[QUOTE=Wizard.]She has disgusted and embarassed me, and I'm extremely pissed. I still love her though, but I don't want to be with someone like this.[/QUOTE]

Maybe it's just me, but aren't these two sentences so absolutely Byzantine, that they basically refute each other?

Let me break it down.

She has disgusted and embarassed you, and you're extremely pissed.

Yet you still love her.

However, you don't want to be with someone who disgusts and embarasses you and pisses you off.

My question is, how can you love someone after all this disgust, embarassment, and feelings of being pissed off have continued for so long?

Maybe it's because I don't experience love on that level.

So, I guess it's easier said than done.

Doug posted in the Heroin thread, right before it got closed. First post. Twas a good post.

You can love someone and hate their behavior at the same time. That won't stop you from loving them.

Over the course of time, though, it's possible for their behavior to kill that love.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]If she's going to get help for her issues you can still consider moving there. But ONLY if she gets help. And, by help, I don't mean one counselling session, I mean THERAPY.[/QUOTE]
I doubt she will get full therapy. They tried something like that before and it died off, and she ended up on prozac and some other medication, which actually made things worse.

She's apparently doing all of this for attention. I keep wondering that maybe the only reason she even loves me is because I give her the attention she craves. I don't want to be in a relationship like that, but I don't want to leave this girl, because I love her, even if she really doesn't return it.

I don't know what to do at all. If Ibreak up with her, and try to stay apart from her, I'm going to be miserable for ahwile, and probably end up whimpering back to her like I did before. I seriously don't have the will to stay away from her. I don't know why. She'll continue being depressed or whatever for awhile if I just leave her alone.

If I stay with her, that's just letting her know her attention whoring act actually worked, and she'll probably just end up doing something again. Eventually I'll move there, and we'd probably be perfectly happy from then on, but I can't trust her anymore, so I don't know what to do about the next few months, while I'm still so far from her. Plus, if she doesn't love me, and I'm just a tool for her attention, it will eventually fall apart much worse than this.

Which option makes more sense? Stay with her or leave her? Maybe there's another option I don't see. You guys have told me to leave her before, so I'm assuming I'll get the same answers this time, but now that I can actually move there, it change sthe situation drastically.

First, why won't she get full therapy?

I can ask her about it, I guess. She had to go see a psycologist regualrly before, and she just bull****ted the lady and eventually they said taking some medications should fix everything. It didn't help anything. I don't see how her going to therapy will help this time, because she'll do and say whatever just so they will stop bugging her. She won't take any of it seriously. It'll just be an anoyance for her.

Then, my answer is clear. Call it quits.

You being there full time isn't going to solve any of her issues, whatever they may be. You can't shower her with attention 24/7. She needs help fixing the issues, and obviously doesn't want help, because it's way too much fun being an attention whore.

I was afraid of that answer. How do I do it then? If I just stop talking to her now. she may just get worse. I don't want her to hurt herself any worse than she already has. Plus, I know her, and her best friend will be trying to call me or message me 24/7, and I'm too much of a pansy to just ignore the calls. I don't know what I'd say to her when I do talk to her.

What should I say when she calls later today? I told her it was over, but I was in an extremely bad mood and was yelling at her, so she may not take that seriously. I'm friggin' nervous now. I don't want to upset her any more.

Heh, looks like this is karma coming to bite me in the a[SIZE="2"]s[/SIZE]s for kissing Kristen.

[QUOTE=Jom]Maybe it's just me, but aren't these two sentences so absolutely Byzantine, that they basically refute each other?

Let me break it down.

She has disgusted and embarassed you, and you're extremely pissed.

Yet you still love her.

However, you don't want to be with someone who disgusts and embarasses you and pisses you off.

My question is, how can you love someone after all this disgust, embarassment, and feelings of being pissed off have continued for so long?

Maybe it's because I don't experience love on that level.

So, I guess it's easier said than done.[/QUOTE]

If you can stop loving someone at the drop of a dime because their behavior pisses you off, then you never really loved them in the first place.

She has a best friend who is there with her, D. Let the best friend watch over her. If you stop talking to her and she gets worse, she has someone watching over her.

Be strong about ignoring her calls. Don't give in. You can do it.

When she calls later today tell her you've had enough drama with her, and you don't want anymore of it.

[QUOTE=Iscariot]If you can stop loving someone at the drop of a dime because their behavior pisses you off, then you never really loved them in the first place.[/QUOTE]
Yeah. It's actually possible to love and hate someone at the same time.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]
When she calls later today tell her you've had enough drama with her, and you don't want anymore of it.[/QUOTE]


Way to live far away, Kim. Good job. :angry:

[QUOTE=Tiger]Way to live far away, Kim. Good job. :angry:[/QUOTE]

Is your car still sick?

Guys, I need advice.......or maybe just saying this will make me feel better.

Recently my girlfriend is showing flat out disinterest in me. I mean, aside from some infrequent kisses she rarely does anything to show me she even knows I exist, not hold my hand (unless I hold hers first), no hugs (unless I do it first), barely any talking (unless I start the conversation), I ALWAYS have to make plans if we want to hang out, and if I call her she just seems to do anything in her power to not pay attention to me.

Infact, I was just on the phone with her and she had to go "to watch her show" but right before this she told me it was on tape. So, apparently watching some show on tape is more important than me. And she recently threw out a picture of us, for no apparent reason.

Hell, she could just be PMSing. But she's just never been like this before, I don't know why she's doing this, I try to never be mean to her (unless it's sarcastic) and we used to get along REALLY well, talking on the phone or something until someone else in one of our houses needed it.

The only thing that I guess is making me a bit paranoid is the fact she's always talking about another guy. I'm not jealous, and she has a few guy friends, but this one guy.....every time we talk it's like "eric did this" or "eric did that" and everytime they see eachother at school they give like highfives, and then she just completely ditches me to talk to him.


Now, my options.

Dump her (really don't want to)

Talk to her about it, I know what I;d say but I'm not sure how to say it, right now she's mad at me cause of some stupid joke I made up with her sister, so doing it in person won't be easy.

And I don't really want to phone her, cause she's always so damn unresponsive on the phone.

So, it's either email, which is REALLY unclassy or MSN, which is only slightly less unclassy, and she is rarely online.

[QUOTE=DDM]Guys, I need advice.......or maybe just saying this will make me feel better.

Recently my girlfriend is showing flat out disinterest in me. I mean, aside from some infrequent kisses she rarely does anything to show me she even knows I exist, not hold my hand (unless I hold hers first), no hugs (unless I do it first), barely any talking (unless I start the conversation), I ALWAYS have to make plans if we want to hang out, and if I call her she just seems to do anything in her power to not pay attention to me.

Infact, I was just on the phone with her and she had to go "to watch her show" but right before this she told me it was on tape. So, apparently watching some show on tape is more important than me. And she recently threw out a picture of us, for no apparent reason.

Hell, she could just be PMSing. But she's just never been like this before, I don't know why she's doing this, I try to never be mean to her (unless it's sarcastic) and we used to get along REALLY well, talking on the phone or something until someone else in one of our houses needed it.

The only thing that I guess is making me a bit paranoid is the fact she's always talking about another guy. I'm not jealous, and she has a few guy friends, but this one guy.....every time we talk it's like "eric did this" or "eric did that" and everytime they see eachother at school they give like highfives, and then she just completely ditches me to talk to him.


Now, my options.

Dump her (really don't want to)

Talk to her about it, I know what I;d say but I'm not sure how to say it, right now she's mad at me cause of some stupid joke I made up with her sister, so doing it in person won't be easy.

And I don't really want to phone her, cause she's always so damn unresponsive on the phone.

So, it's either email, which is REALLY unclassy or MSN, which is only slightly less unclassy, and she is rarely online.[/QUOTE]
You need to talk to her about it, it's the only way you'll clear things up.

[QUOTE=Iscariot]If you can stop loving someone at the drop of a dime because their behavior pisses you off, then you never really loved them in the first place.[/QUOTE]

Alright. I assumed that weeks upon weeks of torment for Damien wouldn't constitute a 'drop of a dime' scenario.

[QUOTE=Herbert_da_fish]You need to talk to her about it, it's the only way you'll clear things up.[/QUOTE]


I figured that much out, I'm just not sure as to how to go about it.


I'll obviously tell her I want to talk to her about something, but beyond that I have little clue as to what sort of answers I'm looking for. I mean, if I say "It just seems like you don't really care about me anymore" she'll just be like "Yeah I do" and I'll get no where.

[QUOTE=DDM]I figured that much out, I'm just not sure as to how to go about it.


I'll obviously tell her I want to talk to her about something, but beyond that I have little clue as to what sort of answers I'm looking for. I mean, if I say "It just seems like you don't really care about me anymore" she'll just be like "Yeah I do" and I'll get no where.[/QUOTE]
Well if she's acting like this then there is obviously a problem. You need to ask some of the harder questions to which you might not want to know the answer.

[QUOTE=Herbert_da_fish]Well if she's acting like this then there is obviously a problem. You need to ask some of the harder questions to which you might not want to know the answer.[/QUOTE]


Okay, I'll hope that once she is done "with her taped t.v show" she'll go on msn, or her sister will and I'll tell her sister I need to talk to her.

[QUOTE=Jom]Alright. I assumed that weeks upon weeks of torment for Damien wouldn't constitute a 'drop of a dime' scenario.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, but I can't just stop loving her after everything I've done and been through with her. Chances are, I will always have feelings for her, no matter how much I hate the way she acts. I'll just have to forget them.

[QUOTE=DDM]Guys, I need advice.......or maybe just saying this will make me feel better.

Recently my girlfriend is showing flat out disinterest in me. I mean, aside from some infrequent kisses she rarely does anything to show me she even knows I exist, not hold my hand (unless I hold hers first), no hugs (unless I do it first), barely any talking (unless I start the conversation), I ALWAYS have to make plans if we want to hang out, and if I call her she just seems to do anything in her power to not pay attention to me.

Infact, I was just on the phone with her and she had to go "to watch her show" but right before this she told me it was on tape. So, apparently watching some show on tape is more important than me. And she recently threw out a picture of us, for no apparent reason.

Hell, she could just be PMSing. But she's just never been like this before, I don't know why she's doing this, I try to never be mean to her (unless it's sarcastic) and we used to get along REALLY well, talking on the phone or something until someone else in one of our houses needed it.

The only thing that I guess is making me a bit paranoid is the fact she's always talking about another guy. I'm not jealous, and she has a few guy friends, but this one guy.....every time we talk it's like "eric did this" or "eric did that" and everytime they see eachother at school they give like highfives, and then she just completely ditches me to talk to him.


Now, my options.

Dump her (really don't want to)

Talk to her about it, I know what I;d say but I'm not sure how to say it, right now she's mad at me cause of some stupid joke I made up with her sister, so doing it in person won't be easy.

And I don't really want to phone her, cause she's always so damn unresponsive on the phone.

So, it's either email, which is REALLY unclassy or MSN, which is only slightly less unclassy, and she is rarely online.[/QUOTE]

I hate these situations because I'm in a similar bind.

My girl rarely calls me, we don't spend time together though she spends time with all her other friends, if I say "I'm coming over" she says, "You can't. I'm doing laundry" or "You can't, my mom is asleep".

I only see her a couple times a week because when she has her break at work she says, "I don't really feel like hanging out on my break" so she calls up this guy friend of hers instead or goes next door to the other store and hangs out with this guy cashier over there.

Now she says she's moving to Seattle this summer for cosmotology schooling and she's abandoning our live-together plans so she can live for free on campus.

I'm also interested in this other girl that I've known for years that recently called me up and came back into the picture, so I don't know what to do.

We both need to have long talks with our girlfriends. :(

Dang, Jared. Evidently that [size=2]s[/size]hit is still going on with Lela.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Dang, Jared. Evidently that [size=2]s[/size]hit is still going on with Lela.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, see it's been smoothing out. We communicate more and I asked her, "Are you getting bored with our relationship? Are you trying to tell me something with all the fights we've been having?"

She said, "It's nothing like that. I would tell you straight forward if it was. I think it's normal the way we fight and I'd rather fight a lot than never fight at all. At least we're open with each other. I'm just under a lot of stress right now."

I said, "I know and so am I. You've just been sending out a lot of mixed messages."

Anyway, the rest of the convo is a bit personal, but that's the jist of it.

It's not normal to fight a lot, though.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]It's not normal to fight a lot, though.[/QUOTE]

I know, I just... ugh.

I'll see how things go with Laura this weekend. The fact that she remembers the party we went to together more than a year ago where we sat on the hood of my car, smoked cigs and cuddled is promising. Most girls don't remember that sort of thing unless it was with a guy they like, right? Right? God I hope so.

Urrite, they won't remember it unless it's important.

Good luck with Laura; maybe that will give you another perspective.

[QUOTE=Iscariot]I hate these situations because I'm in a similar bind.

My girl rarely calls me, we don't spend time together though she spends time with all her other friends, if I say "I'm coming over" she says, "You can't. I'm doing laundry" or "You can't, my mom is asleep".

I only see her a couple times a week because when she has her break at work she says, "I don't really feel like hanging out on my break" so she calls up this guy friend of hers instead or goes next door to the other store and hangs out with this guy cashier over there.

Now she says she's moving to Seattle this summer for cosmotology schooling and she's abandoning our live-together plans so she can live for free on campus.

I'm also interested in this other girl that I've known for years that recently called me up and came back into the picture, so I don't know what to do.

We both need to have long talks with our girlfriends. :([/QUOTE]
Go with the second girl. The girl you're with now doesn't seem like she really cares. :-/

J-Rad: If things go well with Laura(I think that's what you said her name was?) then I'd go with her. Things with your current girl seem to been on a downward slope..

On a side note: Me and my girlfriend broke up a few days ago :(

One sided relationships suck.

And I hate people right now. I'm in such a people hating mood.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]Go with the second girl. The girl you're with now doesn't seem like she really cares. :-/[/QUOTE]

For better or worse I agree. And I think you were on to something with the "Are you bored with the relationship?" question, Jared.

[QUOTE=DDM]Guys, I need advice.......or maybe just saying this will make me feel better.

Recently my girlfriend is showing flat out disinterest in me. I mean, aside from some infrequent kisses she rarely does anything to show me she even knows I exist, not hold my hand (unless I hold hers first), no hugs (unless I do it first), barely any talking (unless I start the conversation), I ALWAYS have to make plans if we want to hang out, and if I call her she just seems to do anything in her power to not pay attention to me.

Infact, I was just on the phone with her and she had to go "to watch her show" but right before this she told me it was on tape. So, apparently watching some show on tape is more important than me. And she recently threw out a picture of us, for no apparent reason.

Hell, she could just be PMSing. But she's just never been like this before, I don't know why she's doing this, I try to never be mean to her (unless it's sarcastic) and we used to get along REALLY well, talking on the phone or something until someone else in one of our houses needed it.

The only thing that I guess is making me a bit paranoid is the fact she's always talking about another guy. I'm not jealous, and she has a few guy friends, but this one guy.....every time we talk it's like "eric did this" or "eric did that" and everytime they see eachother at school they give like highfives, and then she just completely ditches me to talk to him.


Now, my options.

Dump her (really don't want to)

Talk to her about it, I know what I;d say but I'm not sure how to say it, right now she's mad at me cause of some stupid joke I made up with her sister, so doing it in person won't be easy.

And I don't really want to phone her, cause she's always so damn unresponsive on the phone.

So, it's either email, which is REALLY unclassy or MSN, which is only slightly less unclassy, and she is rarely online.[/QUOTE]


:amaze: I swear that i posted this exact same senario like, in late november.

The only thiing i can do to help( i suck at advice, i dont know hwy i post here
so much) is tell you what i did wrong. maybe put it in perspectice?

Baisically, i was there way toooo much, and got annoying. Then she lost interest. If thats what happened with you, just back off for a while, and see what happens.

Abot the guy, as long as you trust her, he shouldnt be a problem, perhaps talk to her about it, but in a way that doesnt sound like you're accusing her " [I]you[/I] are always,i always see [I]you[/I] with him" etc, but, "[I]I[/I] feel this, an dthe like etc"

[QUOTE=DDM]....[/QUOTE]
no more attraction. [I]talking[/I] about this situation does not make her attracted to you and therefore will not solve the problem.

remember that this is your fault sooo

changing how you act is the only way to salvage anything. and even then i doubt it will save this. but it might prevent similar situations in the future.

stop initiating contact and being soooo fu[COLOR="White"]c[/COLOR]king available and predictable and [I]niceeee[/I].