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****ing sheeep shagger

SHEEP

Wales, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous...

Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a fence in Wales?
A: A leisure center.

Q. What do you call a Welshman with many girlfriends?
A. A Shepherd.

Q. Did you hear that Welsh people have discovered a new use for sheep?
A. Wool.

Old Jones' nickname
A man moves to a village in Wales and gets talking to an old man from the village.
He asks the old man what his name is, but the old man gets very irate at this point and says:
- See that line of houses over there? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the house builder? Do they hell!
- See those railway lines over there? I laid them all, but do they call me Jones the engineer? Do they hell!
- See those bridges over that river? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the bridge builder? Do they hell!
- But, a long long time ago, I ****ed ONE sheep...

VILLAGE LIFE

Marriage

Do you know that Mary just got married yesterday?
- oh, God, is she pregnant?
No..
- well, that's posh...

Wales' second airport

The Welsh Assembly announced recently the opening of Wales's second airport, the Gurnos Estate International Airport in Merthyr Tydfil.
The first flight to arrive was the 11.50 Virgin Airlines Cross-Atlantic flight from America. The people from Gurnos estate were so excited that they raced to meet the flight, as it was the first Virgin seen in the area for 20 years.
The return journey to America was due for departure at 12.30, but it was delayed because when the pilot went to the aircraft he found it up on blocks and stripped to the bone. As a result every house in the Gurnos now has a new hall carpet, every lounge now has a reclining chair, every bed has new pillow cases, and Mrs Bowen who is living on the end of the street has a new number for the house, number 747.

The Welsh Spy

Not long after the Cold War began, it so happened that a socialist Welshman - John Jones by name - was in London. He happened to be sitting in a park one day when a man in a trench coat came and sat beside him.
- Voud you be interested in spying on ze Briddish? asked the stranger in a thick Russian accent.
- "Sure I would, boyo", said John Jones cheerfully. "For we Welsh have been oppressed for years. I'm on your side!"
- Very well... Ze password vill be, "Ze geese fly high over ze frozen pond while ze sun shines." Got that?
- "Right you are", says John. '"Ze geese fly high over ze frozen pond while ze sun shines. What do I have to do now?"
- Nuzzing for ze moment... Ve vill activate you ven ve haf need of you. It may be a year, it may be 10 years, but ve vill. Vill you be ready? You vill remember ze password?
- "I will", said John eagerly, and returned to his small home village in Wales.

Although John waited eagerly, the call never came.
Ten years, twenty, thirty ... until 1999, when a command came from the Russian HQ to activate agent John Jones immediately. A Russian agent headed for the little village where John Jones lived, only to find there were 300 John Joneses listed for the area. He scratched his head and decided that he would go to the local pub and try the password until he found his man.

So, the Russian agent headed off to the local pub and ordered a pint of beer. He saw a man standing alone at one end of the counter, and thought he might as well begin. He sidled across to the solitary drinker, watching the crowd about him with cautious eyes.
- Nice evening, said the Russian.
- "Yes", said the drinker.
- Is your name Jones? asked the Russian.
- "Yes", said the drinker.
- Funny, isn't it, said the Russian agent, the geese fly high over the wintry pond while the sun shines.
The drinker tossed back his beer and said:
- "It's not me you'll be wanting. You want Jones the spy, over by the window".
If you ever wondered where all the Davies's come from, there's a big factory outside Bridgend with a sign outside saying "Davies Manufacturing Co. Ltd."

One old Welsh family in Llandovery is very proud of its pedigree that covers five large skins of parchment. In the middle of the third page is a note in the margin "About this time the world was created."

Tourist in Barmouth: "Have you got anything in the shape of motor car tyres?" Storekeeper: "Oh, yes. We've got lifebuoys, invalid cushions, funeral wreaths and doughnuts."

When you can see the coast of Devon from Swansea it is going to rain. When you can't, it is raining already.

Sign outside a cafe in Rhyl. "Fish and chips 90p. Children 50p."

And the latest news from the Glamorgan county cricket ground at St. Helen's in Swansea: Two and a half inches of rain have fallen for seven runs.

The 'little trains of Wales' are famous for going up steep hills but they don't all have powerful engines. On one railway train, the engine is so weak that when the driver blows the whistle it stops the engine.

There's a sleepy little town in mid-Wales called Llandyfnod.

Father: "Now Baby say Dad, Da-da-da"
Mother: "Come on baba, say Mam, Mam-mam-mam"
Baby: "D-d-damn."

First Welshman: "How are you, I hope?" Second Welshman: "Thank you, no doubt."

A witness in a court case in North Wales was asked if he would like an interpreter. "No sir," he replied emphatically, "I speak two spokes."

A Welshman was loosing a golf match until his opponent badly sliced a crucial shot. "Ah", he exclaimed, "I'm afraid you're in the bunker, I hope."

Three Welshmen in a pub praising the beer:
First Welshman: "Best glass of beer I never tasted no better.'
Second Welshman: "So did I neither."
Third Welshman: "Neither did I too."

"Yes", said the proud mother, "our Evan is up in London learning pharmacy."

"Well, he needn't have gone all that way," replied Mrs. Jones the farm, "he could have come to our farm to learn and welcome."

Welsh Landlady: "Don't call them jugs, Mari, they are ewers." Maid: "Oh, thank you Mrs. Morgan, and are all these basins for me too?"

Notice outside London theatre: "The part of the Welshman has been filled. The Dai is cast."

A visitor to Llanrwst asked a local resident to direct him to the house of Mr. Evan Griffiths. The reply was: "You see those two houses at the top of the hill? Well, Mr. Griffiths lives in the middle one."

Two women in Splott were having an angry argument on the pavement when the daughter of one of them popped her head out of the window and shouted "Quick! mam, call her a thief before she calls you one."

Road sign in North Wales: "Yes, you can't!"