its much about basically nothing... but, the lines dont seem to make sentences at all.. just FRAGments

It's a little bit inconsistent, and it shows you had no theme in the beginning, since you started with a quite complex theme, a complex scenery, which I find to be quite good, and uh then it's kinda hindered and some good snapshots come here and there.

You need focus.

I read it twice and I still don't know what it means.

I hate being an idiot. :upset:

:( You're not an idiot, I don't know what it means either. I just typed.

[quote=Storm In A Teacup]
Sifting through broken valleys
Bitterness runs off the tongue
Racing along a dream of
Facing all that ruins the
Same game face that courses through[/quote]

Nice oral sex scene there.

......it wasnt oral sex im sure...

[QUOTE=SixStringKing;13472391]......it wasnt oral sex im sure...[/QUOTE]

'tis a joke me friend..

I feel like Bukowski tonight.

He's a pretty good guy.

[QUOTE=Storm In A Teacup;13472240]:( You're not an idiot, I don't know what it means either. I just typed.[/QUOTE]
My thoughts exactly when I read it.

I just had the image of me pooping until I reached the sky.

are you done?

Probably he isn't.

how can you write without a central conceit?

without premise its just a group of epiphets....

its called free writing

no its not

free writing is something else entirely

You've still got a theme for free writing...for example:

Read the roses, and the way the say:
"Let's drown in crimson glory."
Tear the flower, leave the stem
and the bloodied thorns, peircing
Skin and heart in an effort at being romantic.

Slowly, crimson fades to pink, to black.
Slowly, the petals fall to the floor -
And Only the bloodied thorns remain

Has a theme, but it's still pretty much just free verse. (by the way, I wrote this a few weeks ago, but didnt bother to post it because I feel it's kind of substandard and Im still trying to edit it to the correct quality.)

actaully free writing is just writing what comes to mind.. what you put is free verse.. of he wrote that just as it came to mind without really thinking,.. then it is free writing...
i win

Go read some free verse, usually it's about a scene around the poet, or an issue that's close to them, and THEN they just write whatever comes into their head. But meh, maybe you read different free verse, or something obscure like that.

you're actually both kind of wrong.

free verse is a form of structure, nothing to do with free writing. it forgoes classical ideas of structured verse, for example a sonnet having 14 lines of strict iambic pentameter, in favour of a free wheeling approach to lines/verses/general form. it became popular during the early twentieth century, championed by t s eliot, the beat poets and adrienne rich.

free writing is often a means to an end; a method of renewing interest and ideas, though sometimes used for therapeutic purposes. it entails forgoing conscious thought, allowing the pen/your hand to write, without any thought as to what you are writing. the moment you break from this, and start correcting/applying structure or modifying it in any way, you are no longer free-writing.

Well there ya go.

you were right, both what you and storm in a tea cup were free verse, but not free writing, which is what sixstringking said was without themes, often the exact opposite, being an intense dwelling on one subject.

there were some good lines in those few stanzas you posted; but there's a bit of cliche in there as well....

I agree. Like I said, Im still editing, I might get it up one day...

[QUOTE=pixiesfanyo;13474409]He's a pretty good guy.[/QUOTE]Most people hate him.

your right.. that is free VERSE what he did was free WRITE

....

i re-iterate

[QUOTE]free writing is often a means to an end; a method of renewing interest and ideas, though sometimes used for therapeutic purposes. it entails forgoing conscious thought, allowing the pen/your hand to write, without any thought as to what you are writing. [B]the moment you break from this, and start correcting/applying structure or modifying it in any way, you are no longer free-writing[/B].[/QUOTE]

his piece was clearly not free written, nor is free writing anything to do with the idea of not having a theme; it is a method of writing, rather than a thematic approach

Surf knows his stuff. Are you doing literature in uni or something?

English at Exeter University, down south of england. its in the top twenty unis in the uk, and there's alot of posh kids who didn't get into oxford/cambridge. I'm in my first year: reading beowulf at the moment, translated by seamus heaney and its pretty darn good. however, we also look at literary critcism and relevant theories. russian formalism is more interesting than it sounds.

to be honest, there's an essay i could be doing right now, but i'm devouting every waking hour to avoid having to write it. and its two in the morning and i actualy need to sleep. good night s&l.

Goodnight surf. All sounds very interesting and what not.

free writing means no structural focus, not just writing everything that comes to your mind. I agree with Surf at that.

I feel like some tofu now.

Munchies amirrite

urrite

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I just ate far too much.

I really should actually do some critting some day - it just seems to be every time I'm in here I just can't find anything that I can say something about that will help the writer. :-/

Yeah, that's my goal as well.

Yeah, that's my goal as well.

me too, gice

i don't have any goals.

just like to live.

's a good goal

Hey, I didn't say it was my goal... my goal is to wangle myself a three-way with Keira Knightley and Kate Beckinsdale, but in the absence of that, I'll settle for two other attractive 20-something females.