Go out and collect some women's phone numbers. You don't even need to follow up on them. Just demnostrate to yourself that you are able to move on. That you always have more options.

Brit's been calling my phone, and messaging me on Myspace and Soulseek like non-stop for two hours. I haven't answered, and I blocked her on MSN last night. She won't give up, damnit.

Should I just pick up the phone and tell her to stop or what? I don't want to be mean, but she seriously hasn't stopped since 11am, and it's 1:12pm now. If I talk to her, it won't make things better 'cause she'll just whine and beg me to take her back.

So what do I do to make her stop? Wait it out maybe?

Oh yeah, Must add that she knows that I'm here, even though she hasn't been able to conact me. I forgot that people can tell when someone reads there messages on Myspace. So she knows I'm ignoring her. :-/

Just wait it out, I think.

You see, I'm not that kind of guy to just go out and get girls' numbers or try to find someone else. I seriously have no self-confidence whatsoever. I'm self-conscious about myself all the time.

I used to be really fat. I weighed around 190 lbs and I always used to be overweight untill recently I tried doing something about it. Now I weigh 145 lbs and I do feel a little better about myself, but not much. I'm still not happy with what my body looks like. I guess it's because I've always been called fat by my brother and his friends and I always felt depressed and I ate even more to feel better. And then just one day I was like F**k what everyone says. I'm gonna do something about it. I'm gonna stop feeling sorry for myself.

I started running 3-4 times a week and progressed and it's great seeing my body look better. But I don't know. I'm still not happy. And then I met this great girl who seriously changed me as a person. She really helped me and what made it better was that she really honestly liked me. She actually cared [I]more [/I]about me than her boyfriend at the time. And then she just stopped in like a day. Now how's that supposed to make you feel? It was bad. Especially the first week after. But I know it's better now. I don't know, it's just hard when you've never felt that way about someone and no one's ever felt that way about you before and it just ends so abruptly.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I really miss her a lot and I can't get girls.

This is starting to sound pretty creepy. Someone needs to explain to this girl that she is now officially stalking you.

Try and wait it out, but if she doesn't let up, you need to explain to her just how emotionally unhealthy this is for her.

EDIT: To Wizard

[QUOTE=allalone]You see, I'm not that kind of guy to just go out and get girls' numbers or try to find someone else. I seriously have no self-confidence whatsoever. I'm self-conscious about myself all the time. [/quote]

Then you need to give yourself a quick bitch slap in the mirror and start shaping up.

[quote]I used to be really fat. I weighed around 190 lbs and I always used to be overweight untill recently I tried doing something about it. Now I weigh 145 lbs and I do feel a little better about myself, but not much. I'm still not happy with what my body looks like. I guess it's because I've always been called fat by my brother and his friends and I always felt depressed and I ate even more to feel better. And then just one day I was like F**k what everyone says. I'm gonna do something about it. I'm gonna stop feeling sorry for myself.[/quote]

Then keep doing that!!

Jesus, the more you tell yourself how self-conscious and unconfident you are, the more it's going to happen.

You have problems. You can fix them. So stop complaining about them and fix them!

[quote]I started running 3-4 times a week and progressed and it's great seeing my body look better. But I don't know. I'm still not happy.[/quote]

Because you still internalize everyone else's opinion of you. Stop it.

[quote]And then I met this great girl who seriously changed me as a person. She really helped me and what made it better was that she really honestly liked me. She actually cared [I]more [/I]about me than her boyfriend at the time. And then she just stopped in like a day. Now how's that supposed to make you feel? It was bad. Especially the first week after. But I know it's better now. I don't know, it's just hard when you've never felt that way about someone and no one's ever felt that way about you before and it just ends so abruptly.[/quote]

So why the hell are you acting as if she's the last woman you'll ever get?

[quote]I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I really miss her a lot and I can't get girls.[/QUOTE]

And what I'm trying to say is stop acting like a spineless emo kid and find the impetus in yourself to affect change in your own life.

I used to be the same way. I believed that things were bad then, and that was just the way it was going to be. Then I decided to change everything once and for all. I'm not fully there yet, but I've made progress, and that's all the encouragement I need to continue.

Stop internalizing everyone else's opinions of you, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and stop acting like things aren't going to change. The only reason you can't get girl is because you won't let yourself. I know that's not the answer you want, but it's the truth.

steerpike translation : stop being whiney bitches



i must say, that man has a point

Normally, I'm not as blunt. But in cases like this I do believe in tough love. It kills me to see guys beating up on themselves and acting like their current situation is the way it's always going to be.

How the hell am I supposed to stop when all my fuc[SIZE="2"]king[/SIZE] life everyone has something to say about me. No ones happy with me. I'm not even fuc[SIZE="2"]king[/SIZE] happy with myself. It's so easy to say it, but not to actually do it. I'm never going to be happy with myself because of everyone's perception to me and all the torment that I have gotten. All my fuc[SIZE="2"]king [/SIZE] life I've been tormented. How am I supposed to try and get a girl when I'm not even happy with myself? How am I supposed to love someone else when I don't even love myself?

[QUOTE=allalone]How the hell am I supposed to stop when all my fuc[SIZE="2"]king[/SIZE] life everyone has something to say about me. No ones happy with me. I'm not even fuc[SIZE="2"]king[/SIZE] happy with myself. It's so easy to say it, but not to actually do it. I'm never going to be happy with myself because of everyone's perception to me and all the torment that I have gotten. All my fuc[SIZE="2"]king [/SIZE] life I've been tormented. How am I supposed to try and get a girl when I'm not even happy with myself? How am I supposed to love someone else when I don't even love myself?[/QUOTE]

Don't get caught in this train of thought. There is no reason to not be happy with yourself. Don't let things other people say shape your opinion of yourself.

[QUOTE=allalone]How am I supposed to love someone else when I don't even love myself?[/QUOTE]

This is a good point.

So, take a look at yourself, figure out what you don't like, and fix it.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]Normally, I'm not as blunt. But in cases like this I do believe in tough love. It kills me to see guys beating up on themselves and acting like their current situation is the way it's always going to be.[/QUOTE]
You know, you're right. Months before I met this girl, I would have said the same thing, but it's so much different after you experience it. After you get that feeling. That feeling is so great. You don't have a care in the world. It's so amazing. I just wish I would stop haveing feelings for this girl. Months before I met this girl and to look at me now I would say "Man... stop being such a p**sy and suck it up. It's just so dumb bi*ch" But it's weird. Now I actually see why girls go back to their a**hole boyfriends even when they treat the girls like sh*t. They remember those good times they used to have and [I]want [/I]to feel that way again. I'll tell you... that feeling you get, it's amazing it does make you [I]want [/I]it even more.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]This is a good point.

So, take a look at yourself, figure out what you don't like, and fix it.[/QUOTE]
I have looked at myself and have been trying to fix it. The weight being my main issue. But I'm still not happy and I just feel like I'll never be happy with my weight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

[QUOTE=allalone]I have looked at myself and have been trying to fix it. The weight being my main issue. But I'm still not happy and I just feel like I'll never be happy with my weight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.[/QUOTE]

145 pounds doesn't sound overweight to me. So there's that issue dealt with. See what the next issue should be and work on that.

[QUOTE=allalone]How the hell am I supposed to stop when all my fuc[SIZE="2"]king[/SIZE] life everyone has something to say about me. No ones happy with me. I'm not even fuc[SIZE="2"]king[/SIZE] happy with myself. It's so easy to say it, but not to actually do it. I'm never going to be happy with myself because of everyone's perception to me and all the torment that I have gotten. All my fuc[SIZE="2"]king [/SIZE] life I've been tormented. How am I supposed to try and get a girl when I'm not even happy with myself? How am I supposed to love someone else when I don't even love myself?[/QUOTE]

You can start by figuring out which areas of your life need to be improved and make a game plan to do that.

And don't give me any bullsh[size=2]i[/size]t about how hard you've had it. I spent most of my life as an underweight dwarf until my high school growth spurt. I've had clinical depression and social anxiety. Cheerleaders used to run up and hug me just to see me blush brighter than a Christmas tree. Every dime-a-dozen rebel wannabe and future drop-out in school used me as their punching bag.

I had to work my way up from practically nothing, but I did it. So I'm not just talking about solutions. I'm referring you to ones that I've actually used and have actually worked.

But hell, if you're only going to keep talking about your own lack of self-worth, the only thing that's going to help you is professional therapy.

Do you want to fix your problems or not?

[QUOTE=allalone]I have looked at myself and have been trying to fix it. The weight being my main issue. But I'm still not happy and I just feel like I'll never be happy with my weight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.[/QUOTE]

You said you're 145 now. I'm assuming youre of average height. That's a normal and healthy weight to be at. You don't want to get caught in the mentality that you need to lose more and more weight. That can lead to much more serious issues down the road. Find a weight that you feel comfortable with that is healthy at the same time and maintain it through a workout routine and healthy eating. The running is a great way to do that. You sound like youre on the right track, you just need to adjust your mentality towards yourself.

good point...

i could paint myself in a pathetic light, accenting all the negatives, but what would be the point in all of that.


Who hasnt had a tought life?

As far as not loving yourself, I'm sure if you sat down and rationalized your problem, it would seem obvious you are making a mountain out of a mole hill, for lack of a better anecdote. Its not something that usually happens over night. Just changing your thought process about yourself is usually a good start

[QUOTE=allalone]I'll tell you... that feeling you get, it's amazing it does make you [I]want [/I]it even more.[/QUOTE]

Then stop pretending she's the only woman you'll ever feel it with.

[QUOTE=allalone]I have looked at myself and have been trying to fix it. The weight being my main issue. But I'm still not happy and I just feel like I'll never be happy with my weight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.[/QUOTE]

No, you've somehow managed to convince yourself that this is your role in life because of how rough a itme other people gave you.

Bullsh[size=2]i[/size]t.

"Oh, I'll never be happy-" Shut up. The more you talk like that, the more certain it is to come true. Stop beating yourself up like an emo kid and do something about it. The less you complain about how hard it is to fix problems, the more likely oyu are to fix them.

Do not compare your progress to anybody else. Sever the negative connections in your life. Surround yourself with people who are going to help you grow as a person. Keep a journal of progress. Take the whole process one step at a time.

But for god's sake, stop complaining. You're only making it worse on yourself.

[QUOTE=EizingerIsGod]You said you're 145 now. I'm assuming youre of average height. That's a normal and healthy weight to be at. You don't want to get caught in the mentality that you need to lose more and more weight. That can lead to much more serious issues down the road. Find a weight that you feel comfortable with that is healthy at the same time and maintain it through a workout routine and healthy eating. The running is a great way to do that. You sound like youre on the right track, you just need to adjust your mentality towards yourself.[/QUOTE]
You know, I still want to lose weight. Even though I'm at healthy weight, I guess. I still am not happy with what my body looks like. My brother is really skinny and always will be. I don't want to look as skinny as him, but I want to be skinny, so... like you can see a six pack or something. I do work with free weights, like bench press and curls, mostly. I work my abs too. I just want to lose enough weight so You can actually see some abs and at least a little muscle on me. I don't know if that's bad mentality or not. I still beat myself up if I eat unhealthy or a little too much.

i think you are focusing too much on such a meaningless endeavor.


Sure, you tell us, in words "hey, if i was skinny and had a 6-pack, everything would be different"


I emplore you that this is not the case at all. You are merely looking for excuses to hate yourself

[QUOTE=allalone]You know, I still want to lose weight. Even though I'm at healthy weight, I guess. I still am not happy with what my body looks like. My brother is really skinny and always will be. I don't want to look as skinny as him, but I want to be skinny, so... like you can see a six pack or something. I do work with free weights, like bench press and curls, mostly. I work my abs too. I just want to lose enough weight so You can actually see some abs and at least a little muscle on me. I don't know if that's bad mentality or not. I still beat myself up if I eat unhealthy or a little too much.[/QUOTE]

Just so you know, you're not going to get a highly defined six-pack unless you're genetically built that way. Also most of the models with sixpacks on fitness magazines have actually starved themselves for a day so that subcutaneous layers of fat that normally mask a lot of muscle defintion are gone. Not something I recommend doing.

And for god's sake, stop beating yourself up. I know a guy who's attitude is, "Well, I'll let myself have this piece of cake. But I'll add an extra five minutes on the treadmill to compensate." He doesn't shy away from junk food, but when he does eat more of it than usual, he just puts in a little extra time at the gym. Nothing overboard, just enough to burn off most of the extra callories.

By no means should you think you have to work out daily like Jerry and Doyle of the Misfits. Just stay on track and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

It would also help to think more in terms of fitness than thinness. You don't want an eating disorder.

[QUOTE=allalone] I want to be skinny, so... like you can see a six pack or something. I do work with free weights, like bench press and curls, mostly. I work my abs too. I just want to lose enough weight so You can actually see some abs and at least a little muscle on me. I don't know if that's bad mentality or not. I still beat myself up if I eat unhealthy or a little too much.[/QUOTE]

Like Che said you're just finding reasons to beat yourself up. The majority of guys don't have six packs. I sure as hell don't. Sure I'd like to have cut abs but I don't let it bother me that I don't. If you are working out try doing either circuit training which would be a more aerobic approach or weight training to build muscle. It can take a long time before you start to see results when working out. Don't let it discourage you that you aren't getting immediate results. All that stuff you see on television about getting in shape in minutes a day and six second abs is bullsh[I]i[/I]t. Just keep working at what you're doing and you will see results in time. In the meantime just don't look for reasons to put yourself down.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]It would also help to think more in terms of fitness than thinness. You don't want an eating disorder.[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more.

[QUOTE=Che Guevara]I emplore you that this is not the case at all. You are merely looking for excuses to hate yourself[/QUOTE]

Having been there, I can back this up. Though it is good to get and stay in shape, it's certainly not going to be a magical cure-all.

I have a friend who's excellent with women and incredibly self-confident. And he has an insane metabolism that causes him to be skinny without even trying. If it weren't for the fact that he eats and works out as much as he does, he'd look like a Holocaust survivor.

With women, your physique is much less important than your personality. And self-deprecation is not an attractive quality.

[QUOTE=Che Guevara]i think you are focusing too much on such a meaningless endeavor.


Sure, you tell us, in words "hey, if i was skinny and had a 6-pack, everything would be different"


I emplore you that this is not the case at all. You are merely looking for excuses to hate yourself[/QUOTE]
What should I be focusing on, then? If I actally felt better about myself and about the way I look, I'll have more self-confidence and may actually try to get girls. I always have had this feeling that girls will just look at me say "Oh he's fat, and then just have nothing to do with me" That's the way I feel about anyone that meets me for the first time. That's the way I have always felt. Just a few weeks ago I heard someone say that about me. My sister was talking to a teacher and she said to the teacher "Here's my brother!" and the teacher said "Oh he's fat!" and my sister said "He lost a lot of weight" I didn't hear the teacher say "he's fat" but when I heard my sister say "He lost a lot of weight" it's kind of easy to infer that. So how's that to my confidence? Yeah, it doesn't make me feel so great. Hearing that doesn't make me feel so great.

[QUOTE=EizingerIsGod]Like Che said you're just finding reasons to beat yourself up. The majority of guys don't have six packs. I sure as hell don't. Sure I'd like to have cut abs but I don't let it bother me that I don't. If you are working out try doing either circuit training which would be a more aerobic approach or weight training to build muscle. It can take a long time before you start to see results when working out. Don't let it discourage you that you aren't getting immediate results. All that stuff you see on television about getting in shape in minutes a day and six second abs is bullsh[I]i[/I]t. Just keep working at what you're doing and you will see results in time. In the meantime just don't look for reasons to put yourself down.



I couldn't agree more.[/QUOTE]
I know I'm not going to see immediate results. I started in September. I've been running and doing weight training since then and I have seen a significant change. I know. My stamina has greatly improved as well as my strength. I can bench 200 lbs. Which feels great. I just have this obsession with being thin. Oh yeah and I have been using six second abs since september too.;) And it really does work. But I just have to lose more fat to be able to see it.

[QUOTE=allalone]What should I be focusing on, then? If I actally felt better about myself and about the way I look, I'll have more self-confidence and may actually try to get girls.[/quote]

Wrong again. You'll feel good about yourself for getting in shape, but then you'll be just another boring jock who centers his life entirely around his body.

[quote]I always have had this feeling that girls will just look at me say "Oh he's fat, and then just have nothing to do with me"[/quote]

Wrong again. Any woman who thinks that isn't worth the time anyway because she's so superficial.

Women judge you more on your personality than your looks.

[quote]That's the way I feel about anyone that meets me for the first time.[/quote]

Well, you're wrong.

[quote]That's the way I have always felt. Just a few weeks ago I heard someone say that about me. My sister was talking to a teacher and she said to the teacher "Here's my brother!" and the teacher said "Oh he's fat!" and my sister said "He lost a lot of weight" I didn't hear the teacher say "he's fat" but when I heard my sister say "He lost a lot of weight" it's kind of easy to infer that.[/quote]

So you heard it, but you didn't hear it? And you inferred it.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ. You're letting other people define who you are. You're not showing any initiative to be your own person.

[quote]So how's that to my confidence? Yeah, it doesn't make me feel so great. Hearing that doesn't make me feel so great.[/QUOTE]

You said yourself that you didn't hear it, you inferred it. You just want an excuse to beat up on yourself because it's easier than actually fixing your own d[size=2]a[/size]mn problems.

[QUOTE=allalone]I didn't hear the teacher say "he's fat" but when I heard my sister say "He lost a lot of weight" it's kind of easy to infer that.[/QUOTE]

The chances of a teacher making a comment like that are not very likely.

So, what can actually be inferred is that your sister offered up the information that you had lost weight without prompting because she's proud of you.

[QUOTE=allalone]I know I'm not going to see immediate results. I started in September. I've been running and doing weight training since then and I have seen a significant change. I know. My stamina has greatly improved as well as my strength. I can bench 200 lbs. Which feels great. I just have this obsession with being thin. Oh yeah and I have been using six second abs since september too.;) And it really does work. But I just have to lose more fat to be able to see it.[/QUOTE]

Then learn to cook and start making your own menu. Try to schedule the meals you're cooking around the food pyramid.

Do get in shape, but don't work out your body to the point that you neglect your mind and emotions. You're not going to attract women in the long-term if all you have to offer is big pecs. You need to have a personality behind the brawn.

"Stay Positive!"

Best statement you will ever hear.

Completely changed the way I view my life. allalone should think about it too.

:)

[QUOTE=allalone]What should I be focusing on, then? If I actally felt better about myself and about the way I look, I'll have more self-confidence and may actually try to get girls. I always have had this feeling that girls will just look at me say "Oh he's fat, and then just have nothing to do with me" That's the way I feel about anyone that meets me for the first time. That's the way I have always felt. Just a few weeks ago I heard someone say that about me. My sister was talking to a teacher and she said to the teacher "Here's my brother!" and the teacher said "Oh he's fat!" and my sister said "He lost a lot of weight" I didn't hear the teacher say "he's fat" but when I heard my sister say "He lost a lot of weight" it's kind of easy to infer that. So how's that to my confidence? Yeah, it doesn't make me feel so great. Hearing that doesn't make me feel so great.[/QUOTE]



well, what id say to you is...


if you are worried about girls think you are fat, honestly, what you want a girl who judges YOU based on appearance.

I personally choose NOT to make myself looked my best due to this phenonmenon. If someone is going to judge my character based on appearance, i really feel they are doing me a favor by not wasting my time

[QUOTE=Steerpike]So you heard it, but you didn't hear it? And you inferred it.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ. You're letting other people define who you are. You're not showing any initiative to be your own person.



You said yourself that you didn't hear it, you inferred it. You just want an excuse to beat up on yourself because it's easier than actually fixing your own d[size=2]a[/size]mn problems.[/QUOTE]
All right, I think it's pretty obvious what she said. And what the hell are you talking about. I have been fixing my own problems. I know she was talking about my weight. It's easy to tell. I'm used to it all the time. I'm done arguing with you. Whatever. I just want a way to get my confidence up.

[QUOTE=allalone]All right, I think it's pretty obvious what she said. And what the hell are you talking about. I have been fixing my own problems. I know she was talking about my weight. It's easy to tell. I'm used to it all the time. I'm done arguing with you. Whatever. I just want a way to get my confidence up.[/QUOTE]

Like I said above, the chances of a teacher making a comment about your weight isn't very likely.