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Last Active 11-06-17 12:05 am
Joined 01-29-14

Forum Posts 241
Review Comments 38,089

11.07.17 Pots Real Talks Anxiety: Free Apologies 10.01.17 All MCU Bullshit Rated
08.26.17 Jon Tames the Ice Wyvern08.20.17 Night King Kills A Dragon
08.09.17 Anarchist Genre-King08.07.17 Deviants Recent Listens (Dysentry Digs)
08.05.17 Pots '67-'17 07.23.17 Pots Back Digs n Stuff (Heck u marskid)
05.13.17 Pots Digs04.17.17 Kendrick Lamar Ranked
04.02.17 Shit Bands I Wasted Money On Seeing Liv03.11.17 Pots: Books and Music Digs
02.26.17 Pots: Also Important! LEGION02.26.17 Pots: Important!
02.19.17 Check In With Pots 12.20.16 A 2016 Soundtrack: Life of Pots Part I
12.18.16 Potsy 2016 AOTY Emotional Happy Fun Tim 12.10.16 Potsy Live December Happy Fun Times Lis
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Pots Real Talks Anxiety: Free Apologies and Digs Edition!!

I'm going to inevitably have some people with long-term grudges against me give me shit but this is a community ive been in for nearly a decade and considering its pretty topical considering the community we have here i figured i'd put this out here. a lot of you post lists about having depression etc and it seems like many of you have found people on here you can confide in and thats great so, in solidarity, i think its time i share some personal information that i haven't ever really shared on sputnik before. hope it can help some of you out.

This is definitely stuff i havent shared on sputnik before, and i'm still just now becoming more and more comfortable being open about it but...

I've had an anxiety disorder as long as i can remember. it went unchecked, fluctuating in severity and often bringing its lovely cousin depression. i was a late grower and by jr. high i had already had anxiety issues that made me irritable, angry, and insecure for years. i just thought it was normal because i had nothing to compare it to. i had no reason to think that anyone elses brain worked any differently, and the pressures of masculinity make it easy to jade yourself to your human vulnerability when you are young.
3Brian Reitzell
American Gods

i didn't become conscious of the severity of it until 2016, when i turned 24. i knew i had anxiety and bouts of depression but i was in denial that it was 'real' and the stigmas against medication and counselling made me even more reluctant to face it.
4Catching Flies
Komorebi / Mama's Wisdom

my teachers were already suggesting anger management courses when i was in elementary, and by jr high i had lost virtually all of my elementary school friends due to my self-righteous mistreatment of them.
5Catching Flies
The Long Journey Home

in jr. high i was mildly bullied by the jocks so i bullied my friends in return and left jr. high with few ties. then in high school girls got involved in the already drug abuse fueled mix which also threw a lot more alcohol into the mix which made some pretty dark times. i was seeing a counsellor for these years who i lied through my teeth too the whole time naturally. my terrible parents who i had terrible relationships with made me go (btw my parents are actually super normal and are very chill and down to earth and open minded).
6Catching Flies
The Stars

same shit all after high school. subconsciously seeking the most fucked up relationships possible (platonically and romantically) and either actually attempting suicide or lying about it to manipulate. or stealing from my parents regularly.
7Charles Murdoch
User Using

eventually i had some sort of mental breakdown on acid or something and left home hitch-hiking which lead to more lies and manipulation and then to me moving to the island and going to art school which i proceeded to have such bad anxiety over that by the third quarter of the year i couldn't get out of bed til 4pm, i was regularly taking mdma to try and smother my nerves, and i ended up getting so depressed i just stopped going entirely and failed out. i stopped smoking weed entirely because the anxiety that had been growing in me had gotten so bad that even if i took the smallest puff off a joint i would be on the verge of a paranoid panic-attack. i still to this day have nightmares about failing college lol.
8Christopher Schwarzwalder
Three Rivers

fortunately nobody gives a fuck about art school, so my dscapegoat to move away from home didnt turn out to be much of a waste. went back to school and went through a relatively peaceful period, thinking that just not wanting to wake up and get out of bed ever and being irrational and on edge constantly was a normal base-line.
9Christopher Schwarzwalder

I moved to van and my life really came together for a while. then it collapsed again... but more worser! family, home, girl and work drama heightened a depressive state for me in 2016 so bad that i for the first time was having regular panic attacks. it was causing me to miss a lot of work through lies and deceit of course, and also caused me to very much loathe my existence.
10Christopher Schwarzwalder

caught a break and my work closed down and i got EI for a period! so i decided to go ahead and hit rock bottom, go on vacation, and blow all of my money and go into debt. the true climax however was lying about having not consumed alcohol to convince someone to let me take heroin and then overdosed and very nearly died. i absolutely knew what i was doing, is the thing.
11Clara Moto
Joy Departed

and then i just kind of... decided to get over myself and get help. i decided i wanted, and needed it. so i got it, and ive went through a couple medications to find the right one for me and ive been using other resources combined with that and its absolutely ridiculous to feel the difference.
12Clara Moto
Blue Distance

im without a doubt the most mentally healthy i've been as far as i can even remember. its made me reflect on past behaviour and thought processes and seen how vile the places those thoughts came from were. and it made me realize that thats not what i truly am nor do i want to be that and it made me get over my ego enough to open up to people about having struggled with this and use medication etc.

now i am basically building my dream job and my relationships with everyone i know are infinitely better, also im not a smoldering garbage person anymore (some of you may beg to differ, but im at the very least, a slightly less smoldering garbage person). i
14Four Tet
New Energy

so on that note i want to apologize to everyone on this site for my behaviour in the past if i have ever hurt you. i dont have any ill will of any of you and i have been on this community for so long that it would be impossible not to feel a connection. even those of you that i rag on, i love you, i just have a severely sarcastic sense of humour and an ever receding case of keyboard-warrior syndrome. i mean no harm, and i am, and have been for some time, been working on keeping myself in check and not getting to carried away and upsetting people personally.
15King Krule

so sorry, but also thanks, for tolerating me on this site since i was literally 16 years old, through all my idiocy and savageness and butthurt and reigns of terror to all of you

and to those of you who come here and talk about ur personal problems...
17The Acid

sputnik might be a terrible music website but its a darn fine community for talking about having problems and (mostly) receiving support in return.

ur all sexy
Too Shiny


some personal apologies:

sowing u do a lot of work around here and we are lucky to have you even though we are not lucky to have your music taste. no matter how many times ive disrespected you, i want you to know that... i disdisrespect you. in fact id even go as far as to say i respect you.
22Avalon Emerson
Church of SoMa

oisincoleman i have no recollection of what events transpired that lead to you hating me so much but im sure i was probably being a general asshole and deserve that. so sorry for whatever that was... u have no top queef beef with me friend.
23Baba Stiltz
Is Everything

trebor ive bullied the shit out of you on here man and i'm sorry. you were an easy target and i kicked you while u were down because i was a garbage person. it was never you, it was me. and i do care about your wellness, even if i hate admitting it to you.
24Baba Stiltz, Samo DJ, Tzu Sing
A Slice of "Heaven"

sach we all good now and already hashed our shit out but ima mention u anyway because that was important to me and i developed a lot more respect for you when we were able to put aside our bullshit and work it out
25Gold Panda
Your Good Times Are Just Beginning

mezz crew sorry to all of you guys (im sure this will end up in your group for you to shit talk me about soon enough, but thats okay, i deserve it) you saw me at one of my worst lows and im not proud and i regret burning bridges with some of you fine gentlemen.

jom im sorry you're so fucking tantalizing and that i get hella frisky whenever im around you, can i call you dad?

doofus im sorry i am like the most annoying and disrespectful fucking grandson ever. i actually love you daddad. i just love shit-talking you even more.
The End Of Industry

Crysis. im sorry that i am more popular than you. you are the gary to my ash ketchum. im incomplete without you
29Alphabets Heaven

zakawale im sorry that i find it so hard to overlook your abhorrent views on practically every subject imaginable to ever fully see in you what these other gentlemen do... but be damned if im not gonna keep trying
30Alphabets Heaven
Jay's Odyssey

zaruyache im sorry we have a totally idiotic weird comic book film adaptation oriented beef because like i mean srsly
31Alphabets Heaven

sorry to the random users who actually had game of thrones spoiled by my list about the ice wyvyrn and were genuinely upset xD
32Alphabets Heaven
Siamese Burn
33Alphabets Heaven
Can't See You
Come a Little Closer
40Fever Ray
42The Knife
Live at Terminal 5
44B.J. Smith
Between Ship and Shore, Pt. 1
45Benjamin Damage
46Benjamin Damage and Doc Daneeka
47Bisk [UK]
Don't Piss It Off!
48Bisk [UK]
Gutter City
49Bisk [UK]
Raw Sh!t
Allt Ar Fortfarande Kvar

theres obviously hundreds more but... you know
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