[QUOTE=SilentScream7]How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 20, 1 to screw it in and 19 to say they can do it faster, better, and behind their backs.[/QUOTE]

:lol: 10/10 imo.

i'm full of horribly offensive jokes that i'm afraid to post on here.

maybe we should have a rock and metal chat.

hehe so vikingcore how'd you like that ban i bet you'll be treading a lot more carefully now eh hehe

[QUOTE=Deconstruction]

What was Hellen Keller's dog's name?


Uhhhmmuuhghhga[/QUOTE]
:lol: :lol: man, that was a good one.

[QUOTE=PinkFreud]in other news, i hate kanye west because he is retarded.[/QUOTE]

got any better reasons than that because i'd like to hear them

[QUOTE=Lunch]A preist, a rabbi, and the president are all on the same plane when it starts to go down. Luckily there enough parachutes to go around, and evacuation is orderly.[/quote]
Fu[size=2]c[/size]king relfcopter :lol:

///

Wake up, Mr. West! WAKE UP MR. WEST! :echos:

Two guys are driving through the country when their car breaks down. Sucks, huh?

Anyway, they spot a light up the road coming from a farmhouse. So they make their way up the road and knock on the door. Less than a minute later, an aging farmer with a weatherworn, but generally unassuming face answers and looks them over suspiciously. "Can I help you boys?"

"Yeah," the one says. "Our car broke down and neither of us has a cell phone. Can we use your phone to call a tow truck?"

"I'll call a truck for you boys, but it won't arrive till morning," the farmer responds.

"Oh... well, do you have a spare room or something we could spend the night in? There's no room in the car, and we'd really appreciate it."

The farmer thinks about it for a moment. "Well, alright. I'll set you boys up some sleeping bags in the kitchen, [i]but[/i]... Don't touch anything in there. I just started harvesting this week and haven't had time to pack up some of the yield."

"Sure, that's cool."

So the farmer brings in some sleeping bags. Sure enough, the kitchen is packed with homegrown produce. Bushels upon bushels of fruits and vegetables on every surface. The old guy is doing pretty good for himself.

So the two guys lay back and turn in for the night. All's well until about 2 AM. The first guy wakes up with intense hunger pangs. He clutches his stomach, blindly groping around in the dark kitchen until his hands grab a bushel of something. In a moment of indiscretion, he shovels the contents into his mouth. Snow peas. Not bad.

He's just hit the bottom of the bushel when the light flicks on and standing there in the doorway is the farmer with a scowl and the biggest... nastiest... most sh[size=2]i[/size]t-your-pants intimidating shotgun you've ever seen in your life. "I told you not to touch anything," the farmer sneers in a gravelly voice.

The guy starts panicking. "Oh Jesus, I'm so sorry! It was a moment of panic, I wasn't thinking! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The farmer thinks about it a moment. "Alright boy... tell ya what yer gonna do. Take that bushel, go out into my fields, and fill it with anything of your choice. Got it?"

"Yes sir."

"And take your friend with you. Tell him to pick whatever he wants and fill another bushel with it."

So the guy wakes up his friend and explains the situation. They take two bushels and go out into the fields. The first guy decides to replace the snow peas he ate while the second guy goes to pick something different.

After a couple hours of harvesting in the dark, the first guy goes back to the house. The farmer nods at him and says, "Okay boy. Now you're gonna drop yer pants and shove those peas up your [size=2]a[/size]ss one by one."

"What?! No way!!"

The farmer cocks his shotgun and levels it at the guy. Well, it's not like he has a choice at this point. So the guy drops his pants, gets down on his knees and starts shoving the snow peas up his [size=2]a[/size]ss one by one.

Half-way through the bushel, he gets a look of revelation and starts laughing. HE starts laughing until the peas start falling out of his [size=2]a[/size]ss.

The farmer looks at him wierd. "What's so funny?"

But the guy just keeps laughing harder. Peas are now popping out of his [size=2]a[/size]ss as he falls to the floor laughing and clutching his sides.

The farmer's getting pissed. "WHat's so funny, d[size=2]a[/size]mn it?!"

But the guy just keeps laughing and laughing! Tears are streaming down ihs face, peas are [i]flying[/i] out of his [size=2]a[/size]ss!

The farmer shoves the barrel of the shotgun right into the guy's face and yells, "What the f[size=2]u[/size]ck is so god d[size=2]a[/size]mn funny?!"

The guy sits up, calms himself... He wipes a tear from his eye, and takes a deep breath in. "My friend out there is picking watermelons."

[quote=Deconstruction]What do you do when Hellen Keller pisses you off?


Put a plunger in the toilet...[/quote]

:lol::lol:

:lolz:++!!!

Hellen Keller jokes... lawl...

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

Because a woman is to fickle to be responsible for a pet.

/fayle :upset:

[QUOTE]Steerpike's essay of a joke[/QUOTE]

I think pineapple has a greater effect.

[QUOTE=Lunch]I think pineapple has a greater effect.[/QUOTE]
Would an average farmer harvest pineapples?

That was a great joke Steerpike. Make it up yourself?

[QUOTE=Kurtz]Would an average farmer harvest pineapples?

That was a great joke Steerpike. Make it up yourself?[/QUOTE]

My dad told it to me when I was about 11 years old.

Pineapples work better when the joke is used in the island situation, where people stranded on an island are kidnapped and held hostage by a tribe of natives and told to go pick fruits from the forest or else they will be killed. The same thing happens until the third guy comes back with pineapples.

[QUOTE=Lunch]Pineapples work better when the joke is used in the island situation, where people stranded on an island are kidnapped and held hostage by a tribe of natives and told to go pick fruits from the forest or else they will be killed. The same thing happens until the third guy comes back with pineapples.[/QUOTE]

Coconuts would also have a nice impact in the punchline.

I think the spikes on the pineapple cause the greatest amount of cringing.

Or cacti would be good also.

Eggo - How much do you pay each year for Johns Hopkins?

[QUOTE=SilentScream7]Or cacti would be good also.

Eggo - How much do you pay each year for Johns Hopkins?[/QUOTE]

starts with $4

and ends with 5,000

i think it's being raised to $47,000 next year omfg :dead:

[QUOTE=Eggo]got any better reasons than that because i'd like to hear them[/QUOTE]
because he thinks aids was manufactured by the government and placed into africa to wipe out africans?

and i also think he has terrible lyrics and gets way too much hype.

[QUOTE=PinkFreud]because he thinks aids was manufactured by the government and placed into africa to wipe out africans?[/quote]

if you think he's being serious then you just got served

[QUOTE=PinkFreud]and i also think he has terrible lyrics and gets way too much hype.[/QUOTE]

he's better as a producer but he still puts out some really sweet jams

but i guess if you're white and not into dancing i can see why you think he gets too much hype i think

Are you handiling tow magors? where's it at? (sorry for so many questions)

[QUOTE=SilentScream7]Are you handiling tow magors? where's it at? (sorry for so many questions)[/QUOTE]

i'm doing one major (neuroscience) and probably minoring in music just for fun

the school is in baltimore, maryland

i don't mind the questions at all :-)

Can I find you on the Johns Hopkins site? I know your first name is Amit

I live about 30-40 minutes from there (Annapolis).

Edit: Odd typo.

[QUOTE=Eggo]but i guess if you're white and not into dancing i can see why you think he gets too much hype i think[/QUOTE]

Dude, Kanye West is pure trash, there is good rap out there, but he just can't do it well at all, I'm sorry to burst your bubble.

Kanye bores me to TEARS.

/off topic

I'm making my Impaled Northern Moonforest shirt right now. Its got Necrobobsledders and a blasphemous moon (very gr1m)

[QUOTE]because he thinks aids was manufactured by the government and placed into africa to wipe out africans?[/QUOTE]

Oh wow I forgot, that's a great reason to hate someone.

I suddenly hate Collateral. Not because of anything to do with the movie, but because of Tom Cruise's stance on psychiatry.

Tard.

[QUOTE]Dude, Kanye West is pure trash, there is good rap out there, but he just can't do it well at all, I'm sorry to burst your bubble.[/QUOTE]

He is fine, he is not great but he is not "pure trash" either.

What rap do you listen to?

I don't see how that's such a great reason to hate someone if Pinkfreud's isn't good enough.

[QUOTE=SilentScream7]Can I find you on the Johns Hopkins site? I know your first name is Amit[/QUOTE]

yeah but do you know where to look for people search hehe

[QUOTE=Illmatic]He is fine, he is not great but he is not "pure trash" either.

What rap do you listen to?[/QUOTE]

probably stuff that actual black people don't listen to :lol:

god that was such a good line

[QUOTE=Poofy 666]/off topic

I'm making my Impaled Northern Moonforest shirt right now. Its got Necrobobsledders and a blasphemous moon (very gr1m)[/QUOTE]

you are so tr00 it makes me cry tears of unholy joy \M/

[QUOTE=Eggo]if you think he's being serious then you just got served



he's better as a producer but he still puts out some really sweet jams

but i guess if you're white and not into dancing i can see why you think he gets too much hype i think[/QUOTE]
i got served? or did you?

[url]http://www.suntimes.com/output/derogatis/sho-sunday-kanye30.html[/url]

[quote=the sun times]"I know the government administers AIDS," West raps in "Heard 'Em Say," and in several interviews he has repeated the conspiracy theory that white men "planted" AIDS in Africa. The notion is scientifically unfounded, and gay activists criticize it for fueling confusion about an already misunderstood disease. But West is unapologetic.

"I wrote ('Heard 'Em Say') in like 20 minutes, so what was coming out of me was everything that was taught to me by my parents. It just flows out of me, just like if someone on the street is rapping. But I really do believe that. I believe that's it's connected to the diamonds thing, too: Africa has all these resources, so just like (white settlers) sent smallpox to the Indians, they sent AIDS to Africa. That's just one of those things I believe, and I also believe that Jesus died for our sins. There's no point in throwing out facts that I can prove."

To West's credit, he knows this defense is a weak one, and he vows to dig deeper as he finds himself in the position of a role model ("and I hate to use that word"). "I found out when I dropped 'Jesus Walks' and 'All Falls Down' that it was like, 'Whoa, I've been anointed. People are listening to me.' So I want to surround myself with people who have taken the time to study these things, and people who know what they are talking about, instead of just spouting nonsense."[/quote]

and i'm not white and i dance to plenty. i like lots of rap. i just think he's so awful.

illmatic: i hate his music too. i think his rhymes are lame and i'm actually not a huge fan of his producing.

rap i listen to: wu tang clan, jurassic 5, del tha funky homosapien, n.w.a., jay z, notorious big, nas, mos def, mf doom, just to give you some examples.