[QUOTE=I Am a Hat]see you're letting her control the relationship and define it


you can't do that because neither of you will be happy. you are not on a leash. men these days are such chodes, god[/QUOTE]

haha yeah. I'll let her lead for now. But I won't deal with this again. Not with any other girl.

[QUOTE=mdc017]haha yeah. I'll let her lead for now. But I won't deal with this again. Not with any other girl.[/QUOTE]
don't deal with it NOW

live you own life and if she wants to join you then thats fantastic. and if not oh well.


but you letting her lead has not worked for you so far has it? so stop doing what isn't working

[QUOTE=Junooni]Here's an honest non-generic response.

I'm sorry for ya man. I hate when I **** up like that. Never had that true love thing go down for me, but I can sorta imagine.[/QUOTE]
Thanks. It sucks ****in up that hard.

[QUOTE=mdc017]I just really love this girl. I've been giving her her space. We only went out a couple of times over the break and we did it as friends. We're supposed to go out for either a Meriwether show or dinner depending on when she gets back. It's just that I haven't had her alone. I just want to be alone with her so we can talk and either end this and move on, or get back together and make things easier.[/QUOTE]

She doesn't want to commit to anything or anyone. That's what she's acting like, anyway. If you confront her about getting back together, etc.. it's going to push her further away because then she won't be able to keep you at bay any longer. However, confronting her is exactly what you need to do because you're so convinced that she'll change her ways to be with you that you need to see first-hand how very wrong you are.

[QUOTE=Atman]If you're 15, and assuming you're living in a first world country, the average age expectancy would be around 75 (according to [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Life_expectancy_world_map.PNG]Wikipedia[/url]).

Alright, so you have about 60 more years to live. You'll be dead by 2066, give or take.

60 years. Dead in 2067. Let's remember that.

At this very moment, there are about 6.5 billion people on our little planet.

Making the (extremely rough) assumption that half of these 6.5 billion people will be women, you've got about 3.25 billion women. Of course, this number is quite lower [url=http://ucatlas.ucsc.edu/gender/Sen100M.html]if you agree with Amartya Sen on the imbalance of male/female ratios throughout the world, especially in third world nations[/url].

Still, let's assume 3.25 billion for now.

To help understand the scale of such a number, here it is fully written out: 3,250,000,000. Let that sink in for a while before reading on.

60. 2066. 3.25 billion (or 3,250,000,000).

Obviously, because of age, not all 3.25 billion women will be eligible for consideration. Hm, according [url=http://www.nationalatlas.gov/articles/people/IMAGES/int-tbl1.gif]to this table done in 2000[/url], children (15-under) make up 30% of the world population (or 1.8 billion at that time).

Assuming things haven't changed much in the 6 years since then and you won't be looking for ladies who are far younger than you, let's use the number 30%.

Alright, to recap: 60. 2066. 3.25 billion. 30%.

Multiplying 3.25 women by 30% (to properly limit our data range), we get 975,000,000. Or 9.75 million. Let's round it up to 1 billion for convenience.

Dividing 1 billion by 60 years results in 16,666,666.666 women per year (zomg statistic of the beast). Again, for convenience, let's round that up to 17,000,000.

To put it all into context, you have 60 years left in your life. In those 60 years, there will be over 1 billion to meet and decide whether you love them or not.

That's 17 million women [I]per year[/I]. That's 50,000 women [I]per day[/I] (okay fine I rounded that one up too >:[). 2000 women [I]per hour[/I]. 33 women [I]per minute[/I].

[B]A different woman every two seconds of your life.[/B]

Oh, to be young and naive ;-)

[I]This is an incredibly conservative estimate considering it only takes into account the current life expectancy and does not factor in future healthcare improvements in terms of longevity. [url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1977733.stm]According to the BBC anyway[/url].

Futhermore, it assumes you are only looking for love in women who are no older than you but also no more than 15 years younger than you.

[url=http://www.askmen.com/fashion/austin_100/134_fashion_style.html]And we all know that's not how the world always works.[/url]

(This same argument could be made against women too, except they would have far greater results due to male/female mortality ratio imbalance!)[/I][/QUOTE]

quoted for oshi factor

[QUOTE=Atman]quoted for oshi factor[/QUOTE]

I think you shocked everyone and left them speechless.

my boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. i hate to even use the term because in our group of friends, everybody's gone out with everybody... twice. and we're all still friends for the most part. he went out with this girl for the year and a half before he began dating me. i've been okay with the fact that she'll call him whenever. (ie: he'll be at my house at 1am and she'll call his cell phone.)

this past weekend, i was over his house and she called at ~midnight to ask to come over and have tea. he told her i was there and she came over and we had a nice time for half an hour before she left. no problem for the most part. then last night, he came by to drop off my cell phone and hung around for ~30 minutes. i was going out with 2 of our friends and invited him along. he declined. i found out today from him that he went to go get gas and pick something up at target then went over her house for food (because they didn't have any in his house.) he was also really excited that he was going to get a free monitor from her dad (because i guess her dad bought them in bulk and got too many.)

should i be slightly tweaked out/upset?

i guess it's more the fact that i don't know how often she calls or how often they just randomly go over each other's houses. i don't think it's right.

I don't either, but then again I'm a girl, too, and I guess guys don't see any giant problem with doing that.

[QUOTE=Luster]my boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. i hate to even use the term because in our group of friends, everybody's gone out with everybody... twice. and we're all still friends for the most part. he went out with this girl for the year and a half before he began dating me. i've been okay with the fact that she'll call him whenever. (ie: he'll be at my house at 1am and she'll call his cell phone.)

this past weekend, i was over his house and she called at ~midnight to ask to come over and have tea. he told her i was there and she came over and we had a nice time for half an hour before she left. no problem for the most part. then last night, he came by to drop off my cell phone and hung around for ~30 minutes. i was going out with 2 of our friends and invited him along. he declined. i found out today from him that he went to go get gas and pick something up at target then went over her house for food (because they didn't have any in his house.) he was also really excited that he was going to get a free monitor from her dad (because i guess her dad bought them in bulk and got too many.)

should i be slightly tweaked out/upset?

i guess it's more the fact that i don't know how often she calls or how often they just randomly go over each other's houses. i don't think it's right.[/QUOTE]

Just remember he is in the relationship with you because he loves you and is over her. ALthough I understnad why you would be upset, you are all in the same group of friends, simple as that. Thye are no more than friends now, and just be happy that he is with you. Obv, things didnt work out with them, try not to let it bother you love.

But for the record, I wouldnt be very impressed. But then again, dont let your own insecurity get the best of you.

[QUOTE=purplefeet]But for the record, I wouldnt be very impressed. But then again, dont let your own insecurity get the best of you.[/QUOTE]

Famous last words, Nic. Easier said than done.

:(

[QUOTE=purplefeet]Just remember he is in the relationship with you because he loves you and is over her. ALthough I understnad why you would be upset, you are all in the same group of friends, simple as that. Thye are no more than friends now, and just be happy that he is with you. Obv, things didnt work out with them, try not to let it bother you love.

But for the record, I wouldnt be very impressed. But then again, dont let your own insecurity get the best of you.[/QUOTE]

he's never said he loves me. he dated her for a year and a half, i have no idea if he ever said he loved her, but he did cry (for the only time i'd ever heard of) when she broke up with him (so the "things not working out" was basically that she went away for summer and came back and dumped him). also, yes we are in the same group of friends, but she's the only girl whose house he goes over alone and vice versa.

i guess i'm partly upset because it's bothering me and i don't want to confront him about it. i trust him and don't want to be the paranoid girlfriend that doesn't want him hanging out with people... but in the same stride, i don't want them to be spending all this time together and have it snowball into them getting back together (even though she dumped him, she hasn't really gotten a real boyfriend since him and i'm afraid if it came down to it, he'd pick her.)

/insecure-female-post

That sucks. I guess the only thing you can do is try not to worry (like that's gonna work). Jesus, why can't guys just have a little common sense?

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]That sucks. I guess the only thing you can do is try not to worry (like that's gonna work). Jesus, why can't guys just have a little common sense?[/QUOTE]

hahah dunno.

in hindsight... he did the same thing to her with me. he'd go out with me and his other guy friend all the time and leave her out of plans. and a couple times, he went out with just me.

i'll just wait it out. she's leaving for puerto rico and he's going off to summer school anyways so it's the least of my worries.

There ya go. That ought to fix it.

[QUOTE=Luster]he's never said he loves me. he dated her for a year and a half, i have no idea if he ever said he loved her, but he did cry (for the only time i'd ever heard of) when she broke up with him (so the "things not working out" was basically that she went away for summer and came back and dumped him). also, yes we are in the same group of friends, but she's the only girl whose house he goes over alone and vice versa.

i guess i'm partly upset because it's bothering me and i don't want to confront him about it. i trust him and don't want to be the paranoid girlfriend that doesn't want him hanging out with people... but in the same stride, i don't want them to be spending all this time together and have it snowball into them getting back together (even though she dumped him, she hasn't really gotten a real boyfriend since him and i'm afraid if it came down to it, he'd pick her.)

/insecure-female-post[/QUOTE]

well the best thing is try not to let relationships get the best of you. I mean, just take it for what its worth. If it doesnt work out, then it doesnt. Use Eggo's mathematical chart for exactly the ratio of guys and girls :p

But in all seriousness, if its really bothering you this much you should talk to him about it. I mean, if you are in this relationship for the long haul, you shouldnt have to wait anything out. Tell him how you feel. As he would probably feel the same if he was in your position, I dont think you shoud worry that you are coming off as a crazy, overprotective girlfriend..not even close.

@ Luster

Speaking from a guy's perspective, when a girl dumps you, you don't generally stay friends with her. At least, not for the long run. Especially when she leaves a last impression on you like she did to him. There's still some sort of spark keeping them close and the worst thing you can do is sit on your doubts and be too indecisive to act. Rather than create a big, ugly confrontation though, when you're alone together, ask him very casually if he still feels anything for his ex. It's going to be an uncomfortable question to ask, but pay attention to his body language and his response.

If he seems uneasy in answering your question, lay the smack down on that other ho.

Sometimes that works with guys, sometimes it doesn't. It's hard to tell, even with my experience.

I've found that as you get older, though, it doesn't work as much.

Unless you're really really hot, guys just get threatened by it.

Stupid men.

Oops, sorry Jared.

[QUOTE=Iscariot]@ Luster

Speaking from a guy's perspective, when a girl dumps you, you don't generally stay friends with her. At least, not for the long run. Especially when she leaves a last impression on you like she did to him. There's still some sort of spark keeping them close and the worst thing you can do is sit on your doubts and be too indecisive to act. Rather than create a big, ugly confrontation though, when you're alone together, ask him very casually if he still feels anything for his ex. It's going to be an uncomfortable question to ask, but pay attention to his body language and his response.

If he seems uneasy in answering your question, lay the smack down on that other ho.[/QUOTE]

This man has a good point. [insert your own pen0r joke here, emex]
To be honest, generally speaking, if a guy is still making an effort to be friends with a girl that dumped him, it means he still wants to bang her. We aren't complicated beasts... the fact that they're spending a lot of time alone together isn't good either... you said yourself, you spent a lot of time alone with him back when he was with her, and look at you two now.

Personally I agree with Jared - you need to say something if you're not comfortable with it - if he's worth anything at all, he should understand that you're maybe a little insecure about it and at the very least try and reassure you in some way, be it by saying he won't see her alone any more, or even something as small as calling you when he leaves her place. If he freaks out about it and starts accusing you of paranoia, that's when you should start worrying, as it means he's got something to hide, and he's getting worried you're going to find out.

[QUOTE=Jason101]This man has a good point. [insert your own pen0r joke here, emex]
To be honest, generally speaking, if a guy is still making an effort to be friends with a girl that dumped him, it means he still wants to bang her. We aren't complicated beasts... the fact that they're spending a lot of time alone together isn't good either... you said yourself, you spent a lot of time alone with him back when he was with her, and look at you two now.

Personally I agree with Jared - you need to say something if you're not comfortable with it - if he's worth anything at all, he should understand that you're maybe a little insecure about it and at the very least try and reassure you in some way, be it by saying he won't see her alone any more, or even something as small as calling you when he leaves her place. If he freaks out about it and starts accusing you of paranoia, that's when you should start worrying, as it means he's got something to hide, and he's getting worried you're going to find out.[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Guys get defensive when they know they're busted. We'll get aggressive, paranoid and anxious and start trying to turn the tables to cover our own a[size=2]sses[/size]. If he does that, you're in trouble little lady.

Guys, that's what I'm saying here. Jeez, like when one of us girls even dares to mention something that's going on (or not going on, whichever) that bothers us we get like totally shot down, with schit like "It's your problem not mine, and I'm not doing anything wrong". Which makes us even more paranoid.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Guys, that's what I'm saying here. Jeez, like when one of us girls even dares to mention something that's going on (or not going on, whichever) that bothers us we get like totally shot down, with schit like "It's your problem not mine, and I'm not doing anything wrong". Which makes us even more paranoid.[/QUOTE]

I can't say I know anyone that treats the situation like that. Anyone who acts like that is a regular scumbag. :-\

In summary:

All men are wankers.

/thread

To be entirely honest, it's six of one, half a dozen of the other - guys put themselves in the situations that make girls paranoid, then get annoyed when the questions come.
On the other hand, it can get disheartening for us guys on the few occasions where we're not doing anything wrong to get the third degree, as it feels like there's no trust there. It's a fine balancing act between knowing when to ask questions and when not to, but as I said earlier, if he's got nothing to hide, he'll have nothing to get defensive over. :)

At my age, I don't give the third degree. But even with a little discreet inquiry, it just seems like guys totally fly off the handle, mostly.

hang out with other guys and make him insecure and he'll sort out all this stuff himself


then again i'm a total a[I]s[/I]shole

[QUOTE=I Am a Hat]hang out with other guys and make him insecure and he'll sort out all this stuff himself


then again i'm a total a[I]s[/I]shole[/QUOTE]

Bad idea. That'll just bring him and this other girl closer together, because then she'll become the advice giver for all of his problems.

Also, it doesn't work that way with guys. They barely notice if you're hanging out with other guys.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Also, it doesn't work that way with guys. They barely notice if you're hanging out with other guys.[/QUOTE]

Not true at all. At least, not for me.

[QUOTE=Iscariot]Bad idea. That'll just bring him and this other girl closer together, because then she'll become the advice giver for all of his problems.[/QUOTE]
i guess maybe thats a risk


i know that [I]i[/I] was never attracted to my 'shoulder to lean on' girls ever. maybe other guys do i guess?


edit: guys that want a mom

Yeah, I tend to get jealous as hell of other guys. Not that I let it show, but yeah... I sure as hell notice.

[QUOTE=Iscariot]Not true at all. At least, not for me.[/QUOTE]

Then you are very, very rare, Jared. Believe me on this one.