Wow, seems like there is a lotta f*ckin pr1cks on here. feed, I personally thought it was a very good song. Not exactly your usual, prolly even better. And wow, these people are pissing me off just reading it..

I'm dragged out inside and i can never see light
Your face in my eyes i can not sleep tonight
I think its a very good line.. Maybe if you cut out some of the suicide stuff, it'll be a better love song, it takes something from it. Gives it a rougher edge I guess. Or keep it if thats the effect you were looking for.. But anyways, I think it'd make a good song if it wasn't slipknot styled.. A slow song wouldnt kill you ;) Anyways, good job, the song rocked 8.5/10

thank you jess. you are INCREDIBLY cool. this isnt my style at all, but im quite in love with my girlfriend and she is pretty much everything to me. the suicide references are REAL so, im not gonna take them out and it adds an edge to the song that i want to keep. but still, thanks Jess you're mad cool

lol, oh fun, I'm *cool* lol.. Nah, jp.. The edge is awesome, I was just givin up some ideas. once I find my lyric book back (Gawd, my floor swallowed it) Then I'll leave you a few sites for mine ^.^

mad cool dudette :thumb:

I don't understand your point fisQar.....

Crit ok..next post

No rythm and I was choking on the rhyme. Seemed like your average cliché love/suicide song as written, but I find most of them end up that way as well. There's some really good lines in there but theres about an equal ammount of very cliché one's, too. You could really be helped out by reading some blank verse poetry and learning that style, anyone can rhyme but it takes skill to have rythm. You do have some good material to work off though and I think if you learned rhthm it could be a kick great song and would definately score some points with your girlfriend.