[QUOTE=asdf]
I don't know what to do in this situation. How do you deal with a friend's violent ex? I really don't know what to do, but I want to do something.[/QUOTE]


This is absolutely something that the authorities should have been notified over. Honestly, there is nothing to be done if she doesnt have the self respect to take action.

I understand that its traumatic, but if you cant help yourself, no one can.


Beyond this (Since its far too late to do anything) you can confront him if it gives you some kind of peace of mind. This would require you to put your money where your mouth is, so to speak, instead of just idly talking about it.





That said, hey Rory.

Yeah, you should try to get the police involved. And hang out with her instead of the group of friends with her in so she doesn't feel like everyone's with him.

I don't think confronting him would do any good at all, it would only make you feel better and he might try to take it out on her or be violent towards you.

I met a new girl today and she makes me feels stupidly awesome when i'm around her. I'm going to get to know her better. :)

Believe me, I want to take action against him. I'll probably have to see him at some point this summer, and being in his presence will piss me off. She says she wants to deal with him herself, though. I'm just hoping for the best.

It's just wrong though. I have two friends that have been victims of rape. The thought of it makes me violently angry.

[QUOTE=Route 1]I met a new girl today and she makes me feels stupidly awesome when i'm around her. I'm going to get to know her better. :)[/QUOTE]

Make sure you ask her out (if you plan to) before you get to know her better.

:thumb:

[QUOTE=evilmenhavenosongs]Yeah, you should try to get the police involved. And hang out with her instead of the group of friends with her in so she doesn't feel like everyone's with him.

I don't think confronting him would do any good at all, it would only make you feel better and he might try to take it out on her or be violent towards you.[/QUOTE]


Its far too late for the police to do anything at all.

[QUOTE=asdf]This is a very serious post that I want people to take seriously.

This is also a very delicate situation.

Today a friend of mine confessed to me that her ex raped her during christmas break. She broke up with him while he had moved off to college and he came back to visit. She hadn't told anyone about it until just recently, only telling me today. He is now back in town and is having a mental breakdown over it. The people who don't know about the rape want to hang out with him and have him over and "can't understand why she can't just deal with being around her ex."

Hearing about this has pissed me off beyond all belief. He claims he's completely gay, then goes and rapes her. What the **** his that ****?! I am very very angry about this, but I don't really know what to do. My friend has been really messed up since this has happend (distant from friends, eating disorder...).

I don't know what to do in this situation. How do you deal with a friend's violent ex? I really don't know what to do, but I want to do something.[/QUOTE]
Wow, that's horrible.

I think you need to confront the guy, tell him to keep his fuc[size=2]king[/size] distance from her.

It's really not too late to go to the authorities. In fact, a vast majority of women admitting to being raped DO wait to go to the authorities, because it makes them feel shameful, even though it's in no way their fault.

Ask her how she plans on dealing with this herself.
If she doesn't want you doing anything, then I'd suggest staying away from him, because like you said, seeing him is going to piss him off.

My ex told me her dad raped her when she was younger.
Imagine how hard it was to not do anything.

You should try to get her some help is what you need to do, and see if she WILL go to the authorities.

[QUOTE=Tillius]
It's really not too late to go to the authorities. In fact, a vast majority of women admitting to being raped DO wait to go to the authorities, because it makes them feel shameful, even though it's in no way their fault.
[/QUOTE]

Right, and its the biggest mistake. She can go to the authorities all she wants, not a thing will happen because of it.

Hell, they dated, any 'evidence' she could still have is negligble. Lovers have sex.

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]Make sure you ask her out (if you plan to) before you get to know her better.

:thumb:[/QUOTE]
Wouldn't it make sense to get to know her better then ask her out?

[QUOTE=Tiger]Right, and its the biggest mistake. She can go to the authorities all she wants, not a thing will happen because of it.

Hell, they dated, any 'evidence' she could still have is negligble. Lovers have sex.[/QUOTE]
Damn.

That's true.
I guess I really don't know how to help in this situation, excpet to say to get her some help.

Some people might remember my really pathetic ramblings about a girl I really liked. Well, it's taken it's time but I am definately over her.

Me & her are talking, and we're cool. She says she doesn't feel uncomfortable around me anymore, as I re-assured her there was nothing to feel uncomfortable about now. We talk a lot now, and things are generally great.

I've met another girl, and things are really good. She likes me, and I like her. We have a lot in common, but not too much as to make it boring or a bit uncanny. The last girl I liked, now realises I like this other girl and has gotten over the idea of me liking her. I don't think that'll ever be a problem between me & her anymore.

I'm just really happy at the moment, my new 'girl interest' is just amazing. I feel like shouting it to the world aswell, haha.

:)

[QUOTE=incubliss]Some people might remember my really pathetic ramblings about a girl I really liked. Well, it's taken it's time but I am definately over her.

Me & her are talking, and we're cool. She says she doesn't feel uncomfortable around me anymore, as I re-assured her there was nothing to feel uncomfortable about now. We talk a lot now, and things are generally great.

I've met another girl, and things are really good. She likes me, and I like her. We have a lot in common, but not too much as to make it boring or a bit uncanny. The last girl I liked, now realises I like this other girl and has gotten over the idea of me liking her. I don't think that'll ever be a problem between me & her anymore.

I'm just really happy at the moment, my new 'girl interest' is just amazing. I feel like shouting it to the world aswell, haha.

:)[/QUOTE]
So have you asked her out yet?

Dammit. She hasn't talked to me since I called her, exactly a week ago.


fuuccccck.

Nah, just keeping it cool for now.

[QUOTE=Route 1]Wouldn't it make sense to get to know her better then ask her out?[/QUOTE]

Absolutely not.

Ask her out on a date.

If you say "Want to hang out some time?" girls hear "Hey, would you like to be friends, which may or may not result in me boning you?" When you say "Can I take you out sometime?" girls hear "I would like to have a relationship with you, but even if you're not up for that, I'm confident enough to show you a great time."

Getting to really know a person before pursuing a relationship happens..and when it's good it's the best sort of relationship, but it's really best not to [U]look[/U] for those.

This is all just how [I]I[/I] work, though.

[QUOTE=AmericanWeiner]Absolutely not.

Ask her out on a date.

If you say "Want to hang out some time?" girls hear "Hey, would you like to be friends, which may or may not result in me boning you?" When you say "Can I take you out sometime?" girls hear "I would like to have a relationship with you, but even if you're not up for that, I'm confident enough to show you a great time."

Getting to really know a person before pursuing a relationship happens..and when it's good it's the best sort of relationship, but it's really best not to [U]look[/U] for those.

This is all just how [I]I[/I] work, though.[/QUOTE]
How's YOUR stuff going?

[QUOTE=Route 1]Wouldn't it make sense to get to know her better then ask her out?[/QUOTE]
Not necessarily...

I got an email in my inbox a few weeks ago which I think is relevant to this. (BTW I got the email from a yahoo group that someone from the MX forums had put together for a completely different reason so don't be thinking I sign up to any L&R advisory emails.) Basically what it said was that a lot of people misconcieve dating as the end to the means, (as Route 1 seems to be suggesting,) when it's actually the means to the end. Dating should be the "getting to know" stage, and carry over into the "serious relationship" stage, if you choose to categorise relationships in such a way. Just having a few hours to yourself with the girl who's company you enjoy could be considered both a date and getting to know her better.

So don't necessarily ask her out, just ask to take her out somewhere. It may or may not be considered a date, you don't have to use those words exactly. For example, last year I went to see Revenge Of The Sith with my best friend. I don't go to the cinema all that much, and I'd have brought the film on DVD anyway. Being part of the first few screenings of the film was special, I guess, but what made the afternoon really special for me was spending it in the company of a young lady who, for a few hours at least, was on exactly the same page as me.

Actually that's a pretty poor example, because I'd known her for ages and it's not like we, er, "got together" as a result. But it was a nice day.

So just go somewhere with this girl you like, and get to know her that way. And don't be afraid to bring friends with you from both sides, (yours and the girls) because that will take the pressure off you somewhat. It's all part of the means to the end, not the end to the means. I hope that helps.

American Wiener, I'd love to know how you know so much about what girls hear when you say something to them. If I live to be 100 I will never be able to figure it out. But as you quite rightly say, that's just the way you work. I don't for a minute think it's anywhere near as simple as the rest of your post. But thanks for the advice anyway.

I have said this time and time and time again: you get to know people better one on one in a date situation. You don't get to know people better by "hanging out". Because "hanging out" usually involves a multitude of friends. Which is not what you want for trying to get to know someone better.

I think im gonna get bored of my gf even though i love her. Wat should i do?

Break up? I dunno, Jon, your love life has been in shambles lately.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Break up? I dunno, Jon, your love life has been in shambles lately.[/QUOTE]


Ya its been all over the place, but i do love the girl im with right now, but there is always the possibility of her getting bored of me, which she says happens a lot when she dates guys. Hmmmmm. Idk what to do. I do love her but blah idk what to do.

How old is she?

I'm not entirely sure if this is where I should be posting this, but I don't know where else it would go. I sort of need advice, but I can't bring myself to ask anyone I really know, so I figured I could ask a bunch of random strangers instead.

I've been with my boyfriend for over 7 months now. He just turned 18, and I'm turning 16 in a few days. We're in a long distance relationship and have only really been with eachother a few times since we started going out, but our visits are going to become more frequent now. We both love each other and we want to take our relationship to the next level (sex). We both would much rather use the pill than condoms.
The problem is, there's not really any way for me to get birth control pills without my parents knowing. So I guess the best thing to do would be to talk to my Mom about it. The thought of that scares me to death though. My parents have always thought of me as the "good child". I rarely drink, don't smoke or do drugs, i get good grades, etc. So I think it would come as a pretty big shock to them that I want to become sexually active. So I guess what I'm asking is...how should I approach my Mom about this? Or would it be at all possible for me to get the pills without my parents knowing? I live in a small town though where everyone knows everything about everyone so it would be rather hard to keep it a secret from my parents.
Any help would be appreciated.

Oh also, does anyone happen to know how long you have to be on birth control before it really starts working?

You getting on birth control does not mean you intend to have sex immediately.

Put it to them as 'Im not sexually active, but if something like that does come up I want to be safe about it.'

Go from there.

Is it a bad move when you're supposed to call a girl but then get piss drunk, pass out in your basement, and never do?

[QUOTE=Eleventeen]Is it a bad move when you're supposed to call a girl but then get piss drunk, pass out in your basement, and never do?[/QUOTE]


No.

Hi, hon. (directed at Wrathchild)

Do you have a Planned Parenthood in Canada around you? If so, they will be able to take you through the steps to get the Pill. In my day, you could get the Pill without parental consent, and I'm thinking it might still be like that.

They will also be able to tell you (depending upon what Pill they decide you should use) how long before it's totally effective. These days the Pill is much different from when I was your age.

Also...whilst I went on the Pill without either of my parents knowing...I found out later that my dad would have been the one to talk to. Not my mom.

Good for you that you're thinking in advance. :)

That talk sounds familiar.

[QUOTE=\m/ Wrathchild \m/] 1. I live in a small town though where everyone knows everything about everyone so it would be rather hard to keep it a secret from my parents.

2. Oh also, does anyone happen to know how long you have to be on birth control before it really starts working?[/QUOTE]

1. Why would it be hard? I don't think they would find out if nobody else knew, unless, of course, you were planning to go and tell everyone about how you're on the pill.

2. I believe it's a month.

Oh, and it's possible to get it without parent's consent under the age of 18. At least here in America.

[QUOTE=Tiger]No.[/QUOTE]

OK, that's good I guess... but how should I explain what happened?