[QUOTE=Lightning Strikes Twice]Well..What I was getting at was..If you know what you did wrong, maybe next time if it can be fixed, you know what you’ve gotta’ not do this time around..[/QUOTE]

See the thing is. What i did wrong was liking her more than she liked me. And she felt bad because of it.

[QUOTE=ThePinkPanther]See the thing is. What i did wrong was liking her more than she liked me. And she felt bad because of it.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's fine, but you have to file that under "Things you can't control." It'd be one thing if you ran over her cat or slept with someone else, but you didn't. You can't force her into reciprocating love. And sure, it sucks/hurts for you, but you'll get over it as soon as you start the healing process.

[QUOTE=ThePinkPanther]See the thing is. What i did wrong was liking her more than she liked me. And she felt bad because of it.[/QUOTE]

Sorry it didn't work out dude. But you never know what's next, she may yet turn around.

How long had you two been together? Did things move really fast or at a steady pace?

[QUOTE=Jom]Yeah, that's fine, but you have to file that under "Things you can't control." It'd be one thing if you ran over her cat or slept with someone else, but you didn't. You can't force her into reciprocating love. And sure, it sucks/hurts for you, but you'll get over it as soon as you start the healing process.[/QUOTE]At least we assume he didn’t run over her cat..If you did R.I.P Snuffles :’(

But yeah..Nothing you can do about it.

[QUOTE=Jom]Yeah, that's fine, but you have to file that under "Things you can't control." It'd be one thing if you ran over her cat or slept with someone else, but you didn't. You can't force her into reciprocating love. And sure, it sucks/hurts for you, but you'll get over it as soon as you start the healing process.[/QUOTE]

Yeah yeah i know. I'm not as sad right now as i was when my last girlfriend broke up with me, which is weird cause i've been going out with my now ex for a hell of a lot longer than my one before that and i liked this one more.

[QUOTE=Jo Shoe Wah]Sorry it didn't work out dude. But you never know what's next, she may yet turn around.

How long had you two been together? Did things move really fast or at a steady pace?[/QUOTE]

It would've been 3 months on friday. Not too long, but it seemed longer. I would say steadyish. Maybe a little bit faster than that but not really fast.

[QUOTE=ThePinkPanther]Yeah yeah i know. I'm not as sad right now as i was when my last girlfriend broke up with me, which is weird cause i've been going out with my now ex for a hell of a lot longer than my one before that and i liked this one more.



It would've been 3 months on friday. Not too long, but it seemed longer. I would say steadyish. Maybe a little bit faster than that but not really fast.[/QUOTE]

Ohk well it seems your attachment just grew faster than hers i guess. Maybe give it a little break and she might wanna have another go at it?

[QUOTE=ThePinkPanther]See the thing is. What i did wrong was liking her more than she liked me. And she felt bad because of it.[/QUOTE]

There are so many things wrong with this statement.

By the sound of it, you got really clingy and attached too fast. How often were you calling her? Did you ever do anything unpredictable and fun? How much space did you give her?

The fastest route to a failed relationship is not knowing when to lean back.

Okay, so apparently Panther is only fourteen years old. I'm not trying to sound condescending at all, but man, having four girlfriends at age fourteen is a bit awkward for me to think about. It's more like "girls that are friends" than "girlfriends." That kind of puts a whole new spin on my perspective... you'll live, trust me.

Whoa..Yeah, sorry man..But Jom=Right..You will live, it'll suck right now but in less than a year you'll laugh at yourself. I do sometimes.

So..My best friend in the whole world has this girlfriend..And she's bothering me. He's got himself convinced she's "the one" and that without her he'd die and all this crap. But she's an absaloute idiot. She won't let him talk to any other girls besides her or like relatives or that kinda' **** on the phone. And they're ALWAYS together, and anytime he tries to come do something with the guys she'll come along and just pull him away. She's so controlling. I have no idea how to tell him this, because he's absaloutly got himself convinced that she's the best thing in his intire life, when really all the problems he's had this year can be related to her easily.

[QUOTE=Lightning Strikes Twice]Whoa..Yeah, sorry man..But Jom=Right..You will live, it'll suck right now but in less than a year you'll laugh at yourself. I do sometimes.

So..My best friend in the whole world has this girlfriend..And she's bothering me. He's got himself convinced she's "the one" and that without her he'd die and all this crap. But she's an absaloute idiot. She won't let him talk to any other girls besides her or like relatives or that kinda' **** on the phone. And they're ALWAYS together, and anytime he tries to come do something with the guys she'll come along and just pull him away. She's so controlling. I have no idea how to tell him this, because he's absaloutly got himself convinced that she's the best thing in his intire life, when really all the problems he's had this year can be related to her easily.[/QUOTE]


Video Camera.

really. set it up in a room where he cant see it. and tape him being pulled out. and your reactions(and other friends). Then slip it somewhere where hell watch it, but you wont be there, so he wont be all "YOU GUYS ARE UST TRYING TO BREAK UP UP CAUSE YOUR JEALOUS", and will just see what she says. my idea.

[QUOTE=Lightning Strikes Twice]Whoa..Yeah, sorry man..But Jom=Right..You will live, it'll suck right now but in less than a year you'll laugh at yourself. I do sometimes.

So..My best friend in the whole world has this girlfriend..And she's bothering me. He's got himself convinced she's "the one" and that without her he'd die and all this crap. But she's an absaloute idiot. She won't let him talk to any other girls besides her or like relatives or that kinda' **** on the phone. And they're ALWAYS together, and anytime he tries to come do something with the guys she'll come along and just pull him away. She's so controlling. I have no idea how to tell him this, because he's absaloutly got himself convinced that she's the best thing in his intire life, when really all the problems he's had this year can be related to her easily.[/QUOTE]

By the sound of it, those two are ready to move in together at a house on the corner of Enable Street and Codependent Avenue.

To use another street analogy, this is a pretty clear cut relationship cauldesac. You're friend is emotionally dependent on his girlfriend to validate him, and his girlfriend is so similarly unstable, she has come to resent the idea of him having a life outside of her.

The first step to a solution is to get him to socialize more. Have a few guy nights where you can all just sit around and watch some explosion-based movies. And make absolutely certain that she doesn't know, and has no way of contacting to him to find out.

You're going to need to slowly detach him from her hip and convince him to put his foot down before he ends up stuck with a ball and chain who tries to control every aspect of his life.

[QUOTE=Jom]Okay, so apparently Panther is only fourteen years old. I'm not trying to sound condescending at all, but man, having four girlfriends at age fourteen is a bit awkward for me to think about. It's more like "girls that are friends" than "girlfriends." That kind of puts a whole new spin on my perspective... you'll live, trust me.[/QUOTE]

I don't understand what that's supposed to mean. Course, only two of them were serious girlfriends.

And i find the whole age thing offensive in a way due to that fact that younger people get no respect when i know 13 year olds who are more mature than a lot of people older than me.

Steerpike:Thats very true..I'm just not sure about the whole no way of contacting him thing..He ALWAYS has his cell phone with him..And this year every single time I've been with him she's called at least twice.

Panther: It's nothing against you at all, and I wouldn't doubt that you are very mature. But trust me no matter how mature you are it's going to be like that. In a year you seriously will look back and realize that you weren't as [I]whatever[/I] as you think you are now. Just trust us man, I know from personal experience thats the way it works.

[QUOTE=ThePinkPanther]I don't understand what that's supposed to mean. Course, only two of them were serious girlfriends.

And i find the whole age thing offensive in a way due to that fact that younger people get no respect when i know 13 year olds who are more mature than a lot of people older than me.[/QUOTE]

You'll understand after graduation. Believe me, the relationship issues of a 14-year-old pale in comparison to what a lot of people over the age of 20 are going through.

This is not an issue of respect. We're trying to be realistic.

[QUOTE=Lightning Strikes Twice]Steerpike:Thats very true..I'm just not sure about the whole no way of contacting him thing..He ALWAYS has his cell phone with him..And this year every single time I've been with him she's called at least twice.[/QUOTE]

Jesus, your friend really needs to grow a pair.

Okay, this is going to require more effort than I had expected... Well the obvious solution would be to tell him to turn his phone off. But I don't think he'd go for that.

The issue needs a delicate touch, so it's going to take some time to think of what to do.

[QUOTE=ThePinkPanther]I don't understand what that's supposed to mean. Course, only two of them were serious girlfriends.

And i find the whole age thing offensive in a way due to that fact that younger people get no respect when i know 13 year olds who are more mature than a lot of people older than me.[/QUOTE]

With age comes experience, and that may be wrong for a great deal of immature old people, and yes there may be mature 13 year olds about. But you're still going to learn alot more about relationships as you get older. His post isn't meaning to be offensive to you, just trying to point out that the sadness you're going to go through when the breakup hits you isn't going to kill you. In majority of cases, relationships at young ages don't become too serious.

I don't mean to come off as an arse, you may be different, but it just usually works that way.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]Jesus, your friend really needs to grow a pair.

Okay, this is going to require more effort than I had expected... Well the obvious solution would be to tell him to turn his phone off. But I don't think he'd go for that.

The issue needs a delicate touch, so it's going to take some time to think of what to do.[/QUOTE]Yeah, he won't go for the turning off the cell phone thing..He'll look at me and laugh lol. I'll be waiting for the answer, if you find one.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]You'll understand after graduation. Believe me, the relationship issues of a 14-year-old pale in comparison to what a lot of people over the age of 20 are going through.

This is not an issue of respect. We're trying to be realistic.
[/QUOTE]

Well it seemed to be an issue of respect. And while issues of 20 year olds for relationships may outshine so to say those of a 14 year olds, it doesn't take the fact that it's still an issue and that you can't tell someone it's not much compared to another due to the fact that I cannot experience the difference currently.

[QUOTE=Lightning Strikes Twice]Yeah, he won't go for the turning off the cell phone thing..He'll look at me and laugh lol. I'll be waiting for the answer, if you find one.[/QUOTE]

How old are you guys, you could plan like, a camping trip or something just all the guys. Hopefully the result will be taking his mind off his girl for a few days and he'll be more inclined to hang out with you guys.

Then after hes not so attached (not that its bad for him to be attached to her, but the current situation is a bit extreme), you can try convincing him something needs to be done.

[QUOTE=Jo Shoe Wah]How old are you guys, you could plan like, a camping trip or something just all the guys. Hopefully the result will be taking his mind off his girl for a few days and he'll be more inclined to hang out with you guys.

Then after hes not so attached (not that its bad for him to be attached to her, but the current situation is a bit extreme), you can try convincing him something needs to be done.[/QUOTE]
Not old enough to go camping..Not responsible enough to go camping anyways :p We'd probably get eaten by a bear while we tried to see if bears were flammable.....:)

It'd be cool though to find a weekend we could just get a couple of guys together and hang out at someone's house..And just sleep there for a couple of days lol..His cell phone would eventually die :p

[QUOTE=Lightning Strikes Twice]Yeah, he won't go for the turning off the cell phone thing..He'll look at me and laugh lol. I'll be waiting for the answer, if you find one.[/QUOTE]

The most roundabout way of doing things is to start trying to be an influence in his life that will get him to stop being such a whipped little bitch. I hate to sound so harsh, but this guy is on his way to being a disgrace to the male half of the species.

The hardest route, but ultimately the one that has the best probability of success in the long-term is to become such a positive influence in his life that he may find the impetus in himself to affect some change.

Alright, first of all you need to convince him that he cannot change other people, only himself. Find a way to subtly work this theme into a few conversations, and see if you can get him to agree with you. I'm not trying to contradict myself. You can't change people, but you can influence their decisions.

It would help if you get/have a girlfriend yourself. Probably the best homework you've ever had, right there.

You're going to have to get him to learn to be more autonomous. Find ways to let him make decisions more that don't involve his girlfriend. You'll essentially be helping him to uncross the wires.

That's all I can think of for now.

[QUOTE=Lightning Strikes Twice]Not old enough to go camping..Not responsible enough to go camping anyways :p We'd probably get eaten by a bear while we tried to see if bears were flammable.....:)

It'd be cool though to find a weekend we could just get a couple of guys together and hang out at someone's house..And just sleep there for a couple of days lol..His cell phone would eventually die :p[/QUOTE]

Hahaha...ok well i agree with Steerpike, also just try to seperate the two for male only nights like you've said, without actually breaking them up...unless that was your intention.

No, I don't mind him going out with her..It just bothers me that they're ALWAYS together and that he's whipped beyond belief.

Thanks guys, especially to Steerpike for the kick *** homework :lol:

[QUOTE=ThePinkPanther]Well it seemed to be an issue of respect. And while issues of 20 year olds for relationships may outshine so to say those of a 14 year olds, it doesn't take the fact that it's still an issue and that you can't tell someone it's not much compared to another due to the fact that I cannot experience the difference currently.[/QUOTE]

It's not an issue of respect. I was telling Kimmie that I thought you were at least 17 because of the way you handle yourself. That's a compliment, not an insult. I'm just telling you that feeling sorry that you've been broken up with four times at age fourteen is NOT the end of the world. Sure, it can be disheartening, but you will move on and go through adolescence just fine.

And I'm not comparing 20 year olds and 14 year olds for anything except fundamental, natural maturity level. You can't teach it. It comes with experience. You've experienced fourteen years of life, two, maybe three tops in terms of dating and relationships.

As you get older, you're going to realize that worrying about what happened at age 14 is trivial.

Yeah, Jom is right.

LOL! I just realized your avatar is the easter beagle lol..I couldn't figure it out, then I read your usertitle..lol

[QUOTE=ThePinkPanther]Well it seemed to be an issue of respect. And while issues of 20 year olds for relationships may outshine so to say those of a 14 year olds, it doesn't take the fact that it's still an issue and that you can't tell someone it's not much compared to another due to the fact that I cannot experience the difference currently.[/QUOTE]

Ask my 43 year old guy. His ex is STILL an issue. He still doesn't get the fact that he's still alive, although he should already know that.

My guy = immature.

My point with this actually was, doesn't matter how old you are, this stupid [size=2]s[/size]hit still hurts.

But you do still get through it.

[QUOTE=Jom]It's not an issue of respect. I was telling Kimmie that I thought you were at least 17 because of the way you handle yourself. That's a compliment, not an insult. I'm just telling you that feeling sorry that you've been broken up with four times at age fourteen is NOT the end of the world. Sure, it can be disheartening, but you will move on and go through adolescence just fine.[/QUOTE]

oh i'm not being all sad about the fact that i've been the one dumped all the times., if i came off that way i didn't mean it to be just that. But i think you hit it spot on about it being a bit disheartening.

oh and gracias for the compliment. yeah, i know i'm just that awesome. *ego*

All right, I'm a freshman in high school and I have a weird problem. There's this girl named Katie in 8th grade who's like obsessed with me. I found out like 2 months ago. About a week after I found out, she sent me this note, "From your secret admirer", and I sent her this note back saying that I had no interest in her and that it was pretty immature to act like you're in love with somebody you don't even know. But she didn't give up. She like stalked me, learning where all my classes are and waiting for me just so she could say hi. It's really fu[size=2]c[/size]king weird, and it been going on for like 2 months. So about a week or two ago she asked me to this dance at school, and I told her once again that I was not interested in her, and that I did not want to go to the dance with her. She still lurks around and follows me, and some people have told me that she's asking people where I live and what my number is. How do I make her stop and get through to her?

I'd say this is something to bring up with her family. This is just spooky.

Yeah tell her to stop it or that you will tell her parents. If she doesn't stop go ahead and tell her parents. If that doesn't help tell a teacher who you trust.

Unusual situation.

[QUOTE=Led-Zeppelin]All right, I'm a freshman in high school and I have a weird problem. There's this girl named Katie in 8th grade who's like obsessed with me. I found out like 2 months ago. About a week after I found out, she sent me this note, "From your secret admirer", and I sent her this note back saying that I had no interest in her and that it was pretty immature to act like you're in love with somebody you don't even know. But she didn't give up. She like stalked me, learning where all my classes are and waiting for me just so she could say hi. It's really fu[size=2]c[/size]king weird, and it been going on for like 2 months. So about a week or two ago she asked me to this dance at school, and I told her once again that I was not interested in her, and that I did not want to go to the dance with her. She still lurks around and follows me, and some people have told me that she's asking people where I live and what my number is. How do I make her stop and get through to her?[/QUOTE]
Get a random girl to pose as your girlfriend. You need something harsh and in her face to get her to back off, since trying to be nice about it ahsn't worked yet.

[QUOTE=Herbert_da_fish]Get a random girl to pose as your girlfriend. You need something harsh and in her face to get her to back off, since trying to be nice about it ahsn't worked yet.[/QUOTE]

That's a good idea, Emily. Might work.

I'd just pull a gun on the bitch and say "STOP FUC[size=2]KING[/size] STALKING ME!!!"
:p

Tell her - and only her - that you're gay.

Or bring it up with her parents if she doesn't stop.

Me and my ex broke up to come to uni. He wasn't taking it very well, and he kind of kept acting like we would get back together in the holidays, which wasn't going to happen.

I thought it would be easier on him if I just stopped talking to him pretty much, I thought if he got angry with me that might make things easier. So whenever he talked to me on MSN, etc., I would just give him short answers.

He came to stay with me to see a band, which led to a very awkward situation because to me, we had already broken up, but he obviously didn't see it like that.

After that he felt very embarassed of the way he'd acted (he'd got really drunk and behaved in a weird way) so he deleted me off his phone, MSN, and myspace. I didn't know this until I saw him at Xmas when he apologised for everything, but I mean if that's the way he wants to deal with it then cool. Then at Xmas he said he wanted to still be friends with me, that we should talk normally and stop being weird.

So I saw him on Monday, and he waved to me across the street. I went over and said hi, and things seemed to be cool. Then I saw him on Friday, and went up to him in the pub and said hi, and he just murmured "hi" and carried on texting on his phone and didn't even look up for the entire time I stood there. Made me feel kinda awkward as I just had to go "err ok" and walk away again.

So I talked to a mutual friend and he said my ex is annoyed at me for stopping talking to him when we broke up. This is kind of what I was aiming at in the first place, it wasn't the coolest way for me to handle things, but I hoped if he was angry he would get over things quicker. He seems to be having a massively delayed reaction. He told my friend that he hoped when we'd seen each other on Monday that I wouldn't come over and say hi to him, and that I wouldn't speak to him at all.

This is the opposite of what he said before. I am very confused at how to deal with this situation.

I wouldn't be bothered about talking to him at all, it's really up to him, but the thing is we have a good few mutual friends, including 2 or 3 really good friends of mine who I have known since long before we went out, and when we all hang out at the pub etc. together it just makes things awkward and weird.

I want to say something to him on Monday, but I don't know what. I want to be the adult in this situation, and not say anything stupid or angry, so do any of you have any suggestions? Cheers.

[QUOTE=the-UK-ska-scene]Story.[/QUOTE]

Maybe when he told you he wanted to remain friends he thought it could work, and maybe now he thinks it can't because he still has feelings for you. About the only thing you can do is sit down with him and discuss it calmly.

[QUOTE=Led-Zeppelin]All right, I'm a freshman in high school and I have a weird problem. There's this girl named Katie in 8th grade who's like obsessed with me. I found out like 2 months ago. About a week after I found out, she sent me this note, "From your secret admirer", and I sent her this note back saying that I had no interest in her and that it was pretty immature to act like you're in love with somebody you don't even know. But she didn't give up. She like stalked me, learning where all my classes are and waiting for me just so she could say hi. It's really fu[size=2]c[/size]king weird, and it been going on for like 2 months. So about a week or two ago she asked me to this dance at school, and I told her once again that I was not interested in her, and that I did not want to go to the dance with her. She still lurks around and follows me, and some people have told me that she's asking people where I live and what my number is. How do I make her stop and get through to her?[/QUOTE]


'sup fellow frosh.

thats creepy. That kinda happened to me. but much less creepy. and she was in my grade. BUt now, this girl who i "went out with" in 4th grade lol, is myspace stalking me. SHES THE THIRD ONE TO MYSPACE STALK ME. W.T.W :confused: and she lives in virgina, and me in NJ, and she wants to meet up during spring break, and shes wierd. and stuff. argg..

Yeah, anywho, bringing it up with parents (or a guidance counseler[her counseler]) is probably a good idea.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Maybe when he told you he wanted to remain friends he thought it could work, and maybe now he thinks it can't because he still has feelings for you. About the only thing you can do is sit down with him and discuss it calmly.[/QUOTE]
From a similar experience I had, I would say don't talk to him much, or even not at all for a few weeks. When my ex and I broke up, I was always annoyed when she tried to have a conversation with me. I gave her short answers, made up excuses to leave, etc. I think it's cause I still had feelings for her, and I knew that getting back together would never work, just because of how our relationship ended. So I separated myself from her for a month, and we've been talking lately just like normal friends would. So I say give him some time to himself.

[QUOTE=The Fonz]Yeah, anywho, bringing it up with parents (or a guidance counseler[her counseler]) is probably a good idea.[/QUOTE]That's what I'd suggest.

[QUOTE=Rasta Rocker]From a similar experience I had, I would say don't talk to him much, or even not at all for a few weeks. When my ex and I broke up, I was always annoyed when she tried to have a conversation with me. I gave her short answers, made up excuses to leave, etc. I think it's cause I still had feelings for her, and I knew that getting back together would never work, just because of how our relationship ended. So I separated myself from her for a month, and we've been talking lately just like normal friends would. So I say give him some time to himself.[/QUOTE]

Yeah I understand.

The only reason I wanted to hurry it up was, as I said, we are hanging at the pub and stuff with friends and it makes things awkward. I am only home for a couple more weeks then I am going back to uni and won't see my friends for a while so I want this week or two to be chilled.

Also I woulda thought he got over it already. I saw him after a month of not seeing him at xmas, and he said he had feelings for me which he needed to sort out. But I haven't talked to him for over 3 months, I wish he would just get over this now.

How long did ou guys date? And if he actually loved you (not liked a lot, or lusted for, but love), those kinds of feelings take a very long time to get over.