Sinternet
10.23.16 | smh |
ourgoodfriend
10.23.16 | hey sin |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | hi my good friend |
ourgoodfriend
10.23.16 | man he's just a r t i c u l a t i n g |
Snake.
10.23.16 | http://www.sputnikmusic.com/images/members/663246.jpg |
Maco097
10.23.16 | It's not his fault that he knows more words than you. |
Snake.
10.23.16 | "once rock-centric-yet-eclectic bedraggled-book-insert-sporting titan-indie-twins have gone full-on gaudy glittery synth-pop"
what the fuck |
someguest
10.23.16 | lol |
ourgoodfriend
10.23.16 | hahshahahahahahaa what the FUCK |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | reading these hurts my head fr |
Snake.
10.23.16 | 20 bucks says that this guy owns a travel-size thesaurus |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | Replete with rambunctious rumbling, hacked-up repeato voices, and dizzying intensity, this remix-exclusive wingding seemingly longs to intimidate yo ass right outta the club more than provide dance-friendly cordiality -- bass often simulates an impending stampede, gunshots+guncocks are standard soundbytes, percussion is accelerated and unquantifiable, screams-n-grunts are plentiful. Hip-hop party aura (albeit an aggressive one) happily emanates through all the buck-wild twitchy thud electronics, the pop balladry of "Your Love" provides a midway kinda-cooldown (albeit a zippy one), scared Scooby yelps go up against incessant inquisitors and Jersey trite-talk is mockingly (sincerely?) tossed around like a rag doll, a football video game is semi-serenaded. It's commanding and uncivilized to an extreme that's deserving of its general-yet-pompous 'The Sound' titling, and doesn't exhaust nearly as much as it probably should; and while the evident recognizables stand out as such, in this bunch-o-bangers they're just the easy ones: the m.a.a.d city gone madder and torn free of context, Biggie coming back from beyond to full-tilt suck tits and grab paper, a Drake-collision whirlwind which has him sounding harder+woozier than ever before (maybe). Where Vol. 2 at? |
ourgoodfriend
10.23.16 | those words just become a fucking wall
he's a poet in the sense where he turns words into blunt force trauma |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | it's sheet notes for danger music |
ourgoodfriend
10.23.16 | more like sheet notes for vomir |
spookynewghostfriend
10.23.16 | xD |
ourgoodfriend
10.23.16 | hail |
wtferrothorn
10.23.16 | I feel dizzy |
SandwichBubble
10.23.16 | His soundoffs read like my old research papers, minus the "full-tilt suck tits and grab paper." |
theBoneyKing
10.23.16 | not as bad as Robert Christgau's "reviews" though |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | well that's a given |
AlexKzillion
10.23.16 | Meek Mill Dreams Worth More Than Money 3.5
If you kick things off with a brazen sampling of Mozart's "Lacrimosa", you best B.R.I.N.G. it -- fortunately, Meek is far from meek and scarcely not in vigorous-hype-mode. Teetering away from the beat to quantify his millions one-by-one, tossin' out nuanced and provocational rhymes with madcap abandon, making a celebrious chorus out of repeating 'check' 13 times in a row; it seems his insistence on possessing "The Juice" is factual. And when the requisite room is made for chart-prepping/star-studding, it certainly could be worse: a back-n-forth with bae Nicki Minaj comes off a bit contrived, Chris Brown is congenial if I overlook that it's Chris Brown, Future mumbles the same ol' same ol', an electricified-hook via The Weeknd is used as reinforcement for lurkin' on another man's girl, Diddy-as-elder brandishes a bumbling perils-of-fame speech. And of course, the now-famously ghostwritten Drake feature -- a beef-sparker that arguably left the accusatory Meek looking petty and Drake an untouchable victor, but given the latter's tidily predictable procedure versus the former's unrefined in-the-moment coarseness, can you blame the guy for gettin' vexed?
Meg Myers Sorry 3.5
Hits both 90's-alt-angst and unabashedly-huge-pop-chorus soft spots -- Meg's incessant trembly-fierceness can feel forced and overdramatized, but it's a reasonable compromise for all her yodeler oh-oh-ohs+ah-ahs and compellingly unstable personality. Unstable as in starting at "Baby I wanna fuck you / I wanna feel you in my bones", switching out 'fuck' for 'love', 'break', 'hurt', and 'taste', then ending up with "I'm gonna kill you / I'm gonna lay you in the ground". Compelling like she promptly goes from boldly serving herself up on a platter to a self-admitted good-for-nothin'. Extraordinary and slightly absurd relief from all the strained histrionics comes from the invincible power-chord-pep of "Lemon Eyes"; which not only sports shark-chomp-percussion and huff-n-puff coloration, but not-one-not-two-but-THREE super-hooks -- two of which are half-gibberish. Personality as in she's "no mother of a child" but later-on nonchalantly mentions her daughter. That could be just a flub, though. |
Snake.
10.23.16 | "no one seems to nail the sound of epic wussiness as well as they do"
"the sound of epic wussiness"
"wussiness"
jesus fuck |
danielcardoso
10.23.16 | lol that meg myers one ffs |
p4p
10.23.16 | very avant-garde writing style. prob an irish. |
danielcardoso
10.23.16 | "The mucho-mentioned album-as-undisturbed-loop is novel and nice, but a plain ol' propensity for breakneck psych-drenched propulsion is nicer -- they straddle the line between firm and feral, goofy and gung-ho, fun and formidable; convincingly conjuring up images of fig wasps+people vultures and continuing to command attention through the flashes of deja vu and jerky-groove change-ups that serve as calm-downs from all that buzzy racket. Oh right, the hooks and the howling; very vital as well."
lmao |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | hang on let me find the first one i saw |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | Laura Gibson Empire Builder 2.5
A commendable crew of multifaceted folkies, yes, commendable indeed -- can't say commendable creeps near really-remarkable at any time here, but it does rest rather comfortably in really-quite-pleasant. Starts strong/strongest? with the one-two friendly handshake of "The Cause" and "Damn Sure", but soon after begins to fall into sleep-mode a bit too often. But hey, kudos on the percussive nuances and the percussion in general and the capable lyricism and the striking slow-churn string-swells. The title-track also lives up to its name by building an empire impressive enough to not be eclipsed for the remainder of the album, at song #4 outta 10. But very likable, really.
this is still so awful |
Flugmorph
10.23.16 | ex fucking posed |
theBoneyKing
10.23.16 | "well that's a given"
I mean to me it sounds like he's trying to imitate Christgau's pretentious style but its somewhat heartening that he manages to be less horrible.
I must admit though that I kind of enjoy reading Christgau's bs |
Jots
10.23.16 | his style doesnt really seem similar to christgau at all from what i can see |
Avagantamos
10.23.16 | someone confiscate this guy's hyphen key |
Avagantamos
10.23.16 | also someone pls link a christgau review I am curies |
50iL
10.23.16 | reading these hurt my head [2]
God, they are so bad lmao |
Impervious
10.23.16 | I think it's his use of hyphenating a mojority of his descriptive words as if to make a train at a party lol. This is pretty painful to read. |
theBoneyKing
10.23.16 | "his style doesnt really seem similar to christgau at all from what i can see"
Maybe not in their actual writing styles but they both have a clear willful obscurity. It's more their tones than their exact styles that are similar I guess. Idk from the first time I read one of this dude's soundoffs I was immediately reminded of Christgau.
"also someone pls link a christgau review I am curies"
Here's his set of reviews from last week:
https://noisey.vice.com/en_us/article/flyover-drawl-expert-witness-with-robert-christgau
You can find even worse ones if you spend some time searching through his website. |
ShadowRemains
10.23.16 | did the guy who write the eisley review write these? |
hal1ax
10.23.16 | Linkinparkforthewin has some juicy ones |
wtferrothorn
10.23.16 | "Once I was one years old and I heard 7 years and wished my mom aborted me, once I was 1 years oldrEdit: the fucking fact that this album is alternately called "Blue Album" (concerning its original album cover) is fucking disgusting. Weezer did it better and they actually crafted a classic album filled with energy, creativity, and a genuine nerdiness that resonated with so many people. This is trite garbage that only aims to make money and profit off his father's death using him as his biggest influence for that 7 years song"
fucking chill man it's an album title lol |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | wait where is that one |
SharkTooth
10.23.16 | reminds me of that one user who would post reviews with gigantic run-on sentences
I mean fuck this whole thing was a single sentence in one of his reviews
" Throughout the piece, saxophonist Ian McDonald and, to a greater extent, drummer Mike Giles deliver dynamite performances, and even though vocalist-bassist Greg Lake does have to resort to using a pick, he trails a complex composition with tonal distinction and a tight, speedy rhythm, while Robert Fripp’s guitarwork and McDonald’s keyboarding really come to life during some flashy solos, so, if you don’t mind the bizarre free jazz finale, there’s plenty of musicianship to be dazzled by throughout the wild ride, but my big issue with the legendary arrangement is that all it is, at its heart, is indulgent jamming, with no real resonance or, for that matter, tonal dynamicity, punctuated only by vocally aggressive verses whose ambiguous thematic value is lost in the surrealism and briefness of the lyric (Save the refrain, “21st century schizoid man!”, that you can just plug into the end of the verses, I am making no abridgement of the lyric when I say, “Cat’s foot, iron claw! Neurosurgeons scream for more, at paranoia’s poison door!” (Verse 1), “Blood rack, barbed wire! Politician’s funeral pyre! Innocents raped with napalm fire!” (Verse 2), and, “Death seed, blind man’s greed! Poet’s starving, children’s bleed! Nothing he’s got he really needs!”)." |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | lmao who was that |
wtferrothorn
10.23.16 | "wait where is that one"
nah that's one of Linkinparkforthewin's soundoffs, since hal mentioned his. |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | oh yeah lol
pretty bad but nothing compares to his sorceress soundoff |
wtferrothorn
10.23.16 | I'm still mentally recovering from that one |
SharkTooth
10.23.16 | "lmao who was that"
It was CamWJohnson(I just checked)
http://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/64605/King-Crimson-In-the-Court-of-the-Crimson-King/ |
VaxXi
10.23.16 | knew it was themanmachine, his soundoff for f(x) is the most convoluted way of saying "theyre cute girls with cute pop music" |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | i wanna know how it got so many bumps
and fuck yet again someone has deleted nearly all of the soundoffs on the opeth page |
Tyler.
10.23.16 | Real mature sinternet |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | jesus christ all that guys reviews are so bad |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | thanks tyler |
Snake.
10.23.16 | "Also, in regards to Gyromania, I'm a conservative-libertarian and agnostic-atheist, so my mind is both open and close."
keep in mind that he posted this too |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | oh dear god |
FullOfSounds
10.23.16 | 3 is v good |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | mmm yeah with the new video having just come out i've been listening to all his stuff again |
Typhoon24
10.23.16 | those alliteration skills tho |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
10.23.16 | holy fucking shit there are so many of them too |
Boyproblems
10.23.16 | 'consider me down with improvised plain-ol-echoey-harp layerings that occasionally metamorphose into reverse-zip electro-manipulations and bleary conceptual works as much as the next guy'
what |
dreamgazing
10.23.16 | why do these soundoffs read like mf doom verses |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | mind = blown |
VaxXi
10.23.16 | you know who writes GREAT sound offs though? this guy: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/uservote.php?memberid=1052776
|
FullOfSounds
10.23.16 | Yeah and EasterInTheBatcave |
Sinternet
10.23.16 | fuck that easter guy seriously every time i think of a ~slightly~ witty soundoff it gets bumped off the front page within like 2 minutes because he posts 50 a day but it doesnt matter because all my soundoffs get deleted these days |
VaxXi
10.23.16 | its like every time i make a list after no one has made one for over a day and the moment its made then 20 other lists pop up and knock it off the front page |
someguest
10.23.16 | theacademy is prob writing them in mod downtime |
BallsDeep
10.23.16 | He gets an E for effort |
Typhoon24
10.23.16 | "its like every time i make a list after no one has made one for over a day and the moment its made then 20 other lists pop up and knock it off the front page"
ded |
theBoneyKing
10.24.16 | Arcade knows what's up (though that implies that it's possible to do Christgau well which it isn't). |
TVC15
10.24.16 | Linkinparkforthewin has some juicy ones
wut |
BallsDeep
10.24.16 | who the hell is linkinparkforthewin |
Typhoon24
10.24.16 | it was like 4 guys and yeah they all went to college |
TheManMachine
10.24.16 | thanx everyone for all this attention! reading through this was really rewarding. christgau's the man btw |
BallsDeep
10.25.16 | ^ agree. you've got the writing ability but it needs major refinement |