[quote]Band practice/recording studio for low badget. Help me pay my rent.

Messa Boogie MK3 stack. Small Guitar Amps, Belinger Bass Amp, PA and Drums. Are you by yourself? We have musicians available to help your project. And I can record band live with Zoom recorder and mastering on Cuebase and make your CD.

This is not business. I just need to come up some money to keep this place. Please SERIOUS MUSICIANS only.[/quote]


This is an interesting one. While they say upfront that it's not really a business, they also insist on "SERIOUS" musicians only. Here's my question: what would compel a serious musician to pay to practice at somebody's house? If they were serious, wouldn't they already have that aspect figured out?

Also, I think its strange that if you're trying to compel people to come give you money to SAVE YOUR HOME, that you'd misspell the name of virtually every product you mention. My impression of this ad is that it's probably a situation I want to avoid, not only to save my money but possibly for safety's sake.

[quote]Professional Recording Studio in [B][location redacted][/B] Our Studio is an audio production house We do voice-over recording, music vocal recording and production, audio post and sound design for radio ads, TV commercials, film corporate video, podcasts, CD-ROMS - well, you get the picture. However, our particular niche is that we a one stop shop for all your recording needs @very reasonable, negotiable prices.[/quote]


To be blunt, your particular niche can't be "we do everything you need." That's the oppostie of a niche. This type of thing makes me think you're completely bullpoopting me, even if it happens that you aren't.

Also, those missing periods are not typos, that's the original text of the ad in full, save the redaction. I don't normally trip up over punctuation, but the lack of periods gave me a lot more difficulty to read this ad than I might've expected.

Here's one that really caught my eye.

Title is "dj/musician seeks manager"

[quote]
music is like a puzzle you gotta have a talent to put notes or songs together......hypothetically say i had a gig djing on new years....... break by three days grace........poker face by lady gaga.............favorite disease by rev theory would be on my play list.........i like a dark, classy, mature(well somewhat mature it is a party...lol)crowd ............im very passionate about music always have been.........my chinese zodiac is the dragon.........that means im honest and brave i would expect you to be........i have nothing to lose only focused on music...........i dont wanna grow old being like that guy in that movie clerks working in the mall or deliverying pizza all my life.............. [/quote]I think this is a classic example of a bad ad. Not only is punctuation distracting, but it's hard to follow the train of thought in the first place. There's not a much mention of ideal qualities in a potential manager beyond "honest" (one would hope so) and "brave" (whatever that means). Absolutely zero discussion of business aspects. Instead, there is rambling about what an ideal gig would be, the Chinese zodiac, and sharing fear of a career in pizza delivery.

This is one of those ads where if I was a manager seeking clients and I saw it, I'd have no idea what was going on and move along down the chain.

Short version of this lesson: make sure if somebody reads your ad, the first reaction isn't "what the ****?"

How NOT to advertise yourself
 

you have to laugh. everything deserves to be laughed at, and if you cant laugh at yourself you cant laugh at anything.

also, my current theme song is El Rey de los Chingones by Chingon, so, yeah.

Title is "new at [B][name redacted][/B], promote yourself free."

[quote]New at [B][name redacted][/B], promote yourself free. [B][name redacted] [/B]will promote you free, here is how. You have a music video? we will tag it & upload it to multiple sites for free. Don't have a music video? No problem we make them for $180 you will get a professional studio recording, video, 2 Cd's and one DVD of you doing your song. We will then promote you as mentioned above for free. We also offer the following services through [B][name redacted][/B]: Arranging, mix down, Entire song, you pick the topic or person to be about. Music to your lyrics, lyrics to your music, Voice, harmonies, or any and all instruments to your song. Arranging, mix down, Cd made of your song, Studio recording, Music video your song, Get any or all of these services & much more.. when it comes to music there is nothing we can't do and nothing we don't offer, just ask. [B][contact info redacted][/B]. We are on multiple websites, we have a lot of places watching our videos & downloading our videos, if you want to check out our Internet presence, see how many places we are, and decide weather you want to be a part of this also, simply cut this: [B][name redacted][/B] then paste it into google. Contact [B][name redacted][/B] at: [B][contact info redacted][/B]. We offer other services as well, we can really bring out the best in all your music & vocals... Mention this ad and you will receive an additional $20 off. Give us a call to find out what we offer, and if we could be of service to you. [/quote]


First the good here: check out all those info redactions. This ad does a very good job of making sure you know who's trying to get your attention and how to get ahold of them once they have it.

However, this is offset by the collosally bad mistake of not making it clear exactly what is being offered and for how much money. It's true that they list off a huge amount of services available, but strange capitalization and repeat list items make me wonder if there isn't some sort of "sub-grouping" of that list that are offered as packages (for instance, a group of services for audio production and another for video production). Other than 1 music video for $180, I have no idea what sort of work can be done.

Also, the advertisement is titled with free services being promoted, but then if you mention the ad you can get $20 off. Does this mean that you'll pay me $20 to work with you?

This is to say nothing of the promotion services they're offering: uploading to "multiple websites" and nothing else is the equivalent of nothing at all (you can upload videos to YouTube, Google Videos, MySpace, and Facebook all on your own). There's no desirable service being advertised. Then again, they are offering it for a big fat $0 fee, so maybe that's the point.

Lastly, having multiple web site locations isn't terrible, but you should probably have one central location that people can check out that will link to the others (such as Soundclick, YouTube, MySpace, Facebook, etc.). That primary site should be the one you Making people google search your name to find you doesn't come off as professional at all.

A $180 music video is almost guaranteed to be terrible quality.

[quote]Hi all I am trying to fill up the months of Dec and Jan. as we speak I have 2 weeks still available in dec.
$35/hr is a steal for what i can offer. I have a full logic pro setup and most of the gear you would need minus a drum set. I will also help produce your songs to a level that you could never get anywhere else at this price let alone anywhere in [B][location redacted][/B]. If budgets are a concern then I can always work out some sort of package deal up front on a case by case.

[B] [contact info redacted][/B]

PS. you dont have to pay outrageous studio prices to get that radio read sound. 80% of it is the guy you are working with. Its kinda like "oh look at me I got all this fancy gear but I cant play worth a s**t" (which is what I would say 90% of these studios are)
Personally I would rather work with Hendrix on a squire than Joe Shmoe on a Les Paul.

Use your head, save money , and get a superior product![/quote]

[I][NOTE: profanity has been censored by me instead of auto-filters: the automatic filter in this case might obscure meaning][/I]

If this sort of jive sounds familiar, it's because this is the same poster from October claiming he can "kick the s**t out of most studios in the area."

The song and dance hasn't changed here, but I think it's interesting that he's going the "huge claim route" when he's basically begging to fill up 6 weeks of time (2 weeks in December, and presumably all of January) and still isn't offering samples or links to samples to back it up.

And just to continue harping on the idea: DON'T go the route of saying you're the best by claiming everybody else sucks! Not only is it a claim you cannot [I]possibly[/I] back up, but it looks very unprofessional.

This is exacerbated by further exaggerating the claims: "help produce your songs to a level that you could never get anywhere else at this price let alone anywhere in [B][location redacted][/B]." This is one of those claims that has me saying "who the hell do you think you are?"

Title is "DEC/JAN STUDIO SPECIAL!!!"

[quote]Do you want to work with a team with a proven track record in recording, mixing, and mastering some of the best work done in [B][location redacted][/B]? Whether its a demo, mixtape, or album we have the most competitive packages in the area. We will work with all budgets and let you know up front what we can do for you. Don't hesistate to get prepared for the fall with these special offers and more. For the months of August thru November you can recieve non-exclusive rights to use one original track from our production team for your project with the purchase of our five hour block special of $175.00!!! That's five hours of recording and one original track from one [B][location redacted][/B]'s best production teams in the business. You don't want to miss this. Hurry and book your session!!! Dates are filling fast!!![/quote]



On the whole, this is probably one of the better ads (as usual, ignoring spelling/grammar issues). In fact, I've been seeing it since about July and have never really given it a second thought.

Until today: see if you can spot why? What if I told you it was posted 12/01/2009? If they aren't going to pay enough attention to their [I]own ad[/I] to make sure it makes any sense, why would a potential client expect them to pay any attention to anything else that they should be paying attention to (like what's happening on the board)?

[quote=gaslight;17674460]A $180 music video is almost guaranteed to be terrible quality.[/quote]
Unless it's Meatplow's Catfight On A Hotdog videos.

Title is "Recording Studio Intern position"

[quote]Looking for possible intern candidates. As I'm not interested in training from the ground up (read: some experience necessary) please be familiar with and OWN protools in some form or another. I don't care if it's an mbox, mini, or a manual- familiarity with how PT's works, key commands, and editing are a must. Signal chain knowledge a plus. I would like this to be a "hands on" internship for the right person but not at the expense of slowing down clients or sessions.

Prefer someone who is available a couple days of week and is able to be here the duration of the session day. (typically 10-12 hours). This is NOT a paid position. Position is suitable for someone looking to enhance their engineering skills and could provide a studio base for projects that they find and bring in by providing a reduced day rate.

Please provide resume and links to projects/audio. Please detail your involvement with the audio you send. (engineer, producer, musician, assistant, etc)

Studio information: [B][info redacted - website only][/B]

Studio is located in [B][location redacted] [/B]and is primarily involved with Rock sessions. Big drums, big guitars. You get the picture- if this isn't your cup of tea, please don't respond. NO phone calls please.[/quote]


Overall, this ad isn't terrible: it's a bitch position, but they're upfront about it. The terms don't seem that uncommon for starting upaid studio internships from what I've heard. The big difference being that they're sort of out in the sticks (without giving away too much location info), and these are the sorts of terms you'd expect to see for this type of position in say, New York City, where there's a huge amount of competition for these upaid gigs.

Two big sirens for me though:

(01) They expect you to be familiar with and [I]own[/I] Pro Tools, but they don't spell the product's name correctly. That doesn't inspire a lot of confidence that they know what they're talking about to help take an unpaid position under them.

(02) "NO phone calls please." Well, for starters, they didn't list a phone number or leave any direct contact info, just the website. Not that weird on its own, since it is CL, but specifically saying "don't call us about this" comes as odd to me. Possibly even a little shady.

interesting thread, i've never looked that hard at adverts but know I seem how some of them go wrong

maybe I'll have a gander on the net for bad ad's later hah

this thread is hillarious....

[quote]We're a team of produers, and we love music. Plus we are all very experienced in producing, and recording. Now a lot off other labels would make you come to them, but we will come to you, or you can come to or base studio in [B][location info redacted][/B]. what ever you decide is more convent for you we are here to accommodate your needs. so call us now and set up an appointment we also have flat prices for whole demos and albums. ask for [B][name and phone info redacted] [/B]or email us for more info.[/quote]



I don't normally talk about spelling and grammar in these ads, since they're usually pretty bad, but this is one where I think the point needs to be made: if you can't write a coherent sentence, get somebody who can. An occasional spelling error is probably forgiveable on craigslist. But after about 2 spelling/grammar errors in a 15-sentence ad, you've pretty much given a crappy first impression.

The other thing that really gets me about this ad is that there isn't any concrete info provided. The title [I]does[/I] happen to specify "STUDIO RATES AS LOW AS $10 AN HOUR ALL YEAR ROUND," but that doesn't say what sort of client could get that rate. Presumably some projects (if not most) would be more expensive.

Also, are they producers or a recording studio? Those aren't necessarily the same thing. Are they a label, or a recording studio? Again, not necessarily the same. This is totally relevent, because different roles will have different long-term interests in the project. There's a big difference between hiring an engineer for a session and recording for a fledgling label.

[QUOTE=Moseph;17619289]Not a studio this time, somebody looking to form a band.

Title is "S[SIZE=2]EMI PRO/PRO MUSICIANS WANT TO START A PROG METAL/DOOM/SLUDGE BAND???"[/SIZE]





Just in general, this isn't the kind of thing you want to post if you're looking for somebody to play with. Essentially, you go out of your way to eliminate as many possible musicians in your immediate area as possible, without really specifying what you [I]do[/I] want.

The age thing in particular is especially strange. Here's a tip, don't require that any applicant be between 25-35 when you yourself are 34. What, you're gonna quit the band in the next 24 months on principle?

Also, telling us who is and isn't influential is insulting, and in some cases completely wrong. At minimum, Radiohead have influenced a metric crap-ton of musicians. Clearly style wasn't considered in those lists either: The Cars are obviously pop; Megadeth is clearly a shred lead guitar band; about 80% of the "influential" list are easily called mainstream (which the poster said was a no-no).[/QUOTE]

Sounds like a big joke to me, to be honest. Y'know, a few metalheads messing around and acting like elitists :lol: I could be wrong though

Okay, this one is titled "COLLABOS/PRODUCER/STUDIO NEEDED"

Let that sink in for a second. Maybe re-read it. What do you think the point of the ad is?

Okay, here's the actual text of it...

[quote]STUDIO:
WE CHARGE $10 PER HR....
CHEAPEST DEAL YOU CAN GET NOW A DAYS
WE PRODUCE YOUR MUSIC..
WE WON'T TRY TO CHANGE YOUR OWN UNIQUE SOUND

IF YOU WANT TO COLLAB WITH ANY OF OUR 20 ARTISTS..
THERE IS A $5 FEE...ONLY IF YOU ARE REFERING A FRIEND WHO'S PAYING
AND THERE WITH YOU, WILL YOU BE EXEMPT FROM THE COLLAB FEE.

SO DOING 4 SONGS FOR YOUR ALBUM OR MIXTAPE MAY ONLY COME
UP TO $10-$20 NOT INCLUDING PROFESSIONAL R&B/RAP COLLABS WITH OUR ARTISTS.
WE ARE LOCATED IN [B][city name redacted][/B].
A FEW MINUTES WALK FROM THE STATION ITSELF.

WE HAVE PROTOOLS SOFTWARE (USED BY YOUNGMONEY/CASHMONEY/GUNIT/AND MORE)
WE ARE NOT HERE TO BREAK YOUR POCKETS.

WILL EVEN DO YOUR MIXTAPE/ALBUM COVER FOR AN ADDITIONAL $20
GIVE ME A CALL OR TXT TO: [B][contact info redacted][/B] [/quote]



Just to get it out of the way, we do have the usual: bad spelling (including homonym confusion), bad grammar, all caps text, misspelling "Pro Tools." None of that is instilling my faith that this $10/hour operation has their act together.

But hopefully you also noticed, like I did, that the title suggests they're [I]looking[/I] for somebody/someplace for collaboration and recording, instead of [I]offering[/I] this, which is what the text actually says. That to me is the first thing that's confusing about the ad.

The second big thing is that, even at these pretty low prices, I have no idea what their pricing structure actually is. Specifically, how does this "COLLAB FEE" work? You need to bring the referral in on-site, and they have to pay for your session too? Do you both have to pay? That part isn't very clear to me. The possible confusion between "there" and "they're" that seems to exist doesn't help matters either.

Lastly, while there is indeed a train station in their city, the redacted info doesn't make mention of it, and the next line references it in a way that is confusing if you weren't already aware of it.

Lastly, the redacted contact info does include a "name", which I'm hoping is a nickname (if not, then I feel pretty sorry for the poster of this ad). I'm thinking their actual name is something like "Paul" or "Peter" or "Percival", because the ad says to contact "PEE." Now, if you shorten your name to the initial "P", and that's what people call you, I can see how this might not seem weird to you. However, generally speaking, professionals don't go by names that also mean "urine," or any other bodily function. Even with all the crazy names in the rap community, I probably wouldn't want to work with a guy named "DJ PinchLoaf." There [I]are[/I] some different constraints on professional monikers compared to more casual ones.

haha that's crazy, i couldn't get my head around what the hell they were talking about with the referral business, do they have a website?

They didn't give one in the ad. Though they did list a non-generated email and gave a phone number, so contact isn't impossible.

Yeah that's pretty bad, everything is all over the place. Sentence structure is atrocious.

[QUOTE=Moseph;17750293] But after about 2 spelling/grammar errors in a 15-sentence ad, [b]you've pretty given a crappy first impression[/b].

[/QUOTE]

I don't feel I need to point out the irony here. However it appears I just have...

I hope it was intentional.

[quote=Motleyguy;17753393]I don't feel I need to point out the irony here. However it appears I just have...

I hope it was intentional.[/quote]


WHOOPS!

Oh, well. Can't win 'em all. Fixed now.

Don't say, "If you have 3:30 minutes..."

Title is "Music Studio in [B][location redacted][/B]"

Before the quote, I'm just gonna say that this ad uses a whole bunch of words to say practically nothing. For that reason, I'm breaking it down into quoted sub-sections. However, the quoted sections, when strung together, will form the ad verbatim, minus the line spacing between paragraphs.


[quote]Everyone and they're grandma rap's now a days.

Everyone wants to be part of the "industry".

What i feel some people fail to comprehend is that it is not for everyone!

Just cause you can write down a few words and the last word happens to rhyme does not mean you are a rapper! It also does not mean that there is someone out there who wants to listen to what your saying! [/quote]



Okay, this is kind of a long intro, and as always the spelling/grammar isn't 100%, but I think everyone's hanging in there so far...


[quote]With that being said, i would like to introduce myself. I am as legit as it get's. One of [B][location redacted][/B]'s only "artist" who's a 100% with it. I am part of what i consider a "Secret Society" for that reason i am extremely secretive! I am not known but that is by choice! I was preparing everything and now it is time to let the "Files out the briefcase".[/quote]



Here's the first left turn. This paragraph starts with "i would like to introduce myself", but there is literally zero actual introduction. We still don't know your name, we don't know what you look like (there are no pics in the ad), you don't give any past work history. In fact, you also say "I am not known but that is by choice!" What exactly does this mean? Does it mean that you're actively avoiding recognition for your work, so you have well-known works under a pseudonym or released anonymously? Or does it mean that you're a newcomer to the field? Which do you think the reader is gonna assume is most likely?

More importantly, the "secret society" talk is just plain weird. If we think you're crazy, why would you assume that means we want anything to do with you, especially if we don't know you from Adam?


[quote]Do you know someone who has a studio in [B][location redacted][/B]? I mean as legit as it comes kind of studio. I do not mean your Mic stand set up in your mothers basement. I mean a studio!

If your willing to work with something spectacular that may help you benefit from the finishing make's feel free to reply to this. Also if you can have some type of audio of worked you have already done? And also possibly what kind of money your looking for? That would be great.

What programs do you use? What kind of music do you really enjoy mixing?
For i rap. Not the "Shoot em up bang bang i get money" kind of rapper though. [/quote]


This is the closest thing to the "meat" of the ad we get: he's looking for somebody to record him, and he wants some info from any prospects. Here's the thing though, his only description for an acceptable "studio" are "I mean as legit as it comes kind of studio" and "I do not mean your Mic stand set up in your mothers basement." These aren't terribly descriptive terms. A mic stand isn't even remotely a studio: a mic stand doesn't satisfy any functional requirements of a studio (i.e., capture signal, store a signal, playback of live/recorded signal).

To be fair, the ad is pretty upfront about the info sought, which is good. But it took kind of a long time to get here, and the stuff that came before was on the verge of idiotic bravado and rhetoric. Make the good impression first, then you might be able to get away with all the grandiose nonsense (though I'd suggest just skipping that part altogether).

Also, can anyone interpret "If your willing to work with something spectacular that may help you benefit from the finishing make's feel free to reply to this" for me? Who exactly is supposed to reply?


[quote]Do not miss out on an opportunity! Once i find the correct studio it will be "curtains" like they say.[/quote]


Here's where he loses me for good. If he wants to roll with the big boys, he shouldn't make [I]them[/I] come to [I]him[/I]. They can get work already. That's why they're the big boys.


[quote]For those wondering. I happen to be a "fly guy"/"Modern day hippie". Let's build something! Please be a smoke friendly engineer lol.[/quote]


Here's strike two, in my eyes: a "smoke friendly engineer" better not mean "I want to smoke tobacco and/or drugs in your studio." Smoke is probably the #1 fastest way to completely ruin your equipment (mics in particular) over time. Not to mention that a pro studio probably wants to deal with non-smoking clientele. If the studio stinks that's a major turn-off to non-smoking potential clients. If you want to smoke during the session, you better take that outside. If you decide that "no smoking" is a deal-breaker for working in my studio, well then, good riddance.


[quote]Maybe you have all the right set up but all the wrong people over! That's why you see no real progress. If your reading this and this is your case, make a change today. Reply.

If money is what your after our relationship may not work. Not that the money isn't there. It's just i would like to meet someone who has a passion for making great quality music!!!![/quote]


Another big thing: downplaying the money angle suggests you want something for cheap, or possibly free. Not a hard angle to find, but if you also want a "legit" studio, they're probably more interested in keeping the lights on in the short term than maybe finding the "next big thing" in the long term. Also keep in mind that in the long term, if you do make it big, you're liable to up and leave and never work in that studio again.


[quote] If things are a 1000% good on your end, we can talk numbers.

What i listen to - Lupe,Nas,Currensy,Wiz khalifa,Styles P,Cassidy,Blu,j.Cole,Mos Def,Jay Elec.,Jada,Ransom & so on. Hopefully that helps you with what im into. [/quote]


Are you only willing to pay if things are "1000% good" on the part of the studio? Well, what if we're not "1000% good" about you? There's always give and take in a professional environment. Particularly if you're trying to find somebody who's willing to work with you beyond the money issue, why shouldn't you be expected to conform a little bit as well?

Gee that one was just bad. The guy is so full of himself. Secret Society my ***.

I'll be posting an ad for drum lessons, when I do I'll let someone here rip me up on it :)

i bet that guy is really bad at engineering

[QUOTE=Moseph;17765743]LAST POST[/QUOTE]

haha that was entertaining

he's a fly guy, who wouldnt wanna help him out?

Title is "NEED TO LEARN ABLETON LIVE ASAP"
[U]
[/U][quote]I HAVE A HOME STUDIO THATS NOT BEING PUT TO USE BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE MY EQUIPMENT. I NEED SOMEONE TO TEACH ME HOW TO USE ABLETON LIVE. I DONT HAVE A BIG BUDGET TO PAY FOR LESSONS SO THIS IS WHAT I PROPOSE. IM OFFERING MY STUDIO FREE OF CHARGE TO WORK ON YOUR PERSONAL PROJECTS IN RETURN ALL I ASK FOR IS LESSONS. IF INTERESTED PLEASE CONTACT ME ASAP. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. [B][contact info redacted][/B][/quote]

There are only two real issues with this ad. The first is the Caps Lock key, which I'm pretty sure is something that is never going away with some posters.

The second however, is a little flawed logic. While I think this is a genuine mistake, it's not particularly likely that somebody who knows the software you use well enough to teach you won't have a copy for themselves, and thus is already able to work on their own projects. The only real thing this poster can bank on is that their home studio has better functionality than that of the tutor's. I don't see that being very likely.

I also find it weird why he has a studio yet doesn't know how to use the software. You'd think he'd start slow and build his way up and if he couldn't figure it out with modest equipment he wouldn't continue buying stuff. Maybe he killed the guy who owned the studio before him? :D

Nah, not that weird. Ableton Lite comes with a lot of interfaces, including smaller ones (I know it came with my M-Audio MobilePre and I think also with the E-mu 0404).

I've seen ads for "studio recording" on CL that shows photos of a studio that consists of a Shure KSM27 and a Tascam US-122 (the old one), with M-Audio BX5 speakers and some 61-key keyboard MIDI controller. The threshold isn't that high for folks to call it a "studio."

There's also education edition software that knocks the prices down considerably if you qualify for it.

This one I thought was interesting not because of how ridiculous it was, but mostly because of what I think is an easy-to-overlook logical flaw.

Okay, where here's my recent posting!

[QUOTE]To anybody who wants to pick up the sticks or anybody who needs some guidance and direction in their learning of this trade, but who can't afford the high costs of instruction from the masters:

Justin Radford is now offering drum and percussion lessons aimed at the beginner player. Weekly lessons, $15/half hour or $25/hour lessons. Located out of Damascus, OR (just minutes from Gresham, SE Portland, and Clackamas). Specializing in concert and rudimental percussion, and drumset based on the rock/funk/swing/latin styles. All ages welcome!

Check out more details at [B][info redacted][/B][/QUOTE]

Let 'er rip!

Okay, this is two ads, and these are the type that just make we think to myself "Gadzooks" (I'm serious, that was [I]actually[/I] my reaction: I acknowledge this is weird).

First one is titled 'Profesional "New" Studio Recording(Best Bang For Your Buck in [B][location redacted][/B])'

[quote]Professional Recording, Mix and Master, Rent Studio By The Hour & Make Beats On Best Production Set UP IN Town!!!
Over 17,000 Sounds.... and over 5 stacks in Plug Ins Just for sounds.
IF You Make Beats Make One Here And You Will Never Want To Make A Beat Anywhere Other Than Our Studio!!!
Our Engineer's Have Degrees In Music From Top Five Schools In The Country And Will Assist You Throughout Your Session. "GREAT RATES" FOR THE QUALITY!!!
If You Already Have Finished Songs or Beats? We Can Make Them Sound Better!!!
No!!! ONE!!! Will Match Our Quality Or Sound For The Price!!!
IF YOU NEED CRACK!!! NOT BEATS!!!! CRACK!!! ONE OF THE BEST PRODUCERS IN THE COUNTRY IS APART OF OUR STAFF!!!
WE SCORE FILM, GAME AUDIO, AND AUDIO BOOK'S
Prices May Very, Must Call For Rates....Businessman Only or Dont Call
[B][contact infor redacted][/B]
"Proverbs 12:22" [/quote]


Okay, let's knock this one out one at a time. First, the spelling: I always find a tasty bit of irony seeing the word "Profesional" plastered across something. This isn't even a homonym, pretty much every spell-checker will catch it (they're even putting spell-check in Internet browsers now). It's basically a hilarious shot in the foot.

Next, the Grammar issues. I understand the use of exclamation points. You want us to get excited about your product, so you make it seem like [I]you're excited[/I] about it. But don't punctuate your ad like you're the narrator of a used car dealership...


[quote]"No!!! ONE!!! Will Match Our Quality Or Sound For The Price!!!"[/quote]


Really? We're supposed to take you seriously after you deliver this sentence? What were you [I]thinking[/I]?

Then there's the other big grammar issue: I actually would prefer all caps to the all capitalized words situation: ALL CAPS is way easier to read than Capitalizing Each And Every Word For No Freaking Reason. At least they switched it up in mid-stream to accommodate me on that.

Also, the use of quotes is bothersome. The title says it's a "New" studio. Is that a euphemism for something else? What else could you mean except for "new" anyway? Oh, and you're offering "GREAT RATES"? Oh: '"GREAT RATES" FOR THE QUALITY." My bad.

Is there anyone reading this who doesn't see those quotes and think, "Are they being sarcastic? Do these rates actually suck?"

Next, "Over 17,000 Sounds" and "5 stacks in Plug Ins" just sounds like a lot of crap to wade through. The purpose of a good collection is to be versatile but well-managed. Yes having a metric crap-ton of software might sound impressive to somebody who doesn't know what they're doing. Those are the same people who will quickly become frustrated by having [I]way too many[/I] choices to sift through to make a beat.

But here's the part where it really gets weird to me...

[quote]IF YOU NEED CRACK!!! NOT BEATS!!!! CRACK!!! ONE OF THE BEST PRODUCERS IN THE COUNTRY IS APART OF OUR STAFF!!![/quote]


Is "crack" slang for something [I]other[/I] than crack-rock cocaine? I'm serious about that question: I'm kind of a square, and don't really follow music styles that use beats (i.e., hip-hop and electronic). Maybe it's just me. But I'm [I]pretty sure[/I] you just offered to sell me drugs.

And now that I think of it, it also appears that your major qualification for "ONE OF THE BEST PRODUCERS IN THE COUNTRY" is the ability to get "CRACK." Are all the best producers in the country also drug dealers? Does dealing drugs make them a good producer, or...how does that work?


Anyway, the second ad is from the same folks, posted about 3 minutes later. This one is titled 'Studio "Brand New" Straight Crack!!!'

[quote]LISTEN TO THE REST!!!!!!!!!
THEN COME AND CHECK OUR SWAG!!!!!!!
THE PROOF IS EVIDENT!!!!!!!
OUR WORK SPEAKS FOR ITSELF!!!!!!!!
"YOU NAME IT" WE CAN DO IT!!!!!
Be About Your Business..........
[B][contact info redacted][/B][/quote]



[I]Again,[/I] with the crack? And the weird-*** quotations? And did the exclamation point key get stuck or something? The "it's one or none rule" does apply to pretty much all formal language, though 3 exclamation points ("!!!") does seem to be used to up the excitement factor in advertisement. But any more than three isn't adding to the excitement, it's just cluttering up your ad and making you look like a clown.

In another slang-related gaffe (that might be my fault because I'm not hip) they're trying to get us excited about their "SWAG." Again, somebody feel free to correct me on this, but isn't "swag" free promotional items like t-shirts, pens, and bumper stickers? Is that something to get excited about with a recording studio?

Here's the actual big problem with this ad though: they clearly say they sound the best and you should check them out. There's no further contact info beyond the CL-generated email and a redacted phone number. No website. No samples. No client listing. You can huff and puff all damn day about how you're the best and you only work with the best, but the very first thing a client is gonna do is just ask to see some results. Kind of a "where's the beef?" sort of thing. In this day and age, if I have to call you, to [I]arrange[/I] to listen to your tracks, that's just an extra step in the process for me as a potential client. Certainly a step that a professional wouldn't have to worry about: they'd have [I]something[/I] readily available, be it a demo reel or just a list of past projects.

Also, the "YOU NAME IT" in quotes like that, it seems a little suggestive to me (maybe because I'm still thrown off by the crack references). What exactly are you offering, here? My mind wanders to murder, drugs and prostitution. I guess it's nice that you might be very accommodating to your clients, but at some point you've surpassed "full service" and hit a point of "too much service" for a recording studio. The fact that this is an Internet-posted ad makes this lack of availability even more exaggerated to me.

Lastly, each ad has some line about "business" at the end there, which is sort of a weird after-thought to include.