k your account was released gg

Anyway, i critiqued two pieces and you guys should go critique right about now.

>:[

can i go do harsh first impression critical crits i feel like doing that because i mostly dont like any songs lyrics

Yeah those are allowed and heavily reinforced

It helps you grow up as a lyricist and a male

i should be asleep, i also should start writing again.

writing is fun but i suck more than normal lately

I should stop writing stuff for my blogz.

'sup fred?

I just got me one of those Line6 Rifftracker thingies - once I've figured out how to register the damn thing, should be having all sorts of fun with that - might even get some songs recorded at long last!

Line 6 make cool stuff. I dig it.

Yeah, I've wanted one of their Spider amps for ages, but can't really justify stumping up for one. Figured if I get the rifftracker, it apparently models tons of guitars and amps really well, so it'll do the job quite nicely, as I'm not in a band at the moment, so have no other way of recording.

EDIT: wow, that was an exceptionally bad sentence re: grammar/use of commas, but it's 3am, so I don't care.

Yeah, typing at 3 am is not the best of ideas.

Hi.

Hi Toejam.

Yeah, wishing I was in bed, tbh but work calls and all that jazz.

i'm up for no good reason, again.

i did some shoddy crits and wrote something for the first time in months today.

it most likely sucks though, oh well.

Im up cause it's like midday here. Yay for time differences.

Awesome time differneces.

does anybody have any tips on how to free flow

Get good with grammar, try traditional methods like sylable counting...

oh god, tronn in s&l

that guy changes name like your average emo does their hair colour...

[QUOTE=california minimum wage;15695068]does anybody have any tips on how to free flow[/QUOTE]

Maybe you should get your prostate checked for blockages.


Sry bad jk. Had to be said tho.

so i havent written anything for months :(

whenever i try to write it sucks. more than usual.

Yer ive been writing ideas, sketching characters, plots and stuff for my novel im planning to write while entering a 500 word short story comp. I'm too busy atm. I get ideas, but then implant them toward those things rather than poetry. oh well.

I've been leaning towards prose more than poetry lately.

And I've started to read Naked Lunch. William Burroughs is insane.

I've heard good things about that book.

I've never heard of it, personally.

I can recall hearing about it, but details elude me.

What's it about surf?

I need your help with lyrics fitting in with music
 

I have lyrics for a song I made and also music but the problem is I don't know how to fit he lyrics in with the music or even sing with it any help. Im new here so any help will be great!

Music is here crappy midi version :[url]http://www.houndbite.com/?houndbite=1341[/url]

Lyrics here : It called Im just a man

I feel your pain
I hear your anger
I can see the stain of my memory
On your face.
Your love is much stronger than mine
I wish I could find the right thing to say

I know you'll be strong
I know you'll move on
Someday you'll see
Things are all wrong
All messed and tangled up

I want to be the man you see in me
But, my soul is broken
My lips are full
Of words that cannot be spoken
And the taste of your last kiss

I'll always remember the days
Remember the ones where we laughed
That first day your smile, captured my gaze
These are the memories I have
These are the memories I know

Im not the man
You thought I was
Not the man
You want me to be
Don't make me be
Who I am not
I'm just a man
Incomplete and broken

G# - C7 - Bm chord progression

Add blues solo

[QUOTE=Surf;15706941]I've been leaning towards prose more than poetry lately.

And I've started to read Naked Lunch. William Burroughs is insane.[/QUOTE]I've read it, crazy.

need help still
 

Hey The chords thing didnt help me much. I already made the music tho. Need help still! Also Im only 17 so dont get too much out of me

That's because they were very, very random chords.

What kind of vibe are you seeking for?

Sad?

Happy?

Ambient?

[QUOTE=bowl of oranges;15722248]I can recall hearing about it, but details elude me.

What's it about surf?[/QUOTE]

"Told by an Ivy League-educated narcotics addict, Naked Lunch juxtaposes two journeys: the narrator's physical progress from America to North Africa, via Mexico, and a terrifying descent into his own altered consciousness. In this "Interzone", loosely based on Burroughs' temporary home Tangier, sex, drugs and murder are the most basic of commodities, and the basest desires have become completely banal. Provocative, influential, morbidly fascinating and mordantly funny, Naked Lunch takes us on an exhilarating ride through the darkest recesses of the human psyche"

So basically its about heroin.


[QUOTE=Neoteric;15728079]I've read it, crazy.[/QUOTE]

I know. You can just use 'crazy' as a plot synopsis...

[QUOTE=emoo69;15729701] Also Im only 17 so dont get too much out of me[/QUOTE]

?



Edit: I haven't critted anything, due to holidays and deaths and snowboarding and laziness, but I might get around to something later

No, I already have the music. I just want to fitt it in with the lyrics, I dont know how it's going to work but yeah the song is about a girl I like for the past month but then she had to leave back to Australia last week because she was an exchange student. And it was very had for us to say goodbye. We both like each other but it couldn't be more because she had to leave soo soon. If you ever heard of love walks in by van halen I want it that style. please me! I'm dedicating this song to her.

Meh, I hate songs with dedicatory.

Hey she was very beautilful and a good kisser

Hope everyone had a good Christmas.

[QUOTE=emoo69;15731957]No, I already have the music. I just want to fitt it in with the lyrics, I dont know how it's going to work but yeah the song is about a girl I like for the past month but then she had to leave back to Australia last week because she was an exchange student. And it was very had for us to say goodbye. We both like each other but it couldn't be more because she had to leave soo soon. If you ever heard of love walks in by van halen I want it that style. please me! I'm dedicating this song to her.[/QUOTE]

Dude, for a start, give it strucuture. Your chords are just wack. No wonder you're not finding any rhythm or structure. Change the lyrics. Nothing you've got should be set in stone. Be prepared to change the music to fit the lyrics and vice versa.

[QUOTE=emoo69;15734463]Hey she was very beautilful and a good kisser[/QUOTE]
[I]In my eyes there is no other
You are perfect as open'd veins
In my eyes I see no other
You inspire the ugliest things

Lift me with your lifeless form
Drag me through Love's excrement
Caress me with cruell claws
Bless my pen with dreams and lies
Let me hold you in my sleep
Let me wake and damn this art

Ev'ry word bleeds from me
Just like a thousand wars
They aren't all beautiful

See through my eyes, poetry
Gouge my eyes with thorns
Breathe through my lungs, softly
I will breathe sea-water soon

Creation isn't beautiful
You inspire the ugliest things [/I]

[B][I][size=7]YOU INSPIRE THE UGLIEST THINGS[/size][/I][/B]

:lol: