Detective Ars

Reviews 35
Approval 91%

Soundoffs 97
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Album Edits 183

Album Ratings 1002
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Last Active 01-19-22 1:02 am
Joined 08-22-13

Forum Posts 179
Review Comments 35,912

01.14.22 🐍 Which Album Hisses Better? 🐍12.25.21 Secret Santa Albums 2021
12.24.21 Userbase: did you vote yet?12.04.21 I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat
12.01.21 Song of the Day: December 2021 11.16.21 All of my Soul/Funk/R&B 5s and 4.5s Exc
10.29.21 Reefa Inspired: Ars Top 25 Zappa10.14.21 Ryus Made Me Hear These and Wanted a Li
10.03.21 Umbrella 2021 Results: Closing a Third 09.26.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 12: 11 Umbr
09.19.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 11: The Umb09.12.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 10: Breezy
09.05.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 9: Routine 09.04.21 Ars Choice Beach Boys Cuts 1966-1971
08.29.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 8: Prop Umb08.22.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 7: Handmade
08.15.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 6: Stage Um08.08.21 Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 5: Mute Umb
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Umbrella Contest 2021 Round 5: Mute Umbrella

2 are out and 19 are in. Lord(e)Po)))ts is also eliminated because he forgot to submit.
1Miles Davis
Kind of Blue

1.Link a song via YouTube, Spotify, Soundcloud, Bandcamp, DailyMotion, Vimeo... or whatever you like as long as I don't have to download something.

2. The theme this round is Instrumentals. You can even have vocalizations/vocals as long as there are no lyrics/words in the song. NOT A SINGLE WORD. Don't test me on this.

3. Aim to impress me with what you pick, since I'm rating these.

4. If I know the song already, I'll tell you to pick something new, otherwise, you're good.

5. I'm going to start each new round every Sunday night (EST,) so if you're late, you're out. My 1-2 least favorite recs will be eliminated each round (1 if we don't get a lot of people and 2 if we do.)

***The winner of the competition can recommend me whatever 2 albums they want and I'll listen to them no matter the album as long as it's not impossible to find and as long as neither exceeds 3 hours.***
2Augie March
Moo, You Bloody Choir

“One Crowded Hour”

Raspy vocals and floaty guitar. This is romantic and soulful. Nice pickup, not too frantic, and makes it even more slow dancy actually. I don’t love this song, but I can appreciate how it does a build up and feels epic while still capturing the vibe of a ballad. Good song, but not great song.

3.5/5 (Passed to next round)
3The Isley Brothers

“Highways of My Life”

Pleasant piano and some floaty synths. Soul rules and the alien synths give it a weird creepy vibe. Ooh those backup vocals are neat. There are a lot of harmonies going on here. I like it!

3.7/5 (Passed to next round)
4Natalia Lafourcade

“Soledad y El Mar”

Casual guitar playing in a house intro, hmmm. She has a pretty voice. What’s the percussion thing the guy is doing? Simple and decent, but not too interesting.

3.3/5 (Passed to next round)
5Antonio Carlos Jobim
The Wonderful World of Antônio Carlos Jobim

“A Felicidade”

Bossa nova! Who doesn’t like some bossa, right? Wasn’t expecting those strings, ooh. Johnny once called me a weeb for Brazilian music and y’know I don’t agree, but I could be if given the time. Short and sweet, but it gets plenty across.

4.1/5 (Passed to next round)
6Cigarettes After Sex

“Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby”

Going into this only really knowing their song “K.” Good bass and drums so far and yup there’s that smoker’s voice. While I don’t love the vocals, I appreciate the instrumentation. Not much else to say since it’s a simple song.

3.6/5 (Passed to next round)

“Love of a Lifetime”

This is so 80s sounding despite being from a band who didn’t debut until 1990. The instrumentation beyond the guitar is pretty boring. Oh GOD IT'S A GLAM METAL POWER BALLAD. At least this isn’t the kind of glam metal where the vocalist sounds like they’re jizzing too hard. This hit #5? While I’m not surprised, I swear I’ve never heard this before. It’s very cheesy and generic. Oh no, now he’s jizzing his pants. I’m sorry, but glam metal isn’t for me.

Present Tense

“Your Very Eyes”

Very light vocals and light acoustic. Sounds pretty 60s for a song from 1979. It’s very inoffensive, but it also lacks personality. That electric solo is unexpected, but not exactly interesting either.

3/5 (Passed to next round)
9T. Rex
Electric Warrior

“Cosmic Dancer”

Seeing as I adore “Jeepster” and don’t really care for “Get It On”, this should be interesting. Nice percussion, and strings are always nice. Vocals are whatever so far. Show-offy cello is cool. This seems like a case of great backing production decisions building up a very okay rock song. Seriously, the strings are carrying this thing completely. The backmasking is cool, and images of dancing newborns -how cosmic. A little more emotion from the vocalist would’ve worked wonders for this, but it’s overall passable.

3.2/5 (Passed to next round)
Kicking Television: Live in Chicago

“One by One”

I already love Wilco, so this should be cheating, but it isn’t because I don’t know this song. Tweedy is very mumbly on this. The guitar is the only instrument really grabbing me -it’s countrified and pleasant. The drums, bass, and piano are kinda just there. Good pickup though.

3.2/5 (Passed to next round)
11The National

“Slow Show”

Jarring rattling background, pleasant acoustic, and warm vocals. Weird mix. Now that it’s settled into itself, I gotta say, this is very boring. The “epic” drums and the simple piano are just so whatever. This song belongs in an *inspirational* commercial.

2.7/5 (Passed to next round)
12Larry Heard
Love's Arrival

“Missing You”

Jittery percussion and weird swelling sounds, so far not very ballady. I can’t slow dance to this at all. I can regular dance to it, I mean it’s a house song of course, but the drums are saying “feel the rhythm and move” not “hold your partner slowly.” I liked this one more than the others you’ve picked. Hell, it’s close enough, but please try to adhere to the theme closer next round because I’m gonna be super strict!

3.3/5 (Passed to the next round)
13Nat King Cole
Love Is The Thing


Ooh, is that harp? This is pretty. His voice is like a warm loaf of bread fresh from the oven. It’s basic for an old pop ballad, but basic doesn’t mean bad. Class act.

3.6/5 (Passed to next round)
14Sharon Van Etten
Are We There


Pleasant vocals. Sax and organ give it some personality. Her voice is okay, but not really grabbing me. This is not really doing it for me. A little on the boring side, but not bad per se.

2.9/5 (Passed to next round)
15Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

Gino Paoli - Senza Fine
“Senza Fine”

I like the violin and the vocalist sounds confident. Leave it to the Italians to make a romance sound extra special. The bass and drums aren’t doing much, but the violin is working overtime, so it’s okay. The way the violin keeps fluttering down flashily is a rush of passion. If everything else about this was as good, this would get a perfect score.

3.8/5 (Passed to next round)
16Bill Evans
From Left to Right

“What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?”

It seems like jazz ballads were the smartest choice this round because I’m only 45 seconds in and the keys and bass have me sold already. Wait, are there no vocals? Do ballads need vocals? According to my personal rules for this round, I guess not. Pretty, somber, and emotional instrumentation. (It neither wins the round, nor has a low enough score to be eliminated, so I guess whether it follows the theme or not doesn’t matter anyway.)

4/5 (Passed to next round)
17Big Star
#1 Record


Cutesy folk so far. Weird backups for a second. This is cool though, I like how it’s progressing. Simple, sentimental, and overall great.

3.9/5 (Passed to next round)

“The Misery Show (Act 2)”

Power chords! Reminds me of Ozzy a bit. The pickup is very much not for me. His voice is okay during the verses, but damn that chorus is just no. Oh weird, a metally solo section. Man, this song is still going on, isn’t it? I’m imagining two metalheads dancing at their wedding to this song. It’s a sweet thought, even if I can’t relate.

2.5/5 (Passed to next round)
19Laura Nyro
Eli and The 13th Confession

“Stoned Soul Picnic”

Great piano and violin. Staccato! This might be better than the 5th Dimension Version. And then she adds some flutes. She’s keeping this interesting. The tempo pickups kinda make this less ballady, but the majority fits and I’m trying to be a little less nitpicky than I was last year. Fun song regardless!

3.9/5 (Passed to next round)
20Mark Lanegan

“Come to Me”

Nice bass, and ooh is this going to be a duo? I like bluesy elements and the fuzzy guitar wisps. Wait, holy crap that’s PJ Harvey isn’t it? You sneaky bastard. She’s a bit restrained on this song, but I guess that’s based on Mark Lanegan’s direction. Very good song regardless. I would happily slow dance to this.

4.3.5 (ROUND WINNER! handicap (for others) of +0.5 for the next round)
The Crimson Idol

“The Idol”

That’s a mellow metal acoustic intro if I ever heard one. This one actually made me laugh. I know I called the other glam metal pick cheesy, but this is on another level. That emotional shreddy guitar solo is so lame and generic. This song is so serious too. Who let glam metal stay a thing in the 90s? Banish that shit back to the 80s where it belongs.

22Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

Cosmic Jared
"Ars Swoons Interdimensionally to the Rhythm of This Post-rock Ballad (what is a ballad)” (feat. JohnnyoftheWell)

Romantic acoustic and electric with some simple drums. Are you going to compile these into an EP because that’d be hilarious. This song is very average.

2.5/5 (Passed to next round)
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