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Last Active 12-03-22 11:37 pm
Joined 08-18-16
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| Ten Worst Songs of All Time
My personal list of the ten most painful songs I can think of. | | 10 |  | R.B. Greaves
R.B. Greaves
"Take a Letter Maria"
I have to admit, this one is a guilty pleasure. I even sort of like the music and his singing. It's the ridiculous lyrics that put this one on my list. The song takes the form of a breakup letter, dictated by Greaves to his secretary Maria and addressed to his wife. At the end of the song, R.B. predictably puts the moves on Maria, starting with this immortal line: "You've been many things/But most of all/A good sec-re-tary to mee!" Now THAT'S entertainment. | | 9 |  | R. Dean Taylor
I Think, Therefore I Am
"Indiana Wants Me"
Another guilty pleasure, so silly that it's enjoyable. This one is sung by a cretinous clown who's being chased down by the law for shooting the guy who dissed his wife, because "No one had a right to say what he said about you." The song is his goodbye message to his wife and his little baby, as we hear the police sirens in the background and a voice telling him over the bullhorn to come out with his hands up. Suicide by cop, here I come. It's supposed to be poignant, but instead, it's just too funny. | | 8 |  | Captain And Tennille
Song of Joy
"Muskrat Love"
Now we go from goofy pleasure to mildly uncomfortable. This one was written by a guy named Willis Alan Ramsey, and it was first recorded by the band America, who I actually like. But I choose to blame it on The Captain & Tennille, who took it up to #4 on the Hot 100 Chart. You probably don't know them, but they sucked. Anyway, it's literally about a torrid love affair between two muskrats. Just a tad too kinky for my taste. | | 7 |  | Celine Dion
Let's Talk About Love
"My Heart Will Go On"
James Cameron has created some great action flicks, but I don't think I'll ever forgive him for inflicting "Titanic" on us, and giving Canadian chanteuse Celine Dion permission to torture us all with this song. (Hey I'm noticing there are a lot of Canadian artists on this list. What's up with that, buddy?) | | 6 |  | Gilbert O'Sullivan
The Berry Vest of Gilbert O'Sullivan
"Alone Again (Naturally)"
This whiny-voiced Irishman released this song in 1972. It finds our hero contemplating suicide after being left at the alter by his bride. If only. This song made a lot of us want to kill ourselves. | | 5 |  | Barry Manilow
Even Now
"Copacabana"
Manilow could have had any number of songs on this list, but this one earns top honors. It's another one of those goofy maudlin stories about a showgirl named Lola whose boyfriend, Tony the bartender, gets killed by a jealous gangster named Rico. Manilow's career was best encapsulated in the TV show "Angel". Angel visits Faith in prison (who is trying to rehabilitate herself) and asks her how it's going. She tells him she had to break the arm of a huge woman who attacked her with a shiv, but she resisted the urge to kill her. She asks Angel how his day had been, and he tells her that in order to convince a new ally to help him, he had to sing Manilow in karaoke. Faith shudders, and says, "And here I am going on about my little troubles." | | 4 |  | Kenny Rogers
Greatest Hits
"Coward of the County"
I have some respect for Kenny Rogers, but this cringeworthy track was his low point. It involves a wuss who promised his dead Dad he'd never resort to violence. He finally mans up, but only AFTER the Gatlin Boys gang rape his girlfriend. A little late, don't you think pal? | | 3 |  | Justin Bieber
My World 2.0
"Baby"
This song is wretched, but really, it's only a stand-in for Bieber's entire career. Thanks again, Canada. I don't wish the young man any harm. I just wish we could rocket him off the Earth, "Planet Hulk" style. | | 2 |  | NewSong
Sheltering Tree
"The Christmas Shoes"
This one is guaranteed to ruin any holiday season. Stop me if you've heard this one before. A guy goes Christmas shopping, and winds up in a shop where a young boy is a couple of dollars short to buy a pair of women's shoes. He explains that they're for his Mama, who's been really sick, and he wants to buy the shoes for her so she'll look pretty when she meets Jesus. So the man stabs the boy repeatedly with one of those big-ass Michael Myers knives until the kid is dead on the floor. In my imagination, anyway. Of course the real guy ponies up a few bucks so the kid can buy the shoes. And I die inside, just a little, every time this song is played. | | 1 |  | Bobby Goldsboro
Honey
"Honey"
"See the tree how big it's grown/But friend, it hasn't been too long/It wasn't big". 'Cause Honey planted it, see. And she was cute like a puppy. But then she got some kind of terminal disease and croaked in the middle of my living room floor, and a bunch of stupid angels came and took her away, and ALL I'VE GOT LEFT IS THIS STUPID FUCKING TREE! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE MY LIFE! ... Ok, maybe those aren't the exact lyrics, but you get the idea. Dude, you've got to suck really badly to beat out that crappy, syrupy song about mama looking pretty when she meets Jesus wearing those shoes, but this one does the trick. Thank you, Bobby Goldsboro. Thank you for ruining my life! | |
Divaman
10.19.18 | I'm pretty sure "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo" would be here somewhere, but I've mostly been successful in avoiding hearing that song more than a couple of times. | SymbolicInTime
10.19.18 | Dude looks like a lady rips | Divaman
10.19.18 | >You forgot Dude Looks Like A Lady
Shakespeare next to this trash. | platnum
10.19.18 | Bieber doesn't deserve the hate tbh | Divaman
10.19.18 | I thought the rocket idea was very loving. | ArsMoriendi
10.19.18 | Please tell me how any of these 10 songs are worse than this: https://hellokittysuicideclub.bandcamp.com/ | Lucman
10.19.18 | I don't know any of these besides *sigh, Bieber, but "Hey, Soul Sister" would be my pick for worst song of all-time. | neekafat
10.19.18 | Baby is amazing compared to his cover of Drummer Boy | Kompys2000
10.19.18 | No Corey Feldman smh | Divaman
10.19.18 | Re/Ars' pick -- A masterpiece! A classic! Note that the CD version is completely sold out. Also, at 1 minute and 26 seconds, it's nowhere near long enough to inflict the pain of my little beauties. | Divaman
10.19.18 | I haven't listened to the Feldman album, but I guess I should lickety splickety! | Kompys2000
10.19.18 | A2tC is so bad it loops around to being good and then back around to being bad again. | Source
10.19.18 | Omg the christmas shoes sucks soooooo hard. Depressing cheesy garbage. | Divaman
10.19.18 | Seriously, I recognize that everyone will have their own little musical root canals to suggest. It just happens that this list is the playlist that will be endlessly looping in my own private hell (after Jesus sends me there for making fun of Mama's shoes.) | neekafat
10.19.18 | Diva you need to hear that Drummer Boy right now | letsgofishing
10.19.18 | I do not see Happy by Pharrell on this list, but I must just be missing it, because it's definitely on here somewhere. | Veldin
10.19.18 | Important list | Divaman
10.19.18 | Bad song, but not even close to these for me. | Kompys2000
10.19.18 | @Lucman Honestly, I never got the hatred for "Hey, Soul Sister", It's definitely one of the more tolerable Train songs IMO. | SandwichBubble
10.19.18 | Copacabana is the greatest song of all time, heathen. | alamo
10.19.18 | baby is a jam | MrSirLordGentleman
10.19.18 | I love My Heart Will Go On | Emim
10.19.18 | "My Heart Will Go On"
fuck outta here | Divaman
10.19.18 | >Copacabana is the greatest song of all time, heathen.
"His name was Reeko!/He wore a diamond!" | MO
10.19.18 | "but I don't think I'll ever forgive him for inflicting "Titanic" on us"
the fuk | WoodeeX
10.19.18 | Africa | MrSirLordGentleman
10.19.18 | Africa is the best song ever made | RogueNine
10.19.18 | 6 is good. | Boris K.
10.19.18 | Happy by Pharrell Williams should be on this list. | SandwichBubble
10.19.18 | The hottest spot north of Havana does not deserve such treatment | Divaman
10.19.18 | "Her name was Low-la! She was a showgirl!" | widowslaugh123
10.19.18 | Wasn’t there a band called the fray who had like the worst ever? Also list needs sublime. Any random song will suffice. | Zig
10.19.18 | Even Celine Dion hates My Heart Will Go On. Only did it for the money, and sang the whole song in one take. | StrikeOfTheBeast
10.19.18 | 3 is a universally accepted fact. | Divaman
10.19.18 | Even Biebs accepts it, I think. | StrikeOfTheBeast
10.19.18 | He probably disowned it at this point. | Divaman
10.19.18 | See, I actually like We Built This City. And another song that always seems to make these lists, the Right Said Fred song, I thought was mostly funny. | Divaman
10.19.18 | I probably should have added MGMT's "Flash Delirium". That one has me reaching for the dial to turn it off every time I hear it. It's not funny bad, like a lot of these are, though. Just bad. | OverkillFanBoy1980
10.19.18 | I see no The Angel and the Gambler, instantly invalid list.
jk idk i've heard one song from here. | sonictheplumber
10.19.18 | Mambo #5 | RippingCorpse1986
10.20.18 | Interesting stuff.
Don't think I've actually heard any of those, barring Baby huh. I think there's some jams on Dirty Work (The Rolling Stones) that could easily be my pick for worst song of all-time (or at least worst song by a big name), haven't heard the album in a long time though...
Nice list. | Jasdevi087
10.20.18 | Mr Brightside needs to be on here | Divaman
10.20.18 | Nah. I like Mr. Brightside. I'm fine w/you hating it, though. | Jasdevi087
10.20.18 | that is cool and good and I also am fine | Yotimi
10.20.18 | Bon jovi's Its my life is prob my #1. That or There can be no dispute that monsters live among us by the sound of animals fighting | Divaman
10.20.18 | Not sure if I know "It's My Life". Could possibly be persuaded on "I'll Be There For You", though. |
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