[QUOTE=allalone]How am I supposed to love someone else when I don't even love myself?[/QUOTE]

This is a good point.

So, take a look at yourself, figure out what you don't like, and fix it.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]Normally, I'm not as blunt. But in cases like this I do believe in tough love. It kills me to see guys beating up on themselves and acting like their current situation is the way it's always going to be.[/QUOTE]
You know, you're right. Months before I met this girl, I would have said the same thing, but it's so much different after you experience it. After you get that feeling. That feeling is so great. You don't have a care in the world. It's so amazing. I just wish I would stop haveing feelings for this girl. Months before I met this girl and to look at me now I would say "Man... stop being such a p**sy and suck it up. It's just so dumb bi*ch" But it's weird. Now I actually see why girls go back to their a**hole boyfriends even when they treat the girls like sh*t. They remember those good times they used to have and [I]want [/I]to feel that way again. I'll tell you... that feeling you get, it's amazing it does make you [I]want [/I]it even more.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]This is a good point.

So, take a look at yourself, figure out what you don't like, and fix it.[/QUOTE]
I have looked at myself and have been trying to fix it. The weight being my main issue. But I'm still not happy and I just feel like I'll never be happy with my weight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

[QUOTE=allalone]I have looked at myself and have been trying to fix it. The weight being my main issue. But I'm still not happy and I just feel like I'll never be happy with my weight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.[/QUOTE]

145 pounds doesn't sound overweight to me. So there's that issue dealt with. See what the next issue should be and work on that.

[QUOTE=allalone]How the hell am I supposed to stop when all my fuc[SIZE="2"]king[/SIZE] life everyone has something to say about me. No ones happy with me. I'm not even fuc[SIZE="2"]king[/SIZE] happy with myself. It's so easy to say it, but not to actually do it. I'm never going to be happy with myself because of everyone's perception to me and all the torment that I have gotten. All my fuc[SIZE="2"]king [/SIZE] life I've been tormented. How am I supposed to try and get a girl when I'm not even happy with myself? How am I supposed to love someone else when I don't even love myself?[/QUOTE]

You can start by figuring out which areas of your life need to be improved and make a game plan to do that.

And don't give me any bullsh[size=2]i[/size]t about how hard you've had it. I spent most of my life as an underweight dwarf until my high school growth spurt. I've had clinical depression and social anxiety. Cheerleaders used to run up and hug me just to see me blush brighter than a Christmas tree. Every dime-a-dozen rebel wannabe and future drop-out in school used me as their punching bag.

I had to work my way up from practically nothing, but I did it. So I'm not just talking about solutions. I'm referring you to ones that I've actually used and have actually worked.

But hell, if you're only going to keep talking about your own lack of self-worth, the only thing that's going to help you is professional therapy.

Do you want to fix your problems or not?

[QUOTE=allalone]I have looked at myself and have been trying to fix it. The weight being my main issue. But I'm still not happy and I just feel like I'll never be happy with my weight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.[/QUOTE]

You said you're 145 now. I'm assuming youre of average height. That's a normal and healthy weight to be at. You don't want to get caught in the mentality that you need to lose more and more weight. That can lead to much more serious issues down the road. Find a weight that you feel comfortable with that is healthy at the same time and maintain it through a workout routine and healthy eating. The running is a great way to do that. You sound like youre on the right track, you just need to adjust your mentality towards yourself.

good point...

i could paint myself in a pathetic light, accenting all the negatives, but what would be the point in all of that.


Who hasnt had a tought life?

As far as not loving yourself, I'm sure if you sat down and rationalized your problem, it would seem obvious you are making a mountain out of a mole hill, for lack of a better anecdote. Its not something that usually happens over night. Just changing your thought process about yourself is usually a good start

[QUOTE=allalone]I'll tell you... that feeling you get, it's amazing it does make you [I]want [/I]it even more.[/QUOTE]

Then stop pretending she's the only woman you'll ever feel it with.

[QUOTE=allalone]I have looked at myself and have been trying to fix it. The weight being my main issue. But I'm still not happy and I just feel like I'll never be happy with my weight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.[/QUOTE]

No, you've somehow managed to convince yourself that this is your role in life because of how rough a itme other people gave you.

Bullsh[size=2]i[/size]t.

"Oh, I'll never be happy-" Shut up. The more you talk like that, the more certain it is to come true. Stop beating yourself up like an emo kid and do something about it. The less you complain about how hard it is to fix problems, the more likely oyu are to fix them.

Do not compare your progress to anybody else. Sever the negative connections in your life. Surround yourself with people who are going to help you grow as a person. Keep a journal of progress. Take the whole process one step at a time.

But for god's sake, stop complaining. You're only making it worse on yourself.

[QUOTE=EizingerIsGod]You said you're 145 now. I'm assuming youre of average height. That's a normal and healthy weight to be at. You don't want to get caught in the mentality that you need to lose more and more weight. That can lead to much more serious issues down the road. Find a weight that you feel comfortable with that is healthy at the same time and maintain it through a workout routine and healthy eating. The running is a great way to do that. You sound like youre on the right track, you just need to adjust your mentality towards yourself.[/QUOTE]
You know, I still want to lose weight. Even though I'm at healthy weight, I guess. I still am not happy with what my body looks like. My brother is really skinny and always will be. I don't want to look as skinny as him, but I want to be skinny, so... like you can see a six pack or something. I do work with free weights, like bench press and curls, mostly. I work my abs too. I just want to lose enough weight so You can actually see some abs and at least a little muscle on me. I don't know if that's bad mentality or not. I still beat myself up if I eat unhealthy or a little too much.

i think you are focusing too much on such a meaningless endeavor.


Sure, you tell us, in words "hey, if i was skinny and had a 6-pack, everything would be different"


I emplore you that this is not the case at all. You are merely looking for excuses to hate yourself

[QUOTE=allalone]You know, I still want to lose weight. Even though I'm at healthy weight, I guess. I still am not happy with what my body looks like. My brother is really skinny and always will be. I don't want to look as skinny as him, but I want to be skinny, so... like you can see a six pack or something. I do work with free weights, like bench press and curls, mostly. I work my abs too. I just want to lose enough weight so You can actually see some abs and at least a little muscle on me. I don't know if that's bad mentality or not. I still beat myself up if I eat unhealthy or a little too much.[/QUOTE]

Just so you know, you're not going to get a highly defined six-pack unless you're genetically built that way. Also most of the models with sixpacks on fitness magazines have actually starved themselves for a day so that subcutaneous layers of fat that normally mask a lot of muscle defintion are gone. Not something I recommend doing.

And for god's sake, stop beating yourself up. I know a guy who's attitude is, "Well, I'll let myself have this piece of cake. But I'll add an extra five minutes on the treadmill to compensate." He doesn't shy away from junk food, but when he does eat more of it than usual, he just puts in a little extra time at the gym. Nothing overboard, just enough to burn off most of the extra callories.

By no means should you think you have to work out daily like Jerry and Doyle of the Misfits. Just stay on track and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

It would also help to think more in terms of fitness than thinness. You don't want an eating disorder.

[QUOTE=allalone] I want to be skinny, so... like you can see a six pack or something. I do work with free weights, like bench press and curls, mostly. I work my abs too. I just want to lose enough weight so You can actually see some abs and at least a little muscle on me. I don't know if that's bad mentality or not. I still beat myself up if I eat unhealthy or a little too much.[/QUOTE]

Like Che said you're just finding reasons to beat yourself up. The majority of guys don't have six packs. I sure as hell don't. Sure I'd like to have cut abs but I don't let it bother me that I don't. If you are working out try doing either circuit training which would be a more aerobic approach or weight training to build muscle. It can take a long time before you start to see results when working out. Don't let it discourage you that you aren't getting immediate results. All that stuff you see on television about getting in shape in minutes a day and six second abs is bullsh[I]i[/I]t. Just keep working at what you're doing and you will see results in time. In the meantime just don't look for reasons to put yourself down.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]It would also help to think more in terms of fitness than thinness. You don't want an eating disorder.[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more.

[QUOTE=Che Guevara]I emplore you that this is not the case at all. You are merely looking for excuses to hate yourself[/QUOTE]

Having been there, I can back this up. Though it is good to get and stay in shape, it's certainly not going to be a magical cure-all.

I have a friend who's excellent with women and incredibly self-confident. And he has an insane metabolism that causes him to be skinny without even trying. If it weren't for the fact that he eats and works out as much as he does, he'd look like a Holocaust survivor.

With women, your physique is much less important than your personality. And self-deprecation is not an attractive quality.

[QUOTE=Che Guevara]i think you are focusing too much on such a meaningless endeavor.


Sure, you tell us, in words "hey, if i was skinny and had a 6-pack, everything would be different"


I emplore you that this is not the case at all. You are merely looking for excuses to hate yourself[/QUOTE]
What should I be focusing on, then? If I actally felt better about myself and about the way I look, I'll have more self-confidence and may actually try to get girls. I always have had this feeling that girls will just look at me say "Oh he's fat, and then just have nothing to do with me" That's the way I feel about anyone that meets me for the first time. That's the way I have always felt. Just a few weeks ago I heard someone say that about me. My sister was talking to a teacher and she said to the teacher "Here's my brother!" and the teacher said "Oh he's fat!" and my sister said "He lost a lot of weight" I didn't hear the teacher say "he's fat" but when I heard my sister say "He lost a lot of weight" it's kind of easy to infer that. So how's that to my confidence? Yeah, it doesn't make me feel so great. Hearing that doesn't make me feel so great.

[QUOTE=EizingerIsGod]Like Che said you're just finding reasons to beat yourself up. The majority of guys don't have six packs. I sure as hell don't. Sure I'd like to have cut abs but I don't let it bother me that I don't. If you are working out try doing either circuit training which would be a more aerobic approach or weight training to build muscle. It can take a long time before you start to see results when working out. Don't let it discourage you that you aren't getting immediate results. All that stuff you see on television about getting in shape in minutes a day and six second abs is bullsh[I]i[/I]t. Just keep working at what you're doing and you will see results in time. In the meantime just don't look for reasons to put yourself down.



I couldn't agree more.[/QUOTE]
I know I'm not going to see immediate results. I started in September. I've been running and doing weight training since then and I have seen a significant change. I know. My stamina has greatly improved as well as my strength. I can bench 200 lbs. Which feels great. I just have this obsession with being thin. Oh yeah and I have been using six second abs since september too.;) And it really does work. But I just have to lose more fat to be able to see it.

[QUOTE=allalone]What should I be focusing on, then? If I actally felt better about myself and about the way I look, I'll have more self-confidence and may actually try to get girls.[/quote]

Wrong again. You'll feel good about yourself for getting in shape, but then you'll be just another boring jock who centers his life entirely around his body.

[quote]I always have had this feeling that girls will just look at me say "Oh he's fat, and then just have nothing to do with me"[/quote]

Wrong again. Any woman who thinks that isn't worth the time anyway because she's so superficial.

Women judge you more on your personality than your looks.

[quote]That's the way I feel about anyone that meets me for the first time.[/quote]

Well, you're wrong.

[quote]That's the way I have always felt. Just a few weeks ago I heard someone say that about me. My sister was talking to a teacher and she said to the teacher "Here's my brother!" and the teacher said "Oh he's fat!" and my sister said "He lost a lot of weight" I didn't hear the teacher say "he's fat" but when I heard my sister say "He lost a lot of weight" it's kind of easy to infer that.[/quote]

So you heard it, but you didn't hear it? And you inferred it.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ. You're letting other people define who you are. You're not showing any initiative to be your own person.

[quote]So how's that to my confidence? Yeah, it doesn't make me feel so great. Hearing that doesn't make me feel so great.[/QUOTE]

You said yourself that you didn't hear it, you inferred it. You just want an excuse to beat up on yourself because it's easier than actually fixing your own d[size=2]a[/size]mn problems.

[QUOTE=allalone]I didn't hear the teacher say "he's fat" but when I heard my sister say "He lost a lot of weight" it's kind of easy to infer that.[/QUOTE]

The chances of a teacher making a comment like that are not very likely.

So, what can actually be inferred is that your sister offered up the information that you had lost weight without prompting because she's proud of you.

[QUOTE=allalone]I know I'm not going to see immediate results. I started in September. I've been running and doing weight training since then and I have seen a significant change. I know. My stamina has greatly improved as well as my strength. I can bench 200 lbs. Which feels great. I just have this obsession with being thin. Oh yeah and I have been using six second abs since september too.;) And it really does work. But I just have to lose more fat to be able to see it.[/QUOTE]

Then learn to cook and start making your own menu. Try to schedule the meals you're cooking around the food pyramid.

Do get in shape, but don't work out your body to the point that you neglect your mind and emotions. You're not going to attract women in the long-term if all you have to offer is big pecs. You need to have a personality behind the brawn.

"Stay Positive!"

Best statement you will ever hear.

Completely changed the way I view my life. allalone should think about it too.

:)

[QUOTE=allalone]What should I be focusing on, then? If I actally felt better about myself and about the way I look, I'll have more self-confidence and may actually try to get girls. I always have had this feeling that girls will just look at me say "Oh he's fat, and then just have nothing to do with me" That's the way I feel about anyone that meets me for the first time. That's the way I have always felt. Just a few weeks ago I heard someone say that about me. My sister was talking to a teacher and she said to the teacher "Here's my brother!" and the teacher said "Oh he's fat!" and my sister said "He lost a lot of weight" I didn't hear the teacher say "he's fat" but when I heard my sister say "He lost a lot of weight" it's kind of easy to infer that. So how's that to my confidence? Yeah, it doesn't make me feel so great. Hearing that doesn't make me feel so great.[/QUOTE]



well, what id say to you is...


if you are worried about girls think you are fat, honestly, what you want a girl who judges YOU based on appearance.

I personally choose NOT to make myself looked my best due to this phenonmenon. If someone is going to judge my character based on appearance, i really feel they are doing me a favor by not wasting my time

[QUOTE=Steerpike]So you heard it, but you didn't hear it? And you inferred it.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ. You're letting other people define who you are. You're not showing any initiative to be your own person.



You said yourself that you didn't hear it, you inferred it. You just want an excuse to beat up on yourself because it's easier than actually fixing your own d[size=2]a[/size]mn problems.[/QUOTE]
All right, I think it's pretty obvious what she said. And what the hell are you talking about. I have been fixing my own problems. I know she was talking about my weight. It's easy to tell. I'm used to it all the time. I'm done arguing with you. Whatever. I just want a way to get my confidence up.

[QUOTE=allalone]All right, I think it's pretty obvious what she said. And what the hell are you talking about. I have been fixing my own problems. I know she was talking about my weight. It's easy to tell. I'm used to it all the time. I'm done arguing with you. Whatever. I just want a way to get my confidence up.[/QUOTE]

Like I said above, the chances of a teacher making a comment about your weight isn't very likely.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]The chances of a teacher making a comment like that are not very likely.

So, what can actually be inferred is that your sister offered up the information that you had lost weight without prompting because she's proud of you.[/QUOTE]
I was down the hallway and she said to the teacher," Here's my brother" and then I heard her mumbling something but couldn't hear the words, and then my sister was like "Noooooo he lost a lot of weight!" In like this gitty voice. It's easy to tell what she said.

That teacher should be reported then.

[QUOTE=allalone]All right, I think it's pretty obvious what she said. And what the hell are you talking about. I have been fixing my own problems. I know she was talking about my weight. It's easy to tell. I'm used to it all the time. I'm done arguing with you. Whatever. I just want a way to get my confidence up.[/QUOTE]

We're all trying to help you with your confidence but you're not listening. You're just complaining. Look back at your posts.

Didn't you read that Kimmie was explaining that perhaps your sister was proud of you for your progress? You should have focused on that and felt better. But no, you decided to focus on what you imagined someone else said and let that get to you.

I'm not arguing with you by any means. I'm trying to get you to understand that you're being superficial and allowing other people to define who you are rather than showing the strength of character to internalize a positive mindset of yourself and follow through on it.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]That teacher should be reported then.[/QUOTE]
Naw. It's all right. I can't help what people think. It's just the people like that that I don't like. I hate when people make easy judgements on me. But everyone does it. I've done it to a lot of people too, but then when I actually meet them and talk to them. I realize that they are really nice people.

For all you know, she could've said "I thought your brother was much heavier".

Lord..this topic so far is extremely interesting to say the least.
OK, if this bloody girl is affecting you life so much....I mean....is that going to happen all the time?
Will having a 'perfect' body make you happy? Like seriously...A body will make you happy?
Girls who only look at looks and nothing else are not worth to be with (I'm a personality girl ;)
One small step at a time - not bloody huge ones. Small ones as they add up to big ones in the end.
To get your confidence up, you need to know why it is so low? Does it relate completely to your body...?
I think Steerpike speaks a lot of sense, you need someone blunt.
Everyone speaks advice, maybe one should take some of it and ask yourself some serious questions instead of moping round like...I dunno, a dog who's lost his bone.
Complaining won't help - a small dose is alright but they way you are going on it is extreme. People are giving advice. Don't get me wrong I want to help you, not have a go at you but be honest with yourself here.

[QUOTE=allalone]Naw. It's all right. I can't help what people think. It's just the people like that that I don't like. I hate when people make easy judgements on me. But everyone does it. I've done it to a lot of people too, but then when I actually meet them and talk to them. I realize that they are really nice people.[/QUOTE]

Then why the hell are you taking all these superficial judgments so personally?

[QUOTE=Steerpike]We're all trying to help you with your confidence but you're not listening. You're just complaining. Look back at your posts.

Didn't you read that Kimmie was explaining that perhaps your sister was proud of you for your progress? You should have focused on that and felt better. But no, you decided to focus on what you imagined someone else said and let that get to you.

I'm not arguing with you by any means. I'm trying to get you to understand that you're being superficial and allowing other people to define who you are rather than showing the strength of character to internalize a positive mindset of yourself and follow through on it.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, you're right. I just wish that I could be likeable to everyone. I guess that's how I feel. I want everyone to look at me and not feel something negative about me like "He's fat" or something. I've always felt this way ever since my brother and his friends started making fun of me.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]For all you know, she could've said "I thought your brother was much heavier".[/QUOTE]
Well she never met me before. But who knows?

[QUOTE=Steerpike]Then why the hell are you taking all these superficial judgments so personally?[/QUOTE]
Because I [I]hate [/I]it. I hate when people judge me.

Dude, whenever you think about something bad, just tell yourself "feck it, doesn't matter." and force yourself to think abot the situation is a posi way.

Even when you aren't happy, sort of pretend you are, and eventually you will be. Trust me, it works.

[QUOTE=allalone]Yeah, you're right. I just wish that I could be likeable to everyone. I guess that's how I feel. I want everyone to look at me and not feel something negative about me like "He's fat" or something. I've always felt this way ever since my brother and his friends started making fun of me.[/QUOTE]

You're not going to please everyone, to paraphrase the old adage.

I've met people who don't like me because I have long hair. F[size=2]u[/size]ck 'em.

I've met people who don't like me because I'm into metal and sing in harsh vocals. F[size=2]u[/size]ck 'em.

I've met people who think I'm dangerous and unstable because I wear black. F[size=2]u[/size]ck 'em.

I've met people who think I'm really cool for the fact that I've never stopped evolving as a person, and are right beside me in these efforts. Those are the people I hang out with.

Stop trying to please everyone else. It's okay to be selfish in a way. There's no one more worth living for than yourself.

[QUOTE=allalone]Because I [I]hate [/I]it. I hate when people judge me.[/QUOTE]

So do I. But instead think (for people who judge you in future)
"This person doesn't know me...haha what they so is not true as they don't know me. And I don't know this person so I don't want to be friends with"

[QUOTE=allalone]Because I [I]hate [/I]it. I hate when people judge me.[/QUOTE]

Their problem, not yours.

And on that note, I must be off. Lunch.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]Dude, whenever you think about something bad, just tell yourself "feck it, doesn't matter." and force yourself to think abot the situation is a posi way.

Even when you aren't happy, sort of pretend you are, and eventually you will be. Trust me, it works.[/QUOTE]
I guess so. I think I know what the real reason for this is. I don't know how to talk to girls. I have no self-confidence to talk to girls either. So I guess that if I have a nice body then more girls will come up and talk to me. Because I can't talk to girls. I can't go up and talk to them.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]Their problem, not yours.

And on that note, I must be off. Lunch.[/QUOTE]
Well thanks for talking with me anyways. I've learned a lot.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]You're not going to please everyone, to paraphrase the old adage.

I've met people who don't like me because I have long hair. F[size=2]u[/size]ck 'em.

I've met people who don't like me because I'm into metal and sing in harsh vocals. F[size=2]u[/size]ck 'em.

I've met people who think I'm dangerous and unstable because I wear black. F[size=2]u[/size]ck 'em.

I've met people who think I'm really cool for the fact that I've never stopped evolving as a person, and are right beside me in these efforts. Those are the people I hang out with.

Stop trying to please everyone else. It's okay to be selfish in a way. There's no one more worth living for than yourself.[/QUOTE]

Here here :chug:
Seriously, there this girl at our school who wants to be liked by everyone and everyone knows it.
Why do you want to be liked by everyone? Will it give you that much pleasure?
That attitude makes people run from you, not to you.

[QUOTE=allalone]I guess so. I think I know what the real reason for this is. I don't know how to talk to girls. I have no self-confidence to talk to girls either. So I guess that if I have a nice body then more girls will come up and talk to me. Because I can't talk to girls. I can't go up and talk to them.[/QUOTE]
Nike gives the best advice in this situation. Just do it.

[QUOTE=allalone]I guess so. I think I know what the real reason for this is. I don't know how to talk to girls. I have no self-confidence to talk to girls either. So I guess that if I have a nice body then more girls will come up and talk to me. Because I can't talk to girls. I can't go up and talk to them.[/QUOTE]

As a girl, listen up sexy ;)
If a guy has a nice body, it is nice but it is definitely not the number one thing girls look for in a guy. And the girls who are all body girls are players and aren't worth to be with.
Girls will talk to you whatever your body is like. I don't know what 145lb but by the way you are going it sounds as if yer body is great. Girls who are worth to be with look at more simpler things like eyes, hair, lips or things like that. Well that's what I look at - I'm more of a personality. You can't be with someone you can't talk to.
A body of a God won't make you God's gift. But keep fit and you'll be great. don't fret. Your point in life can't be to please girls.
Chin up and listen!

I know everyone has been saying this but, confidence does work wonders. I have a friend who is very overweight himself. But he doesn't think of it. He's very confident and it shows.

I guess the whole thing that sparked the weight loss thing was because of prom. I just wanted to look good in a tux and at least get a prom date. And then I met this girl and I know she didn't care about my weight, but I still wanted to look good for her. Now I just have this huge obsession. I guess I'll stop. I guess I just need to get laid or something. I've only had one girlfriend which only lasted like a week and wasn't even serious. It was like 4 years ago too. And I've only kissed one girl which was at a party and I was really drunk and didn't even know what was going on so I guess it really wasn't a kiss. I don't know, it just seems like everyon'e more experienced than me too.

[QUOTE=allalone]I guess the whole thing that sparked the weight loss thing was because of prom. I just wanted to look good in a tux and at least get a prom date. And then I met this girl and I know she didn't care about my weight, but I still wanted to look good for her. Now I just have this huge obsession. I guess I'll stop. I guess I just need to get laid or something. I've only had one girlfriend which only lasted like a week and wasn't even serious. It was like 4 years ago too. And I've only kissed one girl which was at a party and I was really drunk and didn't even know what was going on so I guess it really wasn't a kiss. I don't know, it just seems like everyon'e more experienced than me too.[/QUOTE]

So many people worry whether they are experienced, lots of my friends do. It isn't new and lots of people worry bout it and if yer with a lovely girl, and she isn't experienced either, then you'll both be nervous. And if she is more experienced and she is nice, she won't mind at all to be honest.
It's hard to let go of the past but you have to, over time. It is hard but we are now the present and the future.
You don't need to get laid just to make you feel happier. It isn't that big a deal according to my mates who have, they didn't know what the hype was and regretted sleeping with that person at that time.
Just wait for that girl.
And you don't need to go to extremes to please yer girl anymore. YOU GOT HER. SHE LOOKED AT YOU. SHE'S WITH YOU. You don't need to change, why do you need to if she is yours already?
Don't go out of your way to please you future girlfriend if she is already with you. Of course, flowers never hurt anyone.

You're right. I just... need something to boost my confidence.