[QUOTE]I used to suffer from depression when my step father was abusive but all that changed when I stood up to him a year ago.[/QUOTE]:thumb:

[QUOTE]You need to go through it to understand it, I'm not some little fag who will blame all my problems with behavior on somebody/something else, and try to cure them with medication, I regularly go to counseling for anger problems, anxiety problems, and depression, and I might have to start taking medication as well as go to counseling, also, trust me, YOU DO NOT want to see what it's like, episodes of depression are horrible, last relapse I had, I couldn't think about anything other than things I've done wrong, the whole time I couldn't pay attention to a single thing other than any bad choice I had made in the past 4 months. And then when I came out of that, I just flipped, and punched holes in my wall and such, it's nto fun, it's absolutely aweful, I try not to even think about how I feel at those times, cause I just get totally detatched, and I don't even care about how I treat my family and stuff in that state.... it's no fun.[/QUOTE]I've never had anything nearly that bad. I've been depressed, but only to a certain controlled point, luckily.

I Am Vikingcore

I wasn't accusing you of bieng false with it. But when people close to you are going through depression and it affects you directly it is ridiculously annoying to not have any understanding of it at all. I wouldn't like to have depression as i cans ee it is hell, but I would like an insight so i could be a little mroe in tune with what people around with me are going through.

[QUOTE=GaggingOrder]:thumb:

I've never had anything nearly that bad. I've been depressed, but only to a certain controlled point, luckily.[/QUOTE]

I've only been like that 3 times that I can think of.

When my older brother Jay used to abuse me on a regular basis (we got him commited thank God), when one of my best "friends" basically made fun of me in front of the whole school and treated me like a piece of ****, and told all kinds of secrets about me, and when Lindsay and I broke up.

[QUOTE=clearvision]I Am Vikingcore

I wasn't accusing you of bieng false with it. But when people close to you are going through depression and it affects you directly it is ridiculously annoying to not have any understanding of it at all. I wouldn't like to have depression as i cans ee it is hell, but I would like an insight so i could be a little mroe in tune with what people around with me are going through.[/QUOTE]

true. You cant help people effectively unless you've experienced what they're going through. I just fantasize about having depression and try to identify with the emotions I assume I would have.

The most depressing three times were:

A. When I had to leave my first school
B. When I had to leave my second school
C. When I realized that I suck at life.

750 posts OMGlol.

[QUOTE=I Am Vikingcore]You need to go through it to understand it, I'm not some little fag who will blame all my problems with behavior on somebody/something else, and try to cure them with medication, I regularly go to counseling for anger problems, anxiety problems, and depression, and I might have to start taking medication as well as go to counseling, also, trust me, YOU DO NOT want to see what it's like, episodes of depression are horrible, last relapse I had, I couldn't think about anything other than things I've done wrong, the whole time I couldn't pay attention to a single thing other than any bad choice I had made in the past 4 months. And then when I came out of that, I just flipped, and punched holes in my wall and such, it's nto fun, it's absolutely aweful, I try not to even think about how I feel at those times, cause I just get totally detatched, and I don't even care about how I treat my family and stuff in that state.... it's no fun.[/QUOTE]

That sounds like bipolar disorder, going from one extreme to the next that fluidly.

My brother actually has a minor case of that. Not fun.

[QUOTE=Stoic]true. You cant help people effectively unless you've experienced what they're going through. I just fantasize about having depression and try to identify with the emotions I assume I would have.[/QUOTE]

It's not even just helping. I just want to be able to say yeah OK that's what your going through. Instead of questioning them, what does it feel like? Whya re you depressed? etc...

Whenever i get low I can just think through why I'm feeling low, and plan to put it right the next day.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]That sounds like bipolar disorder, going from one extreme to the next that fluidly.

My brother actually has a minor case of that. Not fun.[/QUOTE]

so is bi polar depression a form of obsession?

[QUOTE=clearvision]It's not even just helping. I just want to be able to say yeah OK that's what your going through. Instead of questioning them, what does it feel like? Whya re you depressed? etc...

Whenever i get low I can just think through why I'm feeling low, and plan to put it right the next day.[/QUOTE]

It can be kind of not feeling anything at all, and knowing that you won't again but wanting it to stop. Even when you're happy it can feel like you're looking at yourself being happy and you're going to snap out of it soon. A moment of happiness is just a moment but a moment when you're down can stay with you and lead to you feeling worse and worse and worse. I think that's tied in with my self-esteem problems though, it may be just me.

[QUOTE=Stoic]so is bi polar depression a form of obsession?[/QUOTE]

Not really. Bipolar disorder is basically when external events result in a chemical imbalance. The result is that you go through a period of either depression or mania for about 2 weeks to a month before dramatically going to the opposite extreme. The point of change can be gradual, but in some people it can take place in less than 24 hours.

Essentially, you go in cycles once the episode starts. You either experience an emotional void and then a sudden flood of almost uncontrollable emotion and energy, or the other way around.

The episodes are triggered by much the same things as what starts a regular depressive episode.

[QUOTE=evilmenhavenosongs]I think that's tied in with my self-esteem problems though, it may be just me.[/QUOTE]

Yes and no. Depression can lead to self-esteem issues because the person tends to focus more on their mistakes than their triumphs.

Whenever I've been asked to list my good qualities, I need to stop and think about it. Whenever I'm told to list my regrets or bad qualities, a dozen things fly into my head every second.

[QUOTE=evilmenhavenosongs] I think that's tied in with my self-esteem problems though, it may be just me.[/QUOTE]

No, I have had the same things explained to me. I just would like to have an insight into it, do understand why it occurs. Which would then help me feel less useless when people are talking to me about problems, but it would also help me notice if I ever get symptoms and help me avoid falling into bigger problems (I hope).

Some one told me I probably have uni-polar depression. What is this? Is this staying in one state or gradually changing or something?

[QUOTE=Steerpike]Not really. Bipolar disorder is basically when external events result in a chemical imbalance. The result is that you go through a period of either depression or mania for about 2 weeks to a month before dramatically going to the opposite extreme. The point of change can be gradual, but in some people it can take place in less than 24 hours.

Essentially, you go in cycles once the episode starts. You either experience an emotional void and then a sudden flood of almost uncontrollable emotion and energy, or the other way around.

The episodes are triggered by much the same things as what starts a regular depressive episode.
[/QUOTE]

I see. I've read about it, the term differs a bit in greek. Roughly translated it's called manic depression.

[QUOTE=evilmenhavenosongs]Even when you're happy [B]it can feel like you're looking at yourself being happy[/B] and you're going to snap out of it soon[/QUOTE]

Is it something like an inner self of your looks at yourself that happy moment and make it feel hollow or something?...(hope it makes sense)

[QUOTE=Steerpike]The episodes are triggered by much the same things as what starts a regular depressive episode.[/QUOTE]
What triggers it normally?

[QUOTE=Steerpike]Yes and no. Depression can lead to self-esteem issues because the person tends to focus more on their mistakes than their triumphs.

Whenever I've been asked to list my good qualities, I need to stop and think about it. Whenever I'm told to list my regrets or bad qualities, a dozen things fly into my head every second.[/QUOTE]

I can't list my good qualities because I instantly think of people who have them better, how I don't use them to the effect I should or times when I've messed them up completely. That and I wouldn't do it even if I thought of them because I would be terrified of people seeing me as arrogant, for the same reason I'll never accept a compliment and just put myself down even more. Hurrah for paranoia.

[QUOTE=Stoic]Is it something like an inner self of your looks at yourself that happy moment and make it feel hollow or something?...(hope it makes sense)[/QUOTE]

Ugh, it's difficult. It's like you can almost see yourself laughing and doing these things but you can't feel them deep inside, pretty much what you said, I don't know. It's difficult.

[QUOTE=GaggingOrder]Some one told me I probably have uni-polar depression. What is this? Is this staying in one state or gradually changing or something?[/QUOTE]

It's essentially what I have. Instead of being grounded at the center of the emotional spectrum, your mind is anchored further toward depression.

I've been near-suicidal in my life, but I've never been better than okay. I've never been euphorically happy in my life.

[QUOTE=Moses]What triggers it normally?[/QUOTE]

I suppose anything would trigger it. Even dropping a glass of water or hitting your arm somewhere could make you think of what a worthless person you are and how miserable life you live.

[QUOTE=Moses]What triggers it normally?[/QUOTE]

Lots of things. Trauma, stress, extreme sadness or rage, prolonged boredom. Whatever it takes to get the ball rolling.

[QUOTE=Stoic]I suppose anything would trigger it. Even dropping a glass of water or hitting your arm somewhere could make you think of what a worthless person you are and how miserable life you live.[/QUOTE]

It's rarely so extreme. For the most part, it needs to have much more impact on you to get things started.

I'm just wondering because my girlfriend has a mild case of bi-polar depression. She's usually extrememly happy or sad. It's really hard to get her out of it because she doesn't care enough to make an effort to get out of the depression she's in.

[QUOTE=evilmenhavenosongs]I can't list my good qualities because I instantly think of people who have them better, how I don't use them to the effect I should or times when I've messed them up completely. That and I wouldn't do it even if I thought of them because I would be terrified of people seeing me as arrogant, for the same reason I'll never accept a compliment and just put myself down even more. Hurrah for paranoia.[/QUOTE]

could this behavior be a result of poor self knowledge and lack of self confidence?

Alex, you know lots of stuff. You remind me of this guy named Wattaney that threatened to slam my head into a table until I passed out if I didn't tell him the meaning of a symbol I always drew on my hand. He had pictures of dead people on his wall.

[QUOTE]It's essentially what I have. Instead of being grounded at the center of the emotional spectrum, your mind is anchored further toward depression.

I've been near-suicidal in my life, but I've never been better than okay. I've never been euphorically happy in my life.[/QUOTE]In that case, the guy that told me that is a moron. I'm essentially the happiest person I know, and when I am unhappy I keep it to myself and make a point of not expressing it artisticly.

Oh yeah, I know I have major self-esteem problems and little or no confidence but it's not logical enough for knowing about it to help at all.

[QUOTE=evilmenhavenosongs]Oh yeah, I know I have major self-esteem problems and little or no confidence [I]but it's not logical enough for knowing about it to help at all[/I].[/QUOTE]

I didn't understand what you meant by that : \

[QUOTE=GaggingOrder]In that case, the guy that told me that is a moron. I'm essentially the happiest person I know, and when I am unhappy I keep it to myself and make a point of not expressing it artisticly.[/QUOTE]
I usually express my emotions through music. I can do it at the piano and just churn out things forever. The only problem with that is that you revist the event that inspired the song everytime you hear/play it.

jeez, almost everyone in here seems to be suffering or have suffered from psychological issues

[size=1]this is good for me![/size]

[QUOTE=clearvision]I didn't understand what you meant by that : \[/QUOTE]


I know exactly that all my problems come from low self esteem, no confidence and being paranoid abou the way others see me but knowing what's wrong with me doesn't cure it.

[QUOTE=Moses]I usually express my emotions through music. I can do it at the piano and just churn out things forever. The only problem with that is that you revist the event that inspired the song everytime you hear/play it.[/QUOTE]

if you can capture that particular feeling and bring it to the listener then you've grasped the true meaning of art.


Expressing my emotions...I keep a diary every now and then and fantasize a lot by like I said making up scenarios in my mind.

If only people in real life were more like people in this thread. Most of us can empathize(sp?) in some way. Most people in real life would just say to get over it.

"Aaron why are you so quiet around people? Just snap out of it"

They make it sound easy :(

[QUOTE=Kingofdudes]If only people in real life were more like people in this thread. Most of us can empathize(sp?) in some way. Most people in real life would just say to get over it.

"Aaron why are you so quiet around people? Just snap out of it"

They make it sound easy :([/QUOTE]

My grandma (hehe) had once told me to always keep in mind that the other people feel the same way I do.

I find weird how I told you guys that but I didn't even tell my "therepist." For God's sake she still had her European accent.

[QUOTE]I usually express my emotions through music. I can do it at the piano and just churn out things forever. The only problem with that is that you revist the event that inspired the song everytime you hear/play it.[/QUOTE]I just figured out a few weeks ago that I can't play guitar with a da[B][I][/B][/I]mn.
[QUOTE]
jeez, almost everyone in here seems to be suffering or have suffered from psychological issues[/QUOTE]The funny thing is, my phsychotic The Wall/ClockWork Orange/South Park inspired dream is what started this.

[QUOTE=Stoic]if you can capture that particular feeling and bring it to the listener then you've grasped the true meaning of art.[/QUOTE]
Are you gothic by any chance? I mean the real gothic, not the black clothes thing.

[QUOTE=evilmenhavenosongs]I find weird how I told you guys that but I didn't even tell my "therepist." For God's sake she still had her European accent.[/QUOTE]

why the hell go to a therapist then? I'd love to have an insightful (is there such a word?) discussion with a professional!
[SIZE=1]this is why I gonna be a professional, I'm having this for free![/SIZE]

[QUOTE=GaggingOrder]I just figured out a few weeks ago that I can't play guitar with a da[B][I][/B][/I]mn.[/QUOTE]

I know I cant, I just use my guitar to help me compose stuff on powertab(yes I know I am ghetto)

bloody hell this thread went over today

/cricket and the Awesome England batting performance took up my day, so what the pissing great hell has everyone else been up to today?

dialup is bent...:upset:

[QUOTE=Moses]Are you gothic by any chance? I mean the real gothic, not the black clothes thing.[/QUOTE]

not at all, I dont even know what the real gothic is. Why would I give such an impression anyways?

[QUOTE=Stoic]why the hell go to a therapist then? I'd love to have an insightful (is there such a word?) discussion with a professional!
[SIZE=1]this is why I gonna be a professional, I'm having this for free![/SIZE][/QUOTE]

I tried to tell her, it just didn't work.

Anyway, discuss how my parents went to the pub and left me in an unheated house.

I use my guitar to play other people's Thrash Metal, and my pop-punk. I'm not nearly as tr00 as I wish.

[Quote]Anyway, discuss how my parents went to the pub and left me in an unheated house.[/quote]I love when my parents do that. Seriously.

[QUOTE=Stoic]not at all, I dont even know what the real gothic is. Why would I give such an impression anyways?[/QUOTE]
Alot of goths don't even know they are gothic. Your statement about art kind of sparked the question. I just don't like how many people don't even know what it means because the media has manipulated the term so much. I'll definately go into what it is in a minute.

[QUOTE=Stoic]why the hell go to a therapist then? I'd love to have an insightful (is there such a word?) discussion with a professional!
[SIZE=1]this is why I gonna be a professional, I'm having this for free![/SIZE][/QUOTE]

I was about to type those very words (excpet for the bit about becoming a professional). I would love to be able to open up to someone and let them tell me who i really am. Instead of just going by my opinions on everything and letting little snippets of me out to people I meet.