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given all the allegations at the moment, I felt it was time I told you all what happened to me. just to clarify, this isn't some attention seeking cash in, I just feel ready to tell you. fair warning I get graphic in this.
When I was 16, I was sexually assaulted by my best friend at the time. My first relationship had just ended, I had JUST been diagnosed with depression, and I was feeling lonely and vunerable. I had never drank before, I had never understood the appeal, and everyone I knew who drank always told me horror stories of how they woke up not knowing where they are or what happened. However, at the time I was feeling so low I decided drinking might help ease the pain, at least for a while. So, I told my then best friend what had happened and he suggested playing games and drinking at his house. We played Halo and Saints Row, ate pizza and I drank a lot of cider.
Eventually, I was feeling drunk enough that I didn't care what I did. He offered me straight vodka, I drank half the bottle over the next hour whilst also calling one of my other friends and telling them how much I loved my ex. I can't really remember the phone call, luckily my friend did, which helped me later work out what happened
I threw up everywhere, and being someone with a serious phobia of being sick, I started crying, and then passed out. One of the friends I'd been on the phone to showed up with another of my friends to check on me, apparently finding me covered in vomit passed out on the floor. They, along with my then best friend, helped put me into bed. They then left, apparently after requesting multiple times that they either stay with me or take me home. Eventually they left, after arguing with my then best friend for an apparent 2 hours. I don't remember much of what happened next, I remember throwing up more and being too dizzy to sit up. Later, I regained some consciousness, and was naked, sprawled out on the bed, with my then best friend (who was sober) on top of me whispering things into my ear, things I won't repeat here. I couldn't move, I was pinned down, and I was in pain. It was at that point I semi realised what was happening. He had forced himself inside me.
|3|| ||Crystal Castles|
!!!FROM HERE IT GETS GRAPHIC IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ PLEASE SKIP AHEAD!!!
I was too drunk to try and stop him, I can only just remember what was happening, I know I cried silently to myself before passing out again, with him still on top of me. When I woke up in the morning, I was wearing my underwear, but nothing else, and my lower regions hurt to the degree I couldn't sit down. There was some blood, and semen dried between my legs. I immediately clothed myself, and sat on the edge of the bed for hours, trying to comprehend what had happened to me. I had 78 missed calls, all from my friends who were worried sick. He eventually woke up and offered me food, I declined and went to the bathroom. I was in agony, both physically and emotionally. I called my mum and asked if her or my dad could come pick me up as soon as possible. When they asked if I could walk home, I pretended to still be drunk and unable to walk home safely.
My clothes were covered in dried sick, so I had to remove them and borrow some of his. He asked if I would be able to stay another night and drink some more. I declined and said I needed to go home. I then asked him what happened, and he said I got drunk and threw up all over his stuff, so he put me to bed, and requested I pay for the damages I caused. I declined, and my father arrived to pick me up. I didn't say a word the whole way home, my mum was waiting when I got in, and put my clothes in the wash. I sat in my bedroom for a full day, not moving, not eating nor sleeping. I eventually called my friend back, to let her know I was okay. She told me she hated leaving me there, because on the phone when I drunkenly called her, my then best friend was kissing my neck, and whispering sexual things she could just about make out. I messaged my then best friend and told him I remember what he'd done, and he denied it. Eventually I told him I had dna evidence on me, and he admitted it.
He begged me not to call the police, fearing it would destroy his family. I told him I would have to, and he began threatening me, telling me no one would believe me, that everyone would laugh at me, and it was my word against his. I blocked him on all social media, and told my friends what had happened. One of them took me to an AIDS clinic to make sure I hadn't contracted anything. I then kept silent about it for years. Recently, with all the allegations coming out, I've felt more comfortable talking about it openly. I have received undying support and love from my girlfriend, and my friends. My family don't know, and I don't know if there is any point telling them now. If any of you have suffered similarly, I know exactly how you feel, please don't blame yourself. I know recently I defended Jesse, but I know now I can't. I will continue to listen to Brand New, their music is too big a part of my life, but I will not condone Jesse's actions, nor any celebrities sexual misconduct.
|Sincerely sorry for what happened to you. It's terrible. Thank you for sharing.|
|damn that's pretty brutal, I'm sorry :/|
|Goddamn, I'm sorry you went through all that.|
That shit is just not right... people who want to get their rocks off with 0 regards for anyone else.
|all the love in the world, sweeney |
|thankyou guys, it means a lot, it was years ago now so I'm as over it as I can be, but I've only just become comfortable telling people, I'm glad ya'll are so understanding |
|"all the love in the world, sweeney"|
thankyou so much, right back at you
|I really shouldn't bring up your eggplant profile picture|
|Wow, I wish it was easier for people be accepted after admitting these situations happened so the people who caused them wouldn't get away with it. Glad to hear you've been able to move past this and have good support|
|"That shit is just not right... people who want to get their rocks off with 0 regards for anyone else." |
you wouldn't believe all the people i've met in my life who get serious psychological damage from behavior like that. it blows my mind that so many people get away with treating others that way and people that know them are complacent and are afraid to call them out for being predators. fuck caring about stirring the pot, if someone is dangerous call them out. people like that can childishly bully everyone into doing what they want and are proud of their petty and damaging victories over others. sad thing is, they tend to get a lot out of people, use them up and toss them aside. it's a disturbing inability to empathize with other people maybe. hopefully it catches up with people like that in the end. This sounds really fucked up, thanks for sharing and good luck to you.
|So sorry to hear about that, that's just awful. Props for sharing it, that takes guts |
|takes a lot of courage to talk so openly about something like this and for that i commend you|
|that's fucked up. Nobody should have to go through something like that. |
|thankyou all so much for your supportive comments, I urge anyone else with a similar story to say something sooner rather than later|
|I really feel for you. I have yet to find the courage to speak up about my experience. Happened 20 years ago, and its crazy how it manifests itself in different aspects of my life. Relationships, feelings, mindset. Probably need to deal with that at some point|
Love and support to you