Man sucks to be you. That was the great thing about depression, it didn't really matter what happened, I kinda kept up the same level of depressed, rather than these slings and arrows of outragous fortune.

Anyway, basslikethis, I reccomend spending as much time as possible with friends. Physical ones too, not just on teh intraweb (although that's good too), and, if you're a drinker, getting at least reasonably wasted at least once with a good friend, always helps to have a drunken D&M.

Ok,
This is kinda odd, bit embarrassing (sp) but I need help. Erm, ok, here goes.

So I'm in bed with my gf, (naked) and we had just been talking, "having fun", and so on. Then she got on top, and erm, well I think (though I'm not sure) we had sex. Now I'm a virgin (I think) so I wasnt sure if I was actually having sex with her, but there was a bit of penetration and so on. We were about half way through when she told me she wasn't ready and didn't want to do it. Which is fine, because I was still a virgin (and still am I think??) and I really don't want to be the pushy kinda guy, or anything like that. But now I feel really bad because, I kinda feel like ****. I feel as though I've gone against her will, and I'm almost feeling like a bit of a rapist. I don't know whether I should feel like this, or whatever. Or should I be ok because, she didn't actually tell me till later on.

Just had to get it off my chest. And also, am I still a virgin? It really doesn't bother if I am or not. I just wanted it to be special, and not to have left me feeling like this

[QUOTE=The_Fender_Bender]Ok,
This is kinda odd, bit embarrassing (sp) but I need help. Erm, ok, here goes.

So I'm in bed with my gf, (naked) and we had just been talking, "having fun", and so on. Then she got on top, and erm, well I think (though I'm not sure) we had sex. Now I'm a virgin (I think) so I wasnt sure if I was actually having sex with her, but there was a bit of penetration and so on. We were about half way through when she told me she wasn't ready and didn't want to do it. Which is fine, because I was still a virgin (and still am I think??) and I really don't want to be the pushy kinda guy, or anything like that. But now I feel really bad because, I kinda feel like ****. I feel as though I've gone against her will, and I'm almost feeling like a bit of a rapist. I don't know whether I should feel like this, or whatever. Or should I be ok because, she didn't actually tell me till later on.

Just had to get it off my chest. And also, am I still a virgin? It really doesn't bother if I am or not. I just wanted it to be special, and not to have left me feeling like this[/QUOTE]
Okay, this is one of the.....weirdest posts I've ever read.

Umm....hmmm...if you didn't have sex with her, then you're a virgin. If stuff happened, but she stopped, you were still currently having sex with her which means you have had sex which means you are not a virgin.

It is not something you should feel bad about, because she took just as much part in it as you. Then she said she wasn't ready, and you did the right thing and accepted that.

So, yeah, I think you might not be a virgin anymore, but I'm totally confused as to what you just said.

[QUOTE=The_Fender_Bender]Ok,
This is kinda odd, bit embarrassing (sp) but I need help. Erm, ok, here goes.

So I'm in bed with my gf, (naked) and we had just been talking, "having fun", and so on. Then she got on top, and erm, well I think (though I'm not sure) we had sex. Now I'm a virgin (I think) so I wasnt sure if I was actually having sex with her, but there was a bit of penetration and so on. We were about half way through when she told me she wasn't ready and didn't want to do it. Which is fine, because I was still a virgin (and still am I think??) and I really don't want to be the pushy kinda guy, or anything like that. But now I feel really bad because, I kinda feel like ****. I feel as though I've gone against her will, and I'm almost feeling like a bit of a rapist. I don't know whether I should feel like this, or whatever. Or should I be ok because, she didn't actually tell me till later on.

Just had to get it off my chest. And also, am I still a virgin? It really doesn't bother if I am or not. I just wanted it to be special, and not to have left me feeling like this[/QUOTE]

I guess it depends on what you define as 'having sex.' Some might claim penetration is, while others would claim that ejaculation/climax constitutes and defines sex. By the former's standards, you guys had sex for, like, four seconds, tops. By the latter's standards, you didn't have sex at all. All I know is, I've never done either, so I don't know what the universal rule for 'having sex' is. I can pretty much assure you that I would tell you that you guys didn't have sex and that you're still a virgin.

The way your story reads, it sounds like she just kind of did this out of the blue, then backed out of it. You don't need to feel like you're a rapist because it's not like you grabbed her by the hips, thrust her onto your dong, and then forced her to grind you. It reads like she mounted you on her own accord but then said she wasn't ready. You already said yourself that you're not going to be a pushy guy, so she doesn't need to worry that you're going to be bitter about it towards her or feel like you're going to expect her to have sex with you soon.

Shewillingly got on top of you, so don't feel bad about being a rapist ir anything. If your penis went in her, then you just lost your virginity. If not, then you're still a virgin. I don't know how you could be confused about it...

I think the best thing you can do is talk to her...


As for the virgin thing, I reckon if you don't come it's the same as dry sex, so at least act virginal for now.

I wanted it to be more special than this, but oh well its happened now.
I don't expect or need her to have sex with me. That's mean, and I would hate to be one of those guys who thinks with his dick not his heart. I want it to be a good experience. I dont expect to have sex with her I really don't mind if I do or don't. I want her to be ready, not to feel forced/pressured

[QUOTE=The_Fender_Bender]I wanted it to be more special than this, but oh well its happened now.
I don't expect or need her to have sex with me. That's mean, and I would hate to be one of those guys who thinks with his dick not his heart. I want it to be a good experience. I dont expect to have sex with her I really don't mind if I do or don't. I want her to be ready, not to feel forced/pressured[/QUOTE]
Well, you're one of the good guys.
It's good that you didn't pressure her into it since it already began, but yeah, you're not a virgin anymore, you just didn't get to finish.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]Shewillingly got on top of you, so don't feel bad about being a rapist ir anything. If your penis went in her, then you just lost your virginity. If not, then you're still a virgin. I don't know how you could be confused about it...[/QUOTE]

I think I did but I aint sure because I've never done anything like it before

So, what, the universal rule that constitutes losing one's virginity is peni[font=verdana]s[/font] insertion into vagin[font=verdana]a[/font], regardless of the length of time?

Meh, alright. I personally don't buy it, but if that's the rule, then that's the rule.

[QUOTE=Jom]So, what, the universal rule that constitutes losing one's virginity is peni[font=verdana]s[/font] insertion into vagin[font=verdana]a[/font], regardless of the length of time?

Meh, alright. I personally don't buy it, but if that's the rule, then that's the rule.[/QUOTE]
I don't agree with that.
What I'm saying is that that's not all that happened. He didn't just stick it in and pull it out, they actually began having sex, and then she decided she didn't want to. So, they actually began to have sex, so, in my eyes, he's not a virgin.

Never knew sex was so complicated. It was all meant to be so easy, and natural. Now it's all ****ed up. ERGH

I've tried talking to her but no answer

It's never easy, and pretty much never natural, at least not until you're with a pretty long term partner, or you're incredibly wasted. First times always suck anyway, no need to make it some big deal. And if you get the hang of it now, just pretend to be a virgin later with another girl, and she'll be amazing how quickly you pick up the whole sex thing. Trust me on that one, works every time.

[QUOTE=Tillius]I don't agree with that.
What I'm saying is that that's not all that happened. He didn't just stick it in and pull it out, they actually began having sex, and then she decided she didn't want to. So, they actually began to have sex, so, in my eyes, he's not a virgin.[/QUOTE]

To me, it seems like this is supposed to be a mutual consentual agreement. It didn't seem very planned out.

[Girl next to him in bed.]
[Girl mounts and rides for two seconds.]
["I'm not ready."]

The poor chap didn't even get a word in. At that time, he probably didn't know what was going on - just look at how he's worded himself: he doesn't know what went on. He's guessing and second-guessing, not saying "Yes, we did have sex" or "No, we did not have sex" because he flat-out doesn't know.

There was no communication that went on between them, really.

If my girlfriend was next to me, then all of a sudden was on top of me, I can't just punch her in the forehead to get her off me. And if I can 'finish' in two seconds (man, I'd hope not), having a conversation about what's happening at this time wouldn't seem to work all that well, now, would it, heh.

The poor guy's confused about what happened, so I'm just offering how I'd spin it. I'm not saying this to protect him or his virginity, but come on, this scenario is just a ridiculous way of losing one's virginity when it's a one-way street. He reacted the way he did so he wouldn't ruin whatever they had going for them, but since it's a new situation, he reacted (or didn't) accordingly because it's a completely new situation.

Thanks for all your help and opinions guys. Hmm so my Gfwho still wants to be a virgin isnt a virgin because of penetration, or is she a virgin because she wants to be??

[QUOTE=Jom]So, what, the universal rule that constitutes losing one's virginity is peni[font=verdana]s[/font] insertion into vagin[font=verdana]a[/font], regardless of the length of time?

Meh, alright. I personally don't buy it, but if that's the rule, then that's the rule.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, that'e the way most people I know think. It isn't about climaxing, because some people never even do it while having sex.

The kid should just talk to the girl, and ask her what exatly happend. Hearing what she thinks about it would help alot more than we can.

If she was penetrated, she isn't a virgin. You can't will yourself into virginity.

Also, don't expect sex to be something special or natural. In fact, usually the first time is very awkward and confusing.

Personally I think the rules are different for girls. Given the physics of the situation, I'd say she's not a virgin. But if she wants to be one, tell her that she is still, make her feel better.

The two of you both lost your virignities. If you wanna tell yourself that you didn't, that's cool too, but you really did.

[QUOTE=Tillius]The two of you both lost your virignities. If you wanna tell yourself that you didn't, that's cool too, but you really did.[/QUOTE]


I don't mind if I did or did not, I am just so confused, and wanted to know what people think

I think you didn't and she did. That's just me of course.

[QUOTE=RIP Ian Curtis]I think you didn't and she did. That's just me of course.[/QUOTE]
Haha. How fair is that?

As much as I'd be thrilled to sound like a broken record, I've already explained my rationale for this.

Tillius: you're presenting your argument - which is merely your perception - as fact. Perception != scientific objectivity.

I'm introducing my perception as being subjective, rather than objective. I've presented my case with just my opinion on the matter.

[quote=Tillius]The two of you both lost your virignities. If you wanna tell yourself that you didn't, that's cool too, but you really did.[/quote]

Telling him they both lost their virginity by making it sound like it's the norm (when there really is no 'norm' established at all in this conversation to begin with) is wrong.

[quote=Wizard.]It isn't about climaxing[/quote]

Yeah, I shouldn't have used the slash. But in HIS case, I would argue that ejaculation completes the intercourse cycle, which would constitute having sex for a certain amount of time. Getting two up-and-downs on the shaft shouldn't be construed as sex, especially because there was no mutual consent between the two individuals.

Not fair at all, it's just something to do with the mechanics of the act you know? I mean it's not like a guy has a hymen or anything either... I dunno, it all comes down to how you feel, if you feel unvirginal, then that's you're life man. I didn't feel like i'd really lost it until I finished, so to speak, but my girlfriend at the time felt like she lost it the first time we tryed (and that was only really short because it hurt her so much). So it's all personal really...

Morning, guys.

I'm not really presenting it as a fact. I'm just saying it's hard to think that they're not virgins just because he didn't reach the point to where he climaxed. They were having sex. They stopped. If nothing else he's a half-virgin. :p

Morning Kimmie. You should join in on this one.

I've never really embraced the idea of guys being virgins, for some reason.

And, I would say, unless he broke her hymen she's still a virgin.

Just my take on it.

[QUOTE=Tillius]I'm not really presenting it as a fact.[/quote]

"If you wanna tell yourself that you didn't, that's cool too, but you really did."

Sorry, but that just exemplifies otherwise. The kid's confused and being told different things. If you can't justify the stuff in quotation marks, it shouldn't be considered, because "That's what everyone else thinks or does" isn't an acceptable rationale.

Just ask the lemmings.

[quote]I'm just saying it's hard to think that they're not virgins just because he didn't reach the point to where he climaxed.[/quote]

It baffles me how arousal even happened here.

Just look at the time duration of this act. It's not like they were building up for a half-hour, or five minutes, or anything without something happening. The way he presented his story made it sound like she went from a prone position, to on top of him, grinded (ground?) him twice, finally got the bright idea that she's "Not ready," and then back to a prone position in a matter of, say, twenty seconds.

[quote]They were having sex. They stopped. If nothing else he's a half-virgin. :p[/quote]

See above.

I just don't see how what went on, if you read and analyze his story, constitutes as having sex when you look at the time and circumstances of it.

He said they were messing around before she did it.

[QUOTE=Wizard.]He said they were messing around before she did it.[/QUOTE]

Heh, alright. I guess I'd pop one if I was naked with a girl and we were sucking each other's faces off in bed.

Well, Jom, you do have some good points.
Well, I gotta go. I'll talk to you all later.