Vercetti: I hate my depression

Divaman 10.10.22	Sorry to hear it Vercetti. Sending positive vibes your way.
notagenius 10.10.22	I had major depressive symptoms when I was physically ill. Subsequently I treated the base illness and when it got better I got rid of the depression.
Egarran 10.10.22	>don't rush yourself til your best self comes back around Nice. You're a great guy Vercetti. We see that.
anode 10.10.22	Dang very nice and inspired words johnny. I second that. Wish you the best vercetti and feel free to let it out if you wanna talk about it I’d be happy to
kildare 10.10.22	Like Divaman, I'm sorry to hear it. Thank Fate, or God, or The Gods, or The Ultimate Reality, or just sheer luck, or who or whatever, that we have music to help us pull through. The world really is changing VERY fast. But the albums you listed are forever!
notagenius 10.10.22	Please forgive me if I talk a lot. I was frantically pestered by a friend earlier this year and threatened with murder. What was even scarier were the innocent bystanders ("friends") when I asked for help. My life has never been so broken. I have been on my own away from home for years and I have experienced absolutely severe PTSD afterwards. At that time I lost interest in everything. Only music still interested me. I was somehow irrational and suicidal, I remember Kendrick Lamar had just released Mr. Morale. one morning I was on sput and saw that Get Low had written a review of Blxst and that album really settled me down. I had two weeks to lock myself in the most enclosed little space (the kitchen of my flat). Just listened to blxst all the time and communicated only with stuffed animals. These were the only things that make me feel safe. That's how it went for 2 weeks, I hated everyone! during which I spoke to one psychologist. But I think the help is limited and I can only save myself. After that I started the healing programme: - One month just eating, sleeping, listening to music. literally nothing else. work is seriously behind schedule, but I realized that there was no way around it. luckily that month I was able to see MCR, Counterparts and other bands that I really like. For the first time in my life, I said EMO cliche line like "MCR saved my life". I never ever been that emotionally invested in music in the past. They did save my life (Which leads to why I've been madly defending Counterparts these past few days) - Two months reading psychology books, also looking back at the whole event to understand the psychology of others (extreme painful process, tearing myself apart. I was like a werewolf full of hate and destructive. During reading, I started to become stable and gentle. ) - another 2 months I forced the people involved to apologize or removed them from my life or arranged revenges. (an eye for an eye, otherwise I have no real peace) - In the end I made a list of people I trusted, who could make me feel good, and I hang out with them a lot. I can say quite responsibly that I have regained myself. Even I am still in a state of mind of taking up arms and refusal to trust others, I've been able to enjoy life and work quite normally. To an outsider, it looks like I wasted a lot of time doing nothing, but I know for myself that I wasn't. These 5 months of recovery time were extremely lonely and difficult. From the beginning to the end, all alone. However it was done.
Kusangii 10.10.22	I feel you bro. Depression is literally the devil that ruins lives. Been stuck for 10 years and don't know what to do. Your second sentence hits so hard and is so relatable.
heck 10.10.22	go to therapy
notagenius 10.10.22	PTSD's not the same as depression, but I'd say that although the world keeps saying "get some help", I prefer to "save myself" in this terrible situation. Because at the time, when I looked around, I couldn't see anything. I was sure I was all alone. Any other form of outside help is limited.
notagenius 10.10.22	Usually a therapist is of absolute help. I was rejecting therapists on the grounds that I didn't trust anyone and that I thought reading textbooks on my own would be more effective than chatting for an hour at a time. So when you go for help from a therapist, I highly recommend self-study psychology textbooks. They are more systematic and not difficult. (During the reading process, many problems also slowly get better due to the concentration is gained.) I actually think psychologists should encourage their patients to learn and understand psychology. (But often they don't do that. They just make a diagnosis and don't teach others to really understand their own psychology.)
Scornfyre 10.10.22	Vercetti I cannot put into words how much I resonate with what you said. My own life being at a standstill while everything else keeps moving is exactly how I describe it. Also, heck "go to therapy" isn't good advice. All of us want to go to therapy. Everyone already knows this. It's kinda common sense to want to see a therapist to get better. However, there are a lot of barriers to overcome when looking for one. You have to find one that is covered by insurance within a certain distance from you. Cause otherwise it'll cost $$$$$$$$, which most people don't have. Then, on top of that, you need to find one that specializes in what your struggling with. Otherwise, they will be of little help. And then, finally, you usually have to try like 4-5 therapists before you find one that clicks. This whole process takes MONTHS at least. And doing that, while also feeling like your life is a pit of emptiness, is extremely difficult to say the least.
combustion07 10.10.22	I feel what you said in the description big time man. Keep your head up and possibly ponder some of the suggestions made. I've definitely had my struggles with depression throughout my life also. Hope things start to look up soon
ConcubinaryCode 10.11.22	That's crazy to hear you mention MCR genius, I saw them in Denver last week and it was a cathartic feeling being able to see a bunch of people congregate and sing all their songs even though I haven't listened to them in years. I feel things like that just break that cycle of depressed monotony and gives you your emotions back, the ones other than self hatred and self loathing. You truly gotta go out of your way to break that cycle that comforts you with that drip feed of shitty dopamine and push yourself above your feelings. A lot of days it's hard to do that but the days when you can feel great.
notagenius 10.11.22	>ConcubinaryCode Although I hate to admit it, I was experiencing Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It started with that I was nearly killed by a passive-aggressive and borderline personality lunatic just because I didn't want to date him. I was not depressed, not on any medication either. the indifferent behaviour of the people around me hurt me even more. After I read those psychological books I was half at peace. After I got back at those who hurt me, I was completely at peace. My situation at the time was one of extreme helplessness and lack of understanding. People kept asking me why I couldn't be functional. some even blamed me instead. I think it is similar to depression at this point. I didn't have a therapist and climbed out of the abyss on my own. very very hard but doable.
Slex 10.11.22	Vercetti you are not alone in the slightest bud, really hope it gets better soon
ConcubinaryCode 10.11.22	That's insane to hear genius, it's great to hear you made it past that cuz so many don't. You need some form of support system and when you don't it can have this cascading effect where you're just in free fall. I remember my lowest point where I was drunk and got so mad at feeling like it didn't matter so I slit my throat. It was in front of my friends too, it was fucked up for me to do so I know how stuff like that pushes people away which only amplifies your depressive state. It's said depression is anger just turned inward and anger is an isolating emotion, it's so sinister. Sorry to hear you went through all that, I remember talking with one of my bros about trauma and how sometimes it feels like just living is traumatic by itself. Fwiw I'm here if you need someone to talk to and I extend that to anyone else here.
Vercetti 10.11.22	Thanks for all the kind words, guys! "go to therapy" I was in therapy. Based on my own experience, therapists or psychologists don't really help that much, but I will be going to group meetings soon (hopefully at the end of this month).
notagenius 10.11.22	Improving my concentration has helped me a lot. Just by focusing on anything. It might be only half an hour at the beginning, after training this time gets longer and longer.
notagenius 10.11.22	>ConcubinaryCode thanks bro
Trebor. 10.11.22	If you haven't responded to conventional treatment you should look into ketamine trials
Egarran 10.11.22	Sounds like very professional advice
Shemson 10.11.22	I’m not an expert but I’m a much bigger fan of Johnny’s advice than doing random drugs When I need to get my head from underwater I listen to a new album every day until I find something that grips me and drags me out I think this year that was The Callous Daoboys
notagenius 10.11.22	I was wary of saying this before because Western medicine is very fond of pills. I have read a number of academic papers and some do point out that the side effects and fatalities of medications are underestimated. this year there were even one huge paper stating that the Serotonin theory doesn't even necessarily hold water. At least my advocacy is to not take medication. Music helps me to focus, and improved focus gets me excited calmly enough.
notagenius 10.11.22	"lmao, you act like I’m not informed 😂" yes. you are not necessarily informed. I'll give you that paper https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-022-01661-0 The premise is that the serotonin theory is the backbones of many of the depression drugs that are already available, and the paper points out that this theory is not necessarily valid from the ground up.
Ecnalzen 10.11.22	I tried to handle mine by myself for years but it just seemed to get worse as I got older no matter what I did, so my wife finally convinced me to try being medicated I'm on off brand prozac and it works pre well for me. I know everyone reacts diff to stuff but you don't now unless you try it, I guess. Sometimes there's side effects at the beginning that actually go away after some time (I had trouble sleeping at first but it went away within the first month or so) so it can be a little bit of a crap shoot, unfortunately Also, I had to fuck with how much I took on a daily basis, too. I tried several different doses over time (started low and gradually moved up) before I landed on one I found to be most effective with little to no side effects and made everything much more manageable. It can be a little scary at first and it takes time to find what works for you, but I am a much more functional person now than I was before I started down this road
Ecnalzen 10.11.22	Actually, I like that better. Screw what I said
Ecnalzen 10.11.22	lol, I have some friends that partake and they like to share when I hang out with them so that's really the only time I ever do it It's be rude to say no
Vercetti 10.12.22	@genius: Working on my concentration skills sounds like a good advice. Thank you, I'll try it. I think some comments in this thread have been deleted (not by me)
garas 10.12.22	> Based on my own experience, therapists or psychologists don't really help that much, but I will be going to group meetings soon (hopefully at the end of this month). Sorry to hear that bud, I sincerely hope the group meetings will work for you. But maybe you could give one more chance to psychologists! It's a long process and to see the results: it might take some time. Also the usual advices such as "healthy food, exercise etc." are indeed effective, I know it from my own experience. There is one more thing though: do you have a pet? Our animal companions can help a lot too.
Ectier 10.12.22	Fucking same severe depression and anxietys a bitch. Even saw my psychiatrist today helps here and there but its such a slow battle that can go back and forth Anyway enough of my whining. Try and find therapy and support (provided your country of origin isnt shite with mental health) and talk to your doctor. Sometimes you will have to shop around to find the right person for you. I havent done group therapy but friend has and she finds it helpful. Depending on the issues of it and the root cause (trauma etc) it can take a variety of different ways. Also be ready to get CBT and mindfulness shoved down your throat. Some of the techniques will be more useful tham others. MOST FUCKING IMPORTANT THING: GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. You will slip, fall back into slumps but this is a slow process and every little step forward counts. Some days will be good others will be atrocious.
Piglet 10.12.22	yall western peasants realize you can just do vipassana meditation fer half an hour every day and never be depresso expresso again yeh? 🤣 silly buggers
notagenius 10.12.22	^ You're only putting the cart before the horse if you don't work on it yourself and rely on medication across the board.
Trebor. 10.12.22	Yeah but medication gives you enough relief that you can start working on yourself If you're so depressed that you can't do shit how are you gonna do shit without help?
Trebor. 10.12.22	"I’m not an expert but I’m a much bigger fan of Johnny’s advice than doing random drugs" do y'all not know what a clinical trial is?
Trebor. 10.12.22	I hate all this anti science no meds bullshit. If you have clinical depression you have a mental illness and illnesses are generally treated with medication. Doctors way overprescribe in the US but that doesn't mean psych meds don't help millions of people Like hey have you ever tried working out and not hating yourself? Wow I never thought of that before I'm gonna put down the razor blade and get to the gym. Problems solved!
Relinquished 10.12.22	armchair trebor at it again
Trebor. 10.12.22	I'm just trying to offset all the bad advice here Like someone could end up killing themselves because of medicine hesitance
Trebor. 10.12.22	But like doesn't everyone know they should be eating well, exercising, and sleeping properly? And if you've had depression for years that's stuff's not going to fix your broken brain alone
Relinquished 10.12.22	brain isn’t ‘broken’ but just full of bad habits like not taking that first step for progress. Anxiety is a bitch on top of depression but yea you would need to stop moving sit down and take a deep deep breath to start. Any human should relax and know shit isn’t doomed but just needs time to be reflected and meditated on.
Relinquished 10.12.22	all easier said than done but after thinking that you gotta, yknow, ‘decide’.
Trebor. 10.12.22	"brain isn’t ‘broken’ but just full of bad habits" This is such a weird take to me, like all mental illness can be reduced down to eating ice cream for dinner and not sexual abuse/trauma/getting beaten as a child
normaloctagon 10.12.22	Has anyone taken well-intentioned and good advice about mental health in bad faith and randomly positioned it as some sort of opposite pole exclusive of medication itt yet
gravityswitch 10.12.22	God damn this thread. Since my sister's death 3 years ago it's like the world is running without me. I think it's time to try meds because nothing helps. At least I'm not the only one feeling the same.
Trebor. 10.12.22	I'm not saying all depressed people were abused but almost all abuse victims are depressed. And I'm pretty sure the consensus is that depression usually originates from trauma especially in childhood and not missing leg day And I'm mostly arguing with the anti meds people itt and not you guys specifically And the dumbass that posted "Sounds like very professional advice" to my ketamine trial comment when that's literally what medical professionals are recommending right now to people who don't respond to treatment It also doesn't help how vague the OP was about his depression. Like yeah if he's only been depressed for a few months and doesn't have a history with it then working out and meditating will probably do the trick
fogza 10.12.22	Sorry to hear vercetti, you seem like a cool dude, and I hope you find something that works for you in the long term. For what it's worth I found CBT very helpful and have not had to go back on medication for over 18 years. Although the medication was useful don't get me wrong
notagenius 10.12.22	"medication is nothing to shrug off, but it's equally unscientific to go all high horse and act like these aren't separate arms of the same approach " agreed
notagenius 10.12.22	Also everyone's situation is different. they may be all called "depression", but the causes are very different. some are more "physical" pills help, others are more " mental", changes in habits or untying a knot are more effective. It is important to think independently about how to treat the problem oneself.
wham49 10.12.22	I've been functioning depressed for about 10 years, some days it is easier to hide than others. Soem days I am really low, but my profession make it hard to show it, so I act great but terrible inside, not sure how long i can go this way, it has gotten harder the last couple years, I just think going to someone will make it worse. I dont want to talk about it, I think that will be counterproductive I dont trust anybody either. When I try to talk to my wife she just eitrher rolls her eyes, or says everybody has problems my daughter helps me stay focused on keeping it together, maybe that is the ticket to find something that makes you push it aside
notagenius 10.12.22	Also, faith and mindset. I came into contact with a lot of patients because of my illness, but then I left that environment because I found that many of the people in there simply didn't want to recover, although they all talk about their pain and talk about the medications, I don't think they actually try hard. I left the group.
Flugmorph 10.12.22	"I feel like I'm not functioning correctly. My life's on pause but everything around me keeps moving." vibes
notagenius 10.12.22	write a song that starts with these two lines lmao
notagenius 10.12.22	>wham49 Have you heard of the psychology expression "look for my pot of gold"? I think a therapist will help you to some extent, to make you feel understood. they can often point you in the right direction. The therapists and psychologists have definitely helped me, ultimately, I have to work for myself
Colton 10.12.22	the "meds vs lifestyle change" debate is stupid. depression is a matter of mental health and mental health is very nuanced and differs for everybody. for some people, they don't need meds, they just need to make some changes. for other people, they can make all the changes in the world and they'll still be depressed because their problems are the result of a genetic chemical imbalance. I do agree that depression meds are very over-prescribed, and should only be used when you've tried every other option. but for some people they're the only solution. there's really nothing else to say on that
notagenius 10.12.22	the debats may indeed be rather silly. summary of methods - therapist (CBT) - personal effort (life state change) - meds
Dedes 10.12.22	Best of luck my brother. Try to stay grounded and force yourself to do things of interest. Can at least stave off that scathing black hole of depression
Slex 10.12.22	Pretty sure OP didn't intend for this to become a shitfest battleground yeesh lmao
Gyromania 10.12.22	Anyone who says they're against antidepressants/antianxieties is an ignorant cunt but I do agree doctors tend to just immediately prescribe something before first looking into cognitive behavioral therapy and other stuff (usually because these resources, which should be free if we lived in a logical society, aren't available)
notagenius 10.13.22	I am against antidepressants/antianxieties
ConcubinaryCode 10.13.22	I just started citalopram funnily enough. My hopes aren't high for it because meds haven't worked great before leading my psychiatrist to wonder if depression is actually my problem. They brought up dopamine deprivation and I might give it a try to see if it soft resets something in my brain.
Gyromania 10.13.22	It can take a long time for someone to find the right medication or combination of medications for them. We all respond to meds differently so it's a lot of trial and error, in my experience
ConcubinaryCode 10.13.22	Yeah, yeah, I've just been on several across like 10 years.
PotsyTater 10.13.22	Ssri’s are extremely effective and have a miraculously high success rate as far as medical treatments go when prescribed properly and responsibly with patients also receiving proper education. The problems with ssri’s are mostly due human error. Ssri’s have both saved my life and nearly cost me it. When I finally got responsible medical help and was taught how they work and what my responsibility in the process of finding the one that works for me it changed my life for the better. But when I was first prescribed negligently it fucked me up much worse, I went hypomanic and very very bad things happened. I very much believe in ssri’s but don’t recommend people go on them without educating themselves thoroughly on them first and speaking to other people who have had successful experiences with them. Unfortunately, where I live at least, our healthcare system is too overloaded for doctors to seem to be able to give patients the proper time and care necessary for these drugs to be used effectively and it reflects poorly on the drugs when it should really be reflecting poorly on the medical professionals prescribing them irresponsibly and not offering crucial supplementary resources.
PotsyTater 10.13.22	The disconnect people seem to have re: medication vs lifestyle itt is fucking stupid as fuck by the way, antidepressants act like a bandaid for people who can’t manage their anxiety and depression via “regular” means and need a little extra boost. It is crucial to the success of these drugs for people who are using them to take advantage of that “boost” to make changes in their life that they might not have been able to without them, and that obviously can include things like diet, exercise, various forms of therapy such as CBT, meditation, developing new coping mechanisms or any number of other things. They all go hand in hand. If you take antidepressants and don’t take advantage of the “help” they offer by working on yourself they either won’t “work” or you will become dependant on them. If you can manage your mental health by monitoring your lifestyle good for you but some people need extra help, and on the flip side if you are sick but won’t put any of the work in you are setting yourself up for failure.
PotsyTater 10.13.22	Ssri’s will literally make your hippocampus swoller and people with genetic predispositions to depression and anxiety generally have shitter hippo camps. So ur literally giving yourself a biological boost to your ability to manage your illness. Sure some people need to remember not to skip leg day but others need to remember not to skip hippocampus day Shred those hippos Hippo boot camp
fogza 10.13.22	Don't get between a hippo and its aquatic territory
notagenius 10.13.22	"If you take antidepressants and don’t take advantage of the “help” they offer by working on yourself they either won’t “work” or you will become dependant on them." @Potsy just has good sense.
Egarran 10.13.22	[deleted]
Snake. 10.18.22	makes me feel great living in a world corrupted by capitalism when all the antidepressants and therapist visits in the world have not made a modicum of progress towards escaping my trauma and self-esteem problems but armchair psychologists on this site will just tell you to medication and therapy HARDER or else they're gonna put you at the top of their worst users list for 2022
anode 10.18.22	Yeah snake I’ve had success with therapy but doesn’t mean it’s the solution for everyone. Think there’s a wide array of advice in this thread so you can pick and choose what works for you. I’d personally go with johnnys but what do I know