[QUOTE=Steerpike]Working with eating disorders is very tricky. You can't negotiate with people like that. If you compliment them, they just keep doing it. They think it's working, or they think you're lying. If you try to bribe them, they resent you.

The first step is to act normal. Don't treat her differently because of her eating disorder. You still need to convince her to seek counceling. There's a reason professional therapists spend 6 or 7 years of education before getting their license to practice.[/QUOTE]
I'm not really treating her any different. She already gets compliments. Should I stop that? I'm waiting for her to call, 'cause I think we're going out tonight if her parents let her. Should I try to take her to get some food, or just stick to a movie or whatever?

[QUOTE=Damien Rhodes]I'm not really treating her any different. She already gets compliments. Should I stop that?[/quote]

Just act as if everything is normal.

[quote]Should I try to take her to get some food,[/QUOTE]

If that's what you would normally do, sure. But for god's sake, avoid like the plague any comments on what she does or doesn't eat. Even though you have to act normally, you need to remember that she's in an emotional state where she internalizes that sort of thing in the unhealthiest way imaginable.

[QUOTE=Damien Rhodes]I'm not too sure. I think bulimia is when the person purposely pukes and goes on binge dieting, while anorexia is where the person just refuses to eat.

And what do I do about the annoying girl?[/QUOTE]
I know what bulemia is..

Anorexia was just confusing me. I suppose I get it now.

Thanks Eli & Damien.

Why is so much trouble being invested in helping this girl?

Do you want to sleep with her or what?

[QUOTE=Tiger]Why is so much trouble being invested in helping this girl?

Do you want to sleep with her or what?[/QUOTE]
Because I'm somewhat interested in her, and she's a friend. It has nothing to do with sleeping with her.

I'm just going to act normal. I don't really see how that's going to help her get over it or anything, and I don't really want to bring the subject back up, but I'll suggest she gets professional help if I ever get a chance to.

[QUOTE=Tiger]Why is so much trouble being invested in helping this girl?

Do you want to sleep with her or what?[/QUOTE]

Generally, you can't really say your someone's friend if you show absolutely no interest whatsoever in their physical and mental health.

Oh okay.

Shes a friend. Well then, really, all of this beating around the bush with it is not going to help in any way, it will remain an issue that hurts her for a very long time, if not her entire life.

Get the girl helped now by a third party, or youre not acting like a friend at all, end of story.

That's already been established.

[QUOTE=Tiger]Oh okay.

Shes a friend. Well then, really, all of this beating around the bush with it is not going to help in any way, it will remain an issue that hurts her for a very long time, if not her entire life.

Get the girl helped now by a third party, or youre not acting like a friend at all, end of story.[/QUOTE]

In most cases, yes. But eating disorders work a little differently. Moreso than any other mental illness, people with these disorders will dig their heels in unless you use a very light touch.

It's extremely difficult to deal with, because they think that anyone trying to help them is only perpetuating their percieved physical inadequacies. You need to have their unconditional trust first. Once you have that, you need to very delicately persuade them to speak to a doctor and that's when they get help. It's a rough process.

Everytime I've ever seen or heard of anyone who immediately leaped on the problem of a friend or loved one's eating disorder as soon as it became apparent, they made it worse. That's why these disorders are still such huge problems.

You need to use tact. You can't just throw them at a doctor with all the finesse of a meatgrinder and expect it to work.

I think im getting bored of my gf. I just cant find anything to talk about anymore. She doesnt helo either cuz she doesnt talk that much either. Ugh.

[QUOTE=Aakon_Keetreh]I think im getting bored of my gf. I just cant find anything to talk about anymore. She doesnt helo either cuz she doesnt talk that much either. Ugh.[/QUOTE]
Do stupid stuff every day and then tell her about it. Just don't get in trouble.

[QUOTE=fuzzyhair]Do stupid stuff every day and then tell her about it. Just don't get in trouble.[/QUOTE]

I already do :(

Well, move on.

For those of you interested in my problem:

My guitar player lost his job last July. Since he was living in my rental and my band was working steadily I figured that he could pay his rent and utilities out of gig money. Which he did for awhile.

October rolls around. Chaindrive does a freebie for a showcase. We had a gig the night before and one that night after the freebie. Guitar player gets drunk during the freebie and is a no call no show for the paying gig. Luckily another guitar player that we've jammed with sat in for us. It wasn't great (no rehearsal) but it got the job done for the most part.

At this point my guitar player, in his whole career, has never missed a gig. But now he has. I'm thinking it's going downhill.

A couple of months later he can't keep up with the rent and utilities. But I let him stay there anyway. He promises he's getting a job. Yeah, right.

We play a gig in January then the drummer wants a vacation. I replace him with another drummer. In the meantime my guitar player is getting more and more spun. "I'm not on drugs" he repeatedly claims. Well, he might be able to get someone a little younger and inexperienced than me to believe it, but I don't.

We play a gig in March. He's so spun that he can barely concentrate on his job at hand. I can't have this anymore and tell him he's gotta move out. He says he'll still play with the band and he's not on drugs.

We haven't had a guitar player since then. My girlfriend and her boyfriend want to move into the rental, but I don't have time to clean it. She says she'll clean it. She comes over this morning after cleaning last night and tells me there's no end to the paraphernalia she's found that he left.

He owes me almost $2000 and now I have to find another guitar player.

I think that your bandmate problem is worse then mine. Basically, my guitar player is a drug addict/dealer who is increasingly getting more unbearable, but so far he has been pretty commited to the band, and has never missed shows or anything.

Maybe your guitar player will straighten up.

I'm certain that my guitar player will not straighten up without a serious intervention. His daughter, the light of his life, doesn't even want to see him anymore.

Right now, I doubt he's gonna clean up. All of his friends, and even his parents encourage it. Hell, his dad was the one who got him started smoking pot. Both of his parents have jailed twice for making and selling meth.

I don't mind if the kid wants to smoke pot occasionly and have a good time, but I think that it's a little ridiculous when he thinks that he has to do everything while being high. There is always people at his house, because theres always drugs there, and its a pretty safe place to do them. Thats a bit of a problem because that causes quite a bit of a distraction, and he doesn't practice, which he needs because he's really not very good. At least not very good compared to the other guitar player, and often has trouble keeping up.

Also, I seriously think that he might be dyslexic. It doesn't seem like he thinks things through before he does them. Either that or he is just plain stupid.

Hopefully when we move to Arizona, things will get better, but right now he just annoys the hell out of me.

That's right, you're moving to AZ. Where are you now?

Although I've never done drugs (liquor is quicker) I don't mind a band member smokin' a bowl or whatever, but I just hate the hard ****. And I know what you mean by there's always a 7/11 at his house. Been there, done that.

Right now I'm living in Des Moines, Iowa. :-/

Also, another thing. He thinkgs that he's too "cool" or whatever to sell out and make a Myspace profile. So to get around it, he just uses the bands Myspace as his personal one. I find it pretty disgusing when theres all of these creepy messages that he sends to these random girls, about hooking up and stuff. He's pretty perverted, actually all of the guys in his family are. His dad blatanly hits on high school girls and stuff, it's pretty messed up. The worst part about him being a perve, is the fact that he is downright ugly. I feel bad for the girls that have to get hit on by his big and dumb looking goofy face.

Holy [size=2]s[/size]hit. That's totally unprofessional, especially with his dad hitting on the high school girls. I don't have a myspace (Chaindrive has their own website) so I don't know this, but can you change the band's myspace password so they can't get on it?

That needs to stop, right now.

No, he'd get really pissed if we changed the password on him. Besides he does use it for band stuff most of the time, and sets up most of our shows and stuff.

I think I'm overreacting a little anyway. I guess that I'm just more of a Romantic, and watching him hit on women all sleazily just doesn't sit well with me. I guess thats just how kids are doing it these days, though, so I might as well get used to it.

Anyway, its a bit late, I'm off to bed. Goodnight.

Night, but before you go, let me tell you this. Do not let personal stuff on your band's myspace account. It will jeopardize you in the future. It's not good.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Night, but before you go, let me tell you this. Do not let personal stuff on your band's myspace account. It will jeopardize you in the future. It's not good.[/QUOTE]


Do you play the bass?

Yes.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Yes.[/QUOTE]
Ah, the instrument of the gods....


/plays bass too

/guitarist

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Yes.[/QUOTE]

oh, me to! and your a girl like me right?

Yep.

kool :) by the way, how old are you Chaindrive?

97 years young