | Honey Badgers are basically wolverines in tuxedos. |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Threw it up on the board. Made it official |
SitarHero
10.20.16 | Oi! Honey badgers are real. Like seriously, they're the realest motherfuckers around. |
BallsDeep
10.20.16 | i thought it was an assault rifle lol in which case i would probably befriend it |
Mystletainn
10.20.16 | Friend: Sm0key da bear |
SitarHero
10.20.16 | Last honey badger post and then bed.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2013/10/24/animal_fights_can_a_honey_badger_win_a_fight_with_a_wolverine.html
Honey badgers will literally RIP YOUR DICK OFF AND WATCH YOU BLEED TO DEATH. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Fight honey badger Cuz they fucking suck and are Gross. Befriend black bear Cuz silly and cuddly. Eat crocodile Cuz that is a real thing. |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | A could see myself being good friends with a bear fasho |
Ryus
10.20.16 | same oh man bears are great |
JeetJeet
10.20.16 | I'm befriending the bear just so we can re-enact that Revenant bear attack scene. I'm eating the honey badger. I'm fighting that bitchass croc tho. Kill that shit and turn it into a belt or some shit |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | First off, eating a honey badger is fucking disgusting and you should be ashamed. Secondly, a crocodile would fuck your life. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | U all illogical |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Why did u change it to a Wolverine? Honey badgers are real things |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Wolverines are equally disgusting agreed |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | idk bitch ass ballsdeep made me second guess myself. But ya I feel like u prob have the best shot at beating the badger in a fight. Ain't no chance vs a croc |
Ashen
10.20.16 | thought this was a balls list
befriend: panther, honey badger
battle: python, black bear
eat: shark, crocodile
much luv 2 sharks tho they are beautiful misunderstood creatures |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | Yeah objectively best chance out of the 3 to fight the honey badger but also would feel least amount of guilt murdering a disgusting rectal rodent like that |
Shadowmire
10.20.16 | befriend bear battle badger eat croc agreed |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.20.16 | There is really only one correct slash smart answer to either of these and they are my correct slash smart answers |
hal1ax
10.20.16 | Croc could be a good pal too tho. Have him cruise you around the Nile. maybe pickup some Egyptian babes |
DrMaximus
10.20.16 | Only idiots who think honey badgers taste like honey would eat one tbh |
BlazinBlitzer
10.21.16 | For the first one:
Befriend: Panther
Battle: Python
Feast: Great White Shark
For the Second One:
Befriend: Wolverine
Battle: Black Bear
Feast: Crocodile |
SitarHero
10.21.16 | Y'all think you have a better chance against a honey badger than a bear? Lol. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | yes, are you fucking stupid? |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | like are you legit fucking stupid |
evilford
10.21.16 | thought this was a balls list [2] |
SitarHero
10.21.16 | You're going full Dwight Schrute on us pots. Never go full Dwight Schrute.
"Bears! Beets! Battlestar Galactica!" |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | shall we fucking debate u clunge? i will fuck u up with animal facts. |
hal1ax
10.21.16 | ok, bear has complete advantage over you in terms of physical prowess, but at least with a honey badger you have the size, weight, and strength advantage. i mean not to say that that's necessarily imperative in a fight, but at least it's something. like bear just dominates u on every single level across the board |
SitarHero
10.21.16 | Bring it pots. I'm about to get stingray on your wannabe Steve Irwin ass. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | a full grown black bear literally out classes a human on every single front, weight, speed, strength, aggressiveness when provoked, and it also literally has jaws AND hands the size of your fucking face full of daggers.
a honey badger, while infamously savage and aggressive, is a fucking rodent, absolutely dwarfed on every front by a human. we also have a special advantage by being bipeds as compared to other animals as that the tiny little fucker literally cannot get to our most vulnerable spots like our throat. yes a honey badger could fuck up your day and make u have lots of big gapey owwies especially on your fucking shins and feet for sure until you fucking kick it as hard as u can in the face and it literally goes flying 70 feet and dies but then on the other hand the kind of owie a black bear would inflict on you is the kind where it literally stands on its hind legs, pushes you to the ground, slashes your face off with one paw, and then rips your throat out with its mouth. if you think a honey badger is as dangerous to a human as a fucking bear you are bewilderingly fucking stupid. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | like wow a honey badger could hurt u a bunch with some real legitimate owie ow ows before you step on its spine and curb stomp it in the face |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | how am i even having this conversation is this special ed or what |
SitarHero
10.21.16 | 1. It's hilarious how serious you're taking this.
2. It's doubly hilarous that you actually think you have a chance against either creature. You wouldn't have a chance against a tamagotchi tbh, so the real question here is who you're gonna lose less badly to. Curb stomp a ratel. Lol. Little nigga shakes off actual lions and you think you can curbstomp him.
3. Yeah the bear is more likely to kill you, but he's also just as likely to just take a few bites out of your buttocks then go find some food that doesn't taste like shit. As mentioned before the ratel is going after your goddamn dick and balls, and the only reason that doesn't scare you is because you're already a eunuch.
|
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | its hilarious how seriously you're taking how serious you think im taking this to the point you are clearly actually offended |
SitarHero
10.21.16 | I don't think you know what offended looks like Pots. Just like you don't know what the face of death looks like. *hint: it's a honey badger's face* |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | also having your dick and balls being ravaged still doesnt compare to literally fatally having your throat torn out so your defence is illogical. i already confirmed that the little fucker would fuck up your day but not kill you. a bear would kill you. a honey badger would make mince meet of your lower body before you ended up stomping it to death but you'd have to literally like just stop fighting and lay down and give up to have it kill you. as for lion, shaking one off isnt the same as beating it in a fight. im assuming we are talking fight to the death. a lion decides its not worth having its balls torn off by a weasel so it pisses off. if its a death match the lion wins, with or without retaining its balls. obviously. plus, again, if you're not retarded, you'll take into account how bipeds have a serious advantage against small ass rodenty fuckers in that all their fatal zones are out of their reach.
but all in all i find it legitimately hilarious how offended you are by my vastly superior logic |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | i can confirm that if this was not a fight to the death situation i would run the fuck away from a honey badger that is actively trying to maul my nuts off, as would i actively engage in all the things ur supposed to do to scare a black bear the fuck off rather than fight it, but in a fight to the death with no other options those flight mechanisms are irrelevant and its common sense that you'd have a much better chance surviving (with one or two less testicles) a honey badger actively trying to murder you than a black bear. |
SitarHero
10.21.16 | Please refer aforementioned eunuchery for the only logical reason why you wouldn't be on your knees begging for death after having your dick and balls violently ripped off by a honey badger. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | that being said if it turned out i did have to fight a black bear to the death with my BEAR hands, i think my very first move would be to try and punch it square in the nose as hard as i humanly could. i feel like this would somewhat blind and disorient it. any thoughts on a better opening move?
as for honey badger i would literally just try and time one really really really kick at it as it charged at me as my opening move and pray for my nuts that i connect. |
hal1ax
10.21.16 | I wouldn't even know what to do against a bear tbh. Badger, ya, load up one good kick |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | "Please refer aforementioned eunuchery for the only logical reason why you wouldn't be on your knees begging for death after having your dick and balls violently ripped off by a honey badger."
again, your bewildering lack of understanding of basic human survival mechanisms is pretty embarrassing. you'd get on your knees and beg for death after saving yourself from the honey badger, once the adrenaline and instinct to survive fleeted. you wouldnt know anything about this anyways tho because you're indian and therefore your dick is the size of a shoe-string potato wedge or a sliver of julliened carrot. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | "I wouldn't even know what to do against a bear tbh. Badger, ya, load up one good kick"
yeah man, common sense. would not invite sitarqueero to my apocalypse party i'll tell you that much. seems like the kind of guy who would actively insert his entire crotch into the jaws of a bear trap if he thought it would get his rocks off. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | how about
Lion
Hippo
humbolt squid |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | fighting any of those 3 would be fucking terrifying |
SitarHero
10.21.16 | As I said before, you're not killing either a bear or a honey badger with your bare hands. Your sense of bravado is misplaced simply because the honey badger is smaller than you are and the bear is not. But in a cage match where two enter and one leaves, rest assured that regardless of whether you're up against the bear or the badger, you're not leaving.
So, the question is, do you want a quick and relatively painless death that a bear can offer you? Or do you want a slow, drawn out and painful death that the honey badger guarantees (solely from blood loss if nothing else)? |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | listen to the audio recording of grizzly man being murdered by a bear and come back and tell me how quick and painless that would be
sorry im not a massive pussy like you that i could kill a feral rodent if i had to. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | not to wax psychological on you but tbqh you clearly suffer from little man syndrome considering all of your arguments. i think honey badger must be your spirit animal. feisty little fucker but still a little fucker. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | also i think you need to reflect on your overt penis inadequacy issues, it can't be healthy. |
hal1ax
10.21.16 | Haha.
Hmmm.. I'm immediately ruling hippo out of the fight, those things are ridiculously powerful. And squid is delicious but I don't think I have a shot against a lion.. Guess I would have to befriend hippo, fight squid, eat lion? Lol that's tough. Lion prob tastes horrendous. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | from an ethical standpoint i guess you can just automatically stick squid in the 'feast' category. but that still means you have to either fight a hippo or a lion and both of those things sound absolutely dreadful. i love cats so naturally id LIKE to befriend the lion but if by doing so that means i by default have to fight a hippo i just don't know because holy fuck. also a hippo would be a nasty ass friend and fighting a lion sounds like possibly the most terrifying thing ever. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | i think by default squid gets either feast or friend because lets be real here, as much as you wouldnt stand a chance against any of these animals, trying to fight a fucking squid underwater would be by far the most embarrassing loss. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | if it was any other kind of squid it would be much easier to accept that as the cleanest death as they would just wrap u up and drown you which would be a lot nicer than getting mauled to death by a hippo or a lion BUT these are humbolt squids, which means instead of just simply drowning you it would be snapping all of your bones into pieces and stabbing you with its fucked up mouth beak while you drowned. sounds great. |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | on the opposite side of the playing field
befriend, battle, feast:
domesticated horse, dog, and cat. ethical crisis activate. |
hal1ax
10.21.16 | Lol the other end of the spectrum, animals you could whoop up on but would never want to. Hmm, if the dog is my neighbors dog then I am no mercy fighting that thing and watching the life leave slowly leave its body. Befriending the cat of course, eating the horse :( |
hal1ax
10.21.16 | And yikes, I've never heard of the humboldt squid. I'm bout to look this thing up |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | haha ok but not your neighbours dog just a general happy go lucky cute little dumbass pupper
either way i agree because i fucking hate dogs, love cats, and want to try horse tartar anyway. |
hal1ax
10.21.16 | Ya same answer, but this time I will prob feel remorse for killing the dog. Unless it's an ugly dog |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | in theory i wouldnt feel any remorse killing the dog but i feel like after the fact i would feel fucking terrible even tho i hate them.
still wouldnt feel nearly as bad as if i killed a horse or a cat. |
hal1ax
10.21.16 | ugh killing a cat would be torturous |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | actually tbh maybe i would feel less bad killing a horse just because even though dogs are the worst of all time they are so utterly pathetic and stupid that killing one as it stared at you with those dumbass eyes in sheer horror and betrayal would probably get to you more than killing a far less domesticated animal. it would be like "holy fuck i hate you but damn you are so stupid and confused that this is really actually quite sad" |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | it would be like killing angrylittlealchemist or something at first you'd be like YES but then you'd be like "holy shit i am a terrible person look at this pathetic little thing struggle" |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | whereas killing a horse would be like killing sowingseason it would be like whatever i feel pretty neutral about this but at least youre a fuckin man about it as far as a like vegetarian man could be. and then killing a cat would be like killing johnnyonthespot it would just be like why god brb going to kill myself. |
hal1ax
10.21.16 | haha agreed. but with the horse battle, you have a chance of losing i think. unless u know how to go about it i guess. i feel like if u approached it at the wrong angle or something u would get your fucking ribs kicked in |
DrMaximus
10.21.16 | "domesticated horse, dog, and cat. ethical crisis activate."
Pretty easy. eat the horse, kill the dog, friend the cat :D
|
hal1ax
10.21.16 | cat friendship no question |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.21.16 | if u kill the dog and friend the cat u are my bff
agreed about horse fight tho |
DrMaximus
10.21.16 | Always loved cats over dogs. They're independent, you can't teach them tricks cause they have some fuckin self-respect, and overall just chill af. Honestly how can anyone prefer dogs over cats I don't understand this |
