I'm getting books for Christmas.


I got Party Monster(AKA Disco Bloodbath) by James St. James, the Zombie Survival Guide, and Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk. I'm going to order Mensturating Mall by Carlton Mellick III, and the Bizarro Starter Kit from Amazon.

I need something else to order. I'm contemplating more bizarro, because it's impossible to find at the library.

Whats funnier than a dead baby?

And wow, i can give love to janeway

everything?

A dead baby in a clown costume

What's funner than spinning a baby on a washing line at 200MPh?

More Dangerous Than a Pocket Full of Loose Razor Blades That's what Betty was. She would wag her tongue at the elderly, teach dogs to urinate standing up. Priests crossed themselves and others when she alked by. It was obvious to all that she wore only a thong under those dirty overalls.

Rumor had it that Betty was developed by the CIA for use as an anti-egalitarian insurgent in the Balkans. Drunken mothers whispered tales of her exploits in the shadowy ruins of river towns gone bad. Hobos would huddle together and shudder at all the wartime uses she had for corncobs. The city council had to take action. Honor demanded that the festering societal carcinoma with pouty lips be expelled. Children took to daily siestas in protest; husbands gave up on washing dishes. The danger Betty posed to the community's well being increased exponentially. Eventually the town elders were forced to admit that keeping feta cheese in their armpits had failed to resolve the issue. No choice remained but to consult Slobodan Milosevic.

"Baboons!" SM stated with a flourish of saliva. "Primates of the highest order worked for us against the US Special Forces."

The city elders took note of his instructions. Meanwhile, Betty's malice reached its zenith: she loitered in markets licking any produce that customers attempted to purchase. As a result all the food had to be destroyed, bringing the populace to the brink of famine. Betty donated cow livers for transplants down at the hospital and put chicken livers in the malts over at the ice creamery. While these atrocities were being committed the baboons underwent rigorous training maneuvers. Right, left, right, left. They learned how to conduct formal procedural tribunals, how to perform covert ops. High above the rooftops parachutes were silhouetted against the blue sky, bright red asses being the only discernible features of the heroes-in-training.

"Go baboon!" the children cried as they watched the parachutes. "Go baboon! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!"

SM enlisted Brooks and Dunn for the publicity campaign. "Rwanda" became a hit song among the townsfolk. Little did they know that the lyrics contained illicit instructions for the highly trained baboon force. Any time those fatigued primates heard the words of BD spilling from the lips of the city's residents they would go ape ****, rending flesh and bone, torching domiciles and places of business alike.

"Look at the carnage!" SM raged in his weekly address to the people. "If more funds are not appropriated to Operation: Enduring Baboon, Betty might yet maim, kill, and burn every last living creature in your beloved city!" The only witnesses to the carnage thus far had all been eliminated by the elite counter-Betty squads, so nobody could argue with his line of reasoning.

As the populace was whittled away to nothing by own their saviors, Betty lazed in the shade by a burbling cesspool. With no townspeople to be outraged by her actions, what point was there in even trying? The spotlight didn't mean anything if baboons composed the audience. Their body odor was brutal at best, so she let the world continue to spin out of control without her in it. Meanwhile, SM introduced a new hit BD song, titled "Congo"--after accusations of latent racism in their song titles BD changed this one to "Ivory Coast Cotton Pickin'". The melody caught on immediately among the baboon soldiers. Unbeknownst to them, the lyrics were encoded messages that spurred the blue-asses on to new heights of violence against the red asses. Blue-*** baboons were higher in rank and intellect, so despite their smaller numbers they were able to cover their psy-op induced misdeeds.

"Do you see what she's doing to us?!" SM bellowed in his weekly address to the baboons. "Betty strikes when we turn our attention elsewhere, and slips away like virginity. Are we to tolerate such naked aggression?"

The red-asses were willing to accept the tax hikes proposed by the blue-asses. Hopeful that the funds would supply their forces with additional Hall & Oates albums for the battle against Betty, lower ranking baboons turned a blind eye to the fact that their numbers were thinning, even as the blue-*** population seemed to increase.

By this time Betty had hooked up with renegade ice cream vendors expelled from other cities for being proponents of poor dietary habits. Their armor-plated trucks bore the scars of past consumption wars. The continued famine was attractive to them and they groped ice cream sandwiches in anticipation of the bumper crop of bloated children they'd sow. When they rode into town with their creepy monotone Muzak blaring the deranged ice cream vendors found the only survivors of the Betty Wars--the blue-assed upper echelon of baboons -were eager to part with their cash. The night was spent in wild revelry, but the dawn brought with it a grim realization. All of the baboons had died overnight as a result of their ice cream consumption. Nobody realized they were terminally lactose intolerant. This sat well with BD and SM. They had already been contracted to assist some distant city through a crisis anyway.

Yeah mate, like, read 7 words of that

Not even 7

:p

what is that?

More Dangerous Than a Pocket Full of Loose Razor Blades by John Edward Lawson.



Bizarro.

I read the first line. I hope Pespi typed that, so her fingers might lose a little weight.

KAPOW!!

Alright, chill. I'm kidding..

I'm off now dearest MX'ers

Nite nite, drum on brutha's and sista's

I just did 2 hours of coursework straight andnow im tired as hell.

Yet i still find time to post here lol.

Whats funnier than a dead baby in a clown costume?






a kid with aids

I think a virgin with an STD is quite funny.

So last night my friends all got drunk. But this time we had a video camera. And markers. Permanent markers.

One friend, who I've never seen drink respnsibly, started at 9:30 and was passed out by just after 11:00. An hour and a half, from his first shot until he was on the couch unconscious.

He'll have fun getting permanent marker off of 90% of his body this morning.

Eventually he'll clue in.

NOTHING wrong with drinking excessively...

and bb, i had it checked out.
apparently, i was masturbating too hard :|

I love Melt Banana, but I really shouldn't.


They're...terrible.

^^^
Same goes for Cibo Matto.

What's up pespi? I decided to come back here.

[QUOTE=Corkofski;13835130]NOTHING wrong with drinking excessively...[/QUOTE]
When it gets to the point where I have to check on him every 5 minutes for the last... 7 or 8 months once or twice a weekend (that's 28-38 times probably), I'd say there's something wrong with it. When it gets to the point where he cheats on his girlfriend with any random slut who's willing to make out with him, I'd say it's a problem. When he's singlehandedly discouraged me from going to parties more than a 15-minute walk from my house, I'd say it's a bit of a problem. When he's thrown up on 4 of my shirts, I'd say it's a bit of a problem. When he's thrown up in 2 friend's cars, I'd say it's a bit of a problem. When he got fired from one of his jobs because he came in hung over every monday, it's a bit of a problem.

Want me to go on?

/vents.

I wouldn't even have him as a friend if he was like that. The only reason to drink like that if for attention.

My brother drinks and uses his drunkedness as an excuse to do things to girls. I guess he drank way too much and was touching one of his good friends (girl) up against his car. Then he puked on my carpet. And the next day he didn't remember a goddamn thing, that's when you're too drunk, when you can't remember any of it.

Yo BB, you still going out with that girl? Her account was char or something on here.

yo folks, how are we today? I got a major problem and I need hel, and "FORGET HER!" is not at all an option K?

K well, I have liked my best friend now for almost a year, at one point we were going to date but then she realized "if we date, and break up, we wouldn't be friends after we break up" so she called it off, I completely agreed that she made the right choice, she went for the long run, instead of jsut a year or two as a couple. But then she pretty much forgot all about us, and she immediately got over me and started going for other guys, and (she had thoguht I was over her aswell) she would ask me if she should go for so and so, and this is killing me (I loved how she wanted my opinon on everything and my permission) and finally she found a guy who wasn't sick and gay (so i though) and she kept asking me "Jeff, are you SURE you won't mind us going out" and as much as I wanted to say "yes I would hate it" I couldn't cause I didn't want to be the cause of her problems.

So yea, they are dating now, and her and I are still great friends and I was ALMOST! completely over her, and I have found a great girl that would make a good girlfriend, but yet, I jsut don't like this girl, and last night at the dance, my friend 9the one I'm almost over) was lke "jeff do you like Krista?" and just so she wouldn't worry about me liking her I said, "yes I think I do" then she was like "are you going to ask her out?" and I siad "not sure" then she just started crying and crying. and I was liek "Whats wrong?" then she told me that her and I never get to hang out anymore (and it's true we ahvn't hung out in months) and she said it was all because of her dating jasmon (that guy) and I tried to re assure her that it was both our faults, abut she wouldn't buy it, and then she told me of how jason didn't like how I was her best friend, in fact he hated me cause he thought I was trying to take her away from him (and in no way was I trying to do that, I infact talked her into going out with him) and he told her she had to choose between him or me, and she said "well If I ahve to choose then i am choosing jeff, so are you sure you want that?" and he backed off her, and said sorry, so yea, I just flat out said "Sarah, the reason I don't want to date Krista is because I still like you" and she just said "why? why can't you jsut stop and allow us to be freidns?" and I told her "well I obviously can't answer that" and she said, it's ok, beleive me, I love you to pieces, but I jsut can't date you. then is aid, "fair enough" and we walked back out onto the dance floor.

so problem is, I don't know what the hell I am supposed to do with my life now, 'm stuck, srry jsut ahd to tell someone.

Alright mate. How old are you? I've been through those same kinda problems, in fact everyone has.
But think of it this way, out of 6.5 billion human inhabitants of the earth, only ONE of them is making you reconsider your life.
Actually I think she's just a bit childish.

White man, you suck. I'm kidding, but that whole thing about friends going out with friends then hating eachother because of a breakup is stupid. Friends of mine who were firneds for a while have borken up, on numerous occasions and now they're still friends. It has no occured to me that what I just wrote doesnt help you any, but Ill be damned if I erase it. Sorry, and good luck

i fancied my best mate for 2 years. i was at school with her, and her bf wasnt...

it hurts man, i know...

Girls suck, Or I just get myself into bad situations with girls. Since I'm bored I'll share my story aswell:

I've been with my girlfriend for two years now. We broke up for three months and just recently got back together to try one more time and make sure we aint making a mistake and it doesnt feel good anymore. I'm just a big pussy and I dont have the guts to tell her that I dont want to be with her anymore cuz it will totally kill her.

So yesterday I met this really really nice girl at the bar. And we got along very well and I'm taking her out for coffee tomorrow. So I jsut need to brake up with my gf as soon as possible. I cant stand cheating

Cheating is deffinately not were you go. Just brake it off with the other man. S'all bout youuuu.

i went out with my g/f for two years and pretty much right after we broke up i couldnt stand her...

how does that work?