Detective Ars

Reviews 35
Approval 91%

Soundoffs 97
News Articles 14
Band Edits + Tags 1,630
Album Edits 183

Album Ratings 1002
Objectivity 75%

Last Active 01-19-22 1:02 am
Joined 08-22-13

Forum Posts 179
Review Comments 35,912

01.14.22 🐍 Which Album Hisses Better? 🐍12.25.21 Secret Santa Albums 2021
12.24.21 Userbase: did you vote yet?12.04.21 I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat
12.01.21 Song of the Day: December 2021 11.16.21 All of my Soul/Funk/R&B 5s and 4.5s Exc
10.29.21 Reefa Inspired: Ars Top 25 Zappa10.14.21 Ryus Made Me Hear These and Wanted a Li
10.03.21 Umbrella 2021 Results: Closing a Third 09.26.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 12: 11 Umbr
09.19.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 11: The Umb09.12.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 10: Breezy
09.05.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 9: Routine 09.04.21 Ars Choice Beach Boys Cuts 1966-1971
08.29.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 8: Prop Umb08.22.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 7: Handmade
08.15.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 6: Stage Um08.08.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 5: Mute Umb
More »

Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 9: Routine Umbrella

2 more out and only 9 left!
1The Prodigy
The Fat of the Land

1.Link a song via YouTube, Spotify, Soundcloud, Bandcamp, DailyMotion, Vimeo... or whatever you like as long as I don't have to download something.

2. The theme this round is Dance. Music that's easy and fun to freestyle dance to, or music that requires a specific kind of dance. Moshing and awkwardly shuffling do not count as dancing. House, techno, waltzes, meringue. I'm scoring these based on how fun I find them to dance to.

3. Aim to impress me with what you pick, since I'm rating these.

4. If I know the song already, I'll tell you to pick something new, otherwise, you're good.

5. I'm going to start each new round every Sunday night (EST,) so if you're late, you're out. My 1-2 least favorite recs will be eliminated each round (1 if we don't get a lot of people and 2 if we do.)

***The winner of the competition can recommend me whatever 2 albums they want and I'll listen to them no matter the album as long as it's not impossible to find and as long as neither exceeds 3 hours.***
2Tropical Fuck Storm
Deep States

“Reporting of a Failed Campaign”

I feel like I'm in a submarine with these sounds. Weird modern production. I don’t know what to make of the rock elements, they’re very clean and for some reason doesn’t stand out at all. So it’s about some rich dude taking advantage of people, getting caught, and then murder suiciding himself and some reporters. I think I get it, but I personally didn’t laugh during this, which is fine because I care more about this as a song musically even more score-wise. But as a song it wasn’t for me either.

3Randy Newman
Bad Love

“The Great Nations of Europe”

Intro strings are always a good sign and oh yeah it’s Randy Newman haha. Oh damn it’s about imperialism. Haha, okay I’m gigging at this one. Balboa slaughtering gay Indians? Wait, that's historically accurate? What? As much as his voice is weird, it’s so confident and the piano and drums really sell this as an educational tale worth hearing, even though it’s clearly poking fun.

4/5 (Passed to next round)
4Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

Dana Lyons
“Cows with Guns”

Is this one of those viral YouTube songs? Oh damn is this gonna be a country ballad? Animal Farm, but for a modern era? “Bad cow pun” okay this isn’t subtle, good, I don’t want subtle. The backing music is boring guitar, and just as I say that the trumpets come in okay. “Much cow dung” made me laugh. Oh no, not the chickens! I was entertained, but I don’t think the musical aspects were too great, so most of your score is from the engaging lyrics.

3.5/5 (Passed to next round)
5Black Randy and the Metrosquad
Pass The Dust, I Think I'm Bowie

“I Slept In an Arcade”

Cool drums and guitar, and oh it’s the surf rock keys. Ah classic 80s punk, right? Did this dude sleep in an arcade? He’s gonna arrest a hooking dog? What? Wait, is he at a whorehouse or an arcade? Fun song regardless.

3.9/5 (Passed to next round)
6Weird Al Yankovic
Poodle Hat

“Genius In France”

Oh god Weird Al doing Frank Zappa, but with slap bass. He’s got the mallet percussion Zappa’s known for. I will say this: the way he can progress through various sections is true to who he is parodying. And now he’s doing Zappa’s do-wop stuff. You have to admire how thorough this parody is, like Weird Al is clearly a huge Zappa fan. Though it mostly seems like Apostrophe and Over-Nite Sensation-era Zappa. He even has the Tina Turner impersonator (whom Zappa worked with on Over-Nite.) So I have a little problem with this: while it’s a very thorough parody, it’s at the expense of feeling like a well written song… which means at the 6 minute mark it's becoming a taxing listen. Oh my god he said “great googly moogly” the exact way Zappa does on “Nanook Rubs It.” “Cosmik Debris”, “St. Alphonzo’s Pancake Breakfast”, “I’m the Slime”, “Dirty Love”... it’s weird being able to pick out the songs he’s directly parodying. I’m mixed on this.

3.3/5 (Passed to next round)
7The Dead Milkmen

“Punk Rock Girl”

Great guitar and bass .This is cute lyrically. Beach Boys, “California Dreaming”? Haha this is silly as hell, but also weirdly reminds me of They Might Be Giants. Goofing on punks never was so adorable. I like it a lot!

4.5/5 ​(Passed to next round)
8Nina Simone
Nina Simone in Concert

“Go Limp”

A cute piano piece. Oh, so it’s about a mother not wanting her daughter to fight for her rights because it might lead to her having sex. That’s goofy as fuck, I like it. And then the daughter does it anyway and it leads to having sex. Funny, feminist, pro-black rights, and most importantly charming. The way the double bass player made the audience laugh with only his instrumental is impressive.

4.7/5 (+.5 for winning last round) = 5.2/5 (ROUND WINNER! handicap (for others) of +0.5 for the next round)
9Bloodhound Gang
Hooray For Boobies


Welp this is cringy from the get go and sampling 80s pop. This is very annoying vocally and maybe also musically. Now it reminds me of nu-metal, but in a bland kinda way. A sample of the chorus of “Relax” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood is the chorus? Pac-Man is high on crack? This is trying too hard. The sample of Homer Simpson saying “holy macaroni” over and over is awful. Also, why dedicate a song to the deceased Falco and sample Frankie instead? I liked nothing about this song, but I guess it didn’t give me a headache.

10Modest Mouse
The Lonesome Crowded West

“Jesus Christ Was an Only Child”

Folky guitar and fiddle. Weird backing vocals, but I like them. God should’ve killed Jesus earlier? What sacrilege! I don’t dislike this, but it doesn’t really stand out. Though that fiddle solo helps. Oh crap it’s getting faster.

3.4/5 (Passed to next round)
11Nanowar of Steel
Stairway to Valhalla

"Norwegian Reggaeton"

Spanish guitar and a fake latin accent, okay. Well this is metal reggaeton alright. A genre I don’t like parodying another genre I don’t like. Okay, singing about Varg in Spanish is funny, I admit. “Con Fenriz y Darkthrone - Norwegian Reggaeton!” Honestly good concept, and good execution, I just wished I liked either of these styles of music also WHAT a “Zombie” by the Cranberries melody/parody? That’s random as hell. I can’t hate this, it succeeds too well at what it’s going for, but do I like it? Nah.

3/5 (Passed to next round)
12Men's Recovery Project
The Very Best of Mens Recovery Project

“Sexual Pervert”

Weird bass and guitar, and cool vocals. I like the “melody.” The lyrics are weird as shit. “Graduated from his private parts.” It’s funny and groovy, and makes me feel like a weirdo for liking it. Damn you!

4.5/5 (Passed to next round)
Show/Add Comments (41)


Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Site Copyright 2005-2019
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy