[QUOTE=I Am a Hat]no more attraction. [I]talking[/I] about this situation does not make her attracted to you and therefore will not solve the problem.

remember that this is your fault sooo

changing how you act is the only way to salvage anything. and even then i doubt it will save this. but it might prevent similar situations in the future.

stop initiating contact and being soooo fu[COLOR="White"]c[/COLOR]king available and predictable and [I]niceeee[/I].[/QUOTE]
although I'm still not sure if that is a serious post.....

the problem is, she always wants to hang out with me at school but then the stuff I mentioned happens

she just called me. her dad asked me to be nice to her. shes in the psych ward at the hospital and i tried to be nice without making her think i would take her back. i can't stand this. i don't know what to think. nothing i do is going to make me happy.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]she just called me. her dad asked me to be nice to her. shes in the psych ward at the hospital and i tried to be nice without making her think i would take her back. i can't stand this. i don't know what to think. nothing i do is going to make me happy.[/QUOTE]

Watch [i]Stateside[/i]. It'll answer all your questions.

i don't have any questions. i know what i got to do, i just don't want to.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]Yeah, but I can't just stop loving her after everything I've done and been through with her. Chances are, I will always have feelings for her, no matter how much I hate the way she acts. I'll just have to forget them.[/QUOTE]

Man, if you can just 'forget' everything that happened, I need whatever product it is you're selling. That would make my life so much easier.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]i don't have any questions. i know what i got to do, i just don't want to.[/QUOTE]

I'm just saying, the movie is about an insecure guy who falls in love with a schizophrenic girl and eventually has to sever all ties with her for her own health and safety. He ends up going to war and nearly dying and when he comes home and he's lying in his hospital bed recovering, she comes and finds him and they live happily ever after because somehow she's not crazy anymore and love conquers all blah blah blah

I guess that's pretty useless.

Here's the next episode in my teenage melodrama:

I talked to her more today. She's getting out of the ward tomorrow, but she is going to go see a counsellor regularly from here on, and Kimmie said something about seeing this work out if she willingly visited a psychologist to work out her problems.

The only way I can be completely sure that this doesn't happen again is if I move down there, which I can't really do until June or later. But, I will be able to visit her frequently since it's nearing summertime.

We talked, and of course I feel like she really is sorry, because I'm a pansy that gives in too easily. When she cries, I turn to mush and lose any backbone I had.

I'm still not sure how to think or feel about all this. I want to be with her, and we never have problems when we're together. All we ever hear is how we are so perfect together, even from her grandmother and family. We never fight or anything, and the only times I've had to worry about her being unfaithful is when we get into a fight. She says that she only does these things because she wants attention, and when we fight, I stop giving it to her.

She also told me that the guy asked her to take those pics. I'm not sure if that changes anything, but it makes me feel a little better. I imagined that it was all her idea, that she had thoughts about this before. Apparently, she was going to take some pics for Myspace and thing, just normal photos, and he asked her to take some nude ones. She did it without thinking twice, but she says she regretted it so much afterwards. I just spent a week with her in Florida, and if she regretted this so bad, how was she able to completely forget about it and show no signs that she did something? I have no way to be sure she still loves me, or if I'm just a tool that gives her attention.

She seems to be willing to see the counsellor and work things out better, so maybe I should give her one last chance? It's really what I want, even though I know leaving her would be better for me. I'm just confused. -.-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dont giv in! she didnt tell you about the photos, she keeps doing things that hurt her just for attention, she is not making you happy, you aren't having a mutual relationship if you always have to father her, and do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this type of person?

You said before that this was final, so stick to it, it will be better for you in the long run

I did say something about seeing if you can work it out if she has regular therapy. Because I think if she truly wants to help herself and deal with her issues, that it could work out.

But, ONLY, if she sees someone regularly, and doesn't come up with a bunch of lame excuses as to why she can't. You'll be able to tell by June if she's actually trying to work on her issues.

I would make it clear to her, however, that if it appears to you that she's not trying to work on her issues AT ANY TIME between now and then, that's it, and you're history.

The only reason I have to wait 'til June is because I have to wait until the semester ends. One of the classes I plan to withdraw from, and the other two I want to find out if I can finish up online. If I can do that, then I could leave immediately. If not, I actually will have to wait to May, not June.

I'm going to be worried as hell about what she does in between now and May though. I can't trust her, and I can't watch over her. All I can do is sit by and take her word, and visit her as much as possible. I'm never going to fully trust her again.

Does this sound like the right choice, or does leaving her cold turkey still make more sense? I know this way I'd be happier, which right now is more important than what is probably healthy for me. If she shows any signs of not being completely dedicated and willing to work on her problems, then I will leave her. If she screws up again, it would be the third strike, so to speak.

Sorry for whining here. :-/

Leaving her cold turkey as in, never having contact with her again? I wouldn't do that, just because of the volatile position she is in right now.

I would still discontinue the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship though, while still remaining in her life. I think that of all the times she would need someone to look to for help, as a friend, who can give her an honest opinion and not someone who is attracted to her that would just want to appease her. But I do think she, and you, are both in the position where maintaining a friendship or somthing would benifit her.

Personally I think that waiting to finish your semester would be fine, I don't think somthing would really happen, even without your visits. Staying in contact with her would at least provide some insight into how she is doing, and whether she needs anything.

BTW, sorry for kinda butting into this conversation kinda. I'm just kinda dropping in, cause I really liked this thread, and missed it a bit.

Well my suggestions have been moot, so go with what Kimmie's been saying. Make it clear that you'll be there if and only if she works on her problems and gets treatment. If she does stupid stuff between now and May, you need to get out and fast. That's why I was saying earlier that you should start taking the steps to move on (as opposed to cold turkey - I don't agree with that, really), but that's because that's what would be best for you, not best for the duo of you + her.

[quote=metBANs]BTW, sorry for kinda butting into this conversation kinda. I'm just kinda dropping in, cause I really liked this thread, and missed it ab it.[/quote]

Nah, no need to apologize. I always offer opinions in the middle of a story, and nobody minds as far as I know. Feel free to share whatever you'd like.

What you need to factor in on your decision is before she would just pull crap on you and that was that. This time therapy will allegedly be involved. I wouldn't trust her saying she's going, though, I'd talk to her father and make sure she's going.

And, make it clear (and stick to it) that if she opts out of therapy, you will opt out of her.

The girl I like might be a lesbian. I have no idea what to do. That kinda sums it up.

Ask her if she is?

Would it be awkward at all?

I don't think so.

How did you get the idea she might be gay?

Probably she dresses like a guy or does manly things, like milking cows.

It isn't awkward at all. Of course, that isn't valid at all if you're very, very shy. Then just bring the subject up very softly.

Only if you make it awkward.

There's a rumor going around that she might be gay that's all. I've heard from like 4 different people.

Well, it's strictly that - a rumor. People like spreading rumors and gossip.

Then bring it up like that.

"I've heard a rumor that you might be gay."

You'll have your answer and it shouldn't be awkward.

Never believe rumors. I've had the worst experiences with those. Just ask her if you really wanna know, but do it casually, so if she isn't, she won't be peeved.

But just some random advice, if someone starts a rumor bout YOU, just go up to their face and confront their arse. Works every time. :thumb:



edit: beat twice, again.

Not by the second comment, though. Your absolutely right. Nothing stops the trash talk by confronting the person who started it.

I'm good at that.

I've been getting plenty of practice lately. Someone started some crap that I'm the world's biggest drug addict, when I'm in fact anti-drugs. Now, most of the time, I don't care what people say about me, but the two things that really piss me off are jokes about:

1. My religion/Culture

and

2. Drug Jokes

So now I have this reputation that I have earned over the past few weeks as some crazy-arse kid you don't wanna piss off. Works for me, even though I wouldn't hurt a fly, I'm more talk, but if I have to, I would engage in violence.

[QUOTE=TojesDoLan]Probably she dresses like a guy or does manly things, like milking cows.[/QUOTE]

Just saw this comment and got a kick out of it... because wouldn't a girl who is good at milking cows be good at... other extracurricular activities that require the same motion on a similar-in-shape male body part?

Ahem.

Anyways: rumors aren't fun, especially if they involve you. I've always quashed rumors about me with relative ease, but that's because when I go off on someone I don't stop. That, and chances are I could have split the rumorstarter into two or more pieces.

A girl friend (denote space) in high school admitted to liking me, but I was pretty cowardly because I was really happy with being good friends with her and that I was worried I'd ruin the friendship somehow if we were together.

Now, we're still great friends. And she's a lesbian.

Strange how biology kicks in after so many years, heh. But she's probably my closest girl friend, even though she's in a different state than I am for school.

EDIT: AND NO I DID NOT MAKE HER BECOME LESBIAN BECAUSE OF THIS, SO STFU BEFORE YOU EVEN THINK THAT.

I'm going to make sure she's going to therapy. No doubt about that.

How come I am not satisfied with any solution or answer. I've gotten all of the opinions from this thread, as well as my mother's and a counsellor's, but nothing seems to make me less confused or worried. Why can't I just accept things. It's really pissing me off, and I feel like I'm going nuts or something. :(

Might I just say this on the subject of being gay. Sometimes, women have been so battered by men during their life that turning to women is like heaven to them. So, damn, I don't know quite how to word this because "turning gay" isn't quite right.

Okay, looking to other women for companionship, etc. is a viable answer to them. Doesn't mean they won't entertain the thought of a man, but women don't seem to "batter" like men do, in a relationship.

Things that impact your life substantially will do that to you. I second-guess big decisions - I mean, who doesn't - and these are the kinds of situations that do not have a black-and-white, direct answer.

When I was your age, the world was black and white.

It's not anymore, though.

The light is on or it's off. Or maybe the bulb's burned out. :)