[QUOTE=Chaindrive]
When she calls later today tell her you've had enough drama with her, and you don't want anymore of it.[/QUOTE]


Way to live far away, Kim. Good job. :angry:

[QUOTE=Tiger]Way to live far away, Kim. Good job. :angry:[/QUOTE]

Is your car still sick?

Guys, I need advice.......or maybe just saying this will make me feel better.

Recently my girlfriend is showing flat out disinterest in me. I mean, aside from some infrequent kisses she rarely does anything to show me she even knows I exist, not hold my hand (unless I hold hers first), no hugs (unless I do it first), barely any talking (unless I start the conversation), I ALWAYS have to make plans if we want to hang out, and if I call her she just seems to do anything in her power to not pay attention to me.

Infact, I was just on the phone with her and she had to go "to watch her show" but right before this she told me it was on tape. So, apparently watching some show on tape is more important than me. And she recently threw out a picture of us, for no apparent reason.

Hell, she could just be PMSing. But she's just never been like this before, I don't know why she's doing this, I try to never be mean to her (unless it's sarcastic) and we used to get along REALLY well, talking on the phone or something until someone else in one of our houses needed it.

The only thing that I guess is making me a bit paranoid is the fact she's always talking about another guy. I'm not jealous, and she has a few guy friends, but this one guy.....every time we talk it's like "eric did this" or "eric did that" and everytime they see eachother at school they give like highfives, and then she just completely ditches me to talk to him.


Now, my options.

Dump her (really don't want to)

Talk to her about it, I know what I;d say but I'm not sure how to say it, right now she's mad at me cause of some stupid joke I made up with her sister, so doing it in person won't be easy.

And I don't really want to phone her, cause she's always so damn unresponsive on the phone.

So, it's either email, which is REALLY unclassy or MSN, which is only slightly less unclassy, and she is rarely online.

[QUOTE=DDM]Guys, I need advice.......or maybe just saying this will make me feel better.

Recently my girlfriend is showing flat out disinterest in me. I mean, aside from some infrequent kisses she rarely does anything to show me she even knows I exist, not hold my hand (unless I hold hers first), no hugs (unless I do it first), barely any talking (unless I start the conversation), I ALWAYS have to make plans if we want to hang out, and if I call her she just seems to do anything in her power to not pay attention to me.

Infact, I was just on the phone with her and she had to go "to watch her show" but right before this she told me it was on tape. So, apparently watching some show on tape is more important than me. And she recently threw out a picture of us, for no apparent reason.

Hell, she could just be PMSing. But she's just never been like this before, I don't know why she's doing this, I try to never be mean to her (unless it's sarcastic) and we used to get along REALLY well, talking on the phone or something until someone else in one of our houses needed it.

The only thing that I guess is making me a bit paranoid is the fact she's always talking about another guy. I'm not jealous, and she has a few guy friends, but this one guy.....every time we talk it's like "eric did this" or "eric did that" and everytime they see eachother at school they give like highfives, and then she just completely ditches me to talk to him.


Now, my options.

Dump her (really don't want to)

Talk to her about it, I know what I;d say but I'm not sure how to say it, right now she's mad at me cause of some stupid joke I made up with her sister, so doing it in person won't be easy.

And I don't really want to phone her, cause she's always so damn unresponsive on the phone.

So, it's either email, which is REALLY unclassy or MSN, which is only slightly less unclassy, and she is rarely online.[/QUOTE]
You need to talk to her about it, it's the only way you'll clear things up.

[QUOTE=Iscariot]If you can stop loving someone at the drop of a dime because their behavior pisses you off, then you never really loved them in the first place.[/QUOTE]

Alright. I assumed that weeks upon weeks of torment for Damien wouldn't constitute a 'drop of a dime' scenario.

[QUOTE=Herbert_da_fish]You need to talk to her about it, it's the only way you'll clear things up.[/QUOTE]


I figured that much out, I'm just not sure as to how to go about it.


I'll obviously tell her I want to talk to her about something, but beyond that I have little clue as to what sort of answers I'm looking for. I mean, if I say "It just seems like you don't really care about me anymore" she'll just be like "Yeah I do" and I'll get no where.

[QUOTE=DDM]I figured that much out, I'm just not sure as to how to go about it.


I'll obviously tell her I want to talk to her about something, but beyond that I have little clue as to what sort of answers I'm looking for. I mean, if I say "It just seems like you don't really care about me anymore" she'll just be like "Yeah I do" and I'll get no where.[/QUOTE]
Well if she's acting like this then there is obviously a problem. You need to ask some of the harder questions to which you might not want to know the answer.

[QUOTE=Herbert_da_fish]Well if she's acting like this then there is obviously a problem. You need to ask some of the harder questions to which you might not want to know the answer.[/QUOTE]


Okay, I'll hope that once she is done "with her taped t.v show" she'll go on msn, or her sister will and I'll tell her sister I need to talk to her.

[QUOTE=Jom]Alright. I assumed that weeks upon weeks of torment for Damien wouldn't constitute a 'drop of a dime' scenario.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, but I can't just stop loving her after everything I've done and been through with her. Chances are, I will always have feelings for her, no matter how much I hate the way she acts. I'll just have to forget them.

[QUOTE=DDM]Guys, I need advice.......or maybe just saying this will make me feel better.

Recently my girlfriend is showing flat out disinterest in me. I mean, aside from some infrequent kisses she rarely does anything to show me she even knows I exist, not hold my hand (unless I hold hers first), no hugs (unless I do it first), barely any talking (unless I start the conversation), I ALWAYS have to make plans if we want to hang out, and if I call her she just seems to do anything in her power to not pay attention to me.

Infact, I was just on the phone with her and she had to go "to watch her show" but right before this she told me it was on tape. So, apparently watching some show on tape is more important than me. And she recently threw out a picture of us, for no apparent reason.

Hell, she could just be PMSing. But she's just never been like this before, I don't know why she's doing this, I try to never be mean to her (unless it's sarcastic) and we used to get along REALLY well, talking on the phone or something until someone else in one of our houses needed it.

The only thing that I guess is making me a bit paranoid is the fact she's always talking about another guy. I'm not jealous, and she has a few guy friends, but this one guy.....every time we talk it's like "eric did this" or "eric did that" and everytime they see eachother at school they give like highfives, and then she just completely ditches me to talk to him.


Now, my options.

Dump her (really don't want to)

Talk to her about it, I know what I;d say but I'm not sure how to say it, right now she's mad at me cause of some stupid joke I made up with her sister, so doing it in person won't be easy.

And I don't really want to phone her, cause she's always so damn unresponsive on the phone.

So, it's either email, which is REALLY unclassy or MSN, which is only slightly less unclassy, and she is rarely online.[/QUOTE]

I hate these situations because I'm in a similar bind.

My girl rarely calls me, we don't spend time together though she spends time with all her other friends, if I say "I'm coming over" she says, "You can't. I'm doing laundry" or "You can't, my mom is asleep".

I only see her a couple times a week because when she has her break at work she says, "I don't really feel like hanging out on my break" so she calls up this guy friend of hers instead or goes next door to the other store and hangs out with this guy cashier over there.

Now she says she's moving to Seattle this summer for cosmotology schooling and she's abandoning our live-together plans so she can live for free on campus.

I'm also interested in this other girl that I've known for years that recently called me up and came back into the picture, so I don't know what to do.

We both need to have long talks with our girlfriends. :(

Dang, Jared. Evidently that [size=2]s[/size]hit is still going on with Lela.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Dang, Jared. Evidently that [size=2]s[/size]hit is still going on with Lela.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, see it's been smoothing out. We communicate more and I asked her, "Are you getting bored with our relationship? Are you trying to tell me something with all the fights we've been having?"

She said, "It's nothing like that. I would tell you straight forward if it was. I think it's normal the way we fight and I'd rather fight a lot than never fight at all. At least we're open with each other. I'm just under a lot of stress right now."

I said, "I know and so am I. You've just been sending out a lot of mixed messages."

Anyway, the rest of the convo is a bit personal, but that's the jist of it.

It's not normal to fight a lot, though.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]It's not normal to fight a lot, though.[/QUOTE]

I know, I just... ugh.

I'll see how things go with Laura this weekend. The fact that she remembers the party we went to together more than a year ago where we sat on the hood of my car, smoked cigs and cuddled is promising. Most girls don't remember that sort of thing unless it was with a guy they like, right? Right? God I hope so.

Urrite, they won't remember it unless it's important.

Good luck with Laura; maybe that will give you another perspective.

[QUOTE=Iscariot]I hate these situations because I'm in a similar bind.

My girl rarely calls me, we don't spend time together though she spends time with all her other friends, if I say "I'm coming over" she says, "You can't. I'm doing laundry" or "You can't, my mom is asleep".

I only see her a couple times a week because when she has her break at work she says, "I don't really feel like hanging out on my break" so she calls up this guy friend of hers instead or goes next door to the other store and hangs out with this guy cashier over there.

Now she says she's moving to Seattle this summer for cosmotology schooling and she's abandoning our live-together plans so she can live for free on campus.

I'm also interested in this other girl that I've known for years that recently called me up and came back into the picture, so I don't know what to do.

We both need to have long talks with our girlfriends. :([/QUOTE]
Go with the second girl. The girl you're with now doesn't seem like she really cares. :-/

J-Rad: If things go well with Laura(I think that's what you said her name was?) then I'd go with her. Things with your current girl seem to been on a downward slope..

On a side note: Me and my girlfriend broke up a few days ago :(

One sided relationships suck.

And I hate people right now. I'm in such a people hating mood.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]Go with the second girl. The girl you're with now doesn't seem like she really cares. :-/[/QUOTE]

For better or worse I agree. And I think you were on to something with the "Are you bored with the relationship?" question, Jared.

[QUOTE=DDM]Guys, I need advice.......or maybe just saying this will make me feel better.

Recently my girlfriend is showing flat out disinterest in me. I mean, aside from some infrequent kisses she rarely does anything to show me she even knows I exist, not hold my hand (unless I hold hers first), no hugs (unless I do it first), barely any talking (unless I start the conversation), I ALWAYS have to make plans if we want to hang out, and if I call her she just seems to do anything in her power to not pay attention to me.

Infact, I was just on the phone with her and she had to go "to watch her show" but right before this she told me it was on tape. So, apparently watching some show on tape is more important than me. And she recently threw out a picture of us, for no apparent reason.

Hell, she could just be PMSing. But she's just never been like this before, I don't know why she's doing this, I try to never be mean to her (unless it's sarcastic) and we used to get along REALLY well, talking on the phone or something until someone else in one of our houses needed it.

The only thing that I guess is making me a bit paranoid is the fact she's always talking about another guy. I'm not jealous, and she has a few guy friends, but this one guy.....every time we talk it's like "eric did this" or "eric did that" and everytime they see eachother at school they give like highfives, and then she just completely ditches me to talk to him.


Now, my options.

Dump her (really don't want to)

Talk to her about it, I know what I;d say but I'm not sure how to say it, right now she's mad at me cause of some stupid joke I made up with her sister, so doing it in person won't be easy.

And I don't really want to phone her, cause she's always so damn unresponsive on the phone.

So, it's either email, which is REALLY unclassy or MSN, which is only slightly less unclassy, and she is rarely online.[/QUOTE]


:amaze: I swear that i posted this exact same senario like, in late november.

The only thiing i can do to help( i suck at advice, i dont know hwy i post here
so much) is tell you what i did wrong. maybe put it in perspectice?

Baisically, i was there way toooo much, and got annoying. Then she lost interest. If thats what happened with you, just back off for a while, and see what happens.

Abot the guy, as long as you trust her, he shouldnt be a problem, perhaps talk to her about it, but in a way that doesnt sound like you're accusing her " [I]you[/I] are always,i always see [I]you[/I] with him" etc, but, "[I]I[/I] feel this, an dthe like etc"

[QUOTE=DDM]....[/QUOTE]
no more attraction. [I]talking[/I] about this situation does not make her attracted to you and therefore will not solve the problem.

remember that this is your fault sooo

changing how you act is the only way to salvage anything. and even then i doubt it will save this. but it might prevent similar situations in the future.

stop initiating contact and being soooo fu[COLOR="White"]c[/COLOR]king available and predictable and [I]niceeee[/I].

[QUOTE=I Am a Hat]no more attraction. [I]talking[/I] about this situation does not make her attracted to you and therefore will not solve the problem.

remember that this is your fault sooo

changing how you act is the only way to salvage anything. and even then i doubt it will save this. but it might prevent similar situations in the future.

stop initiating contact and being soooo fu[COLOR="White"]c[/COLOR]king available and predictable and [I]niceeee[/I].[/QUOTE]
although I'm still not sure if that is a serious post.....

the problem is, she always wants to hang out with me at school but then the stuff I mentioned happens

she just called me. her dad asked me to be nice to her. shes in the psych ward at the hospital and i tried to be nice without making her think i would take her back. i can't stand this. i don't know what to think. nothing i do is going to make me happy.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]she just called me. her dad asked me to be nice to her. shes in the psych ward at the hospital and i tried to be nice without making her think i would take her back. i can't stand this. i don't know what to think. nothing i do is going to make me happy.[/QUOTE]

Watch [i]Stateside[/i]. It'll answer all your questions.

i don't have any questions. i know what i got to do, i just don't want to.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]Yeah, but I can't just stop loving her after everything I've done and been through with her. Chances are, I will always have feelings for her, no matter how much I hate the way she acts. I'll just have to forget them.[/QUOTE]

Man, if you can just 'forget' everything that happened, I need whatever product it is you're selling. That would make my life so much easier.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]i don't have any questions. i know what i got to do, i just don't want to.[/QUOTE]

I'm just saying, the movie is about an insecure guy who falls in love with a schizophrenic girl and eventually has to sever all ties with her for her own health and safety. He ends up going to war and nearly dying and when he comes home and he's lying in his hospital bed recovering, she comes and finds him and they live happily ever after because somehow she's not crazy anymore and love conquers all blah blah blah

I guess that's pretty useless.

Here's the next episode in my teenage melodrama:

I talked to her more today. She's getting out of the ward tomorrow, but she is going to go see a counsellor regularly from here on, and Kimmie said something about seeing this work out if she willingly visited a psychologist to work out her problems.

The only way I can be completely sure that this doesn't happen again is if I move down there, which I can't really do until June or later. But, I will be able to visit her frequently since it's nearing summertime.

We talked, and of course I feel like she really is sorry, because I'm a pansy that gives in too easily. When she cries, I turn to mush and lose any backbone I had.

I'm still not sure how to think or feel about all this. I want to be with her, and we never have problems when we're together. All we ever hear is how we are so perfect together, even from her grandmother and family. We never fight or anything, and the only times I've had to worry about her being unfaithful is when we get into a fight. She says that she only does these things because she wants attention, and when we fight, I stop giving it to her.

She also told me that the guy asked her to take those pics. I'm not sure if that changes anything, but it makes me feel a little better. I imagined that it was all her idea, that she had thoughts about this before. Apparently, she was going to take some pics for Myspace and thing, just normal photos, and he asked her to take some nude ones. She did it without thinking twice, but she says she regretted it so much afterwards. I just spent a week with her in Florida, and if she regretted this so bad, how was she able to completely forget about it and show no signs that she did something? I have no way to be sure she still loves me, or if I'm just a tool that gives her attention.

She seems to be willing to see the counsellor and work things out better, so maybe I should give her one last chance? It's really what I want, even though I know leaving her would be better for me. I'm just confused. -.-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dont giv in! she didnt tell you about the photos, she keeps doing things that hurt her just for attention, she is not making you happy, you aren't having a mutual relationship if you always have to father her, and do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this type of person?

You said before that this was final, so stick to it, it will be better for you in the long run

I did say something about seeing if you can work it out if she has regular therapy. Because I think if she truly wants to help herself and deal with her issues, that it could work out.

But, ONLY, if she sees someone regularly, and doesn't come up with a bunch of lame excuses as to why she can't. You'll be able to tell by June if she's actually trying to work on her issues.

I would make it clear to her, however, that if it appears to you that she's not trying to work on her issues AT ANY TIME between now and then, that's it, and you're history.

The only reason I have to wait 'til June is because I have to wait until the semester ends. One of the classes I plan to withdraw from, and the other two I want to find out if I can finish up online. If I can do that, then I could leave immediately. If not, I actually will have to wait to May, not June.

I'm going to be worried as hell about what she does in between now and May though. I can't trust her, and I can't watch over her. All I can do is sit by and take her word, and visit her as much as possible. I'm never going to fully trust her again.

Does this sound like the right choice, or does leaving her cold turkey still make more sense? I know this way I'd be happier, which right now is more important than what is probably healthy for me. If she shows any signs of not being completely dedicated and willing to work on her problems, then I will leave her. If she screws up again, it would be the third strike, so to speak.

Sorry for whining here. :-/

Leaving her cold turkey as in, never having contact with her again? I wouldn't do that, just because of the volatile position she is in right now.

I would still discontinue the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship though, while still remaining in her life. I think that of all the times she would need someone to look to for help, as a friend, who can give her an honest opinion and not someone who is attracted to her that would just want to appease her. But I do think she, and you, are both in the position where maintaining a friendship or somthing would benifit her.

Personally I think that waiting to finish your semester would be fine, I don't think somthing would really happen, even without your visits. Staying in contact with her would at least provide some insight into how she is doing, and whether she needs anything.

BTW, sorry for kinda butting into this conversation kinda. I'm just kinda dropping in, cause I really liked this thread, and missed it a bit.

Well my suggestions have been moot, so go with what Kimmie's been saying. Make it clear that you'll be there if and only if she works on her problems and gets treatment. If she does stupid stuff between now and May, you need to get out and fast. That's why I was saying earlier that you should start taking the steps to move on (as opposed to cold turkey - I don't agree with that, really), but that's because that's what would be best for you, not best for the duo of you + her.

[quote=metBANs]BTW, sorry for kinda butting into this conversation kinda. I'm just kinda dropping in, cause I really liked this thread, and missed it ab it.[/quote]

Nah, no need to apologize. I always offer opinions in the middle of a story, and nobody minds as far as I know. Feel free to share whatever you'd like.

What you need to factor in on your decision is before she would just pull crap on you and that was that. This time therapy will allegedly be involved. I wouldn't trust her saying she's going, though, I'd talk to her father and make sure she's going.

And, make it clear (and stick to it) that if she opts out of therapy, you will opt out of her.

The girl I like might be a lesbian. I have no idea what to do. That kinda sums it up.

Ask her if she is?

Would it be awkward at all?

I don't think so.

How did you get the idea she might be gay?

Probably she dresses like a guy or does manly things, like milking cows.

It isn't awkward at all. Of course, that isn't valid at all if you're very, very shy. Then just bring the subject up very softly.

Only if you make it awkward.

There's a rumor going around that she might be gay that's all. I've heard from like 4 different people.