Conmaniac
Contributor

Reviews 50
Soundoffs 30
News Articles 2
Band Edits + Tags 115
Album Edits 116

Album Ratings 1100
Objectivity 70%

Last Active 12-11-17 7:23 pm
Joined 08-06-14

Forum Posts 55
Review Comments 20,127

 Lists
12.04.17 con's december push11.26.17 21con
10.29.17 what should I scribble about09.27.17 story time: the album matching game
09.21.17 Conthousand, a review 09.08.17 Con/Asleep's Road to 1k
08.09.17 condirector??08.05.17 POST PUNK OFF, A COMPETITION ROUND 4
07.20.17 8.8.8.7.707.17.17 a 3.9? really?
07.10.17 .75 digs||.5 review05.31.17 con's psychedelic adventure
05.30.17 rec me Tame Impala05.26.17 harsh.
05.17.17 w e i r d04.29.17 architecture jams
04.12.17 Summerfest 2k1704.05.17 Con's To-Do List
More »

Conthousand, a review

This may be the most masturbatory thing I've ever done, but bear with me because I fucking love lists and I love ranking things that don't need to be ranked. Sorry if I come off as too cocky or confident or whatever, I'm not trying to show off I just thought it'd be nice to review my own reviews + the stuff I've done on sput up until this point.
1Patrick Watson
Love Songs for Robots


REVIEWS RANKED
didn't rate them cuz that'd be too hard and weird but here is the ranking of all the reviews I've done thus far! They are ranked from bottom to top (44 to 1):

While this is my worst review, I love reading it since it is truly my first attempt at a music review. The alliteration in the first sentence is cute and I actually like the brevity of the first paragraph. However, this review is riddled with grammatical mistakes, repeated words and ideas, and clunky sentences that do not read naturally. Also the informal parts of this review (“boy do they hit it out of the park!”) are very cringey to read haha.
Summary: “Just a little whisper”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 1/44
2Marietta
As It Were


This one starts off pretty rough damn, first two paragraphs I did not enjoy reading haha. Way too repetitive in word choice and the flow is very off. This review reads like me obviously just stating my favorite parts/lyrics of songs but saying it in a “review-y” tone. Despite my very surface level lyrical analysis, I do enjoy a couple of sentences throughout here and strangely enough this review uses a couple of techniques that I still use today, marking the start of my reviewer’s voice. But holy shit younger Connor you gotta learn how to TRANSITION.
Summary: “I feel much better”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 2/44
3Tigers Jaw
Tigers Jaw


An attempt at a casual review and oh boy is this not that good. That intro is actually atrocious haha like why do I like talking about myself so much? I really overuse the personal tone in this one and it gets a bit cringey to read. Art was nice in saying that the review isn’t very deep but that’s ok because it’s what the album is about, and while I agree with that point as it was my intention to describe the album in such a way, I don’t think I nailed the execution. There’s just so much more I want to do with this review, especially considering how this is one of my favorite albums but oh well it’s just a “fun” review like the album right? Right…
Summary: “It’s time, it’s time I live my life”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 18/44
4Silversun Pickups
Better Nature


This one I distinctly remember writing because I wrote the entire thing on the sput album entry like an idiot and when I submitted it, it timed out and didnt go through and my work was lost. So this is my 2nd review for this album in a way, and it’s the first review I actually try to incorporate and apply a thesis yay! The informal tone here reads a bit better but still a lot of cringey parts (“why am I not getting any feelings?” lol…). I like the paragraph where I criticize the album, I think that reads well and I still agree with that point today. Still, there are many weirdly worded things and repeated words throughout this album. But hey that closing line isn’t half bad Connor.
Summary: “Taking the edge off”
Score: 3.5/5
Review #: 3/44
5Marietta
Summer Death


I’m glad people initially ignored this review because despite its lofty goals it’s one of my worst reviews by far. I think I took the advice “add more personal tone” a bit too literally and with this one I basically describe my life in way too much detail and describe the album in way less detail. Although I can appreciate the review’s structure and the idea behind it, I cannot appreciate the prose/tone used throughout it and it just comes off as immature, cringey, and musically undescriptive. If there’s one shining light with this review it’s the auditory/visual connection (“viewfinder of my ears”) but that’s one sentence of the entire review. Ambition is great, but the end product is not. Sucks that my worst reviews are for my favorite artist ):
Summary: “It’s autumn now so please forget me”
Score: 5/5
Review #: 11/44
6Remo Drive
Greatest Hits


Like I mentioned in the comments of this review, the guys from Remo Drive read this little piece and even shared in on their Facebook which was awesome, plus it got featured. This review is just not done well, however, I honestly really dislike it. It was a review that needed to happen, though, because I was in quite the slump and it was more of a way to vent my frustrations with reviewing and finding inspiration rather than a critical analysis of the album. I lazily describe their sound in like 2 sentences and the rest of the review is just me showing off my knowledge of emo bands and complaining about reviewing emo albums. I will say that there’s something about the tone in this review that I enjoy and the last paragraph is nice and succinct, just wish I could’ve done better for such an amazing band. Maybe next time…
Summary: “Revitalize me.”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 26/44
7Weed (CAN)
Deserve


This is overall a pretty clunky review, both in its language/prose and its conciseness. As TheSpaceMan pointed out, there’s a lot of redundancy within the first two paragraphs and although the edits helped I still think I could’ve done a better job. That first paragraph where I describe my already cringey song idea is somehow even more uncomfortable to read. Review just reads like it was a bit rushed which is strange because it wasn’t a new release and I don’t think I had any time constraints haha. However, that last paragraph is something special, I love the criticisms brought up and it shows that some of my more successful writing comes with analyzing both positives and negatives within an album.
Summary: “Simple noise.”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 22/44
8Kid Cudi
Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven


This review was featured as well and it is also the first review my friends in real life read and talked to me about so that’s super cool. This one is very long though, longer than it needed to be and I remember Johnny tearing me a new one with his edits but until this point I had only gotten positive feedback so that was actually super helpful for me as a writer. Basically this is a worse, more condensed version of Anthony Fantano’s review but I still chuckle at a couple of my lines (“this is what it’s like to listen to the death of a musical career”). The more formal tone reads pretty well however and even though I repeat a lot of ideas throughout the review the criticisms are still very valid. Reviewing an album like this though is like hitting a baseball off a tee since it’s so easy to tear into this terrible excuse for a record.
Summary: “Insanity at its worst”
Score: 1/5
Review #: 5/44
9JANK
Awkward Pop Songs


This one flows pretty nicely as well and I really like the use of parentheses in this one (even if I overdid it a bit). Since it was a 4.5 review, the minor criticisms I included were pretty unnecessary and the form of this review looks as if I decided to copy the structures of my first two reviews lol. I think the rhythm in this review is well done and it reads fairly naturally as the playful, semi-formal tone is used well. Also, there’s definitely more analysis in this review which is nice because it shows an improvement from my first 5 reviews. Overall this reads pretty cleanly and doesn’t have any major flaws.
Summary: “I don’t care if you’re angry, suck it up, suck it up”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 6/44
10Pity Sex
White Hot Moon


Love the concept of nostalgia and the idea of experience this feeling even when the catalyst is unrelated to you past, so much so that I wrote an entire research paper on it. Funny enough, I wrote the paper after I wrote this review, so in a way this thing helped me decide what my research project was going to be about. For that reason it holds a special place in my heart. However, it’s a very surface level review that does just enough to describe the album and why it’s special but not much past that. Prose is very meh and even though there’s not good synonym for “nostalgia” I still use that word a bit too much. That last paragraph is actually really good, however, as it’s the only paragraph where I decided to change up the sentence lengths (why am I so straightforward and brief before this?). Overall I enjoy the conceptual aspect of this review but it’s still underdeveloped in the critique sense.
Summary: “Do you remember? I’d give my life if it would last forever”
Score: 4/5
#: 9/44
11Oh Sees
A Weird Exits


I wrote this review for Sowing’s little user competition and I unsurprisingly lost! (altho I’m a bit salty the winner was at the time a contrib). The review is so bland and normal that it almost hurts, and while the writing is fundamentally good, you can tell I’m trying REALLY hard to impress. Despite all of this, the structure of the review makes a lot of sense organizationally and while I stick to this pretty stubbornly it at least reads well. I do the song grouping structure much better, however, in my Alter review so in comparison this just doesn’t hold up. Compared to the other “worse” reviews it at least is void of any detrimental grammatical mistakes and cringey personal interjections so that’s cool.
Summary: “Comfort in conformity”
Score: 3.5/5
Review #: 17/44
12Into It. Over It.
Standards


My third review that was featured and I think the first review I had another sput user proofread. It reads pretty cleanly and is one of the more refined/reserved reviews of my earlier stuff but the theme behind it is so boring. From a writing/prose standpoint it’s average but I can’t find too much to fault about it. Probably my most ~vanilla~ review, but compared to previous works my song descriptions are getting a bit better. Overall it’s fine and I still agree with my points but it’s pretty plain idk.
Summary: “The steps that I have been taking, carefully curating”
Score: 3.5/5
Review #: 7/44
13Dikembe
Hail Something


This is a weird review to analyze because I can totally see and appreciate where I was trying to go with this review but it doesn’t translate quite that well. Honestly, though, with some slight tweaking, this could easily read like a recent review of mine as it’s based in a metaphorical theme (kiddy pool of emo hehe). I think I’ll give this one extra points because of this, despite the many flaws it contains, like the beginning of the intro which is a very obvious and unnecessary point to make. I just think I was trying to say that they switched up their style in an attempt to be ambitious, but by doing so they end up copying another widely heard genre. Basically there were better, and more clear ways to say that but I just couldn’t articulate it in this one for some reason.
Summary: “Stay afloat.”
Score: 3/5
Review #: 13/44
14Modern Baseball
Holy Ghost


Due to the album’s structure, this is one of the few times I can excuse the faux-track-by-track review format that I take on. It’s really a well structured and thought out review that goes through musical development, lyrical analysis, and the theme of contrast all in one. This was also the first review I tried writing while under the influence, hence the very strange paragraph that compares the two sides of the album to the action of running home in the rain. I probably could’ve pulled it off a bit better but the idea is there and it’s actually kind of poetic in a way. I wish I would’ve gone more into why the 2nd half of the album is so appealing due to its rawness but other than that I hit a lot of great points about this album. Sure the word choice and vocabulary is a bit ameture and sure I’ve tackled more impressive thematic concepts but for what it is, I’m pretty proud of this early review.
Summary: “‘For the next record, do you wanna do a Speakerboxxx/Love Below?’”
Score: 4/5
#10
15Free Throw
Bear Your Mind


My one and only 1 paragraph review and I honestly think I can do better. While I do a great job of sustaining this dismissive, slightly upset tone throughout the review I don’t think it matches well with the score. I think this reads like a 3 or 3.5 review re-reading it as my praises rely heavily on other people knowing my 4.5 score for their previous album. I’m also not the biggest fan of the 1-para format as it doesn’t fit my style the best, leaving little room for thematic introduction which I do often. However, it reads very cleanly and I wouldn’t change much from a word choice standpoint. It’s just that I think I had a lot more to say about this and I didn’t allow myself to say it. Brevity can be a bitch…
Summary: “Artificially pleasing.”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 30/44
16american poetry club
glad to be here, etcetera


First review I ever wrote for an album that a friend of mine made and comparing this to the NovelT review I think it’s worse. This one is pretty well written and appropriately brief but the voice in this one comes off a bit awkward while I feel the NovelT review was much cleaner and clearer. That last line is so forced it makes me cringe a bit too. However, there are small glimpses of things I enjoy, the 2nd paragraph especially. It’s actually really interesting how both of my reviews that deal with writing about friends also deal with the theme of honesty (both friends are named Jordan and both reviews were featured...woah) and I like the way this review tackles that conceit. I just think this could’ve been better written as often times I can see exactly what I was trying to mean/say but it comes off a bit strangely.
Summary: “Knowing is the first step”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 27/44
17FIDLAR
FIDLAR


Thematically this review is stellar and I’m surprisingly able to keep the conceit going throughout the piece in a subtle yet effective manner. Flow wise this is a bit awkward and clunky, like a lot of my earlier reviews, and there are a couple grammatical errors. Funny enough, I can see the formula-based crutch that the review is standing on, and while it’s not as obvious as some previous reviews it still isn’t ideal. Other than those things, however, this review is very solid and describes the album pretty damn well. Plus I stick the landing with that last sentence nice!
Summary: “So what, fuck you.”
Score: 3.5/5
Review #: 14/44
18Gates
Parallel Lives


Funny enough, I listed this as my favorite review over a year ago when I hit 500 ratings for that fun lil list. I still enjoy this one but it’s pretty obvious I’m trying soooo hard to be JohnnyOnTheSpot (to me at least ahah). It’s definitely a solid review though, although I’m not sure how solid it is compared to a couple others around this time. It’s theme is really interesting but I think I could’ve framed the review a bit differently around that idea. There are a couple small mistakes, sure, but overall this is a pretty clean, albeit, harmless review. I think I was just proud of the fact that I was able to articulate my opinions about the album and everyone seemed to like this review because it matched their opinions as well, even down to the favorite songs! Also another solid concluding sentence which were hit or miss at this time period haha.
Summary: “Soft maturity.”
Score: 3.5/5
Review #: 12/44
19Foxing
Dealer


My very first review that got featured so I’ve always been really proud of this one. After reading it now, though, I definitely see some flaws as a lot of the song descriptions are very surface level and vague. I do, however, stick to a central theme in this one and the review actually flows together pretty well and has a rhythm for once even if the sentences themselves sound a bit strange. Love the link between the summary/theme and the final line. This review is also pretty short which I like because a lot of my reviews nowadays are pretty brief haha.
Summary: “I’m alright, it’s time I’ve moved on”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 4/44
20Acid Ghost
WARHOL


Last review as a regular ol user and I think this one is pretty nice. The theme is way too forced, not necessarily in the sense that it’s a stretch to apply the art imitating life concept to the album, but rather it’s the fact that I try to insert this conceit into every single paragraph. I definitely could’ve been more subtle and I think a lot of my more recent reviews do a much better job at such a thing. However, I adore the imagery of the “bath of fuzz” line and I often think back to that analogy when attempting to write evocative and visual song descriptions. It’s a progression from my previous couple reviews and it’s still one of my better pre-contrib pieces but it’s definitely not the best.
Summary: ““If you’re not trying to be real, you don’t have to get it right. That’s art.” – Andy Warhol”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 23/44
21Danger Incorporated
Are You Afraid of the Danger Boys


This is a fun little “let me see how many artists I can name drop” review which I think is a bit more enjoyable to write than it is to read. However, the prose and vocab are pretty clean and clear, and the review definitely justifies its length. My lyrical analysis is such a stretch though holy shit haha. It was basically my way of bullshitting past just saying “the lyrics are terrible” and it worked a bit but I can see through my own bs more than others. However, as Jack and Blush said, it does do a good job of combining general lyrical analysis within emo rap and the actual sound of the album so in that sense it’s pretty successful.
Summary: “emotional fun in the age of the internet”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 40/44
22WATERMEDOWN
Somewhere Sleepless


I like this entire idea of an anti-introduction and this is probably the best example of my attempt at one. Basically I talk about how great restraint is within music and then completely and purposefully contradict myself for the rest of the review, praising a lack of restraint in favor of raw emotion. Although the language and flow isn’t quite there sentence-wise, the brevity mixed with the music/lyric descriptions in the second paragraph work pretty well I think. One of my first reviews as contrib and I can definitely see the shift in style compared to my earlier reviews and this is one that definitely holds up.
Summary: “Screaming into emptiness”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 25/44
23who loves you
Green and Tangerine


First thing I noticed when I read through this was how I use the word “sound” like 10 times in the intro and beginning of the 2nd paragraph alone. Yet, other than word choice issues I do enjoy this review as it reads pretty well. I didn’t notice it until now but I basically copied the same exact line about genuineness for my WATERMEDOWN review, which might explain my frustrations exhibited in my Remo Drive review. The third paragraph showcases some of the best lyrical analysis points I’ve done, I think, and it’s about colors to boot! This is a neat review even if it reads super similarly to that WATERMEDOWN review haha. Plus the last two sentences are pretty great.
Summary: “Everything is dipped in shades of blue and in shades of green”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 21/44
24JANK
Versace Summer


This review reads like a follow up to my other JANK review, which makes sense because this album was the follow up to Awkward Pop Songs. When comparing the two though I definitely prefer this one as it’s brief, succinct, and generally descriptive. I still to this day describe the album’s production as “bubblegummy” so the fact that the description held up after these years is nice. Thematically it’s pretty bare but I don’t think this album needed anything too poetic as it’s just a fun emo release. So for what it is, it works.
Summary: “I’m not dead yet but it’s a start”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 16/44
25Childish Gambino
Because the Internet


Looking back at my old lists/comments it seems as if people wanted me to write about this album or at least encouraged me to (prob due to my avatar aha). It’s also the first review that Blush commented criticism on (“it seems like this write-up is a lot less formula-driven in comparison to the last few I've read of yours” - very, very true point, also blush you were stalking my reviews??). Overall I really like the personal tone, the voice in this review sounds like me which is nice to read. It also explains really, really well why I love this album so much and it reads as such (even though it gets a bit preemptively defensive ahah). Overall, this is one of my better reviews and one I looked back to a lot in my early writing stages.
Summary: “I just wanna feel something”
Score: 5/5
Review #: 8/44
26American Football
American Football (LP2)


A bit of a lengthy review but I think it mostly stays not too redundant which is nice because usually I had a lot of trouble with that in my earlier works. When I first wrote this I though the mirrored opening questions and answers were cute but they come off a bit strangely now. Although there is a decent amount of musical description mixed with contextual information, this review just reads very plainly. Like it might be the most inoffensive review I’ve ever written and I’m not so sure that’s a good thing. I will say that the language and overall flow of this review is pretty nice and the argument is pretty strong/clear so I guess that’s cool. Side note, clear example of my overuse of the word “twinkly” right here but an appropriate album for that nonetheless.
Summary: “delicate past”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 19/44
27Psychedelic Porn Crumpets
High Visceral Pt. 1


Oh man I could write about synesthesia for hours I love the concept of it and the possible combinations it can bring. Re-reading this and I think it’s a bit too short as I really only talk about two songs while also ignoring a lot of aspects about this album. Like if I talked about the painting theme and paralleled it with how the album changes instead of throwing it in WHEN I talked about the switch in musical tone it would’ve been so much better. For what it is though I enjoy this review and it reads very neatly. Plus I think this marks my love for describing songs in colors so that was a cool thing that I still do today. It is a vivid lil review and Piglet seemed to enjoy it a lot, so much so that he wrote an even better review of my review in a way haha.
Summary: “a painter’s touch”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 39/44
28Palm (PA)
Shadow Expert


I honestly love it when I get long comments that legit critique my review as they help me look at the piece in a different light. When I first wrote this I thought it was really well done in explaining what the album sounded like while also explaining their uniqueness (in a hyperbolic way, of course). However, after reading the comment about how those initial descriptors can really be applied to any “weird” album it helped me push myself as a writer to better explain what the music sounds like. Also I raise a lot of unnecessary questions and I passively answer them so going forward I definitely try to write more confidently and definitively. All in all, I love constructive criticism so always, always add your input if you have any! Also this review was featured, despite the flaws.
Summary: “history in the making?”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 31/44
29Patrick Watson
Close To Paradise


This is by far my most experimental review but I think I’m still nervous about totally abandoning any song descriptions as I still include those subtly in this one. As for writing in the second person I definitely need to work on that as this reads a bit awkward and clunky but that’ll come with practice. Also fun fact: every song title is in this review and they appear in order so that’s kinda fun but also some of those song names are just forced in here. With this one I’m definitely more in love with the idea of it than the execution but there’s something promising in here especially within some of the imagery. Maybe I’ll try my hand at another one of these someday…
Summary: “read this with your eyes closed and daydream with me” (fav summary tho)
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 37/44
30Melody's Echo Chamber
Melody's Echo Chamber


Ok this is gonna sound strange and I’ve only told Blush this as he was editing my review but I wrote almost the entirety in my head while I was coming down after a shrooms trip. I was in my bed, though, and somehow remembered most of it the next morning and this is the product of that. The theme of this was basically me projecting my own trip experiences onto Melody and her album and I think it worked but it definitely reads a bit ~off~. I dislike that second sentence a lot now that I read it: strangely upsetting (hehe). I think this review gets a bit too caught up within its own theme and doesn’t spend enough time talking about the music but prose wise I do enjoy this review/style. Also the closing line/quote makes me smile and is a good lil message to end on.
Summary: “soft awakenings // personal reflections”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 42/44
31The Obsessives
Heck No, Nancy


This is fun lil wispy review that features a ton of introductory bs and not a lot of musical analysis. Although I really enjoy the informal, conversational tone of this piece I think I get a bit too focused on my theme rather than actually explaining how the music encapsulates this conceit. I do adore the last sentence in the 3rd paragraph though and the end feels like an ending of sorts that wraps things up decently well. If I were to re-write this I would probably spend more time on music description with another paragraph instead of writing it off as a well done emo album
Summary: “I keep waking up in pools of sweat with this feeling in the back of my head”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 35/44
32Ride
Weather Diaries


Funny enough, the only reason I wrote this review was because I said to myself “I write way too many 4+ reviews I should try a negative one” and I just so happened to listen to this album and dislike it enough to try my hand at it. I knew I did well when Blush said “this might be one of your best reviews” and looking at it now I kinda agree. Although my central argument is terrible and kinda dumb (basically I wanted a shoegaze album and I got a brit pop one, boo hoo), the writing itself is pretty great and clean. I love the theme here, imagining the life of a musician and making assumptions based off that imaginary life. Because of this, the review isn’t really supposed to be accurate more so than it is a critique based on personal expectations and preferences. So yeah maybe I should try more negative reviews haha
Summary: “can you tell I’m pleased?”
Score: 2.5/5
Review #: 32/44
33NovelT
The Odyssey


A very personal review and for good reason, this one I’m still especially proud of despite the obvious flaws. When my friend (NovelT) read this review he was legit blown away and was appreciative of it being featured, plus, I could tell he was sincere in his appreciation for my critiques and it shows in his output today. He also really loved the Brand New comparison when I showed him the song and how it sounded like his. For obvious reason, this review is already on the self-defense and Clov pointed it out right away when he edited this review. I agree with him, though, this review is meant more for NovelT than it is for everybody and even though it was successful in one sense, it definitely could’ve been better in the other. Weirdly enough, however, it reads a ton like a normal review if you strip away the bias as it’s one of my few recent reviews to actually go into everything about the album (production, lyrics, music, etc)
Summary: “morality and honesty”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 33/44
34Atalanta
Tainted


I really enjoy this review and at the time I considered it one of my best. Special shoutout to FearThyEvil for rec-ing this album to me because it fucking slays. As for the review, I definitely see where I was going with this one but a couple sentences are a bit awkward/clunky, particularly in the first paragraph. Like the Alter review, this is a great indication of my reviewing style right now and how I’m trying to improve on the 2-3 paragraph format. Overall, I think the structure makes sense and the thematic expression is pretty clear and interesting enough to be the main focus for this piece. I really love the last line I quote, it’s probably my favorite part of the review and I didn’t even write it haha. With that being said I love the way this looks visually but idk if that counts for anything.
Summary: “I find your lack…”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 29/44
35A Great Big Pile of Leaves
Have You Seen My Prefrontal Cortex?


Now THIS is a “fun” review done right (I’m looking at you Tigers Jaw…). It’s personal but definitely not overpowering and it’s carefree/lighthearted while still analytical and descriptive. I really adore how I utilized the lyrics to help describe this idea of what summer means to the band and I think it’s a perfect mixture of describing the lyrics and the music at the same time. I admittedly get a bit too redundant, however, as I take this theme of summer feelings a bit too literally but I appreciate the intent. The ending is a bit cliche and there are some weird grammatical errors but overall this is one of my favorite reviews I wrote as a user and it was my only 15th one!
Summary: “Gonna have some great fun while we can still be wild”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 15/44
36The Bright Light Social Hour
Space Is Still the Place


So funny story, when Jack and I were editing this review we legit spent like 30 minutes trying to come up with the last line hahah. I think it’s beautiful though (Jack came up with the proxy part if ya couldn’t tell) and I really like how it jumps tones and then closes on the original tone. This review is a bit melodramatic, however, but I think the more informal paragraphs ground the review in reality, so to speak. Only thing I would say is that this should’ve been a bit longer, I feel like a lot of the song descriptions are pretty surface level and I probably could’ve done more with that. Overall I love this review and it’s one of my favorites flow/prose wise.
Summary: “astrophotography”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 41/44
37Lowercase
Kill The Lights


I love to see my own laziness in my writing as I basically described one song in the first paragraph and said “yeah this is what they do on every song” lol which isn’t even true like I contradict my own point in the second paragraph. I really enjoy the banker/loan analogy though and this is probably one of my cleanest, most succinct reviews that I’ve written so I’m definitely proud of how it turned out. Fun story: for like months I promised Pjorn that if he ended up writing that Black Eyes review that I would review this album for him. We kept our promises (:
Summary: “lender’s guilt.”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 38/44
38Hovvdy
Taster


Ah yeah it’s extremely hard to look at these recent reviews with a removed viewpoint, especially this one. The concept behind this is admittedly pretty obvious once you see it (vv = start and end each paragraph with two different “v” words), although I think it was executed pretty decently. The descriptions I’m pretty proud of though, especially the ones for ‘Can’t Wait’ and ‘Try Hard’ as they describe the songs’ tone well. The opener as Zak pointed out is definitely a bit melodramatic, however, and I’ve definitely come up with better, more succinct closing lines. I have to admit I do love this review and I’m still proud of it.
Summary: “vv”
Score: 4/5
Review #: 44/44
39Alter
Pendulum


Before going into the review itself I just wanna say that I adore how this one looks, it’s very aesthetically pleasing haha. As for the content, I think the structure is very obvious by just looking at the review so the introduction seems a bit superfluous, especially with my very general description of shoegaze. However, it ties well into the conclusion and although the prose isn’t quite there yet I would say out of all my reviews this is pretty indicative of what type of reviews I’m attempting to write today. Although I kinda bs’d the whole fear, realization, and dread theme, when I listen to this EP it matches surprisingly well tone wise and there’s a reason I was able to find lyrics that matched so well with the themes. Also the band shared my review on their facebook and talked to me about it over messenger so that’s super awesome.
Summary: “Mastered tonality.”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 28/44
40Q and Not U
Power


First review as contrib and this was for Fripp’s list of getting a random album to listen to/review which was very fun! This is another example of an anti-introduction as I begin talking about appreciating a well put together album when this album is anything but that. For the review itself I really, really like this one although there are a couple nitpicky things I noticed. It’s concise and full of personality (as Asleep and Blush both said) and funny enough the review made me want to re-listen to the highlights when I re-read it just now. Even though it’s a 3 review, it somehow makes me want to listen to the entire thing and that’s something that I need to do more often in my reviews. This one feels like it’s focusing on advertising and explaining the highs and lows of the album FOR the reader, and some of my more recent reviews seem to be more for developing my own prose. Didn’t ever consider this one of my best reviews until now.
Summary: “A revealing mess."
Score: 3/5
#24
41Tyler, the Creator
Flower Boy


I think Ash’s comment about how this review doesn’t read like I wrote it says a lot about this review as I mostly agree with him. On one hand, the review reads pretty professionally, I think, for a more personal exploration. Also, it’s a review based on contextual analysis rather than looking at the album microscopically. I think the rhetorical questions to begin each paragraph is a nice touch but admittedly cliche and a bit forced near the end (especially the third paragraph) but I like how the technique wraps things up. Also this review my friends irl read and talked to me about mostly because the entire first paragraph was based on a conversation I had with some buds before this album dropped. It’s a bit of a vanilla review but I still enjoy its cleanliness and how it reads as it states my opinions and I think a lot of people’s thoughts pretty well. Also might be my only feature/best new music review combo so yay.
Summary: “I grow alone.”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 36/44
42Pretend
Circular Ræsoning


I think I really struck a nice balance between brevity and descriptiveness with this one as it’s skirts the line between song descriptions, thematic exploration, and short analogies all in two paragraphs. This is a review I am really proud of for an album that is one of my favorites for this year. As with a lot of my reviews, it lacks in depth lyrical analysis but I think this is a good example of a review not needing a checklist. If there’s one issue with this review it’s that the vocabulary I use is very repetitive, not within the review but rather in general (I use the words “bubbly” and “twinkly” way too often haha).
Summary: “can we be kids again?”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 34/44
43Cloakroom
Time Well


I remember writing the first paragraph and thinking “holy shit this is the best thing I’ve ever written” haha. Reading it again now and it’s just shy but I still enjoy the tone of this review, definitely matches up well with the album’s feeling which is something I’ve been trying to do as of recently. The descriptions are some of my better ones as well, I think, and the whole thing reads very cleanly. It says a lot in two paragraphs and even though the overarching theme isn’t the strongest I don’t mind a more description-based review. Other than a couple word choices, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this review (pls tell me if I’m wrong haha) and I adore the parallel between the opening and closing lines. Also was the last review of mine to get featured!
Summary: “rubbed eyes after the awakening”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 43/44
44Old Gray
Slow Burn


I’ll just say it now, this is my favorite review that I’ve ever written, despite whatever flaws or melodramatics it may contain. I say this because when I read it I can almost feel exactly how I was feeling at the time I wrote it, and although that might just be personal association I think it also speaks volumes about how well it describes those feelings. And somehow I was able to filter those exact feeling and project them onto the album, and it works because there’s definitely a ton of similarities between the emotions and the album’s tone. Sure the little one sentence breaks might be annoying or pretentious or whatever you want to call them but this is a fantastic time capsule of sorts and I wouldn’t change anything about this review. Glad this was featured because I’m convinced that it’s the only reason I was even considered for contrib haha.
Summary: “put down the knife.”
Score: 4.5/5
Review #: 20/44
45Conman
Demo


FAV LISTS!
Just a few of my favorite lists I've put together idk not ranked
46Cheerleader (USA)
The Sunshine of Your Youth


http://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=1052092&listid=168496
"If Instagram Filters Were Songs"
Hell yes to describing songs with colors and this is a weird, basic bitch way to do that I guess.
47Can
Tago Mago


http://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=1052092&listid=175297
"con's psychedelic adventure"
What a journey, still isn't complete but this was so fucking fun.
48Car Seat Headrest
Teens of Denial


http://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=1052092&listid=172267
"2Con16"
End of year list that I put way way way too much effort into, kinda like this one haha!!!
49Third Eye Blind
Third Eye Blind


http://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=1052092&listid=168897
"Con's 500 Ratings/50 Lists/Best Friends"
Was really fun to make, and the vibes in the comments make me so happy that sometimes I just read thru em to cheer myself up (is that weird??)
50White Noise of Anxiety
Awkward Silence


http://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=1052092&listid=163160
"Need help with band name"
This is fucking hilarious and classic shit. I felt famous due to all the comments at the time hahah
51Conman
Demo


STATS!
Just some fun lil stats up until this point
52Charts and Maps
Dead Horse


Emo: 25%
Indie Rock: 22%
Alternative Rock: 19%
Psychedelic: 11%
Hip Hop: 8%
Shoegaze: 7%
Punk: 6%
Electronic: 6%
53Charting The Depths Of Despair
Charting The Depths Of Despair


Reviews 44
Soundoffs 27
News Articles 2
Lists 81
Band Edits + Tags 112
Album Edits 109
Album Ratings 1000
Objectivity 70%
Review Comments 18,316
Joined 08-06-14 (Over 3 years!)
54Statistics
Often Lie


Average Rating: 3.58
Rating Variance: 0.36
Objectivity Score: 70%
(Fairly Balanced)
55Conman
Demo


THANK YOUS
Ok this isn't like indicative of who my "best friends" are or who I like more or whatever, this is just a shoutout to a few people that have really helped me recently. I love you all and listing all the people that I appreciate would take forever, so please don't get mad if you're not on here.
56Blushing
Tether


Blush - thank you for always reading my reviews, always giving me amazing criticism and always encouraging me to be a better person. I love you man you're the realest, kindest person on here and I say that with as much sincerity as I can over the internet. Keep writing, keep supporting others, and keep doing you because it's beatiful.
57Mainland Divide
Mainland Divide


LandDiving (Jack) - thank you for inspiring me as a writer. I've never felt more encouraged to write ever since you started absolutely embarrassing everyone out here with your 58 amazing reviews and in such a short period of time. You are my biggest inspiration as a writer, I appreciate you and everything you do on here. Thanks for making sput great again (;
58Asleep On the Wheel
Still the King


AsleepIntheBack - thank you for being my amazing friend on here and actually doing that 1k list with me. You're always so kind and I feel like we get along the best. You're one of the main reasons I decided to keep writing so thank you for that as well, wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.
59LOL Boys
Changes


ok this is getting too long winded so I'll just say thanks to Unique for the recs, butcher for the smokes, neeka for the judging, kyle for the edits, boney for the reality checks, sounds for the laughs, ian for the memes, sowing/johnny/arcade/atari/rowan for the inspirations, deadly for the job, spaceman for the vibes, and anyone else who has helped with my journey thusfar on sput, there's too many to list.
60Conman
Demo


MY 5s RANKED
And lastly, here are my favorite 14 albums ranked. Might add descriptions later, who knows, who cares there's already too many words on this damn thing.
61Third Eye Blind
Third Eye Blind


#1
62Marietta
Summer Death


#2
63Childish Gambino
Because the Internet


#3
64The Hotelier
Home, Like NoPlace Is There


#4
65Snowing
Fuck Your Emotional Bullshit


#5
66Tame Impala
Lonerism


#6
67Silversun Pickups
Carnavas


#7
68Frank Ocean
channel ORANGE


#8
69Tame Impala
Currents


#9
70A Great Big Pile of Leaves
Have You Seen My Prefrontal Cortex?


#10
71Q and Not U
No Kill No Beep Beep


#11
72Baths
Cerulean


#12
73Mount Eerie
A Crow Looked At Me


#13
74Julien Baker
Sprained Ankle


#14
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