[Pete]

-8. The Casualties
The Casualties know what punk is about. Spiking your hair, shouting
"Oi!" a lot and preaching anarchy without having any concept of what
it means. Featuring wildly generic music, lyrics that are so bad
they're impossible to parody and vocals that are just plain
shit. The Casualties are for ANARKEE! The Casualties are
for NONKONFORMITEE!! All you need to be a Casualties fan is ripped
bondage trousers, impeccably spiked hair and an expensive leather
jacket with The Casualties logo across the back. Now if that isn't
diversity I don't know what is. Everyone stand back and salute The
Casualties, the true face of punk rock idiocy.

-7. GG Allin
So you're a non-descript generic punk frontman whose only claim to
fame is excessively puerile and offensive lyrics ("Expose yourself to
Kids") and band names like (The Scumfucks). So what? You
need a gimmick, you need to get noticed and if you're GG Allin this
means being a shit-eating self-mutilating rapist exhibitionist. His
live show was one of the few places that would leave you both pissed
off and pissed on. Plumbing the depths of depravity, degradation and
defecation in the name of keeping it "underground" GG Allin was the
only person stupider than his fans.

-6. Anti-Flag
If there's one thing Anti-Flag know it's that politics sells. Well,
that's if you can call taking a concept that is generally acknowledged
as a bad idea (police brutality, racism etc) and inserting the word
"Fuck" in front of it politics. With their whiny vocals,
stupidly sloganeering lyrics and boring music Anti-Flag fight the
power harder than Malcolm X and Martin Luther King combined. Coming
from that most oppressed of social groups, middle-class white guys,
there are three things that Anti-Flag hate more than anything else:
corporations, war, and the government. They are also on a major
record label owned by a multi-national corporation that profits from
war due to it's links with the government.


-5. Pennywise
Pennywise defy convention. Convention states that you can't have a
successful recording career releasing the same album filled with
boring, repetitive music over and over again but convention obviously
hasn't heard of the idiots that make up Pennywise's fanbase. By
combining generic riffs and vocals with such vaguely rebellious
mindless statements as "Fuck authority" have transformed
themselves in the mind of 14 year old suburban white kids as the
punkest thing since unsliced bread. Though their albums can be found
in the homes of most punk fan seeking a cure for insomnia (although
continued doses can be coma-inducing) their fans can quickly be
eliminated if told that "A leading medical authority has described
drinking paint as "a bad idea." FUCK AUTHORITY KIDS! GO
DRINK THAT PAINT!

-4. Rancid
Someone should tell Rancid that it's no longer the 1970s. And that
they don't live in England. And that their band isn't called The
Clash. With a bassist prone to the sort of over-indulgent solos punk
was supposed to eliminate and a front man who's only job is to play
one chord, spin round in a circle and then groan unintelligibly into
the microphone about about his childhood viewed through rose-tinted
glasses. Seriously, when have anecdotes about people's childhood
friends ever been entertaining? Rancid is a band in which all of it's
members have been in better bands but come together in a wonderful
display of mediocrity.

-3. Sex Pistols
The Sex Pistols are often revered as the greatest punk band ever. Well
if making crap music, having a murdering idiot junkie as a bass player
and putting your 'shocking' image ahead of your music are measures of
greatest then they are. The Sex Pistols are to blame for every idiot
punk band talking about 'anarchy' and 'the antichrist' just because
they sound cool. They're too blame for every idiot punk wearing stupid
shirts for shock value. In the few years before they imploded with the
bitterness and spite that comes with being a bucnh of crap musicians
who make it big due to having an extremely smart, manipulative manager
they put forward the idea of punk as talentless, undeducated music
that still lingers today.

-2. Germs
Here's a tip for any budding punk bands: make awful music, play
terribly live and then have your idiot lead singer die young so
everyone will think his lyrics are "deep" in some way. The Germs were
a very average punk band that has been elevated to the realms of
greatness because they're singer was a stupid junkie who OD'd by
whining Sid Vicious idolising, death-worshipping morbidly obsessed
stupid 14 year olds like Fat Mike.

-1. CRASS
CRASS were supposed to be about the lyrics so why didn't they just
publish them as porms. I'd rather read their lyrics than listen to
their incomprehensible singer trying and failing to drown out the
tuneless racket that his musically inept band made with his hoarse
shouting. It's hardly the best way to get your point across. If a band
can make a fake recording that can fool the CIA why can't they record
an album that you can actually listen to without thinking someone's
held a microphone up to a bunch of fighting animals and put it on an
album?


ALL BLURBS BY GLOBALLY ADMIRED GENIUS sketchyjoe

Discuss.