[QUOTE=Luster]basically, because of medical issues, he didn't do as many classes as they would have liked him to, so they want him to take courses over the summer.

and as of right now, (neither of us are positive which colleges we're going to) he'll be in Pennsylvania, and i'll be at Keene State College in New Hampshire. ~6 hours. truth be told, i don't know what to think about college. i assume we'll call it quits. which i refuse to even think about right now.[/QUOTE]

If you both can get home enough you can make the distance work. Couples have done it whilst going to different colleges since time out of mind.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]If you both can get home enough you can make the distance work. Couples have done it whilst going to different colleges since time out of mind.[/QUOTE]

thanks, it means a lot to hear that, although i doubt we'll even mention it until it comes to that point... we're not very good at the whole "talking about things that are actually important" bit. we just enjoy each other's company and leave important things to sort themselves out... should be interesting.

[QUOTE=El Krunk]That's actually good advice. Tonight I'm going to tell Lela, "If you can't be open and honest with me and all we're going to do is fight, then I think we should break up." I guarantee she'll go right along with it. I'm going to feel horrible.

Tomorrow, however, Ashley and I are going to go see Final Destination 3 and I'm going fishing on Saturday. Hopefully my distractions work.[/QUOTE]

I'd advise a better movie. My friends went to see it and they really hated it. Bad plot, bad characters, and nothing but tasteless gore.

What else is showing right now?

You're also a lot more tactful about the break-up than I would have been. I would have just outright said, "You don't respect me, you have no regard for anyone but yourself, and you continually insult my intelligence with your cliched excuses for your classless behavior. To be blunt: we're through."

Unfortunately, you can't always tell if the other party is just unclassy, or misdirected. It's how people are. So you try to be as polite as possible.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Unfortunately, you can't always tell if the other party is just unclassy, or misdirected. It's how people are. So you try to be as polite as possible.[/QUOTE]

Talking sh[size=2]i[/size]t behind somebody's back and then using the "I was joking" excuse is about as far from classy as it gets in my book.

A person can have class and still engage in rude, inconsiderate, and downright unacceptable behavior.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]I'd advise a better movie. My friends went to see it and they really hated it. Bad plot, bad characters, and nothing but tasteless gore.[/quote]

Yeah, but she'll be scared. You know what scared girls do. :cool:

[quote]What else is showing right now?[/quote]

A whole lot of nothing good.

Except for Freedomland. That movie looks bitchin'.

[quote]You're also a lot more tactful about the break-up than I would have been. I would have just outright said, "You don't respect me, you have no regard for anyone but yourself, and you continually insult my intelligence with your cliched excuses for your classless behavior. To be blunt: we're through."[/QUOTE]

I actually got a good idea from Josh. He told me tonight in a half-drunkon stupor:

"You two need to take a break. Take like, three days. Three days is nothin'. You can do that. Take three days totally away from each other and then if she can't meet you halfway on anything after that, ditch her."

I told her tonight that we should take a break for a few days so she can get her priorities straight and figure out what she wants out of this relationship. She hung up on me. I guess the break is on.

Okay so i'm dating this girl and she happens to have more sexual partners than I have. At first, it bothered me a little(her being my 3rd and me being her 5th) but I was ultimately ok with it. But whenever I suddenly think about her being with someone else I get a sick feeling in my stomach and don't want to talk to her for the rest of the night.

I know it's bad to do that to her because it was in the past...but sometimes I feel like perhaps i'm lowering my standards to be with her.

I just need a general consensus if I'm right to feel the way I do. Thanks

Um, no. Her past has nothing to do with you.

[QUOTE=Toolophile]but sometimes I feel like perhaps i'm lowering my standards to be with her.[/QUOTE]

That's quite ridiculous. Not only does what Tiger said ring totally true, but she's more experienced. If you catch my (not exactly subtle) drift...

[QUOTE=Toolophile]Okay so i'm dating this girl and she happens to have more sexual partners than I have. At first, it bothered me a little(her being my 3rd and me being her 5th) but I was ultimately ok with it. But whenever I suddenly think about her being with someone else I get a sick feeling in my stomach and don't want to talk to her for the rest of the night.

I know it's bad to do that to her because it was in the past...but sometimes I feel like perhaps i'm lowering my standards to be with her.

I just need a general consensus if I'm right to feel the way I do. Thanks[/QUOTE]


Yeah dude, I mean, I can see where you're comming from, but try to put it into perspective. It was in the past, and not now. Right now, shes with you, so be happy with that :). Besides, shes not [I]your[/I] first either.

I can see why it would bother you, because it would bug me too, but for different reasons.

The only thing you can do is suck it up and try to ignore that feeling. If you can't even talk to her, you're never going to go anywhere.

You guys are right, it was her past and I feel sorry for saying what i've said to her. Thanks guys and girls, I had to get this out and figured this is a somewhat anonymous way to do so.

Arghhh.. man..
For the past 2, maybe 3 days, whenever I talk to my girlfriend she's always mad or sad about something. I try so hard to help out but she's always telling me "[I]not[/I] to," and "it has nothing to do with me," and she continues on with silence and sadness and it's like I can't do anything about it.
What em I supposed to do? Things just aren't the same.. I feel like I don't mean much to her anymore, even though she tells me I do.. I don't know what to do.. :(

Maybe it's time for a short break from her so she can get whatever issues she has sorted.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Maybe it's time for a short break from her so she can get whatever issues she has sorted.[/QUOTE]
I tried bringing that up yesterday.. I even went as far as to talk with her about a certain one of her guy friends who is "always there for her, for like a year," and yes that is a direct quote.. but I just know that one of the only things that keeps her happy is that "she gets to be with me," and when she told me that, the idea of breaking up with her was basically swept from my mind

She's got issues, all right. But if you stay with her she'll end up dragging you down. She needs to figure out what her problem is and fix it.

So what do I have to do.. should I distance myself?
She'll probably just get the idea that I don't care.. that's how she is at times.
She'll say something like "I don't even feel like you love me anymore" or something like that, and probably run off with that other guy that's always been there, since he's basically been after her for years and she's always telling me how bad she feels for him when we talk about him, and I guess that's one of the problems she has.
I just wish she would let [I]me[/I] be there for her, and not shut me out and tell me I'm "wasting my time on a horrible girl."

[QUOTE=Whatsisface]So what do I have to do.. should I distance myself?
She'll probably just get the idea that I don't care.. that's how she is at times.
She'll say something like "I don't even feel like you love me anymore" or something like that, and probably run off with that other guy that's always been there, since he's basically been after her for years and she's always telling me how bad she feels for him when we talk about him, and I guess that's one of the problems she has.
I just wish she would let [I]me[/I] be there for her, and not shut me out and tell me I'm "wasting my time on a horrible girl."[/QUOTE]

I don't want to make you paranoid, but you can't rule out she's already with this other guy. Particularly given the fact that she called herself a horrible girl. What has she done that's so horrible, you may wonder?

Yeah I've worried about that a bit.. but I trust her..
I sometimes think that the reason she doesn't tell me things is because, honestly, I do get sad when I hear about all the pain she goes through (IF it's true, anyway..)
And yeah, she tells me all the time not to stress about it because it has nothing to do with me, and it's all her.. she assures me nothing's wrong between [I]us[/I], but I do care about what she goes through.. and I just want to be there for her

[QUOTE=Whatsisface]Yeah I've worried about that a bit.. but I trust her..
I sometimes think that the reason she doesn't tell me things is because, honestly, I do get sad when I hear about all the pain she goes through (IF it's true, anyway..)
And yeah, she tells me all the time not to stress about it because it has nothing to do with me, and it's all her.. she assures me nothing's wrong between [I]us[/I], but I do care about what she goes through.. and I just want to be there for her[/QUOTE]

Have you asked her directly to open up to you?

[QUOTE=Chrysostom]Have you asked her directly to open up to you?[/QUOTE]
Yes, I tell her that I care, I want to help, and that we have to be honest with each other.. and it's always the same thing she says:

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing you can do to help because it has nothing to do with you, it's all ME. You're wasting your time."

I tell her I can at least be there to listen, she says "What's the point?"

Now what am I supposed to say to [I]that?[/I] I tell her it's because I love her and I care about her, and she says she knows. It seems like if I try to help I'm just stressing her out more

[QUOTE=Whatsisface]Yes, I tell her that I care, I want to help, and that we have to be honest with each other.. and it's always the same thing she says:

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing you can do to help because it has nothing to do with you, it's all ME. You're wasting your time."

I tell her I can at least be there to listen, she says "What's the point?"

Now what am I supposed to say to [I]that?[/I] I tell her it's because I love her and I care about her, and she says she knows. It seems like if I try to help I'm just stressing her out more[/QUOTE]

Hmmm...it's tough. It's annoying when people set up brick walls between you and them, but the painful fact is, because they built them, only they can take them down. Kimmie is probably right, give her space to sort her head out.

So should I go to see her today? She tells me it makes her happy.. I think I will go to see her but should I even call her? Or wait for her call.. she wouldn't call if all she'd do is be silent and sad, would she? Ehh... she probably would, though...

[QUOTE=Whatsisface]Yes, I tell her that I care, I want to help, and that we have to be honest with each other.. and it's always the same thing she says:

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing you can do to help because it has nothing to do with you, it's all ME. You're wasting your time."

I tell her I can at least be there to listen, she says "What's the point?"

Now what am I supposed to say to [I]that?[/I] I tell her it's because I love her and I care about her, and she says she knows. It seems like if I try to help I'm just stressing her out more[/QUOTE]
It seems what the other two are saying is right. You two need some space. However, if she didn't want your help at ALL, then she wouldn't even mention anything about her problems. She DOES want you to know that something's up. I just don't know why she's going about it the way she is.

[QUOTE=Whatsisface]So should I go to see her today? She tells me it makes her happy.. I think I will go to see her but should I even call her? Or wait for her call.. she wouldn't call if all she'd do is be silent and sad, would she? Ehh... she probably would, though...[/QUOTE]

Well...you could go and see her, especially if she enjoys your company, but if you do, the fact that she isn't letting you help her will get you down everytime you see her. You're in a tough situation, I wish I knew what to tell you man.

Thanks guys
No doubt I'll be back.. heheh...

[QUOTE=Whatsisface]Yes, I tell her that I care, I want to help, and that we have to be honest with each other.. and it's always the same thing she says:

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing you can do to help because it has nothing to do with you, it's all ME. You're wasting your time."

I tell her I can at least be there to listen, she says "What's the point?"

Now what am I supposed to say to [I]that?[/I] I tell her it's because I love her and I care about her, and she says she knows. It seems like if I try to help I'm just stressing her out more[/QUOTE]
I think she underestimates the value of being there to listen to her.

OK first thing's first: How can she know that you can't help? And the answer is of course that you can't know. Not until she tells you what her problem is. How does she know that, if she tells you her troubles, you're not going to turn around and say, "Oh, that happened to me last year! I dealt with it by..." you know what I mean.

And regardless of what she says, it is useful to have someone who you can bounce ideas off; just being able to talk about something can make it much clearer sometimes and therefore easier to deal with. So you're doing absolutely the right thing by being there for her when she needs you, even though she thinks she doesn't.

Having said that, there's a certain amount of respect you need to have for her privacy. If she genuinely doesn't want to tell you something, (and I can think of a few things I would never in a million years tell the closest of my friends,) then you shouldn't push it too far. You might be right in that if she is going through some kind of difficulty at the moment, the last thing she needs is somebody who she doesn't want to share it with asking her about it. That doesn't mean she likes you any less, it's just how she chooses to deal with things like this.

My advice to you would be this: If you ask her about it again, ask her ONCE early. If she tells you what's wrong, fantastic. (Or maybe no, considering some of the other posts on this...) If not, all you need to do is say to her, "OK, no problem, if you change your mind you know where I am." Give her the option of talking to you if she wants to, but don't try to force anything out of her. That won't do anyone any good.

Best of luck with this anyway, chap. This can't be easy to deal with so just give it the best shot you can. Let us know how it goes.

It has to get real old real fast; being around someone who's down like that. I'm of the opinion that if you don't try to fix what's wrong, that means you ENJOY being miserable. It's attention whoring at it's finest.

Sorry to say Whatsisface, but my ex acted just like this before she broke up with me. Get her to be honest with you, it'll be better for both of you.

This is why I don't want to get involved with women with these sort of emotional troubles. It starting to sound to me like she needs professional help because she's turned her misery into a protective safety blanket of whoring for attention and pity/sympathy. I've known people like that, so this is nothing new.

Stop hounding her about helping her. She'll just dig her heels in deeper.

Instead of trying to make her talk about her issues, just do something fun with her to get her to stop being so mopey and self-deprecating, even if only for a few minutes. To paraphrase a cliche, talk is cheap unless it's on a psychiatrist's couch. Action gets you where you want to go a hell of a lot faster than the cheap stuff.