America is crazy.

I just finished writing one of the stories for my zine. It started out pretty cheesy and cliche' writing, but it sort of turned into something not quite right and by the end, I was almost crying. Wanna see? It's two and a half pages long.

Post it.

Here it is. I think she turned from a jokey character into an alter-ego, Pygmalion style. First draft:

Emma looked at the clock as it ticked off the hours in a nonchalant manner. She sighed, disappointed with the author’s obvious lack of any writing experience or originality. She straightened her red and white chequered dress, which hung loosely from her shoulders and brushed her ankles when she walked. Her tight bun resembled a well-known but under-appreciated puff pastry.
‘Bloody what?!’ Thought Emma, and an unholy image of the author’s gored body flashed across her mental viewscreen.
‘You so stole that mental viewscreen crap, I’ve read it before!’ Emma shouted internally, ‘And give me some real clothes for God’s sake, not this nasty conservative bollocks.’
Emma breathed in deeply, sipped her cup of tea, and inspected her appearance again. The red and white chequered dress had disappeared, to be replaced by a tight-fitting light green dress that hugged Emma’s considerable curves, and which ended halfway up her thighs. Her hair was no longer in a bun, but was now wavy, hanging down past her shoulders. Emma sighed again, and not for the last time. She got up and downed the last of her lukewarm tea. She left the mug on the table and walked out of the small kitchen and into the small garden, where her bike stood by the gate to the alley that ran alongside the terraced property. She pulled the gate open and went to mount the bike, and found her mobility severely restrained. She cleared her throat, but to no avail. She coughed again, loudly, with a menacing tone, and suddenly heard a neat ripping sound. She tried to mount the bike again, with success, for her dress had developed two long slits that ran up her outer thighs to her hips. She manoeuvred the bike out the gate and rolled down the alley.

A scream ripped through the cemetery, and a high-pitched moan followed, accompanied by a rattling of stones from the gravel path. Emma slowed down the bike, and guided it onto the grass, off the gravely lane that ran through the cemetery. She lay down, and let the last waves of her “Bicycle Smiles” subside. She looked up at the sky and growled viciously,
“You did that on purpose you [COLOR="Black"]cu[/COLOR]nt! There’s no such thing as a Bicycle Smile!”
“Yes there is, I swear! My friend told me about it, she said it was wonderful. I just wanted to explore the idea.”
“Yeah, right, well, warn me next time you want me to have an orgasm at twenty miles an hour.”
“Sorry…” the author replied meekly.
“I wasn’t even wearing a helmet! Do you know how dangerous that was? I could have died! And what is it with all these exclamation marks? I’m not that angry you know!”
“Okay okay, I’m sorry, I’ll try and cut down.”
“Good!”
Emma closed her eyes, and breathed deeply for the whole of two minutes. She opened her eyes suddenly, and stared at the sky.
“Err, you know, that bike smile thing, t’wasn’t too bad. A bit scary, but, err, fun.”
“Really?” The author grinned.
“Yes, but this story is getting a bit too dirty, so can we carry on?”
“Carry on with what?” asked the author.
“The story. The plan. What was supposed to happen next?”
“Ah, well you see, I don’t really plan my stories, as such. I pretty much just write what comes into my head. I invented you an hour ago.”
“My memories?” Emma asked, horrified.
“Yup. Invented those too.”
“So,” Emma whimpered, hesitatingly, “that night I met Susan, at that zine fair, that never happened?”
“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have told you.”
“But, Susan, I saw her this morning. I watched her sleep. I watched her get dressed, I saw her brushing her—“ Emma closed her eyes, “Those are just memories aren’t they?”
“Yes. I’m really, really sorry Emma.” The author bit his lip.
“So, when do the memories end? When did I really start?”
“About an hour and fifteen minutes ago, in my time. In your world, it’s been about fort minutes.”
“Susan, she doesn’t exist, AT ALL?” Emma asked, knowing the answer.
“Neither do you.” Replied the author.
“I think don’t I? If I think, I exist.”
“You seem to be. It’s kind of creeping me out. I am starting to think there is something wrong with me.” The author said.
Emma looked around her, at the graves, memories of memories that never existed. She looked at the far away trees with tears in her eyes, how long have they been there? They look centuries old. They can’t be more than an hour or two old. She turned her face skywards, now in an informal black dress and black jeans, tears streaming from her eyes.
“Can we stop now, please? This is painful. Close it. Please.”

The End

I just went into the Emo room at teenchat.com and I got some girl to tell me she loves me within three sentences. Man, emos really DO get laid easier.

EDIT: Hahaha, some kid just said "omfg I have a broken heart now!"

wait wait , let's backtrack a little, what's wrong with Friends??? I like Friends!!!

[QUOTE=MightyMorphinPowerPepino]wait wait , let's backtrack a little, what's wrong with Friends??? I like Friends!!![/QUOTE]

There's a lot wrong with friend. To name but a few, the acting, the scripts, the mysoginst jokes.

EDIT: But mostly, it's the fact that it's supposed to be a comedy and it's not funny.

[quote=coheneran]Calfironia is crazy.
[/quote]

Fixed. It's an environmental thing. Would you want people throwing trash out their car windows messing up some of nice forest areas we have here? Though the fines don't stop people, as it's incredibely hard to catch them in the act.

In other news, I just came back from my friday night dinner. We were going to go to the smaller Hawaiian BBQ place, but it closed :upset: It was much better than the L&L (large chain) that is across town and had some of the best BBQ chicken ever.

We went to the local taqueria instead and I had a damn good burrito.

[QUOTE=coheneran]I just went into the Emo room at teenchat.com and I got some girl to tell me she loves me within three sentences. Man, emos really DO get laid easier.

EDIT: Hahaha, some kid just said "omfg I have a broken heart now!"[/QUOTE]

emos are easy to sex

[QUOTE=sketchyjoe]It's Friday night. Everyone's out having fun and getting drunl. I would be too if I wasn't as poor as this simile.[/QUOTE]

ugh, i hate that feeling. its my last day of school, i should be out partying! but instead im sitting here listening to quiet riot

why oh why cant teenage life be more like the movie dazed and confused :upset:

[QUOTE=coheneran]Paris Hilton should be banned from ever making a public appearance, live OR recorded, on pain of death by shooting squad.[/QUOTE]

i hate that bitch

[QUOTE=coheneran]Every time I watch Friends I'm appalled at the horrendous quality of acting. I don't know why I keep watching it.[/QUOTE]

i agree

seinfeld >>>>>>> friends

[QUOTE=me likes punk]mmmm
Lasagna sound delicious right about now. Sorry your record player sucks =(

In other news, White Ninja is hilarious![/QUOTE]

it is :D i'm thinking of buying a shirt off of there

there, i'm caught up :)

I'm listening to Crass and Jaga Jazzist at the same time. It's quite interesting. It started out working really well, but not so much anymore.

I'm listening to Danger Doom, I prefer early 90's Rap.

I'm listening to old-school Blink 182.

I'm chilling to some Tribe Called Quest. Currently Can I Kick It?, which ties What? for my favorite song by them. Such an ill group :cool:

[QUOTE=SantaDuJuan]I'm listening to Danger Doom, I prefer early 90's Rap.[/QUOTE]
I think I'd like dangerdoom if it didn't have adult swim quotes on it, truthfully.

I'm listening to AWS, SOOOOOOOOOO good.

[url]http://www.marriedtothesea.com/051606/nutz.gif[/url]

I've been listening to Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon on repeat since about midnight last night, which makes it thirteen hours straight of this album, both asleep and awake. Why am I not tired of it? Because it's the best album ever compiled.

I found maltese ska, and iv been listening to it all morning.

Jess get your [B]v[B][I][/I][/B][/B]agina back in the kitchen.

Hahahaha.

Brad when do you get back?

[i]Probably[/i] sometime shortly after June 28th, but no sooner for sure.

My hair is so short now. I feel so embarassed :(

Pixzorz.

wait, where are you brad?

Nah, i don't have a camera, and i wouldn't want to anyway. My glasses really don't suit short hair.

Brads in my bed.

[QUOTE=ANGRY BALLED FISTS!]Brads in my bed.[/QUOTE]
He wishes.


Hes with his friend in another state Jess. Hence why he hasnt been in the hubub.

I've got a recording of brad declaring his love for me.

[QUOTE=ANGRY BALLED FISTS!]I've got a recording of brad declaring his love for me.[/QUOTE]

YSI?

[URL="http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=ACEBE1020267C134"]http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=ACEBE1020267C134[/URL]

LOL :-*

[QUOTE=asdf]I think I'd like dangerdoom if it didn't have adult swim quotes on it, truthfully.[/QUOTE]
That's stupid, Rap/Hip Hop doesn't care about being underground really, I'm glad he uses Adult Swim as a way for him to get attention, he's alot better than 50 Cent.

If I was a Rapper, s[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it, I'd be hustlin on the Golden Girls.