hobblepot
hobblepot
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Last Active 05-13-22 10:08 am
Joined 07-22-14

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08.29.23 Selling all my DGD vinyl08.01.22 Chevelle Ranked
04.01.19 I Saw Panic! At the Disco Live…12.25.18 The Reviews that Weren't
06.09.17 My Suicide Attempt

My Suicide Attempt

Talking about things makes them clearer in my head. Not looking for sympathy, what I did was selfish and stupid, but I want you all to at least understand what's happened, and for those going through something similar, just know death is not the only way out.
1Volumes
Different Animals


About 4 weeks ago, me and my girlfriend of 11 months broke up. Our relationship was the best thing to happen to me, at least for a while. Towards the end the arguments became more than little tiffs, we sometimes spent entire days in silence, fearing that talking would spark another fight. I was working so hard to fix things, I loved this girl so much, we'd been through so much I couldn't envision life without her. When we broke up, it didn't quite hit me, until I got home. Then I broke down, and I ran back to her, begged her to reconsider. We both cried, and agreed it was more of a break just to let things cool down. I was on the mend, I started to feel like being friends was fixing things, and we grew closer again, and the arguments stopped. I was happy, I had made plans for our 1 year anniversary (soppy I know, but I felt like a gesture would affirm our relationship)
2Architects
All Our Gods Have Abandoned Us


but then she started seeing me less, started drinking and smoking again, rumours going around our little town that she had been sleeping with someone. After we broke up, she'd promised me she wouldn't be like all the others and move on in a split second. So I asked her if there was someone new, and the first few times I asked she said no. Then eventually she admitted she'd been talking to someone about getting together. It hit me really hard, I was inconsolable, I blacked out and when I came too, my friends were at my house and I'd cut my arms pretty bad. This was not the suicide attempt, this was self-harm, something I did when I was younger to take my mind off the pain in my head. I spent the day with my friends, I felt good. I felt like I could move on. Eventually my friends deemed me safe to be alone, and went home
3Death Grips
Bottomless Pit


Walking home from my friend's house, something happened to me. It's like I lost control of my own body, I was still sat in the driver's seat but someone else had the wheel. I got to my house, grabbed the sharpest knife I could and as many pills as I could, and went to a secluded location. Even in this dreamlike state, I was able to calculate that once I had OD'd and slashed my wrists, I would be too far from civilization for the emergency services to get to me in time. Not to mention, they wouldn't be alerted, as I had told no one of "my" intentions. I didn't so much slash my wrist as I did cut it deep and root around for the artery. Blood was everywhere, luckily I missed the artery and somehow didn't damage any tendons. This was when I came to my senses, I immediately collapsed, and started crying. I was so weak and slow, my arm was tingling, my vision was blurry, and I was hearing things that were not there
4Crown the Empire
Retrograde


I called a close friend of mine, told her what I'd done, and she dropped everything to come and help me. I didn't alert the authorities for fear of being sectioned or arrested. We cleaned the wound, which had now clotted, and was heavily discoloured. She tore up a shirt and wrapped it around my wrist, and we walked and talked about what had happened. I felt so bizarre, having just done something like that, and yet, I was walking around my town as if nothing had happened. I informed my parents, whom have gotten me professional help, my wound is healing incredibly quickly, but it will leave a terrible scar, and I have lost some feeling in my hand. I feel much better now, I hate myself for what I did, but at the same time, it doesn't seem like it was I who did it. For any of you who have gone through something like this, something worse, or are going through something right now, suicide is not the answer. Call a friend, call your mum, call your doctor
5Deftones
White Pony


There are other ways out of that black hole, ways that won't destroy the lives of those closest to you. I know it's hard, but telling someone how you feel is the first step. I know a lot of you are probably thinking I'm pathetic for doing something so drastic over something like a breakup, but please understand I did everything I could to help this girl with her demons, and she gets with someone new a matter of weeks after leaving me. It made me feel like I meant nothing. I have aspergers, and often people with autism feel emotions like this in a much heavier way, inducing a state of panic, a panic where I lost control of my mind. So please, if you're going through some shit, tell somebody, tell anybody, do anything but what I did. Death is not the answer to your problems, it's the start of your loved ones' problems.
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