maybe you just havn't met the right guy?

[QUOTE=JausmetalJ]maybe you just havn't met the right guy?[/QUOTE]
I don't know, maybe the guy is the problem. I've recently come out as bi to most of my friends, so I'd quite like to be in a relationship with a girl, because I think I'd be more comfortable. Any relationship I've had with a guy has just... not felt right at all. Problem is the town I live in is really homophobic (it's largely BNP, I'm not sure if that means anything to you if you're not in the UK, they are an extremist political party) so the gay scene is crap. I'm hoping maybe I'll meet some new people when I start college in september :)

[QUOTE=Herbert_da_fish]I don't know, maybe the guy is the problem. I've recently come out as bi to most of my friends, so I'd quite like to be in a relationship with a girl, because I think I'd be more comfortable. Any relationship I've had with a guy has just... not felt right at all. Problem is the town I live in is really homophobic (it's largely BNP, I'm not sure if that means anything to you if you're not in the UK, they are an extremist political party) so the gay scene is crap. I'm hoping maybe I'll meet some new people when I start college in september :)[/QUOTE]

:p If you don't, something is very wrong with you.

I find myself in a dillemma- I'm too shy to really open up around people because I've always been looked down on (in my mind) because I'm unattractive/too tall/kinda fat/bad sense of style/akward/too smart to use words normal people understand/arrogant.

I feel like my personality is great. I love who I am, but I feel like people don't care to get to know me because I really can't open up around them for long periods of time (we're talking months before I'm decently comfortable with someone. In fact..I think I've only been really comfortable with one person and that was my ex. Oddly enough, it started as a long distance thing and we got to know each other before shyness was a factor. I've never been comfortable with anyone here outside of my family).

I'm usually fine with talking...but being playful (and goofing off like I am with my brother/how normal people do every now and then) I simply can't bring myself to do. I want to be like that so badly..but I feel like I just come off as akward or creepy.

just...eugh..I don't know what I'm really looking for here.

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]:p If you don't, something is very wrong with you.[/QUOTE]
If I don't what?

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]:p If you don't, something is very wrong with you.

I find myself in a dillemma- I'm too shy to really open up around people because I've always been looked down on (in my mind) because I'm unattractive/too tall/kinda fat/bad sense of style/akward/too smart to use words normal people understand/arrogant.

I feel like my personality is great. I love who I am, but I feel like people don't care to get to know me because I really can't open up around them for long periods of time (we're talking months before I'm decently comfortable with someone. In fact..I think I've only been really comfortable with one person and that was my ex. Oddly enough, it started as a long distance thing and we got to know each other before shyness was a factor. I've never been comfortable with anyone here outside of my family).

I'm usually fine with talking...but being playful (and goofing off like I am with my brother/how normal people do every now and then) I simply can't bring myself to do. I want to be like that so badly..but I feel like I just come off as akward or creepy.

just...eugh..I don't know what I'm really looking for here.[/QUOTE]

A couple of pages back Burt was talking about having Social Anxiety Disorder. Maybe you have it?

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]A couple of pages back Burt was talking about having Social Anxiety Disorder. Maybe you have it?[/QUOTE]

Well, I thought it meant mostly around groups..I can goof off and [I]act[/I] outgoing around groups..but I think it's superficial. I'm really a reserved person.

One on one...I clam up and don't play around too much. :( I want to go to a shrink but I don't think much is wrong with me. Or...I think something is but it's ridiculous. Or..something.

[QUOTE=Herbert_da_fish]If I don't what?[/QUOTE]

Meet new people.

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]Well, I thought it meant mostly around groups..I can goof off and [I]act[/I] outgoing around groups..but I think it's superficial. I'm really a reserved person.

One on one...I clam up and don't play around too much. :( I want to go to a shrink but I don't think much is wrong with me. Or...I think something is but it's ridiculous. Or..something.[/QUOTE]

What you could do is call a counselor and explain your problem. They can tell you if they think it needs treatment.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]What you could do is call a counselor and explain your problem. They can tell you if they think it needs treatment.[/QUOTE]

ew

I'm probably just trying to be difficult...but I really do not like calling people I don't know (including businesses etc).

Especially to discuss something that I believe is completely in my head.

...But it would be, wouldn't it.

Yes, it would be.

Have you researched it on the internet?

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Yes, it would be.

Have you researched it on the internet?[/QUOTE]

A little. My aunt's been diagnosed with it, though. I could ask her.

She might be able to shed some light on it.

:[ I don't think I even have it though.

It's best not to worry if you're gonna come off as stupid or weird, because frankly, it only matters what you think. You seem to have a good outlook on yourself, and you want to be open to people and perhaps a bit wild too. So the best thing you can do, is just, well, do it. :) Don't be afraid to get a little crazy, and if you get a weird look or a retort like "Uh, dude, you got issues man..." then just make a joke back at them. The best thing to do is just show you aren't self-concious, it'll make more people approach you and want to know you a lot more.

[QUOTE=Herbert Da Fish]Except for the heart monitor thing I can totally relate. I have this friend, and I love her to bits (as a friend) and she's recently got a new boyfriend.

I've known him for years and he's a totally awesome guy. She's had trouble with guys before in the past and they're really sweet together.

Now I don't do the 'best friend' thing because I've found it always causes arguments and whatever, but as far as mates go she's probably my closest.

When they first started going out I had mega jealousy issues. Now to begin with I thought it was cause I had a bit of a crush on him- then I realised it wasn't that at all.

She doesn't speak to me much anymore out of school, and she's always going on about him, he writes songs for her and takes her out for meals and whatever. And since they started going out we've been having loads of little arguments and it's always getting me down.

Pfft I dunno. I started writing this to try and offer advice but I guess it turned into my own little rant.[/QUOTE]

Haha thats alrite, i remember myself doing the same thing to you a while back with some advice, it still helps though to know other people have the same issues. I hope your friend starts appreciating your company a little more and that all works out, for me, a good friend like this one makes me feel just awesome, i just love having someone i can talk to about anything and everything and they always know when to joke and when to be serious, it's an amazing contrast to my other friends who generally treat me like s[SIZE="2"]hit[/SIZE] and take things too far. Thanks :)


[QUOTE=Yppolitia]I know what you mean as well. Im in that sorta position your friend is in, I havent had a girlfriend for a while, or at least one that hasnt been a complete bitch and treated me poorly. Recently ive fallen for this amazing girl and I know she really likes me too. I personally know where the boundries are between spending enough time with her and my mates and when im spending most of my time with her and not much with my friends. Whether or not your friend knows this line Im not sure.

You need to just try and see her whenever you can, take things as usual like if you go out shopping with each other or whatever, I mean if you go to college then hang about with each other at lunch and breaks. You going to have to get use to some of your time with her being taken away from you but if you feel too much is being taken away then you need to make it clear to her that you feel you are getting more distant since she has been seeing this guy. If it comes to that you obviously need to make it clear that you just want to spenda little more time with her, try not to make it a 'Me, me, me' type scenario.

I think the best thing to do at the moment it just take things as normal and see how they go, as I said, you may expect to see her a little less, or when you see her that he is with her but if it becomes that either you arent seeing her much at all or that whenever you do see her, he is with her just tell her you want to spend more time with her on her own :)[/QUOTE]

Thanks, if it goes that far i will definately talk to her about it, she seemed to enjoy talking to me just as much as i did her, so i'm pretty sure she will understand if it comes to that. Oh well i'll just hope for the best i spose, i'm still just really glad she's found someone worth her time :p.

Thanks for the help guys.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Yes. I seriously think I need to kill him soon.[/QUOTE]

Uh, why haven't you yet?

[quote=Em]I just... I just don't enjoy being in relationships :-/ I don't like being attached to someone.

I need to find a way to deal with it because I become bitter towards my friends and it's not their problem at all- it's mine.[/quote]

This is more about the first part:

I don't see relationships as being 'attached' to people. I mean, yes, you have an obligation to not cheat on them or whatever, but I get the impression where it's like, "Oh, I'm dating this guy/girl, I have absolutely no breathing room to have guy/girl friends, look at other guys/girls, etc." I am not saying that that is what you feel, but it's just what I envisioned when I read this.

Not like this is helpful at all (feel free to completely refute it), but hey.

[QUOTE=Jom]Uh, why haven't you yet?
[/QUOTE]

Because it's too hot to bother with it.

Ok people..

I'm certain people just don't like me now. I saw the girl [I had a date with on tuesday] tonight at her place of business and we sat and laughed and played (indeed, we had a mop vs pillow fort fight) and she stole twenty dollars from me (I presume she knew I wouldn't leave until I got it back but she might be crazy). She eventually gave it back two hours later.

This leads me to two updates:
A) I asked if she would like to do anything Sunday. She said she was busy and gave an alibi. I asked if I should even offer any other days- she said she was booked to the core between summer classes and moving. Either way, I like the girl quite a bit, but I don't feel like trying to date someone that has to wait for an opening. So, I guess I'll see her from time to time but I'm going to advance in other directions like a sane person would do.

B)People just don't like me. I'm not as reserved as I think I am when someone cares to get to know me. (and I've hung out with her a total of two days so it wasn't time).

Eh. What can I do? I'm just me. I can't help if I'm not..whatever. :\

For one thing, stop telling yourself that nobody likes you. Get that out of your head. Negative thinking like that will get people into not liking you. If you think to yourself that you're a stand-up guy and that nobody dislikes you, it'll be easier on yourself.

[QUOTE=nobodyblossomsforever]For one thing, stop telling yourself that nobody likes you. Get that out of your head. Negative thinking like that will get people into not liking you. If you think to yourself that you're a stand-up guy and that nobody dislikes you, it'll be easier on yourself.[/QUOTE]

Well hell I tried that.

Then my friends stopped calling.

Guys with little confident are unappealing to alot of girls.

Another thing. Don't call them your friends. If your friends don't want to talk to you and don't call you or acknowledge your existence, then they aren't your friends. Meet some new people man.

Not only that, but the only person you need to please is yourself. If you know in your heart you're being the best person you can be, then you don't have to worry about anything else.

Exactly.

You don't need to worry about everyone else and what they think about you. You are your own person, you're gonna be with you forever, not with your friends/aquaintences.

[QUOTE=Blue Haze]Guys with little confident are unappealing to alot of girls.[/QUOTE]

I'm definitely not unconfident, if that was directed at me.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Not only that, but the only person you need to please is yourself. If you know in your heart you're being the best person you can be, then you don't have to worry about anything else.[/QUOTE]

I know, I know. I'm happy with the direction I'm headed. Once again, I like what I've become in the past few months. I suppose I feel like I want to have friends and people to socializing with. I don't like sitting at home on weekends.

[QUOTE=nobodyblossomsforever]Another thing. Don't call them your friends. If your friends don't want to talk to you and don't call you or acknowledge your existence, then they aren't your friends. Meet some new people man.[/QUOTE]

They aren't anymore.

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]I'm definitely not unconfident, if that was directed at me.[/QUOTE]

In a way. But it's good that you're not unconfident. Make sure it shows though.

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]I'm definitely not unconfident, if that was directed at me.[/QUOTE]

But if you appear that way to others, then there's a problem.

i haven't been in this thread for a while

so i'm just saying hi

and whatnot

crap this is spam so i need a reason to post

um...

to weiner: i suggest getting new friends but still remaining confident. and if not stay confident and keep going with life how its going yah know

I always tell myself every year, I'm going to be assertive and I'm going to get a girlfriend and well nothing really happens (well except for last year but that doesn't really count.)

This year, it seemed that I was so close to going out with this one girl that I really liked but things just didn't work out.

I know this sounds really stupid but how can I be assertive? I'm really shy around stranges and I don't really know how to approach someone; and if I did, I wouldn't really know what to talk about.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]But if you appear that way to others, then there's a problem.[/QUOTE]

In all honesty..I don't think I do.

It's that feeling like..if you're in a group of acquaintances and suddenly the groups break off and you realize that you're alone and you're in no one's little social bubble. I've gotten to where I just tell everyone that I'm leaving (confidently) and go.

I know all of this must sound incredibly shallow. I wish I could afford (emotionally and financially) to leave town and start life over.

EDIT: Ya'll I'm thankful for all of the advice...but it's all become redundant. I've been meeting new people...I've probably doubled my list of acquaintances this year, but I just haven't gotten on with any of them...that's what all of this has floated up from.

[QUOTE=Jom]Yadayada.[/QUOTE]

This may or may not be a lie.

<_<
>_>
<_<

But, what he has to say is true. If your friends don't treat you like friends you don't need 'em.