I like when he talks to the camera, but the best skit by far is the Burger King one.

Small part from it:

[i]You know what my first job was? Burger King.

[audience laughter]

I'll come up there, man. I'll kick your as[size=2]s[/size].

Guess who got me the job? My brother. Yeah.

You'd think he'd be all cool and all 'cause he's my bro, right? No. He was a dick!

He thought he WAS the Burger King, you know what I'm sayin'?[/i]

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]omg I can YSI his show!

He's kind of annoying, actually, but some spots he has are hysterical.[/QUOTE]

"Why can't I have acidy spit? I WANT THAT!!!!"

I like Dane Cook. His style is really loud and standoffish, though, I will grant you. He doesn't have much confidence in the strength of his material, it seems, because he is sort of overdependant on loud antics.

EDIT: I disagree, Jim. I think my favorite is the prank he describes to play on fast food workers.

"Go to any fast food place, here's the thing you do. And you gotta be cool, doing it. Don't be all chuckle house...be like Van Damme. Ok here's what you've gotta do...you know how they have the menu above your head? Ok greet the employee...look at the menu for a few minutes...and then order something that doesn't exist on the menu."

/me is uploading for ATM now

Have you guys heard of Greg Giraldo?

ATM, details about last night?

Heh, Myspace girl.

AH, did you ever bump your joke about him?

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]I like when he talks to the camera, but the best skit by far is the Burger King one.

Small part from it:

[i]You know what my first job was? Burger King.

[audience laughter]

I'll come up there, man. I'll kick your as[size=2]s[/size].

Guess who got me the job? My brother. Yeah.

You'd think he'd be all cool and all 'cause he's my bro, right? No. He was a dick!

He thought he WAS the Burger King, you know what I'm sayin'?[/i][/QUOTE]

I like the "Not So Kool Aid Man"

[QUOTE=Disconnection Notice]Also, it's Flava Flav's birthday today too.[/QUOTE]
It is? Wow.

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH BOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY

Yeah, he definitely overdoes the loudness in some spots, but when he actually calms down, he's pretty funny. I like his animated motions, too.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]/me is uploading for ATM now[/QUOTE]

Anything you want in return?

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]Have you guys heard of Greg Giraldo?[/QUOTE]

yes! the war letters joke is amazing.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Yeah, he definitely overdoes the loudness in some spots, but when he actually calms down, he's pretty funny. I like his animated motions, too.[/QUOTE]

I like them a lot, too. :)

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]Anything you want in return?[/QUOTE]

Your call, it's not a problem.

I'm pretty sure you guys have seen this, but this is my favorite comedian Greg Giraldo's work. Read it, it's funny.
[i]
Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the ****ing mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother ****er. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your *** before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.[/i]

You've posted that before, but it is still hysterical. :lol:

tis quite humerous

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]Have you guys heard of Greg Giraldo?[/QUOTE]
Yeah I have.

The guy's hysterical.

Wahah, that's pretty funnay, I must say. Now, details about Myspacegirl last night. :naughty:

I like Dave Chapelle's stand up a lot too.

/me is still uploading for ATM :-\

AH, I'm going to go see Atmosphere tomorow!

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]AH, I'm going to go see Atmosphere tomorow![/QUOTE]
YOU BASTARD!

/is jealous

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]So I meet this girl through a friend, and we start talking a little bit online. Everything seems good, she plays guitar, likes pretty good music, etc. I thought she was hot after seeing her pics.

So last night we decide to finally meet up, so after her parents go to sleep I sneak out the back door. I was driving down the road, all excited thinking it's going to be a great night.

I get to her street around 1am, and she tells me to drive up and down the street and she will come out and jump in the car. So I see her walking towards me, and she jumps in the car. I look over at her and I was like "AH WTF". She looked nothing like her picture. I found out later that her pic was 3 years old. So now I just drove all this way, to be with this girl that I had really no interest in physically, or emotionally that much. I couldn't just leave, so we hang out for a little bit. At one point she tried to get me to make out with her, but her breath was RANK. I was like, I gotta go I'm paranoid about my dad waking up.
Got home at 3am.

In other words, I got pwned by the internet.[/QUOTE]

Here you go kombucha: I'm not sure ATM wishes to go through to pain of explaning it again. :)

I edited a confusing part.

Congrats on 5,800 posts AH!

and 2,756 for you, ATM!

:confetti:

[url=http://s28.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0D2JVXT75U4VX39VUFGAXBAYA8]Comedy Central Presents: Dane Cook (with video)[/url]

Please let me know if it* works :-\

*the video

The performance is nothing without the video.

:lol: Thanks for the bumpage Ripper. :lol: Poor ATM. Was she ugly, or what?

Hideous.

[QUOTE=kombucha mushroom mofo]:lol: Thanks for the bumpage Ripper. :lol: Poor ATM. Was she ugly, or what?[/QUOTE]

Her picture looked hot, but as it was three years ago I bet she was on the road to obesity, and was in such a condition when ATM met her. :-/ He didn't give specifics.

AH, it does.

I'm not DLing it though. 95 megs would take about...maybe 2 days for my compy.

Where has Vince been? I haven't seen him online in days.

AH, I'm uploading a Radiohead music video for you.

Thanks for uploading.