RunAmok, I'll take a crit por favor.

i've been in vegas since New Years. all the people who requested crits.. i will get that done as soon as i can. i just got back and i'm getting situated.

[QUOTE=Disco Donkey]RunAmok, I'll take a crit por favor.[/QUOTE]

Done. Hope it makes sense. :thumb:

Thanks a bunch for the crit RAR, I was just wondering why you disliked it so much. I know that the 4th verse is probably everybody's least favorite part, but I felt like it tied the piece together nicely. You said that it seems childlike, which is exactly what I was hoping for. Because most times, the violence that we see is induced by our childish instincts. I know I should have tried to explain that idea more, but I didn't want to drag it out too much, because I've been trying to condense my writing. But thanks again for critting it.

Oh, and I think we should close the voting thread by tomorrow night at midnight. I know everyone's been busy with the holidays, but this should give everyone enough time to get their voting done (including myself.)

Give people time, You crazy disco animal.

Make it saturday or sunday.

I don't know, I think we need to get a fresh challenge in here, because this one is wearing itself short. Nobody's voting; nobody's commenting. I think we should just move on, and quickly...

I'm going to vote, don't worry.

And, can I have a critique from Tojes and a real critique from Pixes? I just want to know why I have such a range in placements. Thanks.

[QUOTE=WhatILivefoR]I'm going to vote, don't worry.

And, can I have a critique from Tojes and a real critique from Pixes? I just want to know why I have such a range in placements. Thanks.[/QUOTE]

There is nothing special about it. It's typical. It uses some typical metaphors (hell) some of the imagery really turned me off (pierced tounge). Nothing stood out, it just seems like an average song written by an average band.

[QUOTE=Disco Donkey]I don't know, I think we need to get a fresh challenge in here, because this one is wearing itself short. Nobody's voting; nobody's commenting. I think we should just move on, and quickly...[/QUOTE]
I remember the first LC that bumped to my sight... it was for imbue and it had like a ton of replies and everyone were laughing at some kid... great times.

But yes it's growing boring and there's no talking whatsoever. Not to mention the voting and the fact that Burt comes and goes and then comes and then goes and we are left in the shadows dying freezing et cetera, et cetera.

On a really serious note, I'll make the crits now... WhatIlivefoR and... silenceevolves, right?

It's good because I revise what I say and the reasons I put the scores. I'm still waiting for k.s.e., though, because I know my pieces aren't that amazing, but a reason for the low score would be FANTASTIC, MR. K.S.E.

mind doing me the same while your on pixie?

[QUOTE=ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]mind doing me the same while your on pixie?[/QUOTE]
I can do one.

Your attempt was funny and in some extent similar to the surrealism poetry I've read. So it scored high because I found partiuclar you chose the style and not so much the word to work on.

[B]What I live For[/B] It flows well but I don't know ,some parts have odd wordings (I’m feeling like I’m five years old again...) and it just doesn't really keep up to the rest.

[B]silenceevolves[/B] Interesting subject wait I made that already.

thank you tojes :thumb:

[QUOTE=pixiesfanyo]There is nothing special about it. It's typical. It uses some typical metaphors (hell) some of the imagery really turned me off (pierced tounge). Nothing stood out, it just seems like an average song written by an average band.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the critique. And for the record, I was not the subject of this one. I do not have a pierced tongue and I never will. heh

Thanks to Tojes as well.

fara a fara a fara

Tojeswhatever:

Your piece.. it was more personal preference than anything else. I did not like the vocabulary at all.. i know it fits the style you were going for but it just wasn't my thing. It wasn't completely bad.. it was well written in a sense.

But the language, the words you used to define elements, that was practically drenched in it, was the spoiler. it's dark.. and too focused on that aspect making it rather plain, atleast to me that's how it seems. especially in the third stanza.

And apparently you changed your piece after the deadline and after i voted.. so i don't think this is exactly fair with the score.. which is your own fault. correct me if i'm wrong.

Well I changed a typo I made, but the real main changes were made before. Anyhow, I appreciate what you had to say to me. Leave it as Tojes that's how people know me around here. :)

On a related rant, all I have to say in my behalf is that I'm not exactly "sick" of the more personal writing, but usually it comes off way to mushy and boring, which after a while becomes depressing and I usually just walk away, so let's just say my piece was a little "refreshment" from a trend I had been pulling out lately.

Nonetheless, new ladies come and go out of my life so I might go mushy once again.

EDIT: Burt I think all of the LC'ers have to start a serious, open-minded discussion on the way votes are being made. Once someone responds I'll clarify my point of view and expand on the subject. Cheers.

i don't think the voting will ever change. everyone wants to write and looks at the voting as more of an obstacle.

No, but I mean making the voting secret, or somehow invisible to other users, because I've faced bias once or twice considering other's voting...


Everything is fine. But I hate the bias while voting. Especially if I rush to vote.

:-/

[QUOTE=ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]mind doing me the same while your on pixie?[/QUOTE]

yeah, i'll get around to it when i don't have to catch a bus in 20 minutes.

[QUOTE]6th - Pixiesfanyo – I don’t think the word “interesting” is the best word to use to describe your death-themed piece, since that would imply that I was entertained by this attempt at originality. The title mislead me into believing that I was about to read something truly amazing. It’s like pancakes: every time I see them on a menu for breakfast, I think “Man, those look good.” But then by the time I get done with the third or fourth one, I think “Why the hell did I just eat those?” Except, with your song, it only took me getting to about line three before I grew tired of it. Your structure is what bothered me the most. You hit us over the head with all of these adjective/noun combinations (“Careless waves,” “Graceful guts,” “Surreal copulation,” and “Useless attempts” all in the first stanza) at the start of each line. It just makes it boring to read. I commend you for at least trying to take a topic that’s been done to death (no pun intended) and giving it a few hints at being innovative. You took the classy route in describing the scene, rather than trying for shock value or something like that. It did have some genuinely great lines stuck in it (“Passive in nature, but the safety has been off for days”), but it just didn’t do much for me overall.[/QUOTE]

hm. it's not about death, it's about f[B]u[/B]cking.

Wow, I honestly did not get that at all. I really thought it was about him wanting to take his own life or have someone else do it for him. Amazing. But after I went back and re-read it, that's some pretty good stuff. I might have to change your rank a bit.

whens this over? i want to play.

Voting? I think it has another week to go or something, there are some votes that haven't been sent.

wow.. how did i get bumped from 1 to 4 pixie?

i think this needs to be closed now.

if you changed your votes just so you could win.. that's pretty shady

cause with the votes now.. you win exactly by 1.

wow that really pisses me off.

[QUOTE=k.s.e.]if you changed your votes just so you could win.. that's pretty shady

cause with the votes now.. you win exactly by 1.

wow that really pisses me off.[/QUOTE]

No, I just reread the pieces after WHOVOODOO wanted a crit, and I put some minor changes. I didn't do it to win?

I can change it back if you want...

Voting should end tomorrow night to let the remaining stragglers get their votes in. But no more extensions.

/votes

Disco, my hidden meaning (I didnt intend it that way) is the yellow tape that says 'Crime Scene' as a worm. A friend's brother was assaulted by the police as he tried to resist arrest for robbing a store. He didn't die though he does in the song. His goody two shoes fiancee broke off the engagement after she heard of it and became an alcoholic slut. I'm slightly acquainted with her and I thought I'd chronicle her drinking. The tape worm can be the alcohol, the yellow tape or the police or all three at once.

[QUOTE=Disco Donkey]Wow, I honestly did not get that at all. I really thought it was about him wanting to take his own life or have someone else do it for him. Amazing. But after I went back and re-read it, that's some pretty good stuff. I might have to change your rank a bit.[/QUOTE]

yeah. but, that's something i struggle with, being ambigious but not to the point where you can't get it. the gun reference kind of points towards suicide but it has to do with masturbation. neat

[QUOTE=pixiesfanyo]No, I just reread the pieces after WHOVOODOO wanted a crit, and I put some minor changes. I didn't do it to win?

I can change it back if you want...[/QUOTE]

They're your votes. Do whatever you want.

I just don't understand how i dropped 3 ranks. Pardon me if I still believe it was for your gain.

[QUOTE=k.s.e.]They're your votes. Do whatever you want.

I just don't understand how i dropped 3 ranks. Pardon me if I still believe it was for your gain.[/QUOTE]

Well, if I had put points it would've been alot easier to see. Because I'd rate all the songs equally. But as a read back over them I saw some subtle differences that pushed DD's and Silence's songs ahead of yours. Sorry if it seemed like for my gain. :(

Is internet really that important?

I can change your rate once again just so lose by more points so what.

uuhh LC drama over here

I will get round to voting soon. I just find it strange how two or three people can rank me so high and the rest so low. Thanks to anyone who voted me first, it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Tell me if we're done and if so who is DQ'd.

[QUOTE=Crimsonpunk]I will get round to voting soon. I just find it strange how two or three people can rank me so high and the rest so low. Thanks to anyone who voted me first, it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.[/QUOTE]

Difference of opinion..

Disco - My song was about a Christian friend of mine who was contemplating suicide by crashing her car. She lost her parents recently, and wants to "join them in heaven". That should explain the first verse. The rest is basically me reasoning with her about why she shouldn't. The second verse is about how the golden pearly gates are really faded and that the priests just are fighting and hiding the truth. The third verse was relating the materialistic nature of Christmas to the death of religion, but was mostly setting up for the fourth verse, saying even as the materialism tramples over religion, it doesn't "end the world" or change much of anything. The final verse should be self-explanatory at this point. I didn't think it was a difficult thing to comprehend..

dun dun dun Drama...

Anyhow, yes this LC went from boring to very, very surprisingly dramatic.

[QUOTE=pixiesfanyo]Difference of opinion..[/QUOTE]
Wait, is that legal?

i'm guessing.

i'll post a new word soon.