[QUOTE=nobodyblossomsforever]Well I know ill prolly calm down once Im there, but right now I feel sick to my stomach.

fyi: this is my first date

ever[/QUOTE]

Break it down though. You are going to watch a movie with someone. The person you are going with is of the opposite gender, you interact with woman everyday. First date = no expectations. Relax man, it'll be fine. :)

Im trying but its really hard.

Well yah, its hard but its not something to get too hung up on. =)

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]Why do you think we have emotional attachment, then?

:thumb:[/QUOTE]


[QUOTE=I Am a Hat]humans are not [I]naturally[/I] life mating animals. life-long monogamy is a social construct, not the way we naturally are[/QUOTE]

I could not have put it better than that. That is exactly what I think. Love is a social construct based on an imported moral framework, it is wishful thinking in the extreme. Love is a biochemical change occurring in the brain that comes from our evolutionary past, designed to keep two human animals together long enough to ensure the survival of their offspring.

This romantic ideal that "love conquers all" and "love is the most powerful emotion" is not reflected in the reality. Circumstances can (and very often do) conspire to destroy love.

Besides, if humans were naturally life-mating animals, there'd be no such thing as people having affairs.

[QUOTE=Chrysostom]I could not have put it better than that. That is exactly what I think. Love is a social construct based on an imported moral framework, it is wishful thinking in the extreme. [B]Love is a biochemical change occurring in the brain that comes from our evolutionary past, designed to keep two human animals together long enough to ensure the survival of their offspring.(1)[/B]
[B]This romantic ideal that "love conquers all" and "love is the most powerful emotion" is not reflected in the reality. Circumstances can (and very often do) conspire to destroy love. (2)[/B]

Besides, if humans were naturally life-mating animals, there'd be no such thing as people having affairs.[/QUOTE]

1. Love is a biochemical change that occurs, but not to ensure survival of offspring. If you were taking it from a evolutionary past, most tribes/people didnt ensure anything with their offspring. If they lived, they lived. If not, they had more children. A lot of aborniginals just viewed their offspring as little people and demanded work out of them the second they were old enough to do so. Point: Love has nothing to do with offspring survival.

2. This I agree with. I dont think circumstances [I]conspire [/I] to destory love necessarily, but there are envitable factors that prevent people from being together.

[QUOTE=purplefeet]1. Love is a biochemical change that occurs, but not to ensure survival of offspring. If you were taking it from a evolutionary past, most tribes/people didnt ensure anything with their offspring. If they lived, they lived. If not, they had more children. A lot of aborniginals just viewed their offspring as little people and demanded work out of them the second they were old enough to do so. Point: Love has nothing to do with offspring survival.

[B]2. This I agree with. I dont think circumstances [I]conspire [/I] to destory love necessarily, but there are envitable factors that prevent people from being together[/B].[/QUOTE]

I think it has more to do with the fact that humans have gloried a natural tendency because it [I]is[/I] such a big part of the so-called human experience. People then see their love fading and feel like something has went terribly wrong. :-\

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]I think it has more to do with the fact that humans have gloried a natural tendency because it [I]is[/I] such a big part of the so-called human experience. People then see their love fading and feel like something has went terribly wrong. :-\[/QUOTE]

Well, I didnt mean it in that sense. Like, if you love fades and dies out it wasnt meant to be. One might argue it was never love to begin with.

Factors that may prevent people from being together, the main one I was thinking of was death. Being forced not to be with someone on account or something that envitable.

[QUOTE=purplefeet]Well, I didnt mean it in that sense. Like, if you love fades and dies out it wasnt meant to be. One might argue it was never love to begin with.

Factors that may prevent people from being together, the main one I was thinking of was death. Being forced not to be with someone on account or something that envitable.[/QUOTE]

Don't get me wrong, I was agreeing with you.

Love is what you give. Everything else is what you make it.

With that said, society can't install a new emotion in our bodies. Love is in there for a reason, and I'm willing to bet it has something to do with reproduction and the social nature of humans.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]While we're on the topic, I feel this needs to be said.

Everyone has personal demons. But the fact of the matter is that they're common psychological phenomenon. What's important is whether or not you act on them.

When you see somebody stealing your thunder and you hear this dark voice in a corner of your mind chanting "Destroy them.." that's not your fault. That's an instinct programmed into you by millions of years of evolution.

However, with the gift of sentience comes the power to decide how to act on these impulses if at all.

Your inner demons are not something you're supposed to be ashamed of, no matter our Puritan-based culture of shame and self-admonishment would tell you. You can't stop yourself from having dark, destructive thoughts. But you do have the choice not to act on them.

To tell someone not to think something is foolish at best and insane at worst. If some wanker steals my girlfriend, there are going to be fantasies running through my mind of killing him and disposing of his body in the sewer. But I understand that this is perfectly natural, and is a fantasy best kept in the theater of my own mind until it runs its course. Telling me not to have these thoughts is like telling me to reproduce asexually: it can't be done.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I have some of those too. I think I get jealous too easily....like last night, me and my girl were at my friend's house and my friend was pretty much stealing her away from me in terms of having a good time and even though he's my friend I was thinking "Dude, i'm going to kill you".

Idk, I know it's natural but I hate to think along those lines.

I get jealous easily, too.

I don't say anything about it to my girl though. I soon get over it.

Ha I have mega jealousy issues. More so when I'm not in a relationship. WIth friends, family, partners, anything.

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]Don't get me wrong, I was agreeing with you.

[B]Love is what you give. Everything else is what you make it.[/B]

With that said, society can't install a new emotion in our bodies. Love is in there for a reason, and I'm willing to bet it has something to do with reproduction and the social nature of humans.[/QUOTE]

Good statement.

[QUOTE=Deadbolt!]I get jealous easily, too.

I don't say anything about it to my girl though. I soon get over it.[/QUOTE]
Well, there are some times you have to put your foot down, but most of the minor things you should just let go. I just have the problem of getting jealous over really stupid things.

[QUOTE=Mr. Ron]Well, there are some times you have to put your foot down, but most of the minor things you should just let go. I just have the problem of getting jealous over really stupid things.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, obviously I don't let everything go. I don't make a big deal about them though.

She knows I get jealous easily, so she kind of knows what not to do haha.

I hate getting jealous. Most times I don't know why I am. If it were my choice, I wouldn't.

[QUOTE=Deadbolt!]Yeah, obviously I don't let everything go. I don't make a big deal about them though.

She knows I get jealous easily, so she kind of knows what not to do haha.

I hate getting jealous. Most times I don't know why I am. If it were my choice, I wouldn't.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I absolutely HATE getting jealous. Because then that leads to paranoia and the like. Gahhh...

But yeah, soemtimes i'm afraid to raise some concern with my girl because i'm afraid that she will start thinking that i'm some sort of possessive nut.

Overthinking situations is so much worse than a little jealousy :(

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]Overthinking situations is so much worse than a little jealousy :([/QUOTE]
Oooo I know what you mean.

"If my girl says soemthing a certain way to another guy, does that means she's attracted to him? Should I worry? Should I say something?"


BAH! I hate my protective male brain. :(

[QUOTE=Mr. Ron]Yeah, I absolutely HATE getting jealous. Because then that leads to paranoia and the like. Gahhh...

But yeah, soemtimes i'm afraid to raise some concern with my girl because i'm afraid that she will start thinking that i'm some sort of possessive nut.[/QUOTE]

How I try to look at things if ever I get jealous is:

a) If my boyfriend ever wanted to get with someone else, he would. So, me getting jealous if he chills with certain people isnt going to change anything. People will act out how they want to.

b) He is my friend before my boyfriend anyday of the week. So, some things should not be jealous-worthy (ie. hugs to other people, close relationships).

c) I know he loves me. I dont let my insecurity get in the way.

I try not to. Its hard sometimes, but its do-able.

[QUOTE=Mr. Ron]Yeah, I absolutely HATE getting jealous. Because then that leads to paranoia and the like. Gahhh...

But yeah, soemtimes i'm afraid to raise some concern with my girl because i'm afraid that she will start thinking that i'm some sort of possessive nut.[/QUOTE]


Haha, yeah, I know how that feels.

My girl and I have had a problem for a while about this guy who rings her and stuff.

He's been an absolute cu[size=2]nt[/size] to me since I started secondary school when I was 11, and since we've been in the same form, he's been ok. But because my girl and him are really good friends, I can't stand knowing they talk to each other and stuff.

In the past, he's been a dick to her and stuff, singling her out, just to be part of the cool crowd (I won't go into it any further), yet, she still talks to him and stuff.

He's Pakistani, trying to be black - I'm not being racist or trying to be offensive in any way, but he's the biggest dick I know.

We don't really know how to sort it, but we always get into an argument if he's been brought up : /

[QUOTE=purplefeet]How I try to look at things if ever I get jealous is:

a) If my boyfriend ever wanted to get with someone else, he would. So, me getting jealous if he chills with certain people isnt going to change anything. People will act out how they want to.

b) He is my friend before my boyfriend anyday of the week. So, some things should not be jealous-worthy (ie. hugs to other people, close relationships).

c) I know he loves me. I dont let my insecurity get in the way.

I try not to. Its hard sometimes, but its do-able.[/QUOTE]
Yes, thats how I see it and I try to do that, but i've had idfficult relationships in the past where I chouldn't trust the person....I know it's the past and my girl is different, but it always seems to poke it's little ugly head out every so often...i'm really working on stopping it.

I DO trust her with my heart. The only thing that bothers me is other guys who completely disrespect the idea of me and my girl being together and flirting anyways. I think thats a huge insult. If someone is taken, you respect the fact that they are taken and leave it at that. But then again, it's not a perfect world.

[QUOTE=Mr. Ron]Yes, thats how I see it and I try to do that, but i've had idfficult relationships in the past where I chouldn't trust the person....I know it's the past and my girl is different, but it always seems to poke it's little ugly head out every so often...i'm really working on stopping it.

I DO trust her with my heart. The only thing that bothers me is other guys who completely disrespect the idea of me and my girl being together and flirting anyways. I think thats a huge insult. If someone is taken, you respect the fact that they are taken and leave it at that. But then again, it's not a perfect world.[/QUOTE]

You have to trust your girlfriend that she will make the right decisions if faced in a situation where someone is coming on to her, and not try to go out of your way to prevent it.

I mean, Ive been through the ringer in my past relationships like I have mentioned many of times, but you really cant let that interfere with something you are working on now, especially if its a good thing.

Take everything as a learning experience, rather than being afriad of it.

Jealousy is not an attractive trait, that I think everyone needs to learn how to deal with and control.

[QUOTE=purplefeet]You have to trust your girlfriend that she will make the right decisions if faced in a situation where someone is coming on to her, and not try to go out of your way to prevent it.

I mean, Ive been through the ringer in my past relationships like I have mentioned many of times, but you really cant let that interfere with something you are working on now, especially if its a good thing.

Take everything as a learning experience, rather than being afriad of it.

Jealousy is not an attractive trait, that I think everyone needs to learn how to deal with and control.[/QUOTE]
I know it is not a attractive trait...and that is why i'm sometimes cautious on telling my gf how I feel because I don't want her to think i'm controling.

For guys, the best way to deal with jealousy is to have a bit of an ego. i'm not advocating being an arrogant prick, but you have to play the part of the peacock a bit.

If you see other guys hitting on your girlfriend, that's almost a guarantee that they don't have one themselves. Immediately, that puts you in a better position. Furthermore, she's with you and not them for a reason. Another point for you. Not lookin' too good for Don Juan-nabee there.

In your mind, you must be the alpha male. And if you percieve yourself to be the alpha male, others will pick up on that. The alpha male is in control of his emotions at all times. He knows what he wants and how to get it. He doesn't need to use hostility to remove those who try to unfairly take from him.

If you're out at a big party, and some douchebag starts hitting on your girlfriend, lucky her. She just got a coupon for a free drink. Let her cash it in while you go mingle.

Well instead of being cautious on telling your girlfriend how you are feeling, take it one step futher.

Figure out (when you get jealous) why it is happening and what you are going to do to get over it. Think about good things and reasons why you should get over it. Mind you, dont over analyze it. Just try and let things roll off your shoulder.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]...[/QUOTE]
yay for good posts

I just wish significant others would have a shred of sympathy, though. Like I wouldn't do anything that might be construed wrong or worried about.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]For guys, the best way to deal with jealousy is to have a bit of an ego. i'm not advocating being an arrogant prick, but you have to play the part of the peacock a bit.

If you see other guys hitting on your girlfriend, that's almost a guarantee that they don't have one themselves. Immediately, that puts you in a better position. Furthermore, she's with you and not them for a reason. Another point for you. Not lookin' too good for Don Juan-nabee there.

In your mind, you must be the alpha male. And if you percieve yourself to be the alpha male, others will pick up on that. The alpha male is in control of his emotions at all times. He knows what he wants and how to get it. He doesn't need to use hostility to remove those who try to unfairly take from him.

[B]If you're out at a big party, and some douchebag starts hitting on your girlfriend, lucky her. She just got a coupon for a free drink. Let her cash it in while you go mingle.[/B][/QUOTE]

The boldened part is the only part I sort of disagree with. I think it's pretty weird to let some guy hit on your women and buy her drinks. I think thats sort of not caring what happens to her.


But yeah, thats some good advice. I have to control my actions more. Thanks. :)

[QUOTE=Mr. Ron]The boldened part is the only part I sort of disagree with. I think it's pretty weird to let some guy hit on your women and buy her drinks. I think thats sort of not caring what happens to her.


But yeah, thats some good advice. I have to control my actions more. Thanks. :)[/QUOTE]

The average woman can take care of herself. A typical woman gets hit on hundreds of times in any given month. They've had years of practice in avoiding the creepy guys.

If I start dating a girl, she certainly doesn't need me to protect her from the nuts who think they can steal her from me. She's with me and can easily handle it herself without my aid. So I'll just let her go ahead and do her thing.

If anything, that just shows my trust and confidence in her. I know she's dating me and is not about to leave me for some random John Doe throwing out every cliche in the book. And should things turn sour, I'm right within ear shot to come over and deliver a sucker punch if need be.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]The average woman can take care of herself. A typical woman gets hit on hundreds of times in any given month. They've had years of practice in avoiding the creepy guys.

If I start dating a girl, she certainly doesn't need me to protect her from the nuts who think they can steal her from me. She's with me and can easily handle it herself without my aid. So I'll just let her go ahead and do her thing.

If anything, that just shows my trust and confidence in her. I know she's dating me and is not about to leave me for some random John Doe throwing out every cliche in the book. And should things turn sour, I'm right within ear shot to come over and deliver a sucker punch if need be.[/QUOTE]

I completely agree you.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]The average woman can take care of herself. A typical woman gets hit on hundreds of times in any given month. They've had years of practice in avoiding the creepy guys.

If I start dating a girl, she certainly doesn't need me to protect her from the nuts who think they can steal her from me. She's with me and can easily handle it herself without my aid. So I'll just let her go ahead and do her thing.

If anything, that just shows my trust and confidence in her. I know she's dating me and is not about to leave me for some random John Doe throwing out every cliche in the book. And should things turn sour, I'm right within ear shot to come over and deliver a sucker punch if need be.[/QUOTE]
haha, well said. You give very good advice, it actually makes me feel better about the situation.

It's just that I love this girl more than anything, that may sound cliche, but it's absolutely true. I jsut need to take your advice and control my emotions. Thanks. :)