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[B][I][U]*Spoilers*[/U][/I][/B] To keep it as briefly as possible: I just fucked my year long spouse(we've lived together the whole time)'s younger sister while she was asleep one room over and I'm contemplating doing it again due to the indescribable rush and power that broke through my body during the encounter but I know this one thing I did may really have just changed my entire character into something I've never been before that I can only try my hardest to reverse and never repeat. [B][I][U]*Spoiler*[/U][/I][/B]

There is no one in the world I could admit this to and it's only been a few minutes however I'm overwhelmed with so many emotions that I've got to get this out of my head and somewhere else immediately.

To start the story, I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year now. We've been through a lot and have lived together for about 8 months now. We recently moved out of my native New York to the middle of nowhere Ohio where her family lives because she wanted to be closer to her parents. We live inside of her parents house for now until we find an apartment in the area**. She's truly the first girl that I not only just thought about being with for the rest of my life, but that I realistically believe through our chemistry and similarities that it will undoubtedly last.

Until about a half hour ago, that is. Long story short, I've flirted briefly, mostly playfully with her younger sister (aged 20, I'm 24 and my girlfriend's 25) almost ever since we met. It was pretty tongue in cheek and for a while I assumed it was just my imagination. Living only one room over from her and being the only two people up late at night we often talk online about nothing particularly exciting, I normally give her advice as far as saving money and life stuff. Kind of mentor-talk. After some brief flirtation last night she invited me into her room with the pretext that we would get physical.

I am normally an extremely guilty and just nervous person. Even through my four years in the Marine Corps and all the "development" I've had with being on my own since I was 18, I've usually been pretty timid. But I walked in, without a thought in the world, and pretty much unloaded all the fantasies I've had of her for months now. My heart was racing and I was overtly excited to the point that I seriously couldn't even get an erection, which I may now be thankful for?

Long story short, this was right before people would have been walking up and we did about everything outside of penetration due to my situation. I absolutely love and adore my girlfriend and this is the first time I've ever cheated on anyone I've ever been with. Her sister is pretty similar in personality and what-not and I don't have an excuse nor a rational thought on exactly how that all occured and why I really went through with it.

In one way I feel proud that for once in my life I actually did something that I would have regularly regret never having done for the rest of my life. But what's killing me and feel's much more rational and heart-breaking is that I did this behind my girlfriend's back while she slept in our bed one room away. With her family. I don't think I can tell her. Even if she forgave me after a period of time (whatever that may be) we could never be the same. And maybe this could just die down in my head, it was almost like a dream to be honest. I don't think her sister will say anything but... if she does well, then I guess I'll just accept her reaction and hope we could ever move past that together or however my girlfriend would want to handle it.

The cliffhanger, which I guess is probably what makes me feel like a complete scumbag is that I'm really contemplating doing again when there's less risk to actually complete the act and fulfill the fantasy. I keep telling myself that I only have one life and why don't I deserve something I genuinely desire? But it's not fair if someone, especially one that I love so dearly will get hurt by that action.

Should I just do it and hope for the best? Admit what I did and hope for reconciliation? Leave it where it stopped and never attempt or bring it up again?

I'm really torn, and still incredibly anxious and jittery about everything that happened from guilt and shock and excitement. I won't lie, but my gut is telling me to go for it once more when the opportunity arises. But I've never done anything nor have I ever considered really doing anything like this. I know it's a horrible thing to do... Advice?

[B]TLDR: I just got extremely physical (brief penetration, about a half hour of foreplay) with my girlfriend's younger sister (while my girlfriend slept one room over in my bed). What do?[/B]

[size=1]Spoiler:The following is a bunch of rambling that might not be coherent considering my nerves still being so heightened but I need to try and clear my mind as best I can:
I am in no way using this as an excuse or even a numbing agent for what I did, but I've been in a lot of relationships (almost all) in which I was dumped by my spouse after they cheated on me. And that was pretty low on my part, I should have stood up for myself, but I know the deep sorrow that followed was something that took a long time to mend and I no longer have any relationship with any of those women. And those relationships weren't nearly as influential considering I've been living with my girlfriend everyday and sharing our entire lifestyle for almost a year (not a lot to most long-term relationships, but we're fairly young and mature).**This issue among obviously all morality are plaguing my mind and... well, fuck, if this happens to get out or I admit it, the family will never forgive me and I'm sure they'll kick me out forcing me to fork up shipping costs to move everything back to New York, lose the absolute love of my life, her family that I've grown to truly appreciate and cherish and yeah. I think there's an overabundance of thought telling me to pretend it never happened and abolish all thought of tonight... but that rush that I'd never experienced in my entire life until tonight when I really did this is very hard to resist.

I think I would be able to call it quits had I actually completed the act and we had sex, even just briefly. Being so overcome with physical and emotional enamor throughout every cell of my body was a rush I couldn't even compare to any drug I've experimented with or adrenaline rush or anything. And sadly I feel like I won't be able to quell that thought at least until I really go through with it. Would that potentially open risk to this happening more often? Having to hide a sexual relationship under my girlfriend's nose? I guess the right thing to do is to first talk to her sister and make sure that she was most importantly comfortable and in noway pressured by our conversation to let our actions transpire and then suggest if we can either cooperatively tell my girlfriend the truth in the most sensitive way OR swear on our motherfucking lives that this whole memory never leaves our minds, or mouths, or fingertips, nothing (what I'd prefer to do instead). I think I feel a little more calm and collected, I'm sure any thoughts on the matter, whether or not what I'm looking for will probably bring me back to reality. This was only comparable to a long-term, extremely subconscious emotional victory which has never happened before.[/size]

In closing, I know what I did was truly horrible. But it's so beyond horrific that it's one of those things you can only hide to justify the situation. At least that's how I feel. I'd rather I'd never learn of my girlfriend cheating on me then feeling lied to and losing all the precious, amazing memories I've had with a person I consider truly unmatched (granted that sounds pretty hypocritical).