i'm sure i've heard them, but all the songs my brothers name i haven't heard of.

im going download that cd now, erhh uh. purchase that cd.

Who wants me to post the worlds longest joke?

i do

Me!

I should get my name changed to Mr.Alarm

so a drumset falls of a cliff

*ba-dum-chish*

Priest and a Rabbi are walking along the street. They spy a little boy bending over to pick up a nickel. The Preist says, "would you screw him?" and Rabbi says, "out of what?"

hey SBT that's not the shaggy dog one is it?

[QUOTE=Kurrpt]jason bonham drums for journey. Popular pop rock band in the 80s that wrote catchy songs that seemed borderline homosexual[/QUOTE]

Die plz

Journey was in the 70's too.

I don't mind

/waits for SBT to post it only to reply with "tl;dr"

[QUOTE=Daniel K]Die plz

Journey was in the 70's too.[/QUOTE]


dude, everyone was borderline homosexual in the 80s. Whats the problem?

How can you be borderline homosexual?

Wouldn't you either be gay or straight? Or Bi I spose?

In order:
ok
ok
no
and screw you

Here goes

There is a man called Bruce. He is very stressed at work and has decided to go on holidays for a while, his freind won an island mansion in the lottery and offers it to Bruce for accomidation durring his vacation, so of course, he accepts.
Now, this place is huge, it's a secluded island just of the coast which an absolutley huge estate, swimming pools, tennis courts, spas, librarys, saunas, you name it, this place has it.
So Bruce moves in indefinatley, with free reign of the house, with the exeption of one rule: he cannot open the locked door. Innitially Bruce can't even find this locked door, it doesn't bother him, he's having a greet time in the pool, reading the books in the library, watching through the huge library of classic movies, he's having a ball of a time.

After about a week of this Bruce is walking down one of the vast corridors and he passes a tapestry, and just bellow the tapestry he notices the bottom of a door poking out. So he takes down the tappestry and examines the door, and of course, it's locked. This doesn't really bother Bruce, there's heaps of things to do and he was happy to respect the only rule he was given. So he continues down the corridor and heads to the swimming pool.

Several more weeks pass, he plays pool, has a shot with the archery equiptment, goes hang gliding off the terraces, he does everything. Yet still, he's starting to get bored, and gradually starts to wonder about the door. But of course, it's locked, so he can't do anything about it anyway.

Then one day while he's swimming the filter gets clogged and starts making all these grinding and crunching noises, so he turns them off and opens them up, and what does he find, but lo and behold, a dead frog jammed in the system. So he fishes out the frog, cleans off the mechanics and turns it back on. But then he notices something right at the back of the tangle of pumps and pistons, and it looks like a key. So he turns it all of again, reaches in and grabs the key.

Now he starts to think, this must be the key to the door, but why was it in such an odd place? And why isn't he allowed to open the door? He decides not to open the door, but puts the key somewhere safe just incase. Then he goes back to keeping himself entertained, but he's bored of swimming, and has almost read all the books he'd want to read, and just can't get the hanf of archery. So he starts to get very curious about what's behind the door...

So, Bruce is starting to wonder whats behind this door. For a few weeks he resists the temptation, but finally he gives in to his curiousity and takes the key he found and puts it in the door, and lo and behold, it opens. He swings open the door and sees a long long staircase heading downwards, he thinks to himself, and decides that it's probably not the best idea to go down those stairs, at leat, not just now. So he entertains himself for a while longer, but finally he decides to head on down. So he takes a torch and starts walking downwards. The stairs go for ages, down and down, untill eventually the come to a greet iron door with a damn huge set of padlocks, with keys hanging beside the door. Now obviously whatever is behind the door is dangerous, but he's been very bored recently and is after some adventure, so he unlocks all the locks and pulls the greet doors open. Only to find more stair, so again, he takes his torch and heads off down the semingly endless flight of stairs. He guesses that by now he must be bellow sea level, but there are no indications. Continuing down, he comes across another huge door, this one made of solid oak, with a huge bar across is. Having come this far he isn't dettered, so he moves the bar, pulls the doors open and presses on. The stairs continue down further, untill they finally come to a small wooden door, he pushes it open, and finds a large, room.

The room is mostly empty, exept for one corner, there is a huge cage, and sitting very calmly in this cage is a huge, white gorilla. It's absolutley massive, over 15 feet tall sitting down. It's slowly munching away at a pile of bananas that fall out of a chute in the celling occasionally. The gorilla looks at Brucwe for a second the goes back, calmly, to his bananas. On the cage there is a huge sign, and written on it in huge stencil letters, in almost every language imagionable is "DO NOT TOUCH THE GORILLA". This makes alot of sense to Bruce, and he has no intention of touching this outlandishly huge albino monstrosity.

So Bruce starts spending alot of time with his new companion, every few days he takes the treck down the stairs and reads a book or just talks to the gorilla, because it's a good listener. So he settles into this new routine, and is living quite happily alongside the gorilla, and all the time he is very carefull not to touch it.

So everythings fine, Bruce is happy, the gorillas happy, everything is dandy. But one day Bruce has been down with the gorilla reading his books, and is getting really hungry. So he gets up to leave, but on his way out he slips on a banana peel, he reaches out to grab something, and accidently grabs the gorilla for support, he steadies himself, and is just walking out the door when he notices the gorilla. It's started breathing very heavily, has stood up fully and it's eyes have gone blood red, it starts bellowing and beating at its chest, this scares Bruce ****less, he bolts out the door and slams it shut. He's running up the stairs, full pelt, and he can hear the gorilla tearing the bars off the cage, then smashing through the door, but he doesn't look back, he just keeps running untill he comes to the huge wooden doors, he pushes them closed and pushes the bar up across them. He stops to breath, when suddenly he hears the huge gorilla fists colliding with the wood, huge splinters are flying everywhere, the hinges are shaking, Bruce can see that the doors not going to hold for much longer, so he bolts up the stairs again. There's a mighty crash and he hears that the gorilla has broken through the door, he runs and runs untill he comes to the gigantic iron doors. Using all his strength he pushes them closed, and hurredly closes all the locks. And relaxes.

Then he hears the gorilla throw itself against the iron doors, there's an allmighty "CRANG", but the door holds. But Bruce is worried, so he starts retreating up the stairs, he can see dents forming with every blow the gorilla throws at the door. So Bruce starts running again, up and up, getting as far away from the gorilla as he possibly can. He shoots out the final door, slams it shut, and heads for the jetty. He jumps in his boat, starts it up and speeds off towards the mainland, looking back he can only just make out the gorilla, but he's safe for now.

Then he looks back again, and the gorilla's pelting along the jetty, without slowing down it leaps into the water and starts swimming towarsd the boat. Bruce totally freaks out and kicks the boat up as fast as it can go, but the gorilla is matching speed, he just can't loose it, he dosn't know what to do. He reaches the beach, but doesn't slow down, he rides the boat right up onto the beach, leaps out and jumps in his car, starts it up and floors it.

So, Bruce is speeding along the road, but he can see the gorilla in the rear-view mirror, and it's gaining. And he's swearing. He's going as fast as he can, in fifth, his foot is flat on the floor and the cars making some really weird noises, but the gorilla is still gaining, only 100m or so behind him, and getting closer every second. It's 10m behind him, he's getting really really freaked out now, thinking quickly he slams the breaks, the car screeches to a halt, the gorilla doesn't have time to react, and smashes into the back of the car, flies over the top and comes to rest several meters down the road. The car is totally messed up, having just been hit by a massive gorilla at full pelt, do Bruce drags himself out of the wreck. He can see the gorilla, it's looking real messed up, he thinks it may even be dead, so catiously, he aproaches it. He gets within two meters of it, he can see that it's still breathing, but not moving, he continues to aproach it. He's one meter away, the gorilla still isn't moving. But sudenly it stirs, and BRuce just freezes, he doesn't know what to do, The gorilla hauls itself to it's feet in seconds, catches sight of Bruce, and lunges for him. Bruce is too scared to move, he's frozen to the spot, he brings his arms up to sheild his face, an expresion of pure terror on his face. But the, the gorilla stops, several inches from his face... reaches out his hand... extends it's index finger... prods Bruce in the chest...

"Tip! You're it!"



The End

The Great Shaggy Dog Contest

Once upon a time there was a small boy who had a very shaggy dog. Now it came to pass in those days that a great shaggy dog contest was to be held to select the shaggiest dog of all. The small boy was very excited by this news and he asked his parents if he could enter their dog in the contest. His parents had no great hope of their dog winning the contest; however they were very fond of the small boy so they said, "Yes, you may enter your dog in the contest".

The contest was arranged in a series of elimination rounds. In the first round all of the dogs in a single block would be judged and the shaggiest would be selected. The winners of the city block contests would then be matched in a precinct contest and so on and so forth.
The City Block Contest

And so it came to pass that the small boy and his shaggy dog were entered in the city block contest. When the small boy saw the other dogs his hopes were dashed because there were some very shaggy dogs there. However he looked at his dog and said to himself, "My dog is very shaggy too.", and he took heart. The shaggy dogs were paraded around in a ring where three grim unsmiling judges dressed in black sat on high. Each dog was stopped in turn and each dog was carefully considered by the three judges. It seemed like forever until at last the small boy and his shaggy dog came before the judges. The three judges looked at the dog for ever the longest time. The audience grew still with anticipation. Finally:

The first judge said, "My, that's a shaggy dog."
The second judge said, "MY, that IS a shaggy dog!"
The third judge said, "THAT'S the shaggiest dog I've ever seen."
The Precinct Contest

And so it came to pass that the small boy and his shaggy dog were entered in the precinct contest. When the small boy saw the other dogs his hopes were dashed because there were some very shaggy dogs there. However he looked at his dog and said to himself, "My dog is very shaggy too.", and he took heart. The shaggy dogs were paraded around in a ring where three grim unsmiling judges dressed in black sat on high. Each dog was stopped in turn and each dog was carefully considered by the three judges. It seemed like forever until at last the small boy and his shaggy dog came before the judges. The three judges looked at the dog for ever the longest time. The audience grew still with anticipation. Finally:

The first judge said, "My, that's a shaggy dog."
The second judge said, "MY, that IS a shaggy dog!"
The third judge said, "THAT'S the shaggiest dog I've ever seen."
The City Wide Contest

And so it came to pass that the small boy and his shaggy dog were entered in the city wide contest. When the small boy saw the other dogs his hopes were dashed because there were some very shaggy dogs there. However he looked at his dog and said to himself, "My dog is very shaggy too.", and he took heart. The shaggy dogs were paraded around in a ring where three grim unsmiling judges dressed in black sat on high. Each dog was stopped in turn and each dog was carefully considered by the three judges. It seemed like forever until at last the small boy and his shaggy dog came before the judges. The three judges looked at the dog for ever the longest time. The audience grew still with anticipation. Finally:

The first judge said, "My, that's a shaggy dog."
The second judge said, "MY, that IS a shaggy dog!"
The third judge said, "THAT'S the shaggiest dog I've ever seen."
The County Contest

And so it came to pass that the small boy and his shaggy dog were entered in the county contest. When the small boy saw the other dogs his hopes were dashed because there were some very shaggy dogs there. However he looked at his dog and said to himself, "My dog is very shaggy too.", and he took heart. The shaggy dogs were paraded around in a ring where three grim unsmiling judges dressed in black sat on high. Each dog was stopped in turn and each dog was carefully considered by the three judges. It seemed like forever until at last the small boy and his shaggy dog came before the judges. The three judges looked at the dog for ever the longest time. The audience grew still with anticipation. Finally:

The first judge said, "My, that's a shaggy dog."
The second judge said, "MY, that IS a shaggy dog!"
The third judge said, "THAT'S the shaggiest dog I've ever seen."
The State Wide Contest

And so it came to pass that the small boy and his shaggy dog were entered in the state wide contest. When the small boy saw the other dogs his hopes were dashed because there were some very shaggy dogs there. However he looked at his dog and said to himself, "My dog is very shaggy too.", and he took heart. The shaggy dogs were paraded around in a ring where three grim unsmiling judges dressed in black sat on high. Each dog was stopped in turn and each dog was carefully considered by the three judges. It seemed like forever until at last the small boy and his shaggy dog came before the judges. The three judges looked at the dog for ever the longest time. The audience grew still with anticipation. Finally:

The first judge said, "My, that's a shaggy dog."
The second judge said, "MY, that IS a shaggy dog!"
The third judge said, "THAT'S the shaggiest dog I've ever seen."
The Regional Contest

And so it came to pass that the small boy and his shaggy dog were entered in the regional contest. When the small boy saw the other dogs his hopes were dashed because there were some very shaggy dogs there. However he looked at his dog and said to himself, "My dog is very shaggy too.", and he took heart. The shaggy dogs were paraded around in a ring where three grim unsmiling judges dressed in black sat on high. Each dog was stopped in turn and each dog was carefully considered by the three judges. It seemed like forever until at last the small boy and his shaggy dog came before the judges. The three judges looked at the dog for ever the longest time. The audience grew still with anticipation. Finally:

The first judge said, "My, that's a shaggy dog."
The second judge said, "MY, that IS a shaggy dog!"
The third judge said, "THAT'S the shaggiest dog I've ever seen."
The National Contest

And so it came to pass that the small boy and his shaggy dog were entered in the national contest. When the small boy saw the other dogs his hopes were dashed because there were some very shaggy dogs there. However he looked at his dog and said to himself, "My dog is very shaggy too.", and he took heart. The shaggy dogs were paraded around in a ring where three grim unsmiling judges dressed in black sat on high. Each dog was stopped in turn and each dog was carefully considered by the three judges. It seemed like forever until at last the small boy and his shaggy dog came before the judges. The three judges looked at the dog for ever the longest time. The audience grew still with anticipation. Finally:

The first judge said, "My, that's a shaggy dog."
The second judge said, "MY, that IS a shaggy dog!"
The third judge said, "THAT'S the shaggiest dog I've ever seen."
The World Wide Contest

And so it came to pass that the small boy and his shaggy dog were entered in the world wide contest. When the small boy saw the other dogs his hopes were dashed because there were some very shaggy dogs there. However he looked at his dog and said to himself, "My dog is very shaggy too.", and he took heart. The shaggy dogs were paraded around in a ring where three grim unsmiling judges dressed in black sat on high. Each dog was stopped in turn and each dog was carefully considered by the three judges. It seemed like forever until at last the small boy and his shaggy dog came before the judges. The three judges looked at the dog for ever the longest time. The audience grew still with anticipation. Finally:

The first judge said, "My, that's a shaggy dog."
The second judge said, "MY, that IS a shaggy dog!"
The third judge said, "Wow, Sad But True is a flaming homosexual."

im saying their sound at the time gives you that kind of feel. Real high pitch songs. Probably the most popular song you would have heard is


"anyway you want it" (thats the way you need it)
"anyway you want it"

<deh nah nah nah neh nuh nuh neh>

Window: That's the worst joke ever. It's not even long, it's just cipy and paste for 4 paragraphs

SBT, you just stole 5 minutes of my life.

I know that's what's funny about it

you just keep telling it until people realize there isn't an end and get mad at you

Or you end it he's crossing the street and he and his dog get hit by a bus


ok here's a good one then

How do you confuse a retard?

Purple.

I like your joke SBT, good stuff.

Journey is kickass imo.

they're that kind of good 80s cheese - not some sh[B][I][/I][/B]itty goat cheese

[QUOTE=Daniel K]I like your joke SBT, good stuff.[/QUOTE]
good aint it. I like how it isn't just pointless [SIZE="2"]b[/SIZE]ull**** like other jokes.

ahem.

[QUOTE=cgecko1219]Journey is kickass imo.

they're that kind of good 80s cheese - not some sh[B][I][/I][/B]itty goat cheese[/QUOTE]

Journey is awesome.

Steve Perry is one of the best singer around.

[QUOTE=Sad But True]good aint it. I like how it isn't just pointless [SIZE="2"]b[/SIZE]ull**** like other jokes.

ahem.[/QUOTE]

hmm should be better I gave it a punchline

Wow I read SBT's but I'm not going to read SirSpamAlot's, I just woke up and am tired.

quote=Daniel K]Journey is awesome.

Steve Perry is one of the best singer around.[/quote]
It's a shame Neal's the only one left in the band

[QUOTE=Abu-Abu]Wow I read SBT's but I'm not going to read SirSpamAlot's, I just woke up and am tired.[/QUOTE]
Mines better anyway, dont read the other.

I changed my mind and decided to read SirSpamAlot's, and I actually thought that was really funny, even though I skipped reading like 3 of the paragraphs, I still get it too.

[QUOTE=cgecko1219]It's a shame Neal's the only one left in the band[/QUOTE]

Yeah for sure, at least we have old school journey to rock out too.

[QUOTE=Sad But True]Mines better anyway, dont read the other.[/QUOTE]
too late, oshi possible double post ><

Gimme some Journey to, ah, acquire.

Abu: its harder than you think to double post in here. By the time the 30 seconds have elapsed you've missed a page.

Which reminds me

/changes to 40 posts per page

Yeah, that's why I said possible, because I just read like the couple posts, then post, and by the time I get to my post, there is like 5 in between mine and what I read, hah.