[QUOTE=Chaindrive][B]Confidence mostly comes from within[/B]. If you know you can talk to girls, etc. you'll do fine.

Otherwise, fake it 'til you make it.

Years ago when my band really started playing for keeps I was very nervous onstage, but I acted totally relaxed up there. Now I don't even think twice, I [i]am[/i] totally relaxed up there.

Try some of what Steerpike has to say. About making eye contact and letting her look away first. It'll work.[/QUOTE]

Excellent thought! So true! Couldnt agree more! ^^ 123

So yea. On the topic of confidence, I once had to give this speech in front of the entire junior high and parents, along with half of the high school... I was scared sh**less and i had my notes and everything with me all day, and when it finally came time to go up to the podeum, I left my whole speech on the table. All that pain, the month or so of worry, and I didnt have it. Yet it all went perfectly, I had the best speech of the day, I had a great time, and they wanted me to do more.

Bottom line being that you are only as confident as you are prepared and are only prepared if you have no fear. Enjoy wahtever it is you may have a problem with in life, as hard as it may be, and dont worry.

There are a lot of books that have helped me. Not in the sense of gaining confidence, but enlightening me on the different perspectives of life and how to approach situations. The more you try to put yourself in others' shoes and how they see the world, the more that helps me as a writer or whatever.

I hated public speaking in middle school and partway through high school. You sit up there in a freakin' science class going, "A plant cell is different from a non-plant cell because plant cells have cell walls and non-plant cells don't" and it's the most simplistic stuff yet for some reason I would throw in a bunch of umm's and uhh's and hang on's because I was too scatter-brained to work it out.

As you read more, I think, you pick up on language, aesthetics, and linguistics quite a bit. One book that helped me out was a book by Pat Riley, called [i]The Winner Within[/i]. It's a solid book because it helped me find focus not just in sports but beyond sports and into school and relationships (not necessarily love relationships, but in everyday ones) and all that other stuff.

And nowadays, I'm the freaking man at public speaking because it came with practice. Singing along to a song with no one just for the hell of it helps - you'd be surprised. The more and more you just talk to people and the more and more you read and write, things become easier to break down. You go up there with a purpose (if it's improv, it's to make people laugh / if it's public speaking, it's to blow people away / whatever).

Sometimes, you just have to have a rather unhealthy way of approaching public speaking... sometimes I say, "You know, fuc[font=verdana]k[/font] these people and what they are thinking right now. Just go up there, impress the hell out of them, get it over with, and don't think about it afterwards." If people were affected by your performance, they'll let you know about it, even if it's just presenting a Shakespearean scene from [i]Hamlet[/i] or something.

Well, what it comes down to is, you only need to please yourself. How others perceive you doesn't matter at all.

I thought I said that, just in a roundabout, long-winded manner.

You did, somewhat, but I broke it down even further.

Gimme Ginger.

I finally read Steerpike's email. Most of it I already knew pretty much, but it made me think about some things more. I already know how to put on a cocky mask and parade around like I'm just a killer dude. I [I]am[/I] male after all, and males all have some kind of arrogance in them.

I need to work on being funny though. That seems pretty important, and would probably be one of the reasons I think I'm so boring. My nervousness and quite behavior is something I can just suck up and get over, but being witty or funny is something I'll have to work for. I may go buy that book he suggested, "Comedy Writing Secrets" by Melvin Helitzer. Sounds like something I'd be interested in reading in my spare time anyways.

What are some smaller things I can do to improve my humor and wit? Stuff that I can do in every day conversations, or things I can look for when I'm talking to someone.

A word to the wise, because I am a girl.

Do not be cocky. Teen girls might think that's cool (I never did, however) but in the end it's not. Confidence ftw, not cockiness.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]A word to the wise, because I am a girl.

Do not be cocky. Teen girls might think that's cool (I never did, however) but in the end it's not. Confidence ftw, not cockiness.[/QUOTE]

I didn't tell him to be an arrogant jack-[size=2]a[/size]ss.

An example of what I was telling him (included in the email) was that occassionally, people tell me I'm really sarcastic. I usually respond by saying [i]in a joking manner[/i], "Yeah, I am a smart[size=2]a[/size]ss. That's what makes me cool." Sometimes embellished with a Buddy Christ pose. Without fail, everyone laughs.

I'm taking what would normally be an arrogant statement, and made it funny. That's what I'm telling him to do.

Okay, but smartassedness/arrogance/cockiness is a turn off, for me at least.

You better have that smartassedness honed to perfection before I'll even listen to it.

When I say cocky, I mean confident and witty and yadda yadda, not arrogant or anything. I don't see being cocky as a bad thing, but arrogance is.

But I'm going to work on my funny for now, and worry abot other stuff later. After all, making a girl laugh really is half the battle when you're dealing with teenage girls. :/

What exactly should I say to this girl on Myspace? This is one of those situations where I just can't think of the rigth thing to say, and still keep it interesting. She said that thing I posted earlier about a story where she got me to hang out with some of her friends, and I responded something like "Surely that won't be the end of the story", and she says:

[QUOTE] Sure it isn't the end of the story, we just haven't written the rest yet.[/QUOTE]

I just don't know what to say. Argh, this is the thing I'm trying to fix. I just take forever to think of a good response, and if i were to be talking to this girl in person, I would be needing to deciding what to say on-the-spot. With Myspace and MSN and things, I have opportunity to think about what I say, so it's going to help me out a little, I think.

What I don't understand is this: Myspace isn't real life. Real life is real life. And if you were to have this "conversation" in real life it would be stupid. Because, unless she's my age, she isn't going to stay stuff like "Sure it isn't the end of the story, we just haven't written it yet". Because people her age don't do that.

A side note:

My ex from a few years ago (who one of Chaindrive's songs is written about) just asked me out. Go figure.

It's not like I'm taking this Myspace things as importantly as I would in real life. It's sort of a place where I can try to make new friends, and sort of practice my social skills without having to be pressured to respond to them immediately. I think it will help me realize what kind of responses and topics get people talking, and what I should stay away from. I've actually been talking to quite a few new people on there, and I've only been really active on there for two days. Hopefully I'll find some poeple to hang out with at the show this Saturday or something.

Of course we wouldn't be having a conversation like this in real life, which is why I'm asking you guys about how I should respond. If she was blatantly asking me to hang out, I would have no problem, but the way she presented it is throwing me off so I don't know what I should say. I don't want to say what she expects, or what every other guy would say.

Just be brief, and say maybe.

Did you notice my side note?

You're on the right track that talking to women online helps hone your wit. It helped for me. Most of the funny stuff I say online is typed from a stream of consciousness.

As for what she was saying there... Let me think for a minute, this one's an interesting challenge.

"Okay, but only on the condition that Jude Law does [i]not[/i] get to play me in the movie version of the finished story."
"Oh, we're co-writing the story? Well, be aware that as a male, I'm going to want scenes of car chases, some explosions, and I have to have a scene where I'm all battle-damaged and bad-[size=2]a[/size]ss looking."

I can't think of anymore that don't sound too weird. I just got finished watching The Player again. :p

And all that's alright, as long as the sarcasm is not directed toward the girl you're talking to.

Where I really take umbrage is when the stupid guy I'm talking to thinks (or purports to think) that I'm head over heels with him. And pulls that crap. I hate that.

Ugh I am so out of the loop...who's in The Player?

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]And all that's alright, as long as the sarcasm is not directed toward the girl you're talking to.

Where I really take umbrage is when the stupid guy I'm talking to thinks (or purports to think) that I'm head over heels with him. And pulls that crap. I hate that.[/quote]

Most guys are just joking when they're sarcastic. But being naturally sarcastic, I've learned very early on that there is a line that you shouldn't cross.

[quote]Ugh I am so out of the loop...who's in The Player?[/QUOTE]

Tim Robbins is the main character. It's basically an insider satire of Hollywood.

Really. I trust it's worth watching?

Not the strongest plot ever, but it's more than supported by the stellar performances, the inside jokes, and the action of real Hollywood celebrities playing themselves in the movie.

I really enjoy it, but I'm also a movie-nerd.

Yeah, I saw your sidenote but I didn't know how to respond, 'cause I don't know your current situation. Last thing I knew, your guy was arguing here with Jom or someone, and posting in some weird poetic form.

Steerpike: Haha, I'll probably use some variation of that second response. It made me smile. =)

well sierra went home this morning.
i spent most of the time in the guest house with her over night even though i wasnt really sopposed to

yesterday i took her to teach her how to surf on the beach, was pretty funny and cold :/
but yea was a really good week with her, did so much, like just go to the doneraile (this scenic walk along the side of a cliff) and sit down at night and drink vodka and talking and stuff. she got drunk - damn lightweight.

last night i bought down a load of food to her guest house and cooked her up some pasta/bacon/saussages and crossentes? or somehthing? yea :) -

wasnt so bad leaving her this time as she got a job in Ireland and will be back over in a couple of weeks. was really bad last night - i was lying beside her and she was like al curled up into me and she starts grabbing my shirt and im liek " :o sex " lol but yea i turned over and she was crying with all her eyes and cheeks soaked with tears and i didnt really realise she was crying and yea. but it was all cool leaving her today.

il miss her
good week
just thought id tell ye' since i havent been here all week really.

oh lol - i also totally floored her with the surfboard when picking it up. she laughed and i gave her a big bump on her head and im like " :o holy **** " lol

but yea

k bye

OK, i haven't posted in here for a while becuase i have doing OK. BUT i have recently met a girl i am really in to called Hayley i met her about 3 months ago throught some friends we all went out for drinks you see. Then i got her addy off a friend on MSN we talk a bit so i invited her to my 21st on Saturday night we chatted a little and that but i was busy playing host so....... we didnt get to talk as much as i would have liked. Then on Sunday night we were texting and she said that she'd like to get with me if we want the same things but not just yet because single is good for her atm. So i text her saying if you like me that much why wait and i wasn't prepared to wait around forever.

Theres more thought she is a ex of a good mate and recently they have had abit of a spat so i keep getting this feeling that she could be trying to use me to get back at him.

I am so confused guys WILL SOME nice MXR please help me? :confused:

[QUOTE=Grego1985]OK, i haven't posted in here for a while becuase i have doing OK. BUT i have recently met a girl i am really in to called Hayley i met her about 3 months ago throught some friends we all went out for drinks you see. Then i got her addy off a friend on MSN we talk a bit so i invited her to my 21st on Saturday night we chatted a little and that but i was busy playing host so....... we didnt get to talk as much as i would have liked. Then on Sunday night we were texting and she said that she'd like to get with me if we want the same things but not just yet because single is good for her atm. So i text her saying if you like me that much why wait and i wasn't prepared to wait around forever.

Theres more thought she is a ex of a good mate and recently they have had abit of a spat so i keep getting this feeling that she could be trying to use me to get back at him.

I am so confused guys WILL SOME nice MXR please help me? :confused:[/QUOTE]

Good for you for thinking that she could be trying to use you. There's always that possibility. Let her make the next contact with you.

[QUOTE=Grego1985]OK, i haven't posted in here for a while becuase i have doing OK. BUT i have recently met a girl i am really in to called Hayley i met her about 3 months ago throught some friends we all went out for drinks you see. Then i got her addy off a friend on MSN we talk a bit so i invited her to my 21st on Saturday night we chatted a little and that but i was busy playing host so....... we didnt get to talk as much as i would have liked. Then on Sunday night we were texting and she said that she'd like to get with me if we want the same things but not just yet because single is good for her atm. So i text her saying if you like me that much why wait and i wasn't prepared to wait around forever.

Theres more thought she is a ex of a good mate and recently they have had abit of a spat so i keep getting this feeling that she could be trying to use me to get back at him.

I am so confused guys WILL SOME nice MXR please help me? :confused:[/QUOTE]


She knows where you stand. So it's up to her at this point to make the effort. Keep an eye out if you think she's still trying to use you, and good luck.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Okay, but smartassedness/arrogance/cockiness is a turn off, for me at least.

You better have that smartassedness honed to perfection before I'll even listen to it.[/QUOTE]

[quote=Wiz.]When I say cocky, I mean confident and witty and yadda yadda, not arrogant or anything. I don't see being cocky as a bad thing, but arrogance is.[/quote]

I think there are different levels of smartassedness/arrogance/cockiness; or, at least, those three words aren't synonymous. I don't relate arrogance and cockiness at all. But D has it backwards. Cockiness is much more extreme and subsequently more frowned upon than arrogance. For me, arrogance and confidence can be interchanged because one leads to the other in both connections. It's a two-way street in that case. I don't think any girl would be turned on to cockiness unless she's dumb as hell.

[quote=Chaindrive]A side note:

My ex from a few years ago (who one of Chaindrive's songs is written about) just asked me out. Go figure.[/quote]

Hahaha. What luck!

It seems it's a matter of how one uses the language. I always saw arrogance as the extreme of the spectrum.

I refer again to my earlier example. Without context, a statement like that makes me sound like I'm pretty full of myself. But put in the way I say it and the way I act, and it's clear I'm just being funny and showing confidence in myself by having the balls to actually say something like that.

I guess I'm gonna post this in here.

Okay, I have a big problem going on in my life right now. I'll try and recap, and tell you what's going on right now.


About 7 months ago, I found out that my parents were getting a divorce, and that I was gonna move about an hour away to St.Petersburg, Florida. The divorce(while definitely not a good thing), I was fine with. Moving away....not so much. I was gonna do whatever it took to stay right here, with my school and friends that I loved.

So, my mom moved to St.Pete(even though she had custody of us), and decided to let us stay with my dad. So, now the main problem was selling our house(cause let's just say money problems were really bad). And what do you know? First day we put it up on the market, its sold! A whole lot of stress is taken off.

So, things seem to be going good. Now all we need to do is look for a new place to live within this area we are living in now.

Now, as of yesterday, here is where I am at.

According to my dad, my mom told him that she told me that after the school year was over, that I was gonna move in with her, in St.Pete.

.....wait wait wait....WHAT??!!??!!?

I was never told that. I remember having a loooong talk with her, with her saying that she was gonna let me stay here in my home area(Brandon/Valrico, Florida). That's all I wanted. And out of nowhere, I hear that I'm supposed to move to St.Petersburg, the thing I was dreading, up until she told me I could stay here. I'm gonna do anything within my power to stay here. If it takes up all my time and effort, then good, as long as I can stay here.


Now, how to stay here? My dad is gonna get my mom to come to our house(hopefully), and we're all gonna have a big discussion. My mom, dad, sister, and me. My mom is the only one who wants us to move to St.Pete. My dad is crying over the fact that she wants to do that, and take us away from everything.

The options?:
+a) Stay in my area somewhere with my dad
+b) Stay in my area somewhere with my mom(which seems like the only one that will work, but, she dosen't like this area[for no reason at all. She won't admit it, but I think she would even agree its better than where she is living]).
-c) Move to St.Pete with my mom.


A or B, dosen't matter to me. I'd prefer my dad, but either way, my parents are going to live closeby wherever it is, so its all good.


It all comes down to talking to my mom, and convincing her to let us stay down here, either with my dad, or her moving back here as well.

There's my story, and all I'm asking you is any advice of what I can say to my mom, when we have that big conversation, to change her mind so that I can still live here? I'm gonna do anything it takes, but I think all it needs is something as simple as talking it out. I just need to know what to say and make sure it means something, and makes a difference.

Thanks.

Make a list of the reasons it makes more sense for you to stay in the area. Do some research as far as crime, schools, etc. between the two areas. Make a convincing argument and present your argument calmly.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Make a list of the reasons it makes more sense for you to stay in the area. Do some research as far as crime, schools, etc. between the two areas. Make a convincing argument and present your argument calmly.[/QUOTE]
I didn't even think of the differences in crime, and statistics like that. That may definitely help.

I'm going to write down everything, plan it out, and be pretty calm when I tell her. Of course, I'll tell her how I feel too.

How do I turn down a fat girl?

She's nice and all, but annoying at times, and enormously fat. I want to turn her down nicely, and I was going to say that I wasn't wanting a relationship with anyone right now, 'cause I'm not ove rmy ex. But it's obvious that I'm going to be dating other girls and things, so I don't want to seem like a jackass or something. She's been a friend for quite awhile, not close, but we chat on MSN when I'm really bored and stuff.

Just tell her you don't like her "that way"?