[QUOTE=BrownSugar]Thank you Mr Danish. When we're makin out she gets real into it but doesnt go any further. Something is definately up.[/QUOTE]

[i]How[/i] into it? Like, dry-humping into it?

Also, you're welcome. If you give me more details, I'll give you a detailed plan of action.

[QUOTE=BrownSugar]Trust? When did trust come into the equation? I really like this girl and I think we both should be having some fun at this age. I really dont see the point in getting all serious.[/QUOTE]
You can still have fun while being serious. I'm saying just you've gotta' realize that just because your not moving as fast as her and her ex did, that doesn't mean something is up. Jumping to conclusions like that is what brings you down more than anything.

[QUOTE=BrownSugar]Trust? When did trust come into the equation? I really like this girl and I think we both should be having some fun at this age. I really dont see the point in getting all serious.[/QUOTE]

Well, introducing sex into the relationship equation epitomizes 'getting serious,' no matter how casual the sex is.

It just adds an ultimately awkward dimension to the relationship.

[QUOTE=Jom]Well, introducing sex into the relationship equation epitomizes 'getting serious,' no matter how casual the sex is.

It just adds an ultimately awkward dimension to the relationship.[/QUOTE]

It doesn't have to be awkward.

[QUOTE=Danish]It doesn't have to be awkward.[/QUOTE]


The douchebag has a point. Sex is something that if anything brings balance to a relationship.

[QUOTE=Danish][i]How[/i] into it? Like, dry-humping into it?

Also, you're welcome. If you give me more details, I'll give you a detailed plan of action.[/QUOTE]

Yes, like seriously hard dry humping lol. Quite painful sometimes actually. This will go on for a couple of hours easily, she will suck my neck and kiss up and down it and all, and *sometimes* give me a handy, but they're few and far between. I asked to go down on her during one of these heated moments and got a "what? no". Those the kinda details?

[QUOTE=BrownSugar] I asked to go down on her during one of these heated moments and got a "what? no". Those the kinda details?[/QUOTE]


Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[QUOTE=BrownSugar]Yes, like seriously hard dry humping lol. Quite painful sometimes actually. This will go on for a couple of hours easily, she will suck my neck and kiss up and down it and all, and *sometimes* give me a handy, but they're few and far between. I asked to go down on her during one of these heated moments and got a "what? no". Those the kinda details?[/QUOTE]
She's got AIDS.

[QUOTE=Tiger]Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah![/QUOTE]

I KNOW! Who turns down pleasure? You wouldnt find a guy anywhere in the world turning down a blow job.

[QUOTE=BrownSugar]Yes, like seriously hard dry humping lol. Quite painful sometimes actually. This will go on for a couple of hours easily, she will suck my neck and kiss up and down it and all, and *sometimes* give me a handy, but they're few and far between. I asked to go down on her during one of these heated moments and got a "what? no". Those the kinda details?[/QUOTE]

Yes, exactly. Also, what does [i]she[/i] want out of this relationship?

[QUOTE=BrownSugar]I KNOW! Who turns down pleasure? You wouldnt find a guy anywhere in the world turning down a blow job.[/QUOTE]


Im not saying she's not a great wonderful person.

I am saying that youre not going to get any for a very long time.

[QUOTE=Tiger]The douchebag has a point. Sex is something that if anything brings balance to a relationship.[/QUOTE]

It can. It [i]can[/i] be awkward, particularly at first, but that's possible to avoid.

[QUOTE=Danish]Yes, exactly. Also, what does [i]she[/i] want out of this relationship?[/QUOTE]

Her communication skills are pretty bad. I bring up the subject of sex and she changes the subject. Though she says she doesnt want anything too serious either. We were talking bout how many months we been together and she said somethin like "I dont think its important to count it all up, it should just be casual." So hows the plan of attack looking? Cheers by the way guys.

[QUOTE=BrownSugar]Her communication skills are pretty bad. I bring up the subject of sex and she changes the subject. Though she says she doesnt want anything too serious either. We were talking bout how many months we been together and she said somethin like "I dont think its important to count it all up, it should just be casual." So hows the plan of attack looking? Cheers by the way guys.[/QUOTE]

Ok, I'll give you my analysis of the situation first and then I'll lay out a plan of attack.

Based on what you have said so far, I'd say she's either: (a) nervous; (b) inexperienced; (c) worried that you'll dump her if she engages in sexual activity; (d) uncomfortable with her body; (e) any combination of the above; or (f) cheating on you. To dry hump for long periods of time and not take it further, she's teasing herself too. She's either getting it somewhere else (less likely) or she's (a) through (d). If she honestly thinks you are good looking, this is especially true.

For a plan of attack, it is definately going to involve some communication. There is no other way around this (as difficult as it can be). You can do this in two ways:

(1) When you are alone together doing something like driving or eating ice cream or something, bring it up. Tell her that, while you're really happy with your relationship and you really like her, you're really confused about your sexual relationship. Tell her that you'd like to do more things with her, but you get the sense that she's uncomfortable and nervous. Tell her that you're concerned that she doesn't find you sexually attractive and it's hurting your self-confidence. Ask her why she's inhibited. Don't let her change the subject. Tell her that this has really been weighing heavily on your mind and you'd really like to talk about it. Tell her that you want to communicate better with her. This should get the ball rolling.

(2) When you're making out, start to take things further with your hands. Rub her on the outside of her pants, something that is pushing the limits of what you've come to expect with her. Don't ask. If she grabs your hand and pulls it away, stop everything immediately. Say "sweetheart, what's wrong?" Then say what I recommended in (1).

Things don't always go according to plan, so you have to be prepared to have the conversation I laid out in a more flexible way. I don't really know you or how you are with words and communication, but I think you can do it.

However, before you set this into action, you have to ask yourself honestly if you're willing to either break up over this or commit some time and patience to making things better. Things won't immediately improve. Let her know that you've there for her and you don't expect a sudden turn-around, but you're more-than-willing to work with her. In other words, don't make it sound like you're pressuring her into doing something she's uncomfortable with. If she's uncomfortable with her sexuality, I doubt your relationship will last much longer without a commitment on both sides (and a lot of understanding and patience on yours). If you're not willing to do this, it might be best to break it off.

[QUOTE=Danish]It can. It [i]can[/i] be awkward, particularly at first, but that's possible to avoid.[/QUOTE]

Not like it matters or anything, but this is what I was trying to convey, minus that last section. I don't think awkwardness is avoidable, no matter how well two people together click.

But this is just how I spin it; it's not gospel.

Firstly your the man and this should help big time.

Now that I actually think about it I'd say its pretty much certainly (a) through (e). Shes definately inexperienced, knows Ive had a fair bit of experience so is probably worried about me "tappin and gappin". When we are makin out my hands will wander and she sometimes actually [i]moves[/i] my hand to certain places, good places lol. So I'm gettin the feeling that she wants to but has some kinda reason for not.

I'm really fu[color=black]ck[/color]ing confused because shes actually told me: "I've always pictured my perfect guy (in the way of looks) and I've found him." Not to brag or anything of course but just shows you that shes attracted to me physically, and I guess sexually. So its something we really need to talk about. But anyway I'll probably talk about it tonight and I'll let you know what happens.

Thanks man.

[QUOTE=BrownSugar]Firstly your the man and this should help big time.

Now that I actually think about it I'd say its pretty much certainly (a) through (e). Shes definately inexperienced, knows Ive had a fair bit of experience so is probably worried about me "tappin and gappin". When we are makin out my hands will wander and she sometimes actually [i]moves[/i] my hand to certain places, good places lol. So I'm gettin the feeling that she wants to but has some kinda reason for not.

I'm really fu[color=black]ck[/color]ing confused because shes actually told me: "I've always pictured my perfect guy (in the way of looks) and I've found him." Not to brag or anything of course but just shows you that shes attracted to me physically, and I guess sexually. So its something we really need to talk about. But anyway I'll probably talk about it tonight and I'll let you know what happens.

Thanks man.[/QUOTE]

Ok cool, I think we've got this figured out! I think (1) may be the best option. Communication is SO important in a relationship. If you can get her more open about sex, you're golden. In fact, it'll help your relationship overall, not just in the sex department.

If you want more advice, hit me on msn at [email]danishpud@hotmail.com[/email]. I'm always happy to help!

[QUOTE=Jom]Not like it matters or anything, but this is what I was trying to convey, minus that last section. I don't think awkwardness is avoidable, no matter how well two people together click.

But this is just how I spin it; it's not gospel.[/QUOTE]

My first time with my ex wasn't awkward at all, and it was my first time period.

She asked me if I was sure I wanted to do it (after we were both de-clothed) and I gave her a response similar to "Are you crazy? Of course I do."

Hmm memories gone by, I guess. It'll probably be awkward on all future attempts :smash:

EDIT: And I think that if two people are at or over the age of 17 and have been together at least 1-2 months, both parties should know the other party's exact position on sex. Communication is vital.

Its never been awkward for me, always felt pretty comfortable bein naked lol. Yeah I know I cant say its all her fault but I have tried to talk to her bout it.

[quote=Danish]If he's unfulfilled, he shouldn't feel guilty about asking or initiating. If he's not getting what he wants in the relationship, he's probably with the wrong person.[/quote]

Actually what I was meaning was that he should talk to her in much the same way as you describe below, not that he should feel guilty. I just added that she shouldn't be made to feel bad if she doesn't feel comfortable. You did a good job of describing how he should talk to her though :).

[quote=Danish](1) When you are alone together doing something like driving or eating ice cream or something, bring it up. Tell her that, while you're really happy with your relationship and you really like her, you're really confused about your sexual relationship. Tell her that you'd like to do more things with her, but you get the sense that she's uncomfortable and nervous. Tell her that you're concerned that she doesn't find you sexually attractive and it's hurting your self-confidence. Ask her why she's inhibited. Don't let her change the subject. Tell her that this has really been weighing heavily on your mind and you'd really like to talk about it. Tell her that you want to communicate better with her. This should get the ball rolling.[/quote]

im somewhat liking my love and relationships with the world. the girl i basically love started talking to me again like last week. she told me she doesnt wanna start a relationship untill im out of school though, which makes sense. but that means i just have to wait another year. this psycho freshman keeps wanting my nuts though.

I'm getting engaged in two weeks. Beat that!

I'm getting engaged in 10 to 15.

[quote=Junooni]I'm getting engaged in 10 to 15.[/quote]
Do your parents choose who you marry or....what happens?:S

:lol:

In Pakistani culture, traditionally the parents choose the bride for their sons and vice versa.

But me being a Pakistani American, B & R here in DC, I think I have more freedom. I haven't really talked to them about it, just in passing every time we attend a wedding and the topic comes up.

I think as long as I can find the right girl and get their approval, it's good.

Vice versa? So sons get to choose brides for their parents?

hahahah

what I meant was the parents choose a groom for their daughters

Just wondering since you said your parents would freak out if they caught you dating a girl :P. I'm glad they won't try to be totally traditional where you're not exactly living in Pakistan :).

If it was like that man, I probably wouldn't be on the freakin internet right now.

/exaggeration, to an extent
:D

Ok, so me n this girl have been broken up for 7 months, we were together for over a year and just recently we have been flirting with eachother, talking to eachother and we look at eachother all the time, she has a boyfriend mind you..Is there something i should do/say?

I know this girl for like 3 years now. I was deeply in love with her but it didn't really work out; we went out a couple of times and became just friends. There wasn't really a connection, although i really like(d) her.
I visited her the last time in november and then we lost contact

I met another girl and we had a relationship a couple of months ago, but it didn't last long, for about two months. We had some fun but weren't really in love with eachother so we called it quits. We're just friends now.

Now i have this 'homesickness' to the girl i was in love with, but i don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach her and how to let the ball roll?

[QUOTE=widzjnent]I know this girl for like 3 years now. I was deeply in love with her but it didn't really work out; we went out a couple of times and became just friends. There wasn't really a connection, although i really like(d) her.
I visited her the last time in november and then we lost contact

I met another girl and we had a relationship a couple of months ago, but it didn't last long, for about two months. We had some fun but weren't really in love with eachother so we called it quits. We're just friends now.

Now i have this 'homesickness' to the girl i was in love with, but i don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach her and how to let the ball roll?[/QUOTE]

It sounds like you guys were really close back then, so just go and talk to her, say hi, ask her what's been going on for the past 7 months. Don't dwell on the fact that you haven't spoken in a long time, and try to act like you usually do around her. 7 months shouldn't be too much of a problem if you were so close before, sure its a substantial amount of time and alot will have happened, but i think you should be fine. Hope this helps. :)

In fact in my oppinion small seperations (i mean like a week or two) can be good for relationships, especially if you feel that you are boring them or vice versa, things will happen and you have opportunity to talk about these things as opposed to running out of stuff to say. Just treat it like an extended scenario of this, and hope that she feels equally as obliged to get back in contact as you do :p Which considering the previous relationship circumstances, again, it sounds like she does. Best of luck :thumb:

[QUOTE=KaOtIc_HeLl]Ok, so me n this girl have been broken up for 7 months, we were together for over a year and just recently we have been flirting with eachother, talking to eachother and we look at eachother all the time, she has a boyfriend mind you..Is there something i should do/say?[/QUOTE]

Do you want to get back with her? Or are you asking how you should react to her possibly being insterested in you again? Anyway don't try to make a move on her, be respectful that she does have a boyfriend now, but beginning to talk more often and stuff like that is a good step towards your friendship. By the way what do you count as flirting? Because, IMO, a degree of flirting is fine when in a relationship/flirting with someone in a relationship, but touching and some aspects are a bit over the line and disrespectful to the partner.

[QUOTE=Jo Shoe Wah]It sounds like you guys were really close back then, so just go and talk to her, say hi, ask her what's been going on for the past 7 months. Don't dwell on the fact that you haven't spoken in a long time, and try to act like you usually do around her. 7 months shouldn't be too much of a problem if you were so close before, sure its a substantial amount of time and alot will have happened, but i think you should be fine. Hope this helps. :)

In fact in my oppinion small seperations (i mean like a week or two) can be good for relationships, especially if you feel that you are boring them or vice versa, things will happen and you have opportunity to talk about these things as opposed to running out of stuff to say. Just treat it like an extended scenario of this, and hope that she feels equally as obliged to get back in contact as you do :p Which considering the previous relationship circumstances, again, it sounds like she does. Best of luck :thumb:[/QUOTE]
First, thanks for your comment.

Although I think there is a little misunderstoodment. We weren't so close as you think we were. We were just friends.

Anyway, I think i'll send her an email, ask if she wants to go out with me again. Maybe yes, maybe not. Certainly worth a try.

[QUOTE=KaOtIc_HeLl]Ok, so me n this girl have been broken up for 7 months, we were together for over a year and just recently we have been flirting with eachother, talking to eachother and we look at eachother all the time, she has a boyfriend mind you..Is there something i should do/say?[/QUOTE]
Do/say whatever feels right to you.

Hmm... in a bit of a pickle.

Most of my friends now know I'm bi, which is cool- they're all cool with it and everything so it's all good.
However I really do not want to tell my family. My sister doesn't believe in bisexuals, my dad is pretty homophobic, me and my mum aren't very close- m brother would probably be alright with it but wouldn't be able to keep it quiet. I figured if I get a girlfriend then I'll have to tell them but until then I don't really want them to know.
Problem. They're kinda suspicious anyway because I'm pretty masculineand have loads of lesbian/gay friends. Also I went to the Birmingham pride festival yesterday and didn't tell them. They went psycho asking why I didn't tell them and everything and gave me the 'are you gay?' talk. My mum started going on about how she didn't want to be the last one to know if I was and how it would upset her. She also said that she'd have to break the idea to my dad because he would struggle with it.
So now I'm in an awkward position. I don't want to tell them and I don't feel ready to tell them but I feel like I'm hurting them by not telling them. My friend Tim (who recently came out to his parents) told me to come out when I'm ready but I still feel pressured.

Argh.

Tell them, there is not going to be a better time, ever.

Your friend Tim is right, come out when you're ready. Don't feel pressured.

You don't need to tell them until you feel the most comfortable doing so. No, it's never going to be an easy thing to do, but there will be times that may feel better for you to do it than others.

Yeah- right now doesn't feel right. I've only been out a couple of months and it's been hard. I mean to begin with it was hard enough accepting myself before without even thinking about other people's opinions. I'm just scared that they'll treat me different. Especially my dad because I love him so much and I couldn't bear disappointing him :(

Well, if your dad is a loving father, then he won't treat you different. Disappointed? Probably, but that's only natural, and not disappointed in you, mind you.
It'll probably be awkward for a little bit, but things will eventually go back to normal.