Kimmie how can i stop from not getting attached to my gf.

[QUOTE=Destined_for]Kimmie how can i stop from not getting attached to my gf.[/QUOTE]
Just force yourself not to think about her constantly. Occupy yourself with other things. I get attached very easily too, and I haven't tried stopping myself from getting attached, but I sort of detached myself from my girl by will, but I never was satisfied with it. :-/

Just force yourself not to. I'm not sure how to explain it. Whenever you feel like you're getting too attached, just take a step back, hang out with friends and keep reminding yourself that, in the grand scheme of things, this one girl really means absolutely nothing.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Tiger needs to get a few more years' of experience so he can see some grey areas. Right now everything is black and white to him. Life's not like that.[/QUOTE]
He's a jackass. It's not that he's not old enough. Most of the people here are younger than him and much more mature and less aggressive.

I wouldn't say he's not mature. At all. He's more mature than 90% of this forum. People just can't take his way of saying things. Like Steerpike said.

We shouldn't be talking about Tiger, since he's not here and all. Talking about someone behind their back is pretty gay, even if I don't like the guy.

I know, I just made a comment and then everyone started talking about him :-\

She just called me. She wanted to see if I was mad at her because I didn't come talk to her today. I told her I wasn't and asked her if she asked that guy about the myspace thing and he said it was his "best friend". I told her we could talk if she wanted but she decided to go. Every time she does something now she has some kind of "reason" for it besides wanting to talk to me. For instance today, she was trying to see if I was mad, before she was "hyper and didn't think I would mind." Another time when she kept touching my arm she was "sweeping the table." When she tried to lure me to her table she "had to tell me something."

[QUOTE=Wizard.]Just force yourself not to think about her constantly. Occupy yourself with other things. I get attached very easily too, and I haven't tried stopping myself from getting attached, but I sort of detached myself from my girl by will, but I never was satisfied with it. :-/

Just force yourself not to. I'm not sure how to explain it. Whenever you feel like you're getting too attached, just take a step back, hang out with friends and keep reminding yourself that, in the grand scheme of things, this one girl really means absolutely nothing.[/QUOTE]

I haven't learned that one either.

part of the problem, is all the guys i'd ever dated i didn't like.
i had this weird complex, where i'd date guys i didn't have feelings for... well, because i knew i didn't and it gave me the upper hand. they couldn't get to me or hurt me and treated me well.

now i'm in a relationship where the guy has been a very close friend since 8th grade (now senior year) and i feel really uncomfortable that i'm no longer in control. right now we really care about each other, but i no longer have that feeling of security.

i think it's a big part of the battle in relationships - having both parties care about each other on equal levels, and accept each other fully and without jealousy

so there is this girl and ive talked 2 her like once. i am like in love with her and i dont even know her name. we didnt even talk about anything, i was just in line to get food and she came up to me and said hey! wat r u getting, i responded and asked her, and then i went to my table and she went to hers. i dunno y i liek this chick so much. wat should i do, ive never experianced anything like this before. o btw i see her everyday

[QUOTE=XXbleedingthroughXX]so there is this girl and ive talked 2 her like once. i am like in love with her and i dont even know her name. we didnt even talk about anything, i was just in line to get food and she came up to me and said hey! wat r u getting, i responded and asked her, and then i went to my table and she went to hers. i dunno y i liek this chick so much. wat should i do, ive never experianced anything like this before. o btw i see her everyday[/QUOTE]
You don't love her. You can't love someone without knowing them. Just go talk to her and get to know her before you decide you love her.

[quote=smart blockhead]You don't love her. You can't love someone without knowing them. Just go talk to her and get to know her before you decide you love her.[/quote]

well i was kinda bein sarcastic about that

[QUOTE=XXbleedingthroughXX]so there is this girl and ive talked 2 her like [I]once[/I]. i am like in [I]love [/I]with her and [I]i dont even know her name.[/I] [/QUOTE]

read: lust.

i'm not saying that you might not end up a great pair, what i'm saying is you can't determine that at this point.

i understand what you mean with attractions that are intense. but they're nothing more than attractions.

get to know her.

[QUOTE=XXbleedingthroughXX]so there is this girl and ive talked 2 her like once. i am like in love with her and i dont even know her name. we didnt even talk about anything, i was just in line to get food and she came up to me and said hey! wat r u getting, i responded and asked her, and then i went to my table and she went to hers. i dunno y i liek this chick so much. wat should i do, ive never experianced anything like this before. o btw i see her everyday[/QUOTE]
yeah

she was interested and wanted to started a conversation. she was enthusiastic. is she really interested in what you were eating? hell no

but you went into talking about something totally boring, with low energy most likely

tease her about only being able to think of something lame like that to try to pick you up. anything but what you did

be fun. she was happy. don't talk about logical boring stuff and kill her mood.


it sounds like to her you're just an average guy and she could meet 100 guys like you a day

is it rare for girls to approach you?

maybe you got like a weird feeling when it happened and now that feeling is anchored to her

thats really the only way i think someone could possibly feel like this about someone they don't even know


what should you do?

stop being the kind of guy that does this

[QUOTE=I Am a Hat]...[/QUOTE]
I was wondering what your thoughts would be on this.

[Quote=smart blockhead]She just called me. She wanted to see if I was mad at her because I didn't come talk to her today. I told her I wasn't and asked her if she asked that guy about the myspace thing and he said it was his "best friend". I told her we could talk if she wanted but she decided to go. Every time she does something now she has some kind of "reason" for it besides wanting to talk to me. For instance today, she was trying to see if I was mad, before she was "hyper and didn't think I would mind." Another time when she kept touching my arm she was "sweeping the table." When she tried to lure me to her table she "had to tell me something."[/Quote]
It seems to me like she just keeps making excuses to talk to me etc, but I may be wrong. I know I shouldn't have told her we could talk longer when she said I just called to ask you that, so I'm still trying to work on that kind of stuff, but atleast I know I shouldn't have done that. I'm debating whether to talk to her or not tommorow.

[QUOTE=XXbleedingthroughXX]so there is this girl and ive talked 2 her like once. i am like in love with her and i dont even know her name. we didnt even talk about anything, i was just in line to get food and she came up to me and said hey! wat r u getting, i responded and asked her, and then i went to my table and she went to hers. i dunno y i liek this chick so much. wat should i do, ive never experianced anything like this before. o btw i see her everyday[/QUOTE]

Hey, everyday in my algebra class, I shake hands with the kid next to me. I say 'Hendrix' and he says 'Bleeding Through.'

[QUOTE=smart blockhead]I was wondering what your thoughts would be on this. [/QUOTE]
i'll edit this post tommorow with stuff


you're recognizing alot of stuff on your own. good work sir

[QUOTE=I Am a Hat]i'll edit this post tommorow with stuff[/QUOTE]
That's cool. I'm going to bed.

I want to strangle my mother.

/teenage angst

Ok, I'm done.

I had to break up with James the other day.
I did it because I didnt really have feelings for him, and I was essentailly using him to get over my ex girlfriend.
I thought I did a good thing, but I feel bad about it.

[QUOTE=Ibasslikethis!]I had to break up with [B]James[/B] the other day.
I did it because I didnt really have feelings for him, and I was essentailly using him to get over [B]my ex girlfriend[/B].
I thought I did a good thing, but I feel bad about it.[/QUOTE]
are u a girl or a guy? :confused:

[QUOTE=dazmo]are u a girl or a guy? :confused:[/QUOTE]

He's bisexual.

[QUOTE=Ibasslikethis!]I had to break up with James the other day.
I did it because I didnt really have feelings for him, and I was essentailly using him to get over my ex girlfriend.
I thought I did a good thing, but I feel bad about it.[/QUOTE]

You will obviously feel bad about it, but it would be worse to use James to get over your girlfriend.

I tried dating somebody to do that, and all it did was end in a mess for both parties (he was thinking long term college-highschool relationship, i was thinking summer fling)

If you don't have the innate feelings for somebody, you shouldn't be going out with them, and as hard as it is to end it, i think you're better off for it in the long run.

props for recognizing what you were feeling.

ok i need help because i'm feeling like crap. :'(

me and my ex broke up 18 days ago on the 11th of Feb. and it was a mistake i made, because it was that i got frustrated taht she didnt' want to answer my question if she wanted to be together. The reason i asked her was that she sent me a letter saying she didn't have for us anymore. So i asked her as i was walking with her to her class. I asked her about 3 times and all she said was "i want pizza" just trying to get away from the question. I started crying and i asked her twice more. She said the same thing so i said "fine then we're breaking up, it's over". i gave her the necklace she gave me.After that i went to class,advisory period.During those 30 minutes i regretted saying that.I got to her after advisory and told her i regretted what i had said..she said"no no i got to go to class" and she walked away :'(. So all this time i've been asking her if she still loves me and if we would go out in the future.She got fed up with it. The reason she didn't want to go back was that she had family problems cuz her dad got a divorce with his wife(not her mom) around the same time we broke up(her mom and dad are divorced) so i'm thinking it triggered something in her head.That she didn't want a boyfriend right now. So i asked her those two questions constantly..she got really pissed off like 3 days ago.I kept on asking her cuz she wouldn't give me an answer.She did give me an answer though but only once.I've been going pretty crazy at the moment.Yesterday we were fighting and she was saying that i stalk her and it hurts soo bad tthat she thinks i stalk her. She thinks that cuz i always ask what she's doing and she doesn't understand that i'm just curious of what she does.Today i went through her myspace and found a message that she sent her friend yesterday.it said that she only told me she never loved me and she only said it so i wouldn't get hurt. and alot of stuff like i annoy her and i stalk her. she also says that she has another boyfriend...i started crying as soon as i finished reading the message..i was in shock. i let my bro use the computer and me and my bro told three of my friends of my discovery and i called her. She said she had no idea what I was talking about...she said taht she lent her friends her password so they could get in her myspace..and she said that she would never say taht.I told her taht i told our friends about it and she got mad at me for crying and telling my friends of what i found.My three friends said they didn't want to talk to her(except for one). Then word got around to my other two friends.She said that i was jsut trying to ruin her friendship when i didn't want to do that.She's already mad at me cuz i ruined one of her best friendships by accident.She got mad at me and said that she hated me...it really really hurts.She told me that she would talk to me if i got back her friends.I tried and only one of them was going to..and he makes her really happy and he's one of my best friends so he did it after i begged him and told him she didnt' write the message.i'm confused about the thing that she did or didn't write the message...cuz she's lied to her best friend before so i dont' really know what to think.Ever since we broke up i've been feeling worse and worse.I've told my friends i would kill myself but i don't think i would really do it.I told my ex i would if we ever broke up...and she's creeped out by me and i don't know what to do anymore.My friends all tell me to move on although IT'S NOT EASY.I can't let her go and i won't cuz i miss all things we would do.She says that she would probably go out with me again after a year(more or less) because she needs time to get over her dad's divorce.I'm afraid that she might move on and forget about me.She says taht she just wants me as a friend right now...I'm going through heartache right now and i don't know what to do anymore...any advice mxers? i know i'm pretty crazy but still help..or try to :'(

[QUOTE=man_with_bass]I asked her about 3 times[/quote]

Mistake #1

Never, never do something like that. You cannot badger an answer out of her. It'll only piss her off.

[quote]I started crying and i asked her twice more.[/quote]

Mistake #2

You [i]should[/i] be in control of your own emotions enough that you don't do something like this. That kind of behaivor is expected from a child.

[quote]She said the same thing so i said "fine then we're breaking up, it's over".[/quote]

Mistake #3

Overreacting. Again with controlling the emotions.

[quote]So all this time i've been asking her if she still loves me and if we would go out in the future.[/quote]

Mistake #4

Still badgering her.

[quote]So i asked her those two questions constantly..she got really pissed off like 3 days ago.I kept on asking her cuz she wouldn't give me an answer.[/quote]

Mistake #5

Do I really need to say it?

[quote]Yesterday we were fighting and she was saying that i stalk her and it hurts soo bad tthat she thinks i stalk her. She thinks that cuz i always ask what she's doing and she doesn't understand that i'm just curious of what she does.[/quote]

Mistake #6

Yes, you are stalking her. This is absurd.

[quote]Today i went through her myspace and found a message that she sent her friend yesterday.it said that she only told me she never loved me and she only said it so i wouldn't get hurt. and alot of stuff like i annoy her and i stalk her. she also says that she has another boyfriend...i started crying as soon as i finished reading the message..i was in shock. i let my bro use the computer and me and my bro told three of my friends of my discovery and i called her.[/quote]

Mistake #7

F[size=2]u[/size]ck MySpace for one thing. For another, you handled the situation poorly. You sought validation from other people.

[quote]I told her taht i told our friends about it and she got mad at me for crying and telling my friends of what i found.[/quote]

Mistake #8

Stop being such a doormat! This woman is not going to make or break you.

[quote]She told me that she would talk to me if i got back her friends.I tried and only one of them was going to..and he makes her really happy and he's one of my best friends so he did it after i begged him and told him she didnt' write the message.[/quote]

Mistake #9

Don't sacrifice your dignity like that.

[quote]I told my ex i would if we ever broke up...and she's creeped out by me and i don't know what to do anymore.[/quote]

Mistake #10

What?! Duh, she's gonna be creeped out. What possessed you to say that?

[quote]My friends all tell me to move on although IT'S NOT EASY.I can't let her go and i won't cuz i miss all things we would do.[/quote]

Mistake #11

Stop trying to justify your actions and listen to your friends.

[quote]any advice mxers? i know i'm pretty crazy but still help..or try to :'([/QUOTE]

I apologize for being blunt with you, but you really need some tough love. This kind of behavior is repellent, not just to women, but people in general. You're sacrificing your dignity, self-control, and self-respect for a girl. No one should do that to themselves, it's absurd.

Before you even think about getting back together with her, or dating any other girl for that matter, you need to work on yourself severely. I cant' believe some of the stuff I'm reading here. You're ruining yourself mentally and emotionally.

I'll help you, but first you need to need to look right in the mirror and promise yourself to haul yourself up by the bootstraps and affect change in your own life instead of somebody else's.

[QUOTE=man_with_bass]ok i need help because i'm feeling like crap. :'(

me and my ex broke up 18 days ago on the 11th of Feb. and it was a mistake i made, because it was that i got frustrated taht she didnt' want to answer my question if she wanted to be together. The reason i asked her was that she sent me a letter saying she didn't have for us anymore. So i asked her as i was walking with her to her class. I asked her about 3 times and all she said was "i want pizza" just trying to get away from the question. I started crying and i asked her twice more. She said the same thing so i said "fine then we're breaking up, it's over". i gave her the necklace she gave me.After that i went to class,advisory period.During those 30 minutes i regretted saying that.I got to her after advisory and told her i regretted what i had said..she said"no no i got to go to class" and she walked away :'(. So all this time i've been asking her if she still loves me and if we would go out in the future.She got fed up with it. The reason she didn't want to go back was that she had family problems cuz her dad got a divorce with his wife(not her mom) around the same time we broke up(her mom and dad are divorced) so i'm thinking it triggered something in her head.That she didn't want a boyfriend right now. So i asked her those two questions constantly..she got really pissed off like 3 days ago.I kept on asking her cuz she wouldn't give me an answer.She did give me an answer though but only once.I've been going pretty crazy at the moment.Yesterday we were fighting and she was saying that i stalk her and it hurts soo bad tthat she thinks i stalk her. She thinks that cuz i always ask what she's doing and she doesn't understand that i'm just curious of what she does.Today i went through her myspace and found a message that she sent her friend yesterday.it said that she only told me she never loved me and she only said it so i wouldn't get hurt. and alot of stuff like i annoy her and i stalk her. she also says that she has another boyfriend...i started crying as soon as i finished reading the message..i was in shock. i let my bro use the computer and me and my bro told three of my friends of my discovery and i called her. She said she had no idea what I was talking about...she said taht she lent her friends her password so they could get in her myspace..and she said that she would never say taht.I told her taht i told our friends about it and she got mad at me for crying and telling my friends of what i found.My three friends said they didn't want to talk to her(except for one). Then word got around to my other two friends.She said that i was jsut trying to ruin her friendship when i didn't want to do that.She's already mad at me cuz i ruined one of her best friendships by accident.She got mad at me and said that she hated me...it really really hurts.She told me that she would talk to me if i got back her friends.I tried and only one of them was going to..and he makes her really happy and he's one of my best friends so he did it after i begged him and told him she didnt' write the message.i'm confused about the thing that she did or didn't write the message...cuz she's lied to her best friend before so i dont' really know what to think.Ever since we broke up i've been feeling worse and worse.I've told my friends i would kill myself but i don't think i would really do it.I told my ex i would if we ever broke up...and she's creeped out by me and i don't know what to do anymore.My friends all tell me to move on although IT'S NOT EASY.I can't let her go and i won't cuz i miss all things we would do.She says that she would probably go out with me again after a year(more or less) because she needs time to get over her dad's divorce.I'm afraid that she might move on and forget about me.She says taht she just wants me as a friend right now...I'm going through heartache right now and i don't know what to do anymore...any advice mxers? i know i'm pretty crazy but still help..or try to :'([/QUOTE]

Dude, no. This is like the flipside of my situation. i like a girl, but so does this emo and hes madly in love with her, and he'll kill himself if she doesnt go out with him. Do you think saying that is going to make her fall for you? i mean wtf?!?!?! That is a stupid thing to say, and it never helps, it only hurts people. you are obsessing over her, and it is not cool. i know you may like her a lot, so do wats best for HER and give her some space. If not, you are only in the relationship for yourself


Sorry for being brutal, but u gotta wake up, man

[QUOTE=dazmo]Dude, no. This is like the flipside of my situation. i like a girl, but so does this emo and hes madly in love with her, and he'll kill himself if she doesnt go out with him. Do you think saying that is going to make her fall for you? i mean wtf?!?!?! That is a stupid thing to say, and it never helps, it only hurts people. you are obsessing over her, and it is not cool. i know you may like her a lot, so do wats best for HER and give her some space. If not, you are only in the relationship for yourself


Sorry for being brutal, but u gotta wake up, man[/QUOTE]

Like I said above, this is a case that requires some tough love.

What kills me is that this sort of behavior is so painfully obvious in its counterproductivity, but every day someone else falls for it.

Agreed with the other two guys.

Let me say from current personal experience that while it's tough initially to wait for an answer, if she never gets around to answering you, it's much easier to just move on and forget about everything, because that's just the path life takes you.

You can't interrogate her, or pester her, or repeatedly ask questions. You ask it one time, and that's it.

Some people can make decisions faster than others, while some take awhile to get their thought processes in order, while some won't even answer the question at all.

In any scenario, you have to prepare yourself for whatever comes at you.

Crying, stalking, pestering, and overall NOT keeping your emotions in check is definitely not the way to go.

[QUOTE=man_with_bass]ok i need help because i'm feeling like crap. :'(

me and my ex broke up 18 days ago on the 11th of Feb. and it was a mistake i made, because it was that i got frustrated taht she didnt' want to answer my question if she wanted to be together. The reason i asked her was that she sent me a letter saying she didn't have for us anymore. So i asked her as i was walking with her to her class. I asked her about 3 times and all she said was "i want pizza" just trying to get away from the question. I started crying and i asked her twice more. She said the same thing so i said "fine then we're breaking up, it's over". i gave her the necklace she gave me.After that i went to class,advisory period.During those 30 minutes i regretted saying that.I got to her after advisory and told her i regretted what i had said..she said"no no i got to go to class" and she walked away :'(. So all this time i've been asking her if she still loves me and if we would go out in the future.She got fed up with it. The reason she didn't want to go back was that she had family problems cuz her dad got a divorce with his wife(not her mom) around the same time we broke up(her mom and dad are divorced) so i'm thinking it triggered something in her head.That she didn't want a boyfriend right now. So i asked her those two questions constantly..she got really pissed off like 3 days ago.I kept on asking her cuz she wouldn't give me an answer.She did give me an answer though but only once.I've been going pretty crazy at the moment.Yesterday we were fighting and she was saying that i stalk her and it hurts soo bad tthat she thinks i stalk her. She thinks that cuz i always ask what she's doing and she doesn't understand that i'm just curious of what she does.Today i went through her myspace and found a message that she sent her friend yesterday.it said that she only told me she never loved me and she only said it so i wouldn't get hurt. and alot of stuff like i annoy her and i stalk her. she also says that she has another boyfriend...i started crying as soon as i finished reading the message..i was in shock. i let my bro use the computer and me and my bro told three of my friends of my discovery and i called her. She said she had no idea what I was talking about...she said taht she lent her friends her password so they could get in her myspace..and she said that she would never say taht.I told her taht i told our friends about it and she got mad at me for crying and telling my friends of what i found.My three friends said they didn't want to talk to her(except for one). Then word got around to my other two friends.She said that i was jsut trying to ruin her friendship when i didn't want to do that.She's already mad at me cuz i ruined one of her best friendships by accident.She got mad at me and said that she hated me...it really really hurts.She told me that she would talk to me if i got back her friends.I tried and only one of them was going to..and he makes her really happy and he's one of my best friends so he did it after i begged him and told him she didnt' write the message.i'm confused about the thing that she did or didn't write the message...cuz she's lied to her best friend before so i dont' really know what to think.Ever since we broke up i've been feeling worse and worse.I've told my friends i would kill myself but i don't think i would really do it.I told my ex i would if we ever broke up...and she's creeped out by me and i don't know what to do anymore.My friends all tell me to move on although IT'S NOT EASY.I can't let her go and i won't cuz i miss all things we would do.She says that she would probably go out with me again after a year(more or less) because she needs time to get over her dad's divorce.I'm afraid that she might move on and forget about me.She says taht she just wants me as a friend right now...I'm going through heartache right now and i don't know what to do anymore...any advice mxers? i know i'm pretty crazy but still help..or try to :'([/QUOTE]
What the hell are you doing, man? Give her some space. No wonder she thinks you're stalking her - you are. You signed onto her myspace? What the hell? She's going through a tough time with her home life, then you break up with her, then you start stalking her. That's a lot to deal with emotionally. It's probably gonna be a bitch but you have to just give her some room and [i]try[/i] to get over her during that time.

That's all I have to say, and quite frankly, I'm still shocked that you thought her myspace was important enough to log into and spy around.

The situation is completely out of control, and really, you've ruined any chances you have with this girl. Just stop, and forget about her. Hang out with friends or whatever it is you used to do before you met her. No girl is that important or worth that much frustration. Don't tell people you're going to kill yourself, that's just a way of begging for attention.

You [I]are[/I] stalking her. Stop it. Just leave her alone. I know it's hard, but you have to force yourself to forget her. Keep reminding yourself that she's worthless and not worth your time. If she ended it that quickly, and apparently without remorse, then she has no interest in you, nor did she ever [I]really [/I]love you. Acting this way is going to turn her off. Girls don't like obsessive guys, usually. You have to take control and make her come to you, not the other way around, if you are really wanting her back. Flirt aroudn with some other girls and see if she gets jealous. That often works... lol.

To man_with_bass:

You're treating this situation like a 12 year old. And you may be 12. But when it comes to relationships you have to be a little more mature than that. And as much as you like this girl you need to realize that chances are this isn't the person that you'll be spending the rest of your life with. There will be more girls for you and more guys for her. Either give her space and try to fix things down the line or move on and find someone else. You can't expect this girl cater to your every need, especially if she is going through an emotionally difficult time. Not to be blunt, but you need to grow up man.