Wait, MXican, are you on a fast connection? I can upload one of his Comedy Central standup routines if you'd like.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]Wait, MXican, are you on a fast connection? I can upload one of his Comedy Central standup routines if you'd like.[/QUOTE]
eh, I can't because my step brother's playing halo

[url]http://s16.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2MX5Q3V6LRYFD1HXJ76VGHQ2WR[/url]
[url]http://s16.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3BZKKGI96FJMY1UY4EQ162OF04[/url]

ysi piano piece gifts :)

"I like the escalator, man, because the escalator can't break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Out of Order" sign. There would be a "Escalator Temporarily Stairs" sign. Sorry for the convenience."

"I rent a lot of cars, and when I drive a rental car, I don't know what's going on with it. So I would drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a whole lot about me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.

You can't please people all the time, and last night, all those people were at my show."

"A guy asks me if I want a frozen banana. I say "No...but I want a regular banana later so....yeah."

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease you can get yelled at for havin'.

'Dammit Otto, you're an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have lupus.'

One of those two doesn't sound right."

:lol: sounds like a funny guy

"I don't like golf, I was never good at it... I never got a hole-in-one.

But I did hit a guy, and that's way more satisfying.

You're supposed to yell 'Fore!' but I was too busy mumbling, 'There ain't no way in Hell that's going to hit him.'"

"I bought a seven dollar pen, because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but...I don't want them to. I'm like, "Hey, hold on fellows! Let me hold one of you...and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so...cute...why do they have to be so far away from me.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

"I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet. Because they accept all competitors' coupons. It makes me wish I had my own pizza place: "Mitch's Pizzeria." This week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special note: coupon not good at any of Mitch's Pizzeria locations. Free pizza oven with purchase... of a small Coke.

Two for Tuesdays: Buy one pizza, get one franchise free.

I hate people that are handing out flyers. It's like they're saying 'Here, you throw this away for me.'"

[url]http://members.aol.com/t1n3r/[/url]
I think that's one of his CDs, great stuff.

"I used to play in a death metal band. Everyone either loved us or they hated us... or they thought we were okay.

Death metal bands always have intense names like Rigormortus, or Vomitory, or Obituary. We weren't that intense, we just went with 'Injured.' Later on, we changed it to 'A Capella' when we were walking out of the pawn shop."

"When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light, and I would hear things that sounded a lot like car horns.

When my friends and I were on acid we tripped in the woods because there is a lesser chance of running into an authority figure.

We ran into a bear. That was more of a buzzkill.

My friend Dwayne was standing there with his hand in the air, swearing to help prevent forest fires.

We got away from the bear, and he put his arm around my shoulder and said, 'Mitchell, Smokey is more intense in person.'

I go to England to tell jokes and I wanted to do my Smokey the Bear joke in England, so I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear was.

But they don't, because Smokey is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog, and it's a better system and I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool.

There has never been a frog that was hopping towards me and I thought, 'Man, I should play dead, here comes that frog.' I never say 'Here comes that frog' in a horrifying manner. It's always optimistic... like 'Hey, here comes that frog. Alright! Maybe he will settle near me, and I can pet him and put him in a mayonaisse ar with a stick and a leaf to recreate what he's used to.'"

EDIT: Uh, I'll stop now.

Haha, spammer.

So did anyone d/l my gifts? :(

Is it me, or would he have been good as The Dude in TBL?

[QUOTE=Efilnikufesin]Is it me, or would he have been good as The Dude in TBL?[/QUOTE]

What TBL are we talking here? I'm thinking Turkish Basketball League :p

[QUOTE=Efilnikufesin]Is it me, or would he have been good as The Dude in TBL?[/QUOTE]
He would have.

EDIT: Jom is uncultured if he knows not of The Big Lebowski!

I like when the weather progressively gets better. It makes me happier and I get motivated.

Holy ****ing ouch, using a spoon, sugar, and a liter, i made some caramel, but then i tried to eat it with my fingers and i have a huge ****ing blister on my pointer finger now :upset:

Oh oh, important question, which drug is it people grow their pinky fingernail long for? Is it coke?

[QUOTE=zeppelinfan2k3]Oh oh, important question, which drug is it people grow their pinky fingernail long for? Is it coke?[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is definately Cochaine, they grow the pinky out so that they can scoop it and then put it in a line, having it trickle out of the nail.

[QUOTE=Eleventeen]Yes, it is definately Cochaine, they grow the pinky out so that they can scoop it and then put it in a line, having it trickle out of the nail.[/QUOTE]
So I guess there's a coke addict in my mechanics class. Ugh, it's so gross to look at.

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]"When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light, and I would hear things that sounded a lot like car horns.

When my friends and I were on acid we tripped in the woods because there is a lesser chance of running into an authority figure.

We ran into a bear. That was more of a buzzkill.

My friend Dwayne was standing there with his hand in the air, swearing to help prevent forest fires.

We got away from the bear, and he put his arm around my shoulder and said, 'Mitchell, Smokey is more intense in person.'

I go to England to tell jokes and I wanted to do my Smokey the Bear joke in England, so I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear was.

But they don't, because Smokey is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog, and it's a better system and I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool.

There has never been a frog that was hopping towards me and I thought, 'Man, I should play dead, here comes that frog.' I never say 'Here comes that frog' in a horrifying manner. It's always optimistic... like 'Hey, here comes that frog. Alright! Maybe he will settle near me, and I can pet him and put him in a mayonaisse ar with a stick and a leaf to recreate what he's used to.'"

EDIT: Uh, I'll stop now.[/QUOTE]

Oh how I love it!

My favorite is still the one when he's talking about the guy with the piercings, hat, facial hair etc. who says "You have a lot of nerve!," and then his reply is "Yeah? Well you've got a lot of cranium accesories," then the crowd laughs "I'm glad you got that one, see you're a smart crowd, normally they don't get it and I need to say 'You've got a lot of **** on your head,',"

RIP Mr. Hedberg.... SPAM IT IN YOUR USER TITLES!

[QUOTE=zeppelinfan2k3]So I guess there's a coke addict in my mechanics class. Ugh, it's so gross to look at.[/QUOTE]

Hah, ask hims if he wants to ski the slopes.

Did I hear rap and piano? Songs coming.

"I hate turkeys.

If you stand in front of the meat counter too long, you get pissed off at turkeys.

Turkey ham, turkey pastrami...

... I already like you as you are, little brother.

There is no need for you to emulate the other animals.

I used to draw you [holds out hand]. If you were missing fingers, you would draw one screwed-up turkey. Your turkey was in an accident."

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]"I hate turkeys.

If you stand in front of the meat counter too long, you get pissed off at turkeys.

Turkey ham, turkey pastrami...

... I already like you as you are, little brother.

There is no need for you to emulate the other animals.

I used to draw you [holds out hand]. If you were missing fingers, you would draw one screwed-up turkey. Your turkey was in an accident."[/QUOTE]

Yes!

"When I used to live in an apartment, I would listen to my music really loud, so my neighbor would knock on the walls and stuff, y'know to get me to be quiet, so I decided that I'd **** with his head, and say things like 'I don't know what it's like on your side, but on this side it's just flat,' or 'go around, the door is on the other side,',"

He was such a genious!

"The audience thinks I'm stoned all the time and I have to write my material that way ... so sometimes, when they come up to me after a show and ask me to join them, I just tell them I'm an undercover cop."

"Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something"

"I would imagine if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy"

"When someone hands you a flier, it's like they're saying, 'Here, you throw this away.' "

[url]http://s40.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1QSXNVKA5LE3D26I7D4OL9GKAV[/url]

Atmosphere - The Woman With the Tattooed Hands

I'll put up more if anyone actually gives a da[size=2]mn[/size].

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan][url]http://s40.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1QSXNVKA5LE3D26I7D4OL9GKAV[/url]

Atmosphere - The Woman With the Tattooed Hands[/QUOTE]

I hadn't heard this song, but you mentioned it being one of the best songs at the concert you attended... so this is a must-download for me.

By the way, I downloaded Super Bowl Sundae and Tha Mexicanz... good, good stuff.

I appreciate the lack of the N-bomb that's so pervasive in other artists' songs.

I'm glad someone downloaded them. I normally download the files you YSI, but not so much of the nu-metal :)

I d/led it but am finishing the song I'm listening to first :)

So I guess no one d/led mine though :'(

wow, I still am really upset about Hedberg

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]I'm glad someone downloaded them. I normally download the files you YSI, but not so much of the nu-metal :)[/QUOTE]

:lol:

That means you've downloaded a good... oh, four songs from me?

[QUOTE=AntiHero3314]:lol:

That means you've downloaded a good... oh, four songs from me?[/QUOTE]

:lol:, maybe

[QUOTE=ArrestThisMan]I'm glad someone downloaded them. I normally download the files you YSI, but not so much of the nu-metal :)[/QUOTE]
While the song was good, I can't say the piano was more than an accent, it wasn't very emotional imo (which was what I was debating :p)

Meh, it's a good song nonetheless. I'm uploading one more to see what you guys think.

[url]http://s40.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=16W3CZOSI2QZH38ADZIS76C8WR[/url]

Sage Francis - Broken Wings

Be back later.

[QUOTE=Eleventeen]RIP Mr. Hedberg.... SPAM IT IN YOUR USER TITLES![/QUOTE]
/me obeys