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2016 NFL Regular Season Predictions

Yeah it's way too early to be doing this but I'm board af and ready for football to come back.
1Mac Miller


1. Pittsburgh Steelers (13-3)
Okay, so the Steelers are now in a small championship window much like the Cardinals are. Only a matter of time before Leveon Bell's and Antonio Brown's contracts are up. Plus, although Big Ben seems to be in his prime, he is 34. The defense will be much improved this year and I see them grabbing the #1 seed in the weak AFC.
Juggernaut: Omega

2. Baltimore Ravens (12-4)
Last season's Ravens were a complete fluke. Pretty much all their best players were on IR by the end of the season, not to mention almost every single one of their eleven losses was by only one score. With Steve Smith returning for one more season (and Breshad Perriman actually playing this year), I see them going back to their old ways, posting a solid 12-4 record and take the top wild card seed.
3The National

3. Cincinnati Bengals (9-7)
The end of the Bengals 2015 season was pretty anti climactic in every way. I honestly see that loss carrying over into this upcoming season. In spite of losing his #2&3 receivers to free agency, Andy Dalton still puts up similar numbers to last season. However, I predict they barely miss the playoffs, and Marvin Lewis will finally be fired sevens seasons late.
4Nine Inch Nails
The Downward Spiral

4. Cleveland Browns (3-13)
The Cavs bringing a title to Cleveland for the first time in 50+ years will have no effect on the Browns, and they will still be the same train wreck of a team that they have always been since the late 80's, although with less drama after cutting Johnny Football, or maybe not with the addition of RGIII.
5Travis Scott


1. Houston Texans (9-7)
JJ Watt and co. finally got their quarterback of the future in Brock Osweiler, who will be throwing arguably the leagues best receiver in Deandre Hopkins, as well as handing the ball off to new addition Lamar Miller.
I think in spite of growing pains on offense, the Texans take the AFC south again, and I expect them to be even better the following season.
6Limp Bizkit
Significant Other

2. Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9)
Blake Bortles proves he is Jacksonville's QB of the future by leading the league in touchdowns, with the help of the Allen brothers, who prove that they are the best receiving duo the league has to offer. Even with Dante Fowler returning from the torn Acl, the Jag's D will continue to allow big plays like Marcus Mariota 90 yard touchdown runs, and will hold them back from stealing a playoff spot (and even a .500 record).
7The Contortionist

3. Indianapolis Colts (6-10)
2016 will be the year everybody finally realizes that Andrew Luck is quite possibly the most overrated player to ever play in the NFL. He will very much under play his new contract (which is the biggest contract in NFL history btw), and with hardly any other supporting cast on both sides of the ball, the Colts won't come close to the hyperbolic expectations that a lot of people have for them.
8Three 6 Mafia
Mystic Stylez

4. Tennessee Titans (5-11)
The Titans will be noticeably better then they were last year, but still won't win a lot of games. They should be a lot better in the coming years after obtaining all those high round draft picks from the Rams.
Jane Doe


1. New England Patriots (9-7)
There is absolutely no way Tom Brady gets off his suspension, and the Patriots will go, wait for it... 0-4 without him. Brady will have to put the team on his back and claw his way to .500, barely taking the AFC East with an ugly 9-7 record.
10Every Time I Die
From Parts Unknown

2. Buffalo Bills (8-8)
Rex Ryan will have yet another typical Rex Ryan season. Beat the good teams (and the Jets twice), lose to the bad teams, have a chance to win the division and squander it, win in Week 17 to barely keep his job. Literally identical to last season.

3. New York Jets (5-11)
With or without Ryan Fitzpatrick and his Fitzmagic, I don't see the Jets being nearly as good as they were last year, even with the addition of fantasy superstar Matt Forte. The coaching staff (and fans) won't trust Fitz as much after how last season ended if he does comes back, and if he doesn't, the Jets will have to wait until next years draft to find a quarterback of starting caliber.

4. Miami Dolphins (3-13)
Can't see Miami reaching anything close to a winning record, and they will finally get rid of Ryan "screen pass" Tannehill. The DLine will continue to struggle in spite of the huge amount of star power it possesses, and with the loss of Brent Grimes the secondary will get eaten alive.
13The Fray
How to Save a Life


1. Denver Broncos (12-4)
In spite of losing Peyton Manning and Brock Osweiler, the Broncos will be the exact same team they were last year, even with The Sanchize or Paxton Lynch at QB, and will be looking to defend last year's title, stealing a first round bye in the process.
Lost Forever // Lost Together

2. Kansas City Chiefs (11-5)
Identical to last season, just without the 1-5 start and Jamaal Charles tearing his acl. With the return of aforementioned Charles, Alex Smith will feel a lot more comfortable and will put up a career high in passing yards, leading the chiefs to yet another Wild Card.
15Dr. Dre
The Chronic

3. Oakland Raiders (9-7)
The Raiders will just barely miss the playoffs due to being in the strongest division in the league, but who cares about that? This will be their first season over .500 since 2002. Things are definitely looking good up for the Raiders, and they will be Super Bowl contenders in the near future.
16Cattle Decapitation
Monolith of Inhumanity

4. San Diego (8-8)
Phillip Rivers and Keenan Allen will set records together, and Melvin Gordon will actually play to his draft value, but it won't be enough to escape the AFC West basement. Also, Joey Bosa will be a defensive player of the year contender.
17Bon Iver
For Emma, Forever Ago


1. Green Bay Packers (13-3)
With Jordy Nelson returning, the Packers will be back with a vengeance, posting a 13-3 record. But it won't be enough to secure a first round bye. Eddie Lacy will be a monster this year (and not the cookie monster he was last year), and will end the season top 3 in rushing yards.
18The Bad Plus
Inevitable Western

2. Minnesota Vikings (10-6)
Teddy Bridgewater won't throw passes farther then ten yards, AP and the defense will carry the team to the playoffs, nothing new here.
19Kanye West
The College Dropout

3. Chicago Bears (8-8)
Jay Cutler will play better then Jay Cutler expectations and throw a bunch of TD's to Alshon Jeffery and Kevin White (remember him?). Jeremy Langford won't be Matt Forte but will reach 1k rushing yards. Defense will hold them back from being contenders though.
20Danny Brown

4. Detroit Lions (5-11)
In the wake of Megatron's retirement, Matthew Stafford will have to actually spread the ball around to other receivers. Expecting Golden Tate to have a huge year, as well as Ziggy Ansah. Ameer Abdullah will continue to not reach expectations and Theo Riddick will continue to slaughter teams in PPR leagues. In spite of all this, the Lions are still going to have a horrible record.
21Between the Buried and Me


1. Carolina Panthers (14-2)
They may have lost their #1 corner in Josh Norman, but they are also getting back their #1 receiver in Kelvin Benjamin after he missed last year with a torn acl. Cam Newton will continue to dominate the stat sheets, but will not retain home field advantage from last season.

2. Atlanta Falcons (4-12)
Other then the Panthers, the NFC South is void of good teams. The Falcons have the offense fire power to be better then 4-12, but have literally no OLine or Defense.
23Morbid Angel
Altars of Madness

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-12)
The Bucs needs more then Jameis Winston and Doug Martin to get anywhere.

4. New Orleans Siants (3-13)
The Saints need more then Drew Brees and Mark Ingram to get anywhere.
25Post Malone
August 26th


1. Dallas Cowboys (9-7)
Will only win the division because 1. The NFC East reeks of mediocrity, and 2. Because Tony Romo and Dez Bryant connection. Ezekiel Elliot has huge upside, not sure if he will be the Todd Gurley or Melvin Gordon of this year though.

2. Washington Redskins (8-8)
Captain Kirk disappoints while playing under the franchise tag, but missing the playoffs won't be his fault alone. Josh Norman will also disappoint after signing a huge contract with the team, and will show part of the reason of his success last year was because of the defense he was on.
Liquid Swords

3. New York Giants (6-10)
The Giants need more then Eli and OBJ to get anywhere.
28The Roots

4. Philadelphia Eagles (5-11)
Chip Kelly ruined this team, but the Eagles will still find ways to win because they have a pretty solid defense. Expecting Ryan Matthews to have a big year.
29The Word Alive

1. Arizona Cardinals (14-2)
Bruce Arians and co. know that they have a short window to win a Super Bowl, and will do anything in his power to make the road easy for Carson Palmer. The first step being to clinch home field advantage, which I think the Cardinals will do.
30Alice in Chains

2. Seattle Seahawks (12-4)
With Beast Mode gone, the offense is now in Russell Wilson's hands, and Russell Wilson is a bad man. With the return of Brandon Browner, the OG Legion of Boom is officially back. The loss of Bruce Irvin will hurt, but I still expect Seattle's defense to be top 5 by year's end.
31The Game
The Documentary 2

3. Los Angeles Rams (8-8)
A new city and a new quarterback calls for a better Rams team. They finally got their quarterback in Jared Goff, and 8-8 is not bad for a rookie QB. Expecting big things from them in the future.
Me Against the World

4. San Francisco 49ers (3-13)
Not expecting much from these guys, especially if Chip Kelly and Colin Kaepernick can't get it together by Week 4.
33Chance the Rapper
Acid Rap


1. Steelers (13-3)
2. Broncos (12-4)
3. Patriots (9-7)
4. Texans (9-7)
5. Ravens (12-4)
6. Chiefs (11-5)
34Kendrick Lamar
Overly Dedicated


1. Cardinals (14-2)
2. Panthers (14-2)
3. Packers (13-3)
4. Cowboys (9-7)
5. Seahawks (12-4)
6. Vikings (10-6)
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